August 2011 chemo, anyone w/ me?!
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My diagnosis has taught me....
1. To follow my instincts. Had I not I still would not know that I have cancer.
2. That my husband thinks I am beautiful no matter what. No hair, scars everywhere, and feeling crummy, but he still tells me he thinks I am beautiful.
3. To let the little things go.
4. A clean house is not the most important thing in life.
5. That help comes from those you least expect it to.
6. To cherish every moment spent with my children and family.
7. That now is the time to take care of myself. If I have to spend an extra day in bed and not at work, so be it.
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well made it through TX 4 today , feeling good just a little tired from no sleep last night, so hoping I have a good sleep tonight ,
Robo47, I hate to see u feel this way , please look at yourself and say (I AM BEAUTIFUL) although this is a true test to all of us of our self esteem, and we wont look our best while we struggle through this journey, but we are still the same inside and we WILL look our best or even better at the end of this road stay strong and dont be too hard on yourself (HUGS) a quote I like is " just when the caterpillar thinks the world is coming to an end, God makes it a butterfly" hang in there Girl .
The things I have learned from having BC
I have so many people who truly love and support me.
I have a wonderful family
I am a LOT stronger than I ever thought I would be,
I LOVE life and dont want it to end, so I will fight all I can to get it back. .
My Hair is really not that important, but my life IS.
And I love the support from all my fellow BC friends on this page.
(HUGS to all )
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Hugs to you Robo - your BFF sounds like mine!
Summergirl, congrats on making it through #4 today....
I had a very dissapointing day - did not get chemo after all because my platelets were too low. I have to go back next Wednesday when hopefully the number will have rebounded enough to do the treatment. The delay is distressing enough, but he also said he wants to dial back to dosage, I was so upset I couldn't speak. I did get Herceptin today, fortunately. Unfortunately, I cried almost the entire time I was in the chair - I had felt really good most of the time since #3, and was totally unprepared for a setback of any kind. My onco had ants in his pants and barely spent 5 minutes with me. He'd better get ready to pull up a chair next week because I'm coming with a suitcase full of questions....
What have I learned from having BC?
I am surrounded by the most amazingly supportive friends and family. I work for a social services agency, so most everyone has a "do-gooder" spirit... Whenever a co-worker has been seriously ill or in crisis of any kind, we have always tended to circle the wagons to support that person with calls, cards, food, etc. I never really gave it much thought - it's just our workplace culture... Now that I am the one with the illness it is a bittersweet feeling. I feel incredibly supported, yet overwhelmed and humbled to be the one in the center of that circle.
My husband is a really good man. A really good man....
I did a good job raising my daughter. There has never been anything I would not do for her, and now I see that there isn't anything she would not do for me. All the more reason to fight.
Cheers, ladies!
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Robo47 , Im so sorry about you losing your Mom and understandilbly this is very scary for you its OK for all of us to have our off days we CANT be positive all the time but we CANT let this horrible disease take over , this is what keeps me going IM NOT GONNA let it push me into a depression . I had a bad bout of depression many yrs back and refuse to go back there so when I have my bad days I tell myself I HAVE to cheer up and this will all be over soon. I know things are hard for you now but keep that lovely smile on your face and you will get through this (hugs to you )
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Hugs you to Robo47...Sorry about your mom...
I know how you feel about starting out strong then crash and get all down and depressed. I've been depressed most of the time. I make sure to take my ativan everyday that releives my anxiety need something stronger now. This week I've been out more not by choice..lol.. My sister came over to take me out and she wouldnt take no for an answer even when I started crying . I ended up feeling so much better that I got out . Even my friends arent taking no for an answer so they have been taking me out and It feels good to get out.
Our hair and our bodies will be back to normal we have to beleive that...We all started in August and now its nearing the end of Oct.!!!! Whooo hoooo!!! We can do this bec we are strong Women!!!!
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Robo47 --xoxo
I am glad to see that I am not the only one feeling this way --I try to stay positive, and when I get down I get very mad at myself! I do have to say though that simply putting on some make-up and my wig (even if I have a hat over it) makes me feel 10x better!! Walking around the house in sweats and my "do-rags" doesn't help!
I am on day 2 from my 2nd Taxol tx and I am SO achey!! I am sure the nuelasta & flu shot is contributing to that, but boy is it uncomfortable!
