January Mastectomy

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  • binga
    binga Member Posts: 140
    edited December 2011

    Kat,

    So sorry you are having to deal with this. I'll be praying for you.



    Becky

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  • KatRNagain92
    KatRNagain92 Member Posts: 522
    edited December 2011

    Thanks Ladies...and Kim, I'll be friending you soon! :)

    My biopsy is this morning at 0930.  I don't know why I have to be NPO that makes no sense to me.  They're going to ultrasound it first and then use the guided imagry for the biopsy.  I also have a spot on my back just about 7inches lower than my armpit.  Not quite on my 'side' but close to that.  I think that's a cyst.  It hurts like a cyst but she wants to biopsy that too.  I'm a little scared but I'm probably in more denial than anything.  I'm sure it's a fat necrosis.  Thank you for your good thoughts! 

    Thanks Team...I'll keep you posted.  Hopefully I'll learn something tomorrow!  We're flying out Friday night so I have all day to fret.  Like Kim said it will be crappy weather but at least it's a change of scenery! 

    xoxo

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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited December 2011

    {{{Kat}}}   prayers, prayers, prayers all coming your way.

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  • KatRNagain92
    KatRNagain92 Member Posts: 522
    edited December 2011

    Well...I think it's all going to be good!  The doctor said "I think they're benign" so that's pretty good...generally doctors don't say anything unless they're pretty certain right? 

    I'm supposed to call tomorrow between 3 and 5 and get my results so yay!  He thinks the thing on my back is a node but wasn't too concerned so I'm not either. 

    I'll let you know of the offical results tomorrow but I'm just so relieved now.  I just wish I wasn't all bruised and sore for our trip!  Oh well, it can always be worse right?  I'm blessed it's all going as well as it is!

    Thanks again Team for letting me lean on you!  It's hard because I don't like to tell my kids and worry them if they don't need to be worried.  So just DH and myself carry the burdens so it's nice to have you to unload on!  :)

    xoxo
    Kat

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  • KatRNagain92
    KatRNagain92 Member Posts: 522
    edited December 2011

    OMG Ladies.  It's back.

    Both spots.  On my right 'breast' and on my side.  Both cancer. 

    Not sure what the next steps are.  I'm leaving for AZ tonight.  Won't be back until Monday night.  The pathologist wants to wait to compare my original slides to find out what kind of cancer...whether it's a local recurrence but they think the one on my left back is a mets. 

    What a blow!  And on the same day!  December 1st is when I was diagnosed the first time in 2009. 

    I will have to figure out to what extent this is as to what I do next.  I appreciate your prayers for now.  I am not telling anyone just yet.  I'll wait until after the wedding and tell my mom and my kids on Sunday, so nothing on facebook please!

    Love, Kat

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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited December 2011

    {{{Kat}}}....I have no words. 

    I will continue to send prayers. 

    {{{Kat}}}

    Love ya girl, Sally

    Never Surrender !!

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  • ReginaR
    ReginaR Member Posts: 287
    edited December 2011

    Kat, {{{hugs}}} Thinking about you lots.

     You try to enjoy & rest this weekend, Please Have a good trip,

    Please let us know what you need. U Know I am a 2 timer too. .So If you need to talk or vent, Iam here for you.

     "Team Jan"  Let have a Group Hugs!

    {{{{{{{{{{{{TEAM JAN}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Love ya, Gina

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  • burley
    burley Member Posts: 631
    edited December 2011

    Kat, I am in tears.  I am so sorry.  What a blow.  I am sending you out prayers and cyber hugs.

    Sorry, the weather is really crappy here right now...but at least you're right about the change of scenery!  I hope you're able to enjoy yourself.

    More cyber hugs...

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited December 2011

    Kat. I have been so totally and completely out of the BCO loop. It was only because of Sally's kindness to reach out thru FB that I am up to speed. Of course I've read the last couple of pages and have some grasp of the recent ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster.

    There are no words. No sufficient words.

