No reconstruction- Happy w/your decision?
Comments
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I never meant to offend. My apologies. I just know that there was an assumption on the part of my coworkers that every woman would want recon. I felt misunderstood. That was what I was basing my comments on. I wasn't suggesting anyone on this thread was making those assumptions. Nor did I intend to say that the women posting on this particular thread had any particular view of breasts. It was just the experience I had in the greater world. I thought I was expressing my experience with the entire decision and the pressure I felt to reconstruct. Again...I never meant to offend. Please accept my apology.
I removed the post...as I have no desire to either offend or annoy.
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CLC I wasn't offended, but I was able to respond. There are others who read and don't respond, though.....
Not necessary to remove your post, either. They were your feelings and feelings are valid; my comment was a reality check, that's all. Perhaps your comment should have been started with an "I" instead of "Most women". Many of us hate being assumed into a group!!
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I think it is good to see women posting their feelings. I personally never thought I would be asked the question "when am I going to do reconstruction?" because I figured people know me, know I would never do a surgery unless my life depended on it, and know that I am a basically comfortable with who i am.
But people ask me all the time!!! I had a stranger approach me and tell me I "didn't have to live this way". hhmmm..... that sorta hurt!
I fully intend to make the best of the second half of my life...enjoy what my body does for me and be glad and thankful we caught the cancer in time. hey, I wonder why no one asks that?? it seems a rational question, but no one ever asks me that, if all the cancer is gone.
I really do hope i find the confidence to *live* my life in every way i wish to, and not be set in a wrong direction by people talking about reconstruction...
Keep posting ladies, we are strong! Sometimes when I am sad I do think "Life is tough, I didn't get to keep my breasts, but I do get to keep my life". It is a sad thing to happen, and I have to cope with it and move forward.
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Flying home from vacation the other week, the plane was full and my husband and I couldn't sit together. I ended up between two women and proceeded to talk with one almost the entire flight. She was friendly and nice. Talked about all kinds of stuff, but at one point she mentioned her sister had had breast cancer and that she had helped care for her after surgery. Sister had had implant recon. I inquired about her health and congratulated her on her sister's recovery. Because I had my sleeve and glove on, I said I had had BC and developed lymphedema. Also told her about my failed implant recon and how I had had my implants removed and was now going flat. Not that I needed comforting, but she didn't acknowledge my experience, but instead said that her sister is fine and happy with implants and recon. I'm sure it was one of those "you can't cure stupid" moments and she didn't mean anything insensitive by it. So I told her it's just a fact that implant recon doesn't always work out for everyone, and I'm grateful to finally be out of pain and okay without fake boobs.
I am pretty tired of the denial of all things negative that accompany BC - by friends, relatives, strangers, and even fellow women who have had BC. Lymphedema happens, but we don't have the plague. Reconstruction fails and for some women the best choice is to let go of that and move on. Likewise, some women never want reconstruction, and there is certainly nothing odd or wrong with that. I'm okay with recon - obviously, because I chose it - but since when is it strange to not want recon, or to actually be okay with your body when things fail? And when it comes to acknowledging LE, I've had the experience of Komen volunteers at a local park look at me, eye my flat chest, then look at my sleeve and glove and look away. Yeah, they're all about the cure, but you can't cure LE, so they can't bear to acknowledge.
Crystalphm - Yes, you've got that right! We didn't get to keep our breasts, but we got to keep our life. I feel that I still have a miraculous body that is capable of bringing me joy, pleasure, and the ability to take me places, because I certainly am not done living just because I don't have breasts or fake breasts. LE is a PIA and it sucks, but I'm not giving up living because of that either. -
I am know for saying:
Why should I wear fake breasts to make YOU feel better!!!
I am very strong willed and anyone that knows me knew not to argue. And they didn't even know it took so long to get the final result through TEs. I just can't imagine putting myself through what I consider a cosmetic surgery; being under for 10-14 hours!! the risk of infection!! the man hours used in the OR when someone else could be dying and NEED that surgeon!! I was in the ICU once after a huge tumour was removed from behind my sternum. I felt SO guilty as I lay there awake knowing that there was a man waiting for my bed who had a TORN aorta!!!! I mean REALLY, get me out of here!!!
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When a BC survivor speaks of missing her breasts, they will never be there again, even with reconstruction. I was able to talk with several women with recon and one let me view her new breasts after surgery. She explained the pain for months and the hard feeling she had under her breast muscle. She told me she would not do again if she had the choice. The implants can move around and cause many problems, besides they feel like you're hugging bricks when you give a hug. I chose against the recon and am glad I did. There are new studies coming out about the dangers of recon. I go with or without a bra and look very normal although I only had the right mast. I'm a AA and chose to keep my healthy breast.
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Barbe, you are amazing, I am going to borrow your line "Why should I wear fake boobs to make you feel better". perfect attitude to maintain!! Thanks for this.