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Tanya, so glad you got out and felt better for it. When my BF came to visit I told her no matter what I said or cried, GET ME OUT, the only reason to not was if I was puking then I could stay home! Well, I wasn't puking and we did go out and it was wonderful! Of course, buying a wig and wearing some make-up really helped too. Looking in the mirror and seeing hair and a made up face looking back really has made a difference to how I have felt this week.
How is you mouth now? what did you use?
allformy4 - sorry about the aches, take some Tylenol or Ibuprofen to help, if you can keep on top of it it will help, just take them every 4-6 hours round the clock for a couple of days at least. I also did that this time and coped much better with the aches, maybe being out and walking helped too. I hate the aches and muscle spasms.
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Hi all, just finished my next to last Taxol yesterday....can't believe I have just one more to go, whoo hoo!!!! Today is my 45th birthday, and I am so thankful and grateful this year....I guess I have always taken all of the other ones for granted. I had a wonderful breakfast out with one of my friends this morning. I had plans to go to the mall, but was just too tired to make it....so I listened to my body and came home to rest. I'll try again later ;-) Praying that everyone has an awesome s/e free weekend!
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Happy happy birthday Ybrooker!
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Ok, you guys got me psyched up- so we're going out to the brew pub tonight. I might even have a beer!!!! or red wine! My eyes are all teary and puffy. My face has red dots in various spots, But, what the heck?
So, I have a question : the BRCA test. Who has had it? Why did you have it? I have no known family history of ovarian cancer. I had a paternal aunt, and 2 paternal great aunts who had bc. I have doubts about my aunt as she had no chemo or radiation and only partial mastectomy. She lived 30 more years after surgery. Died when she was 83. Please help me make this decision - to BRCA or not to BRCA.
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I did BRCA - and paid a whooping 1200 euros for it ( private price , my ins wouldn't pay ) , 3 months' salary! It was negative..but I did it so I'd know my chances of getting BC again on the other breast..and if I was positive , I'd do mx on the other one , no questions asked.No history of BC - only history of Colon Cancer , but still , we did it bc I could have got that mutation..sometimes it just mutates and it's BRCA positive and..yeahhh...
I'd say to go and do it just for peace of mind!
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Ellen - I assume you'll work with the same geneticist as I did? From Fletcher Allen Medical Center. She explained that not all ins co's will pay for BRCA testing, and it's $3300 US, so fairly cost prohibitive. I have a family history, maternal aunt, of breast cancer, and the geneticist doesn't believe that's enough of a history for the ins to pay for the test. I do have my ins case worker looking into it, and they drew the blood just in case.
That being said, for me, it doesn't matter. I'm done with breast surgery for now and my ovaries are coming out to help prevent BC recurrence. This test will only provide additional info for my sister and my daughters. I won't make any other personal decisions based on the results. I've got to have screenings...whether I'm BRCA postive or not.
The geneticist also said that only about 12% of people with breast cancer have the gene. Most of our cancers are caused by environmental factors, not genetic. It's all those hormones in milk, chicken, beef, etc...that are getting us!
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Oh, and yes, ladies, I'm proud to report that I met my new BFF Jasper this afternoon. He's the most adorable 3 week old golden retriever puppy you have ever seen!!!!!! He'll come home to live with me on Monday, 11/21. I can't wait!
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vtEllen: I did the BRCA testing at my first appointment with the BS and fortunately insurance paid 100%. Two weeks later I got the results which were negative. However, after talking with my BS and asking him what he thought my chances were for recurrence in the opposite breast, I opted for BMx. I knew I was having the DIEP flap and I knew it was a one time deal but I also wanted to reduce the chance of recurrence as much as possible. I'm still glad I had the BRCA testing and I would recommend it. My mom and my maternal GM both had BC. This may be why insurance covered it.
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Happy 45th Ybrooker1...here's to the next 45!!!
Ellen, I haven't had the test. Until about a month after my diagnosis, I wasn't aware of any history of BC in my family. It turns out that my Mum's sister did have breast cancer many years ago but my Mum never knew as my Aunt lived in England and we were over here. That is the only case of BC on either side of my family. The test wasn't offered to me, so I haven't bothered with it. Part of me would like to know for the sake of my two daughters but I think it's unlikely that I am BRCA positive.
Robyn, I agree that it's all the environmental crap that's getting us.
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Happy Birthday Ybrooker1, hope you have/had a great day.