    I am in shock.

    I hope that you can stay in shock this weekend and have a lovely time together with your loved ones. I don't know if you'll be able to keep it on the sunny side, short of being in shock.

    You'll know what you need and certainly if you decide to take anyone there into your confidence you'll know who and when.

    We will all send out the Team January round-up, so that you know that you will have the maximum prayer power possible. We will indeed hold you up. Hold you together. Feel free to come in and vent or scream or sob or swear your head off.

    I just DEPLORE that you're up and against it and possibly in a way-too-big way.

    Right now I'm just praying for you in this moment.

    Praying for your strength to detatch from any and all of this news and just live on the river of DaNile and pretty your gloriously bright smile out there.

    Let us know what you need.

    Let us know how we can help.

    I can only begin to imagine being swept back into all of the decision making again.

    Sending Love and yet more LOVE!

    Debbie

    xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

    Almost forgot:

    Strength and courage

    Strength and courage

    Strength and courage

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  • jizogarden
    jizogarden Member Posts: 375
    edited December 2011

    Dear Kat.....oh no no no no!!!!!!!!!  I'm so so sorry......my thoughts and prayers are with you. Please let me know if I can do anything for you......  

    Sally thank you so much for letting me know about Kat......

    All my thoughts and prayers to you {{{{{Kat..♥...strength and courage}}}}}}  

    Smudge is doing well, thanks so much for all the kindness...now it seems so silly with our friend Kat facing cancer again =(

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  • sunsnow
    sunsnow Member Posts: 92
    edited December 2011

    Oh, no, Kat! Stupid, effffffffffing cancer. 

    Time to circle the wagons. You're not alone in this, and we're all here for you as you figure out how to get past this. You have an amazing spirit and the strength to beat it again. 

     You're all always in my thoughts.  

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  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 5,758
    edited December 2011

    Kat,

    My heart is breaking at the news.  Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Please keep us posted on what you find out.  I'll make sure to keep loggin in better.  Other issues with DH have been taking up a lot of my time lately but please know you are not forgotten and we care.

    Paula

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  • bookart
    bookart Member Posts: 564
    edited December 2011

    Kat - thinking of you, wishing it weren't true.  Keep us posted; you know you can always vent to us.

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  • KatRNagain92
    KatRNagain92 Member Posts: 522
    edited December 2011

    Thank you so much team!  I just can't stop crying.  My face all swollen and I'm trying to put on a brave front. 

    We didn't get in last night until abot 0200 and I had a fitful night.  I've just got to try and compartmentalize this and enjoy this time with my family that I've been looking forward to.

    There is just so much uncertainty.  I started a new job, what will happen with that?  When that doctor was doing the needle biopsy I watched on the sonogram how he was pushing that needle in and out of that nodule....are the cancer cells just all going free fall now?  If the cancer is showing up again on my right original cancer side boob how in the hell did it get way over to my left back?  That can't be good.  I hope they don't have to mess with my foobs.  Not that I'm crazy about them or anything but I am getting used to the 'new normal' and they're not horrible. 

    Thanks Sally, for alerting the team.  I don't know what I would do without all this support.  I like that Maura:  Circle the waggons!  And Laura, of course it is not silly!  Smudge and I are in this together!  (I'm thinking that vit C therapy may be the answer for me too!)  My daughter's getting married next year...how can I possibly be bald for that? 

    I haven't ventured over to the recurrence part of the BCO program.  I"ll wait until I have more information and get the PET scan scheduled.  My husband is staying in AZ until next Friday...his buddies are all coming on Monday when Kendall and I go back home.  I'm going to make the appointment with the Onc for the following week.  I truly meant what I said before with all this deductible crap.  I don't want to have a repeat of 2 years ago where I paid sooooo much money in December of 2009 and again in 2010.  I really (now more than ever) need to protect my assets. 

    Cancer's just going to have to wait until I can afford it.   

