Inappropriate comments by those working with cancer patients

If the class was for those who have had cancer...it would seem that they should have an instructor who is familiar with cancer IMHO..hugs, Mazy

We shouldn't resist the cancer?  Is she a lunatic??

Oh wow mom3band, what a moron that new was. I did have a neighbor sayto me when she came to visi me after my surgery. that at least I had good pain meds, because she had a killer ingrown toenail and that I could not imagine that pain, Really? BMX with immediate diep recostruction isn't painful?

Some people have no idea , they speak before they think .

Hadley-

that quality control b*tch seems to have missed the point, this was not only a HIPAA privacy issue, it was poor medical conduct to make that cruel and thoughtless remark repeatedly within the hearing of the patient. And your doctor confirmed it when he/she said you weren't meant to hear it. At the very least that doctor should have been dragged into your examining room and made to apologize for her unprofessional behavior. 

Julie E

I found myself boiling inside when several people told me to "stay positive" as if one failed to be positive, the cancer would run amok! Grr! To paraphrase the late journalist Molly Ivins, an inflammatory breast cancer patient, "Cancer cells don't give a rat's a** about your positive attitude. It's just that trying to keep positive makes you feel better."  It's perfectly normal to have down days, even if your cancer is caught at an early stage. I think my reaction is true of most people after the initial diagnosis. I certainly never received these comments from those who'd gone through cancer treatment. They often said they were scared to death when they first found out.

Shortly after I was diagnosed with bc, I had to have another ultrasound on my breast.  The technician was setting things up for when the doctor came in.  She was moving that wand all over my breast and said, "your breasts are a nightmare".  Uh, no, I was already living the nightmare.  Part of the nightmare is being subjected to insensitive comments from health care worker like you. -- well, I was already somewhat traumatized by what I was going thru, so I didn't have a response to her (I believe she was saying that because I have dense breast tissue).  And I couldn't believe she would make such a remark!

My favorites are the recorded messages from BC/BS reminding me to get a mammo, colonoscopy, annual check up, etc. As much as they hating paying for stuff I need, you'd think they'd quit suggesting things I don't need!

Ah, yes, the ever-so-helpful receptionists at work. I was scheduled for an prophy mx & DIEP recon and BS wanted me to have an MRI first. So I called for an appt & was given a date. I asked if it could be sooner and told her the BS wanted the results at my next appt if possible, which was before the date she gave me. Ms. Snippy said, "You're lucky to get this date since I had a cancellation, otherwise there wouldn't be an appt until the end of July". I was, shall we say, not exactly impressed with her attitude, so what did I do? I laughed and said, "You're right, I am lucky since this is a breast MRI and by the end of July I won't have a breast."

Leah

The comment that made me go off the deep end was the PA at the med onc office.  I got a chemo port because they pretty much talked me into it.  When I went in for my first blood draw they refused to use the port and said they could only draw from my vein.  I asked "what the hell did I get a chemo port for if you aren't even going to use it?"  The poor tech explained that only nurses could draw from the port....blah blah blah.  So when I met with the PA I went off and said "why to you talk people into getting a port if you aren't even going to use it other than the 4 chemo's I am having?".  She then went on to explain that it was pretty much to "inconvenient" for the nurses to do blood draws from ports because they were busy giving chemo.  Then this is the kicker, she said "if you are too traumatized by getting blood drawn from your vein....."  OMG!  I lost it!  I went off!  Traumatized by a blood draw???? Really?  I said "excuse me, but I am not traumatized by a blood draw.  I have had 3 surgeries in 3 months and had both breasts lobbed off plus chemo - if you talk people into getting a chemo port then you should use it for blood draws too.  If you don't plan on using it, that should have been communicated BEFORE I got the stupid port.  And the part about it being too inconvenient for your nurses to draw blood, well it was pretty damn inconvenient for me to get breast cancer.  God forbid any of you make it just a little easier for a cancer patient!"  That was not a good day.....Oh I hated seeing her every time I went there. 

If one more person tells me that I have a terrific attitude and I'm handleing this so well I think I'm going to puke. I mean really, what am I supposed to say? Thank you, yes I am aren't I???I don't know how to handle having cancer as this is my first encounter with it.Am I supposed to run around crying and tearing my hair out??I'm living every day just as I did before I heard those words except now I get to do things with 2 boobs that slide all over my chest, one higher than the other, and with  a few puckered areas just to add to the visual.One PS told me that I'd never have the perfection that I wanted . Hell, I wasn't perfect before surgery but really, all I want is to be able to look in a mirror and not be reminded every single day that I have/had cancer.It's a constant reminder.

I posted this on my blog, but here was a conversation I had with a salesperson recently.  (I accidentally answered my phone)

Here it is:

 "Hi, I'm trying to reach Ann?"

"This is she."

"Hi Ann. This is Brad from California Family Fitness. I see you used to be a member and canceled your membership, and I was just wondering why?"

"Well, you see Brad, I've been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer, and there is no Stage V. I've been pretty busy with surgeries and chemo and am not well enough to exercise."

"No prob, no prob. Ann, we'd be happy to offer you a two week trial to get you back."

Momentary stunned silence from me.

"No thanks, Brad. Next week they are removing most of my liver, and like I said, I have stage IV cancer and it's possible I won't even be alive next year. So I don't think I'm going to be joining a fitness club."

"No prob, Ann, no prob. Well, you have a good night."

I am so wishing, since Brad thinks this is not a problem, that HE could be the one to deal with it instead of me.

Cut off your breast? Lose your hair? Perpetual chemo? The omnipresent thought of your 14 year old having to watch you die?

No prob.

People don't meant to be stupid, but they are.  Wasn't it Herm Cain who said recently, "Stupid people are ruining America?"  I also don't think it's necessarily stupidity, but a lack of empathy.

They don't mean it so I don't take it personally.  Find the absurdity in it.  Or, challenge them, as I probably would have done in that class.   

I'm sure that's true Lisa.  He was probably just reading a script and didn't hear my answers.  The other alternative is he was so shocked I told him that he didn't know how to respond.  I've never believed that I have to be socially sensitive to telemarketers though.

Whatever the reason for what he said - it was still inappropriate.   

The only appropriate thing to do with telemarketers is to hang up.