feeling inscure

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SharonMH
SharonMH Member Posts: 353
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Hi   Just me. . We have been married 40 years. But I feel sad tonight. We were watching a movie tonight and I do not look like all of the young stars. I feel bad that my husband has a wife with only one breast.' But, she is not gray. only her hair dresser knows for sure'.  I know he loves me but still it is hard to measure up to all of the young women. I should not be so sad because I am much older than so many of you. I admire all of your courage. SharonH

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2011

    Dear Sweet Sharon, My husband and I celebrated our 39th Anniversary last month, and I do know the feeling you mention. He always tells me he loves me and still craves me after all these years even after all we've gone thru with BC TX.  Sometimes I do feel less confident in myself because I know we live in a very youth worshipping culture and any kind of aging and body imperfections is suggested to deal with it with plastic surgery . I feel uncomfortable in my own body now because the treatment has left me a few sizes bigger than before diagnosis.  I get self conscious because, though I've always been large breasted, my PS made my new breast the same size, and now with some of the extra weight from treatment, I feel like a cowUndecided

    I do also admire so many here and their accomplishments.  So Sharon, tomorrow is another day.  Have a peaceful evening and God Bless!

    image

    Barb

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited October 2011

    Sharon....I've been married 34 years.....I know my DH still loves me and finds me sexy....but I don't see myself as sexy and he knows that....I had a bilat and have two "hamburger" buns for a chest....I look in the mirror and don't see the same woman he sees....too bad that I can't integrate what he tells me into my self image....life after BC is a different life...but I guess I should be greatful that I'm still walking this earth!!!!

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  • nowords
    nowords Member Posts: 423
    edited October 2011

    I have been married for almost 29 years, together for 31...I will be 53 on my next birthday. I had a uni mx and a prosthetic boob for almost 2 years. Researched DIEP, hoping to help my lymphedema. (My husband just wanted me alive and did not care if I did recon or not...hated me to go through more pain...) I really felt...oh...it is superficial...it does not matter at this point...I am still me uni boob or not...but along with helping my arm and truncal lymphedema...wow...I was so surprised by how much better I felt about myself after the DIEP created a new boob and flattened the belly! Lipo to boot...I have had 2 stages and stage 2b is in Dec. maybe more lipo and the nipple...I was a 36 D....so I was very lopsided ... no burger bun boobs here...if the scar was not there...you could not tell it was not my original....

    Certainly to each, her own choices but I must say...I feel better about myself and my husband is happier...because I am happier! LOL

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  • bak94
    bak94 Member Posts: 1,846
    edited October 2011

    Wow, all of you should be proud to be married for so long! I do understand the insecurities, and even said to my husband today that I was sorry that he had to go through all of this craziness with me, sad that he had to be a part of it. We have been married for 10 years, together for 15. I feel like I am bringing his life down. He has been great though all of this, but I do worry it is taking a toll on him too. I have my bmx coming up and he says he is not worried about it, but I am. I know I am going to be an emotional mess! We just have to remember that we are so much more, and still have much to offer.

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  • amoccia53160
    amoccia53160 Member Posts: 57
    edited October 2011

    Oh Sharon...you are beautiful!!!  Does he look the same as he did 40 years ago?  Congrats on the 40 years.  That is something to celebrate:)

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited October 2011
    Well, we've only been together 12 years on the 29th so I'm a baby compared to ya'll.  But I feel the same way, my DH tells me all the time he loves me & still finds me attractive.  But body aches, lack o' estrogen and no boobs don't make for a very sexy feeling womanWink.  Even worse my DH is working a second job because of me being out of work with BC and I've accused him of doing something else before....I'm an awful person, I know!  This is not how I use to be either, I was always secure in my marriage and we've been through so much together...I should never doubt him once.  I know it's hard on them as well and it's a lot to absorb.  I feel broken as a woman...like he'd return me if he could and say "I'm sorry, I need to exchange this one it has a defict".
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2011

    This is just another part of life that we have gone thru together with our husbands and is part of the"fabric of life experience" that keeps us woven together with our marriages.  Last night I was downstairs feeding our dogs, and my husband came up behind me and hugged me and told me "you know I love you so much"  I looked at him and made a face becuase  I feel so undesirable lately not only the way I look, but also the way I feel about myself.  Not only the BC crap, but also this Knee Popliteal cyst.  I'm still limping and now have to wear a "support" "anti emoblism stocking on my leg, still walking with a can.  I do not feel sexy at all, but he thinks I amUndecided

    image

    Barb

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  • SharonMH
    SharonMH Member Posts: 353
    edited October 2011

    Hi, Thanks for all your support. Yes we know are husbands do love us and find us sexy. Mine says and shows it often. My cancer has also been hard for him.  And I have to say he does not look the same either. At least my hair came back  LOL. But I don't mind . I guess all the things that happen to us make us who we are. Maybe I should watch movies with sexy young men in them. Just kidding   SharonH

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  • sespebadger
    sespebadger Member Posts: 249
    edited October 2011

    One more woman out here trying to feel attractive......I exercise, try to dress stylishly, try to have a good attitude, but I envy women with breasts! All those photos of celebs in low-cut dresses and even regular people wearing low cut clothes are still hard to take. I hope eventually I will get over this. I think it is getting easier, but it's very gradual. I had my BMX no recon July 2010. I don't feel bad enough to have more surgery though. I still think about that, however. I've been married 29 years and I feel badly for my husband also. But, we are glad I'm healthy and we are doing our best to enjoy life. He says I am attractive anyway and I appreciate his character.  I'm thankful to be here but sad the treatment was so intense!

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited October 2011

    ((((Hugs))) Sharon,

    Oh how I get what you mean.  I used to have long hair and big boobs, now I've got short hair (I actually really like it now, but definitely NOT the way I wanted to go about it) and average sized boobs (still very scarred from all the recon).  I KNOW hubby is a boob man, and he still is having a hard time even looking at mine.  I don't blame him.  And as the other wise ladies said here, your husband like the rest of ours sure doesn't look like he did when we first met, right?

    We Sharon's need to stick together sistah!

    Love,

    Sharon Wink

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