I just got the most awesome news, why am I not happy?

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Arayasunshine69
Arayasunshine69 Member Posts: 50
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

What an extremely rocky year.  I found what I thought was a clogged milk duct when my daughter was 8 months old, turned out to be multiple tumors in my right breast.  Mastectomy.  CT and Bone scans.  Onc told me there is something in my pelvis, not sure what it is.  Chemo.  Herceptin for a year.  Radiation.  Being told I was stage 4, to "we don't know what's in your pelvis, we will monitor it." I went from optimistic and positive, to "I'm going to die." I decide I need a change of scenery, so we move to BC Island, and I get a new oncologist.  She immediatelly sends me for a PET scan, and it comes back, saying there is no bone mets, no sign of cancer, and this thing in my pelvis, is probably my ovaries.  I go for an ultrasound of my ovaries.  See my new oncologist a few days ago, my ovaries are fine, there is no sign of cancer, she said I had been stage 3a, and now I'm NED.  She even went as far as to say "REMISSION" My hubby is so happy.  My family and friends are so happy!  Why aren't I happy?  I feel sad, no motivation to do anything, I just want to eat, which isn't good because I should be loosing weight not gaining.  My shrink just upped my Effexor to 300 mg/day.  My best girl friend is taking me to Vegas next week to celebrate, and Why the heck am I not happy!!!!????  No one gets this.  Hubby, Family, friends, no one understands why I am not happy!  Please help me.

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  • mumito
    mumito Member Posts: 4,562
    edited October 2011

    I asked the same question to my GP and she says we are suffering from Post Traumatic stress syndrome after all that you went through.That did make sense to me.

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  • PlantLover
    PlantLover Member Posts: 622
    edited October 2011

    Sunshine - I bet you are happy about not having mets but the realization that you're Stage 3, with node involvement is still very hard to deal with.  I have a ton of supportive family & friends but there is one that asks me every month or so the same thing ....

    "So, you've beaten it, right?".  I just keep saying I hope so. 

    We all know that are lives are forever changed and we'll always be looking in the rear view mirror for mets.  That's not the easiest thing to live with!  I understand.

    Try to enjoy your trip!  

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited October 2011

    (((((Kellie))))

    Wow do I relate.  I have SO much to be thankful for and am almost 2 years out from my surgery.  But I go in to a down mode where I am just not happy, no matter what.  Kind of just numb.  When I want to cry I can't, and then out of nowhere I'll bust (posted about my Mini Meltdown not long ago).  

    I guess we have tried to be strong for ourselves and for everyone else for so long, and even though our friends and families are supportive, as you said they just don't get it.  How can they?  They aren't the ones that have had to endure what we have, and still have to learn to live with our dx and the not knowing what the future will bring.  

    That's what we are all here for Kellie.  We "get it".  We've all been where you are and can totally understand how you feel.  I mentioned to a couple other girls here it might be helpful to see if you can connect w/an in person BC support group, perhaps at a local hospital.  I did early on, and it definitely helped meet other women just like me.  I

    Take care,

    Sharon

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  • bak94
    bak94 Member Posts: 1,846
    edited October 2011

    I also think there may be trust issues, after all you were told you were stage 4 and they were wrong, now they are telling you something different. That in its self has to be hard to deal with, plus like the others said, a stage 3 diagnoses is still hard to deal with. It is good news though, and you will get to the point where you accept it, it just might take a little time! Go and try to have fun, and if you feel sad just let it out, it is ok. You deserve to scream, cry, vent! It is sometimes hard to let others know exactly how we feel or let our "down" emotions out, but it is so important not to keep them bottled up.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2011