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  • KatRNagain92
    KatRNagain92 Member Posts: 522
    edited December 2011

    ps Gina...you have handled your second time with so much aplomb!  Thank you for your example...I'm going to try and emulate your style! 

    off to the wedding!

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited December 2011

    Kat. Thanks so much for checking in with us.

    I know all of this is right in your face and reading your thoughts above -- it seems as though we are right there, in the loop, as you begin to process what may lie ahead.

    Of course the first thing to come to your heart is the wedding off on the horizon.

    Those milestones are so important -- they are what punctuate this little dance called life.

    Compartmentalize to your very best capability.

    Make a box for cancer. Put it in that box -- lock it in -- until it is time to RISE UP -- and learn what you need to learn.

    I think you're VERY wise for not venturing into the 'new' BCO threads until you are armed with more info, more of a story. No sense in spending your energy in areas where you may not need to spend energy.

    Absolutely everything I contemplate typing seems absurd as soon as I see the letters on the screen. I can't think of a single thing that might be meaningful in this situation.

    The only thing that I can offer:

    HOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPE

    followed by more:

    HOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPEHOPE

    just continuous and complete and absolute:

    HOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You are a brilliant woman. Wise. Informed. Motivated. Intelligent.

    You have all of the tools to go at 'this' with a vengence.

    You have strength and we will contribute more -- should your need to borrow.

    You have wit and talent and capability.

    When its time you're gonna RISE UP and give this devil a show-down.

    It's not time just yet.

    It's time to scoff at the thought.

    It's time to laugh at the concept.

    It's time to ridicule the mere idea.

    The wagons have indeed been circled.

    Your story is at the fore-front of our collective hearts.

    xx00xx00xx00xx

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited December 2011

    Kat, Kat, Kat.......

    My heart is broken.....and it has sunken down somehow into my toes, into tiny small pieces.....

      Sally alerted me, too, thankfully.  I don't get to spend my time on the computer anymore (thanks to this crazy teaching job!!), but you can BET I'm going to be on HERE lots to add my support with the others as we surround you with love, courage, energy, support, prayer, and so much more!  We love youKiss........

    My daughter was sitting here , reading along with me, and when we got to your posts, we both started crying.....she said, "No!  This can't happen.  I love those guys."

    Each one of you have had such an impact on my life.....and each of you have a VERY special place in my heart. 

    So, Kat.....know that you are loved, you are being prayed for, and even though none of us understand why you are having to go through this again (and NO, it's NOT fair!!!!).....we are here for you. 

    Wish I had magic words to say, words to make it all go away.....but the troops have been rallied and full support is here for YOU!.

    Much love and prayers to you and the rest of the J-team!!

     blessings...robin

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  • binga
    binga Member Posts: 140
    edited December 2011

    Kat,



    I am so sorry you are having to deal with this! It broke my heart to read that you got bad news from the dr once again. Just know that you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers daily.



    Your friendship has meant alot to me during the last two years here on the Jan thread.



    I pray you will have the strength and courage to move forward and do whatever it takes to beat this.



    With love,



    Becky

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  • pbebow
    pbebow Member Posts: 575
    edited December 2011

    Kat,

    I have no words that haven't already been said.  I'm so sorry that I am late joining the circle, but not because I haven't been thinking of you.  I was away for the last 2 days with no computer access.  I hope that you are able to enjoy the wedding, I know that it's probably a nice distraction for a little while.  It just stinks that you are having to go through this again.  And to find out on the same day... just ridiculous!  I just want to to be there with you and for you.... I just wish that I could do something, anything for you.  Please let me know if I can help in any way...   Oh, I just want to hurt something, someone, maybe just cancer!  It's just not fair...  I don't have the words that Faith/Debbie does... but just know that I love you and you will be in my prayers and I will be keeping my fingers crossed and toes crossed and whatever else it takes to get you through this.  

    Hugs & prayers,

    Just breathe....