Way to go Ellen, enjoy the pub! I did the testing and the insurance paid though I don't know why, I have no family history at all. I have 3 daughters so I am glad I did it, it came back negative, so I don't have to worry about further surgery and they can feel just a tad easier about it all. Mine is hormone negative, so I don't know what to think, drinking water from plastic bottles all those years?? heating food in plastic too?? I guess I'll never know for sure, just hope it never comes back.
Robyn, enjoy that puppy! mine is 2 years old now and just growing out his 'puppy' stages! So much fun!
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YBrooker - HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope you are having a fabulous day.
Robyn - congrats on the new puppy! He will be so much fun to have around. We got one shortly before I was diagnosed and it has been nice to a not so little anymore bundle of energy to make me smile.
I did the DNA test. Mainly to see if I should do a double MX and just to know. I have 6 sisters, 2 of which have a history of benign lumps and 3 daughters. So to me, it was important to know for their sakes. I was freaking out when I got my first EOB where the insurance company wasn't paying right away for it but thankfully they did end up paying. Even if they hadn't, for the me peace of mind for the rest of my family, especially my girls, would have been worth it.
I think I am having some weird AC withdrawal. My hands and feet are now splotchy and red on the palms and soles. I called my MO and they don't think it is a reaction to the Taxol. My feet hurt after AC #4 and now this. It's weird that it happend just after Taxol #1, but they don't think it's realted to that. I hope not as I don't want any delays in my schedule. November 30th cannot come soon enough! Has anyone else had this happen?
Have a great weekend everyone. Keep smiling and remember...we WILL do this!
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Happy Birthday YBROOKER1!!! Hope you are enjoying your day!!
Hi Margaret..my mouth is getting better throat is still a little sore, they gave me a mouthwash called nystatin you swish and swallow and it is gross but it is working! Yes it is good to get out I might go back to the gym at least it will get me out of the house.
Have a good friday everyone!!
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Happy birthday, YBrooker1. And happy new family to Jasper! Ellen, we could be twins--my eyes are constantly running and puffy and I have red dots on my face. I'm on day 15 of round 4 and still feeling very weak and very blue--can barely talk to anyone without crying. Soooooo tired of being ultra emotional. But I feel a bit better after reading everyone's posts--thanx for being here gals!
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Hello everyone--I've noticed that so many of us are depressed and trying to stay "up.". I went back to the symptoms list that a chemo nurse gave me to help me prepare for my first round of Taxotere/Cytoxan. "Nervous system" was one of the areas circled and included: tingling in fingers, toes or extremeties, pain in the jaw, muscular weakness, irritability (she double underlined that one), DEPRESSION, confusion. I have been consulting a psychiatrist and feel so much better that my antidepressant dose is now high enough to make me feel better. I also have been listening to the book, The Secret, in my car on CD's. My suggestion is to not hesitate to let your docs know if you are depressed. We are finding our way through challenging times AND taking chemo that can by itself cause depression. It is just a symptom to be treated. Best to all of you, Lee
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I have to say that going out yesterday was good for the depression. The sun was out for a brief time, I wasn't running necessary errands, just going to visit a friend and pick out a puppy. I put my wig on, and left it on for a while when I got back home (very unusual). My husband was pleased to see it when he got home. Normally I wear this grey hat all the time.
So I'm thinking today I'll go see some friends who are gathering to scrapbook. Not sure I'm up to scrapbooking, that takes a certain amount of creative energy that I'm definitely lacking at this point. But it'll be nice to see friends! I'll give it a try!
Happy Belated Birthday YBooker1! Hope everyone has a great day!
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Ok, so here's the problem w/ the "LAST" treatment. You are soooo ready to start feeling better, but actually you feel worse! I mean, I'm not having severe bone pain and crippling headaches, no longer having D or C, even neuropathy was somewhat fleeting this time ( no, take that back, I'm just used to my fingertips tingling and burning) BUT, the fatigue is powerful, and seems as though all of the other SEs were slower to move on. All of this I already knew would be the case, right? My onco even ominously said " We're going into the worst, now" So, there we were last night, the brew pub is filling up. We've ordered the bucket of spicey wings, beer samplers. Things are normal..... then I feel a crash come on.. Eww, the place was too loud, some chick right behind me kept doing this horrible infectious-sounding cough, I was able to drink 1/2 of a tiny sampler, and by the end of dinner- had to resist the urge to put my head on Scott's shoulder and close my eyes. Plus, seemed like a lot more "looks" then usual. So, found myself feeling frustrated and impatient..... poop on it all! The moral of the story is: the last one does hit you the hardest, and it will take longer than 11 days to feel anything resembling "perky" But, that's just me !