    Kellie,  of course you don't feel happy.  You've been through the trauma of breast cancer while nursing your baby first of all, then told you have stage IV, sent for so many scans, mastectomy, and the pain of all that and side effects of treatement while caring for your little baby, then suddenly told, well you're not stage 4 but 3 and you're in "remission".  Plus the fact people are making insensitive comments like "you beat it right", and nobody really GETS what you are feeling.  First you most likely have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which is why your pshych upped your effexor to 300mg... You have been thru so damned much since last year, and probably your hubby has gone thru a lot along with you, which is why he's relieved to find out you are going to be around for awhile.  Of course he's happy.  He's not living this disease in the way that you are living it....stilll. Take a deep breath and realize what you are feeling is completely and exactly what all of us have felt and are feeling.  You've only been dealing with this since last year, and you are still raw from it all.  This group here will help you thru your feelings.  There are also some here who are pregnant and doing chemo. We are all here for you, hon.

    image

    Barb

    "A Hug From Pooh" Print

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  • Rachel1
    Rachel1 Member Posts: 363
    edited October 2011

    ((((((((Hugs)))))))))) Kellie,

     I have to agree with the post traumatic stress syndrome. Also, I wonder if your reaction has something to do with what we all know -- things can change in a blink of an eye. Hey, it happened once to most of us. There we were innocently living our lives when we were diagnosed.  It is hard to feel safe and celebrate when you've gone through such trauma. I think you are going to need time to recenter yourself after such a horrible experience.  It takes time to process all that you have been through.

    Sending +++++thoughts your way.

    Rachel 

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  • Yanyan
    Yanyan Member Posts: 38
    edited October 2011

    I say, forget about the "why" and just CELEBRATE. Happy for you that you are in remission. Best news for any C survivor!!

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited October 2011

    I was told the same thing at first...That most likly I was stage 4....I only sat with that news for a week though and was told I was then 3c...I think the initial news was SOOOOO SHOCKING that it's hard to be happy about anything...It's going to take time to realize that you are now stage 3 and odds are you will never have to deal with BC again... That will take time to assumlate and be happy about.  Then, of course, just dealing wtih stage 3 can be hard enough...But my bet is eventually when the news sinks in your going to be very thankful of your chance to fight and that the odds are in your favor...You just got news any stage 4 girl would gladly take...Celebrate but on the same token it's ok to feel the way you feel..Feel it...feel scared, anxious, mad, sad, wahtever...Your more then entitled to...

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  • Elizabeth1959
    Elizabeth1959 Member Posts: 346
    edited October 2011

    There are a lot of insightful commons listed above. I think the realization that things can change in a blink of an eye is exactly what makes stage III hard to live with. My sister, who is a therapist, says that worry is the attempt to control what is essentially uncontrollable. Never the less, my last 16 months have been full of sadness, fear and worry.



    kellie, I think what you are feeling is normal. Of course you are relieved that you are not stage IV, but what you are going through is overwhelming. Maybe their joy is hard to understand while you are still experiencing so much sorrow. I hope knowing that other stage III's understand your feelings will help.



    Elizabeth

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited October 2011

    Kellie, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but you can count on support and understanding from the ladies here!

    As well as the help you're getting from your doctor, there are some excellent suggestions for helping to deal with PTSD. Check out an older article on the main Breastcancer.org site for information and ideas: http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/side_effects/stress_disorder.jsp

    Judith and the Mods

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  • Hoolianama0508
    Hoolianama0508 Member Posts: 162
    edited October 2011

    Kellie,

    What fantastic news!! 

    However,  I can understand that you may still need time to process everything that you were recently told, and deal with everything you have experienced in the past.

    Your are human, and not a machine that can automatically shift into "high gear." You do not have to please anyone. Just remember to have compassion for yourself.

    One day, you will be excited about a Vegas vacation!

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  • Kay_G
    Kay_G Member Posts: 3,345
    edited October 2011

    Kellie, you have received many insightful comments.  Thank you for posting.  The comments helped me as well.  There is always someone worse off than you, but it is still a hard pill to take that you have stage 3 bc.  I understand completely. 

    Enjoy your little girl and your DH and feel any way you need to feel.  I am glad you're seeing a shrink.  If she isn't the right one, find another.  You will feel better, it will just take time.  Take as long as you need.

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