Can someone please tell me why?

I am so sorry for your loss.  I am so sorry for your sons' loss. 

No one will ever be able to tell you what to do.  You will have to find your path using yourself and your sons as a guide.

Therapy does not try to fix things.  It (sometimes) helps you find your way in the darkness.  It is still your way, your answers.  It may help you and your sons make a path through the hurt to seeing some light.

I am so terribly sorry for your pain.

No One can tell you why. So sorry to hear of your loss. I am so sorry. I have been widowed myself, and now I am going through stage 3 breast cancer. Do try to  enlist the help of therapists, they can help you by giving you coping skills. You could also try to to go to ywbb which is a widows/widowers website for younger people. Once again, so sorry.

I am with sanbar, looking at what she would want for her beautiful family might help you get going a bit.

However, your whole body has suffered a big hit, and I would check into what you can do for nutritional (supplements) and psychological support. It may be that short-term use of an antidepressant starts you down a path of becoming more functional. Working with a psychiatrist for short-term could help you understand the brain function changes that you have just gone through with this huge emotional hit.

It is a totally devastating loss. However, I think that you will find that there are many others of us out there that have also experienced some extreme losses (including myself). They may not have walked the exact same path, but they can relate in many ways to what you are experiencing. When you call a counseling place looking for help, I would express those concerns. Tell them that you would like to find a therapist or psychologist with a lot of experience with grief counseling or male or female or one who has experienced a big degree of loss themselves.

The language that I hear you using makes me think that you need to make this call TODAY and show your sons how important it is that you take care of yourself so that you can be present for them. They need you so much right now, and not just a non-functioning shell of yourself. No one is asking you to not feel sad and angry and all those other things that come with this. But, you need to reach out to someone in your community for help and working on getting yourself functional.

In the longer term, the counseling could help you work on how to balance this life with three sons and only one parent and the discipline and teaching children good behaviors, etc that husbands often leave up to their wives. I have known several men who have been through this and remarried right away into marriages that were just a huge mistake and it left the children with issues for the rest of their lives. One of these was my stepfather. He lost his first wife to cancer and had three small children. His second marriage was extremely rushed and the kids from the first and the second marriage are all grown now and still have so many issues. He is in his 80's now and that was a long time ago. I know that counseling has brought him a long way in his third marriage with my mom, but it was just not something that men did back then. Love these children and take care of their only parent!

Just keep living, one foot in front of the other, makining it through the day should be your goal. The way you talk shows she was your true love, you loved her more than most could love anyone. You were lucky to have her and i hate to think you lost her. she was your only one. keep going and trying. she wouldn't have wanted you to give up. Hold your boys and treasure them. never lie to them or hurt them. don't try to "protect" them by lieing or "shielding them from the truth".

One Foot in Front of the Other

Good Luck

I'm Rooting For You

If anything try antidepressants and GROUP theripy. the anti deppresants will get you out of your rut when your ready to be. they are like picker-upers (should be short term: around 1 year). Gorup Theripy is nice because its not some person going "i know how you feel..." or "how do you feel about that". It's REAL people with REAL problems that get you and understand that you need REAL comfort.

Just Dont Give Up

I cannot answer why it happened to her, but it happens to one in eight women so this disease is responsible for prompting a good many questions of "Why?"

Your wife had the misfortune to get B/C six  years before the age the ACS recommends getting the first screening.   The lump was deep on the chest wall, so it must have gone un-noticed even if she did home exams or had it done by a doctor.  With nothing to give her a clue, it was not possible to detect it earlier.  She did nothing wrong.  Neither did you.  This is one of those "when bad things happen to good people" events.

I know it is a very devastating loss, particularly because of her age, the suddeness, and the three little boys she left behind.  I agree with the others who have told you that for now, you have to take it one day at a time.  Let yourself be helped.  Let family and friends know if they can do something for you.  Don't isolate yourself out of pain and grief.  Do you have some close family members?  Did she have a sister that you were close with?  Someone who you could cry with, if needed?  That is very normal.  If you feel that the despair and depression is getting the better of you, do get a doctor's help for it.  A support group of people who have lost spouses might be good, if you have an outgoing nature and would be comfortable with something like that.  You honor your wife by grieving, but I think the others are right in that she would not have wanted this to destroy your life, or have a bad effect on the boys' lives either.  As hard as it might be, try to keep the boys' routines the same, as much as you can.  Even if it might feel odd and like you are just going thru' the motions, the kids will find it reassuring that everything in their lives does not change.  

Time is a big part of the healing process.  For a while, it will feel like it is only crawling by at a snail's pace.  But the day will come when your screen name will no longer fit  you, and you will have found yourself again, and have accepted that there might not be an answer to "why?"

My sympathy to you and your family.

I wish I had the right words.  I grew up without my dad.  He died of a massive heart attack at home when I was 2.  My brother was 4 and my sister was not even a year old.  I missed my dad throughout my life, but my mom was always there for us. She gave us a great life.  I don't know how she got through it but I found out when I was older and we talked about it.  She threw herself into raising us kids and making a great life for us.  I have memories of a great childhood with my mom.  I so wish I knew what to say. I guess I tell you these things because I want you to know I am OK despite my dad not being here.  I can't even begin to imagine the greif and sadness you feel.  I am so very sorry.  I know there are no words. Breast cancer is a disgusting disease and you were robbed.  You have a right to feel angry, sad, mad, whatever.  It's not fair. It never will be.  I am so very sorry.