After living with one C cup breast and a mastectomy on the other side for 18 months, and lymphedema issues whenever I wore a tight bra, and all bras are tight, I do feel a relief to have both breasts gone. I am only 3 weeks out, but I intend to buy nice camisoles, no boobs, and be content with my life.
Well, one question i have is how different everything feels...I have realized in the 3 weeks, I hunch my shoulders, to hide or make it less noticable? I am just very aware of my posture, which could be a good thing too.
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I read several posts from 2007 and then skipped to the last few-perhaps one day i will read the 20 pages but I just wanted to say I just had a double mastectomy. My mother had breast cancer in the early 1970's and it was really hard for her losing a breast. There was no recon then I don't think. I always looked at my boobs as time bombs-and did now allow myself to become too attached to them, thinking one day I too, may get breast cancer-and boom I was dx in Oct-and am almost 3 wks post surgery. My boobs started to get huge and heavy in my early 50's. I never wanted big boobs-so I was actually happy to be rid of the time bombs and the big boobs-It looks different, I am sure I still have swelling to go down and scars to heal, (i wish I had known about the extra skin under one arm) but I have zero desire for reconstruction. I usually went braless even tho I was big-so it is time to get used to my body like this--it is almost a relief not having my boobs anymore....I have a long way to go, emotionally I am sure, but I am happy they are gone along with worrying about them and bumping them into things!!
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I'm still very aware of my posture, but I'm not sure if that's because of the muscle change from the implants and then having them removed. When I had my implants, I became very hunched forward, well, my shoulders were rounded forward even though the PT said my posture was correct. Without the implants my chest feels more open, but I do stretch periodically to keep things from tightening up.
I sure wish I had listened to my gut instinct and not had implants, but they made it sound so simple.
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I swear though! If one more doctor or nurse looks at me and asks if I am considering reconstruction I am going to scream. I hate being told I can get reconstruction at any time. I hate the quiet, is your husband OK with this? I hate that the assumption is that there is something wrong with you if you decide to opt out. Maybe this is because I am from New York City. I don't know. I need to come up with a cutting remark, to cut them off at the pass.
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Ok, I need to ask a question about how to dress. Does anyone have any thoughts about how to make the concave areas less noticible? Scarves? or do you just not worry about it? I am in the public (an artist selling my own work) and I need to be 100% approachable. Now *I* would approach a woman with no breasts or huge breasts and I am saying it doesn't matter to me, but I have watched others react to a blind potter...and people did step out of his way, which hurt sales. I don't want to lose sales because people see breast cancer when they see me.
Any thoughts on dressing to be happy with myself and not obviously flat? I could wear foobs, but really I am searching for more of a fsahion statement.. thanks! ALL opinions welcomed.
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I dress just like I did before my double mastectomy without reconstruction. I don't have to talk about it, justify it or even draw attention to it. This is just me, a new me, but me. If I feel like discussing the surgery I can. Once your hair grows in, you will just be a flat chested or small chested woman, not a survivor. I think hair (or the lack of it) plays into the idea of being a cancer survivor, not dress. I don't worry about the concave. And I think the people who will notice that you have no breasts will be compassionate and probably have history that would make them notice and understand what is going on for you. But mostly, people will not notice, nor will they judge you or steer clear of you.
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crystalpalm... I was never interested in clothing until I felt I should camouflage the lightweight foob after surgery, but then started enjoying unique scarves and vests. I found handmade scarves and unusual vests that are really nice. My 7 year old daughter helped me pick them out and so they now have a good deal of meaning for me, too.
I should note that I had a umx and have been going flat on the one side (and I am a D on the other) when out and about. However, I feel like I need to have a form in for work, as I teach teenagers and I feel that it is important not to force any issues with them. So...I really understand the needing to be approachable thing...
I also really agree with MellyT on the thought that people generally don't actually notice. Even being lopsided. I have been surprised at how few people notice when I go out flat.
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I worked with someone for 6 months before I mentioned my mastectomy. HER jaw literally hit her desk!!! She apologized over and over but I said 'what for'???? She said she didn't know. I asked if that would have made a difference and of course, she said no. I wear all my same clothes just not the ones with darts in a blouse. I'll wear a suit jacket with darts as it gives a bit of fullness, but blouses just look 'empty'. And they are!
I LOVE dressing now as I don't have to hide my huge breasts anymore! It's been 3 years and I'm STILL fine with it. It's a constant reminder to those around me to not say "It's all over!". I have 3 grandsons now and my DD says that I can hold them closer to my heart.
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I wear a lot of scarves, vests and tops that have interesting draped effects/cowls etc. I used to have to buy large tops to accommodate my breasts. Now I can buy a size small which fits my shoulders and the rest of my body much better. Nobody seems to notice that I went from a 34D to flat chested. Everybody just thinks I lost weight.
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Yep, the lost weight comment. I got it a lot at the beginning. Nice to not have my breasts enter the room before I do!