    Paula

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  • jizogarden
    jizogarden Member Posts: 375
    edited December 2011

    Kat, you were the first of these wonderful friends that reached out to me privately....exchanged pictures....made me feel less alone.  I wish I could do something for you now to make this easier, better....I wish there was something....

    You mean so much to all of us....my heart breaks.....

    Excuse me while I talk to cancer :( 

    Know this cancer....our friend Kat does not take things lying down.....she is a fighter of the highest measure and she has a whole army of friends and family with her....so just step back, you are not welcome here cancer!

    Wishing you all the strength, courage and healing in the world Kat.....

    xox

    Laura 

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited December 2011

    You were the last person on my mind last night, Kat, as I was praying before I fell asleep...and the first thing on my mind when I awoke.......Heaven is being bombarded on your behalf.  Holding you UP, UP, UP!!!!! 

    blessings...robin

    (love all of you, J-team!!)

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  • KatRNagain92
    KatRNagain92 Member Posts: 522
    edited December 2011

    Wow I am just overwhelmed by the love and support of this group!   Thank you all so much for your prayers and good thoughts!  The words of encouragement are very much appreciated!

    The wedding was beautiful.  I told my mom this morning but not my daughters.  I want to wait until I know to what extent this is.  I wish I could be more positive.  I do have the faith but in the same breath I just have a bad foreboding (if I spelled that right) 

    I"m going to make my appointment with the oncologist for next week when my husband can be with me.  Then I guess she'll schedule the PET scan then.  I'll do the PET scan this month if we can work it in and then I guess we'll just go from there. 

    I hope you all have a wonderful evening and a good week!  Thank you Team J
    you're all the best!

    xoxo

    Kat

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2011

    Kat, oh my goodness, I am speechless.  My heart goes out to you and how you must be feeling! My apologies for being the late comer here, and thanks to Sally for the pm. When I do come on to the site, I always check here first, but tonite I read the pm from Sally and very soon after reading it could feel the tears coming on. 

    Remember this is the hardest time. The waiting and wondering are so difficult. Hopefully you can see the oncologist and have the testing done the sooner the better, then you can plan your attack! 

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers, as I know all the rest of Team January will be doing the same.  We are all here for you to lean on.  We won't let you do this alone.

    Take Care

    Cathy

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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited December 2011

    Kat,

    I still have no words.  Everything I type looks ridiculous once it is on the screen.  Know that I am here, that we are here, that Team January will help in everyway we can, that we will hold you up, that we will pray with you, cry with you, rage with you.  Know that we all love you.

    Sally

    Never Surrender !!!!

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited December 2011

    Kat. Thanks so much for checking in and letting us know where you are in the process, what you're thinking and who you're telling.

    It's great to hear about the wedding. It sounds like you were indeed able to 'compartmentalize' and be in the presence of those who love you -- soaking that up and storing it away for the road ahead. I'm glad that you were able to share with your mom. We all need our mommies and I'm glad that you have her in your corner and in-the-know.

    How long is your hubby away? Are you managing on your own OK? I was concerned for you when I read that. Have you taken any of your 'real-life' girl friends into the circle yet?

    I just want you to have someone at hand who can give you a hug IRL -- if you need that.

    Foreboding, however it is spelled certainly seems natural..... having heard the c-word, and before the plan, foreboding seems like a realist-approach. No sense in pretending this is a joy-ride. No one here would expect you to be cheery and upbeat in the face of the news. Heavens you haven't even had time to digest the news, much less grapple with it.

    You will of course face this down, but you know that we HATE that you have to.

    Life on this planet is so imperfect.

    Just when you get your feet back underneath you and begin to move forward...........

    I hate that whole thing when people say, "Well, ya never know, I could get hit by a bus." The most bizarre thing happened on my daughter's campus. Two young women were in the crosswalk crossing the street to the parking lot and they were literally hit by a bus. They are each ok.

    The fact is all any of us have is this very moment at hand.

    I pray that you can take each breath, each glistening morsal and just savor it. Period.

    Cancer. Buses. The truth is: enjoy this moment.

