No reconstruction- Happy w/your decision?

Kathy, your 'good' breast sounded like mine!! We saved ourselves a step by doing both at once.

Hauntie, if you wouldn't wear a bra for a while, the area would have a chance to settle down. I feel for you, sweetie...

Murmist,

I just want to say hi and welcome. Given your BRCA1 status, opting for a bilateral MX seems like a very good idea. I'm sorry you've had to go through ovarian cancer diagnosis and treatment, but it's really good news that your breast cancer was caught at the DCIS stage.

I had cancer in one breast, for which I had a lumpectomy and radiation, but when I was diagnosed three years later with a new primary in the other breast, I opted for a BMX. I was one of those who didn't feel distressed when I saw myself flat. I think part of the reason may have been that I felt such peace of mind knowing I was doing everything possible to prevent a recurrence. 

We are all so different and some women certainly do mourn the loss of their breasts more than others. I hope your surgery goes well and that you don't find the change too traumatic.

Barbara

BreastFree.org

BreastFree Blog

Lisa-e:  I am really sorry it bothered you at all because that was certainly not my intent.

My whole life has been the quintessential "unusual".  It is who I am at the core and it is what it is.  Some days I think life would be so much easier if I was only more usual as the world is rarely kind to those who are different. Other days I think it is almost a badge of honor to be unusual.  Please know I never expect or even desire that someone else is like me and it is never my intent to be unkind or hurtful, particularly to women who have already suffered and lost so much.

Barbara

Starak,

While I wasn't bothered by your comment, I didn't find myself agreeing with it. I had 34 B breasts, yet I didn't find it disturbing to see my chest after surgery. In fact, I've known a number of very small-breasted women who say that having been quite small made it easier to adjust to being totally flat. On the other hand, I've known other women (here and through BreastFree.org) who say they'd always been uncomfortably large and found it a relief to be flat. The longer I hear from women here and at BreastFree, the more I realize how individual this journey is. It's very hard to generalize.

Murmist, have you looked at the Photographs section on BreastFree.org? You might find it helpful. 

I went out on breastfree.org today and it has only solidified my decision that the BMX w/o reconstruction will be the right choice for me.  The BS just called so I was able to discuss my decision with her.  Now for the insurance pre-approval and schedule the date.  I just want to get this done...

Hauntie, thanks for the words of encouragement.  Great pumpkin carving!

Actually, Pandazankar, I share your feeling. But I'm a physical coward and cannot face the ordeal of reconstruction, so I try to just make the best of what I have (or don't have). Cancer scared me so badly that I'm hesitant to undertake anything where the risks aren't 0%. But I do understand why you want to take this step and wish you luck.

How appropriate this latest topic is.  I was laying in bed last night questioning if I have made the right choice about going with the BMX.  Maybe I should have just the lumpectomy with radiation or maybe just UMX?  I know in my heart that the BMX is the best choice for me, but suddenly I was overwhelmed with the finality of such a permanent choice.

My reasons for not having recon are all the same as many of you.  I don't want extra surgeries, I don't want the risk of having implants fail, I don't want an extended recovery, I want the least amount of pain and risk that it is possible to achieve.

I think last night and today the reality has really hit me, the cancer is back and I am so pissed off and so angry I don't know what to with myself. I know this will pass, just not right at this moment.

I appreciate this thread. I am struggling to decide what direction to go. I had a BMX w/TE's June 2010, after my 2nd round w/BC. After extended skin issues due to prior radiation, 2 months ago I had to have one of the TE's removed. I still have the TE on the other side. Consulted with a new PS who says the best option for me is a TRAM flap. My current PS is saying wait and see how things heal. Regardless, soonest PS will do anything is next May so I'm in a holding pattern. No matter what, the one TE at least has to come out. I am glad I have some time to decide. I am not real happy with the prosthetic situation but if it was both sides it would be a lot easier, plus I could just go flat. When I discuss continuing the reconstruction route, some friends and family members are quite vocal "why in the world would you put yourself through that"...etc. I can't really explain it except to say there is no perfect solution and everyone has to decide for themselves what is best. I am 57 but live in Florida so like to swim, wear light clothing, etc. I've had trouble finding clothes that work with the mastectomy bras (will be easier now that weather is cooling off). Anyways, not looking for advice, just sharing my perspective and again thanks for sharing here as it helps to read what others have experienced.