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Ellen, I agree! The fatigue this time is the worst! I seem to be over most of the other S/Es, a little tingling/pain in my left foot, and I get achy if I pay enough attention, but I'm mostly just WEAK! I have no strength. I went out briefly yesterday to pick out the pup, but had all I could do to walk up my sidewalk coming home. Whew. But I keep saying, if nothing hurts, and nothing feels sick, I'm doing okay! I've got friends scrapbooking together today, and I think I'm going to pop in and see them, but I'm not dragging my stuff along. Too much effort! I hope you feel better! I've got to drive as far as S. Wallingford for lunch with my boss on Monday, about 48 miles for me, so I'm hoping to have some strength and stamina by then!
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Gals who have been dreading/debating radiation therapy--I've really been worrying lately about the long-term effects (on my lungs and heart) of the six weeks of radiation I'm scheduled for starting in December. Just got on the Research News on Radiation Therapy section of this website and read a lot of encouraging new studies--many of them just out this month. All these studies indicate the long-term benefits of radiation is worth the risk; a new study even shows long-term benefits of rads for those who've had mastectomies. I was also really interested in the new 3DCRT partial radiation which is twice a day for one week instead of everyday for 4-6 weeks. I wonder if it's available at my clinic. I also wish I'd been aware of the "sandwish" method where you have radiation on one of the "good" weeks between chemo rounds. Wouldn't it be great to finish rads and chemo at the same time?! Girls on rads right now--one of the studies indicated the benefits of melatonin cream to reduce skin pain and irritation. Wonder where you get it. Anyway, I'm feeling more positive about having rads.
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Today is Day 5 post Taxol #2 and the cement legs are back! Hopefully, it only lasts a day or two this time around like last time.
I had the best sleep I've had in weeks last night. I fell asleep in my chair and when I woke up, the kids had already gone to bed. I went to bed and slept 6 more hours. Then, I slept another two! It felt really good.
Ellen & Robyn, hope you feel better soon!
Robyn, I'm a big scrapbooking fan too but haven't been doing much lately. When I found some energy three or four weeks ago, I started a book for our spring break cruise, got about 1/3 of the way done and there it sits. I'll get back to it one day!
Deb, thanks for the rads info. -
One of my girlfriends who went through radiation a few years ago bought me "Jean's Cream" for after radiation.
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Robo47, I sent Madismommy a PM a few days ago and haven't heard back. She has been posting on some other threads so she appears to be okay.
Yesterday was definitely the worst day I've had since starting chemo. Every muscle and bone in my body ached - I felt like I had been run over by a truck! I'm feeling better today so hopefully that's behind me. I just keep telling myself....only 2 more to go and you're done! I have been resisting taking the extra pain meds my ONC gave me but I think I'll take them next time around.
The sun is finally shining here today after about 10 rainy days in a row.
Enjoy your Sunday everyone!
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Michelle- did advil help at all? I used tylenol and advil together and it seemed to take most of the edge off. Also, hopefully you will be like I was - and the intensity of SEs will vary w/ each treatment. I am 2 weeks out and am starting to feel much better. My eyes are the worst thing right now. i can't get them to stop tearing.
JMULL- what is Jean's cream?
DebinUtah- you and I must have been reading the radiology news at the same time. It is encouraging, because now that I am facing it, I have been having second thoughts. My surgeon presented the lumpectomy as if it was definitely the way to go. And having read those articles, I understand why he thought that I was such a good candidate for it....
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I can't seem to find that info on radiation -where is it? thanks
Boy I thought my days of being in bed were over after A/C. This Taxol stunks! I feel like I've been run over by a truck! I stuck it out and went to homecoming last night with my kids and did a little shopping today, but I am exhausted! It's more the aches and pains though. Wish I had something more than tylenol -they frown on Advil b/c my counts are so low, but I caved and took one with an Ativan so I could sleep today; especially since I couldn't turn off the water works. ~~Between drinking the boost, the slow moving and the aches, I feel like I am 90!!
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Allformy4, I can totally relate. Saturday I felt like I was hit by a truck following my 2nd Taxol tx on Tuesday. Yesterday I felt a bit better. Today I'm not too bad as far as the aches and pains are concerned but I have NO energy! It doesn't help that it's raining here again today. I have been taking extra strength Tylenol which takes some of the edge off.
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