    Stay in your compartmentalized box. Stay on the river of DaNile till you have reason to start paddling.

    I will pray now for your mom and hubby that they can support you thru these next days as you move forward in the midst of the still-unknown.

    We're here for you. It's so kind of you to think to check in here.

    You don't have to sugar-coat it.

    I know all of us pray for progress toward the CURE. We now have an even more immediate need to quadruple those prayers...... on your behalf.

    xx00xx00xx00xx

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

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  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 5,758
    edited December 2011

    Kat, I'm glad the wedding was great.  You were lifted up in prayer at church yesterday.  May you get through this quickly and once and for all!

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  • Lynbob
    Lynbob Member Posts: 140
    edited December 2011

    This breaks my heart Kat, please know you are loved and covered in prayer. Team January will be with you each step of the way {hugs}

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited December 2011

    Kat. Just popping in to let you know that I've got you in my heart today and in my prayers as well.

    I just finished my final professional presentation/seminar of 2011 and we're a mere 10 hours from FL and sunshine and exhaling.

    Remember my favorite quote?

    Attributed to Churchill.

    "When you're going through hell..... keep going."

    This must indeed be hell-on-earth. Again.

    So just keep putting one foot in front of the other. One at a time.

    Give yourself permission to feel each feeling in turn.

    Give yourself permission for every emotion.

    Give yourself permission, period.

    Sending LOVE and LOVE and yet more LOVE!

    xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

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  • KatRNagain92
    KatRNagain92 Member Posts: 522
    edited December 2011

    Thanks girls...you're the best!
    Still crying...If my prayers would be answered it would be to please stop all this blubbering!  It's getting very old...but once I start, I can't stop.  :( 

    My youngest has her last final tomorrow and I think she's coming home (or Thursday at the latest)  I'm going to tell her and her sister then.  I just need to get it out and get the hugs too!  But, I just hate the blubbering.  That's got to stop!  I about had a melt down today at work but I blamed it on no sleep and a long flight home.  They bought it hook line and sinker!

    I go see the onc next Thursday the 15th.  That's the day before my birthday.  2 years ago on my actual birthday I was prone in an MRI machine getting my breasts mutilated for someone (other than mines) satisfaction.  I still really feel the standard of care is wrong.  If they would scan you first and cut later there might be something to this.  It's just such a bunch of BS that they cut first and scan later.  I can promise you all, there will no cutting on me until I have been scanned head to toe and they can give me a glimpse of encouragement.

    My telephone conversation with the nurse at the Onc didn't go so well (I must be in my anger phase...lol)  I let her have it.  I asked her what my path report said and she told me "she wasn't at liberty to say" I'm like, oh for goodness sakes, I already know, the Doctor told me...I just want to know what kind I'm dealing with.  Is it the same breast cancer as before, is it a different strain, should I stop my tamoxifen if that's what's feeding it....whats going on?  Well, she's not at liberty to tell me...yet, she can ask me if I think waiting until next week for my appointment is too late.  Seriously?  I'm like YOU have the path report of front you, I don't, so you tell me.  Am I doomed and it doesn't really matter how long I wait or should I get my ass in there today?  Well, the doctor's too busy to see me until next week anyway, so that's when my appointment is. 

    What a struggle.  I just wish this would all go away.  I do so appreciate the cyber hugs and the prayers.  Thank you all.  I'll keep you posted on how it goes with my DD's (crying just thinking about telling them...again.)

    xoxo

    Kat

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  • ReginaR
    ReginaR Member Posts: 287
    edited December 2011

    Kat, been thinking of you so Much! I am sorry that Onconogist Nurse was NOT helpful. I always say to them " If it was you would you want to Wait??" some time that works.Waiting is the worst part. Sending Prayers to help you with Patients & with your DD & Family. {{{{hugs}}}} for comfort!I will be praying for next weeks appt. Please let Us know what we can do!

    Love all My "Team jan" 

    Have a great week!    Gina

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