Hi MellyT, I love your post. It reflects my opinion EXACTLY.  I am 47 and had double mastectomy in August. I, too, feel very strong and comfortable in my body. My husband still adores me, and is thrilled to have his confident attractive wife back

Hi, so interesting to read your posts. No matter where you are on this issue, your words are comforting and familiar. I feel as if i am sitting in a circle of friends, discussing a painful issue only we can understand.

I have been all over the place on this. I didnt do immediate reconstruction after my unimx as i felt i needed to deal with cancer only at first. Couldnt imagine clouding my head with aesthetic decisions when survival seemed to be at stake. Once i got through dx and settled on a treatmt plan i began to deal with life minus one breast. Being assymetrical presents its own difficulties such as the inability to go flat (i look quite strange-very obviously one- breasted.) but i bought good swimming and everyday foobs and bras and when dressed i can forget about it for a while. Without recon there are so many small difficulties you have to consider, such as avoiding children in locker rooms so as not to freak them out, wearing high enough cut clothing, making sure my foob doesnt wander, dealing with stupid medical techs, or airport security, etc. I figured i would get to recon but when i started to investigate i realized that i dont want to have implants and i am not a flap candidate. That leaves the new fat grafting method (BRAVA) which is the least invasive and most natural but it takes the longest and I want to be very sure it is safe first, as it is so new.



I just had my third surgery in three yrs (oopherectomy) and i am just tired.even though i never thought i would still be unreconstructed, I am not unhappy that i am not rushing. Ironically, my DH happens to be a PS (something about shoemaker's children going shoeless...) but he loves me with em or without and is not pushing me in any direction. I miss my breast terribly and do hate that dealing with the lack of it is a daily reminder of BC. On the other hand, the other day i had a moment of clarity and decided to try to love the new me, in whatever state i might find myself. For me this is huge.



Thanks for listening, sgreenarch.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the posts! My surgery,BMX is scheduled for Dec 2.  After meeting with the PS, I am more sure of the decision not to reconstruct.

Melly, I knew I was doing great when I wore a beautiful TIGHT top to work last year!! Woo hoo!!! For some dumb reason, I feel sexier without breasts. I've had them since I was a 38D at 13 years old!!! I had them when no one else had them. Now I don't have them when everyone else has caught up. I wonder if evoloution will get rid of breasts in a million years or so. They're just too dangerous!

I work with quite a few bc survivors who all had recon.  I believe that most of them are happy with their decisions.  I had a umx without recon and I am very happy with my decision.  If anything, I think I appreciate my body more for all of its uniqueness and strength.  In an odd way, the missing breast accentuates the femininity of my body.  I can now see what is so feminine about my body other than breasts...the curves and the softness.

I miss my breast.  It is sad that I had to have it cut off.  But, for me, a reconstructed breast could not have replaced the missing breast.  It would have been a constant reminder of what I no longer had.  It is odd, because one of the bc survivors at work said that if I didn't have the recon, the missing breast would be a constant reminder...but for me, it is just the opposite. 

Our sex life has not been affected much  by the loss of the breast, though I am not sure I would still say that if I'd had a bmx.  Instead of being a bad thing as relates to sex, it is simply a new thing.

The initial decision was relatively straightforward for me.  I am horrified at the idea of any foreign matter in my body, I wanted no extra incisions or surgeries.  My first priority was to be able to return to strength and health quickly, to return to exercise and maintaining those curves and strength that are so important to my body image.

However, I think it is really important to realize that we all have different priorities.  I would guess that for many, if not most, women, breasts are the top of the list in creating positive body image.  It just wasn't that important for me.

I also think it is really important for all of us to remember to support all paths that others choose in this.  Many well-meaning bc survivors that I knew really felt that I was wrong to choose to not reconstruct.  I felt that they discounted my feelings and were somewhat insensitive to the fact that I know myself well and could legitimately, reasonably forgo recon.

This is so personal.  It is so important, I think, to find your own voice in this process and listen to that voice and no one else's...