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River Rat ~ I must say I love your saying...so appropriate for me! Because fear is my highest fence.
I never considered reconstruction. I have always been small anyway. I do wear a foob when I go out, because I want to, it makes me more comfortable. If I had it to do over again, I would make the same choice. Yes, I am happy with my decision!
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FLwarrior, I'm still working on the fear thing too.
You point out what I think is the most important thing - we each have to do what makes us comfortable. I too am happy with my decision.
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I had a double MX in September, needed on one breast, prophylactic on the other. I am very seriously leaning towards not having reconstruction. The boob-less look doesn't bother me for some reason. My scars look OK, my surgeon did a very nice and clean job.
My reasons for skipping reconstruction are several:
* I am not at all interested in any more surgery, and everything I have read suggests that the surgeries are painful and complications fairly frequent.
* I looked at reconstructions on the web sites of plastic surgeons and the results do not impress me. I see no reason to go through a lot of pain and misery for that. The only ones that look OK to me are the ones done at the same time as the MX on patients not needing radiation etc.
* The shelf life of the implants is not long and the idea of a ruptured implant skeeves me.
* Even without a rupture, the idea of foreign objects implanted under my pectoral muscle skeeves me.
* Apparently they can't make small breasts easily, and I do not want a C-cup for anything. My breasts got bigger in the last few years, to the point of being almost a C, and I hated it.
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Yep, I am only 3 months out and already have had many people ask me about reconstruction and assuming that I will want it as well as trying to talk me into it when I say I plan to skip it. It is quite odd really.
People seem to assume that it is horribly traumatic to be boob-less, but it hasn't been for me. Mainly I am just so thankful that the body parts that had to go were not crucial to my daily functioning, like a leg or an arm, or parts that would have to be transplanted, like a liver. Apart from that, the stupid boobs were trying to kill me, so good riddance.
I thought it would be harder to adjust, but so far it just isn't. I still have a nice ass
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LOL, yes, I love the "well, I guess if your husband is ok with it ..." said in a tone of profound disbelief. When I was on the fence and trying to educate myself, it was my husband who asked why I needed to reconstruct. He sees no reason why I should torture myself any further and take unnecessary risks to my health and well-being.
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I wear the smallest size featherweight thingies when I go out. Most of my clothes are fitted and look a bit odd with nothing. However, I intend to experiment with ways to go flat. Vests seem like a good way. How about a nice shearling vest for winter?
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At first it was hard for me to look at the incisions, just because they look a bit frankensteinish in the beginning. I expected to feel sadness or loss, but in the end I didn't, just relief to be rid of what felt like dynamite sticks with an unpredictable fuse strapped to my chest. Now that the incisions have healed, I am really fine with it.
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I can understand that, and if I ever reach the stage where I feel as you do, then I will look at reconstruction again.
For the time being, I am at peace with no boobs, but I never wore low-cut things, for example, nor bikinis, so all of that is no loss to me. If it is to you, then I can see why reconstruction makes sense, and for what it's worth, the few women I have met with recon had very nice cleavage.
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Momine, I, too, looked at PS sites on the internet to see what recon would look like. To me, the chests/breasts looked like Frankenstein creature breasts, too!!! I saw a lot of scars and stiches and insets of tissue from cadavars (Alloderm). No thanks!!! Some looked like a slice of orange was inserted..that smiley kind of shape...holy crap!!!! I'm sure I'd feel a lot more disfigured with that to look at. My breasts were for my DH and I. Not for the rest of the world to look at.
Yes, I am disfigured, but I am not haunted by it.
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I wore my foobies to work the other day. Was it ever weird. It actually looked strange to see them in the mirror...I am so used to being flat. Anyways, I ended up putting them in a plastic bag in my locker after a couple of hours. I don't know how recon girls stand wearing bras and having the weight on their chest, especially without any feeling. 4 years out, I'm still happy to have no recon!
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I am laughing here, Momine, saying you still have a nice ass. I look at it this way too!!! Thanks for the smile.
Barbe, yes, I have to agree about the frankensteinish look to reconstruction. My very first thought was exactly that, recon looked scary, all the scars and unusual shapes and hardness! Then I met a woman who's implany went up to her collor bone, she lost her job, no insurance...so she is sorta stuck like that.
The next time I am asked about reconstruction and my obvious lack of it, I am going to just look them in the eye and say "Why?" and see what they come up with.
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LOL, Crystal, we gotta look on the bright side, no?
I have met a few women who were really happy with their reconstructions, and I am happy they are happy. But the more I read and see, the more I think this is not for me.
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every once and awhile I THINK about having reconstruction and having breasts again and all I have to do is read about all the problems and all the surgeries and how many women who are unhappy with the results and that is enough to make me happy with just being the new ME.
Nancy
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Someone will come along a say that not ALL reconstructions go bad. But remember, not ALL lumps are B9 either!! Feeling lucky????
Pip where the heck do you work? Weren't they surprised after all this time?
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