Inappropriate comments by those working with cancer patients

gutsy

I like to hear from other women how they experienced these type of comments. When I was first diagnosed, I attended a 2 day integrated cancer care workshop. One of the speakers spoke about cancer as a gift. Well hello,  there were a number of people there with stage IV cancer.

 Today I started yoga for women who had undergone treatment for breast cancer. There was a young woman there who had just been diagnosed with stage IV cancer, after just having finished treatment. My heart went out to her. Not even 5 minutes later, the yoga instructor started talking about how everything in our life has order and is purposefull and not random, and that we should not resist it, but go with it. I was so taken aback. Everyone just nodded. Huh, what the F

 None of these people who made the comments had had a cancer diagnosis themselves.

Mazy1959

If the class was for those who have had cancer...it would seem that they should have an instructor who is familiar with cancer IMHO..hugs, Mazy

coraleliz

The yoga teacher needs to be replaced! Complain to the cancer center or whoever is sponsering the class. Some people do believe along those lines but need to understand those of us who don't. As far as the workshop, some of us might find a silver lining but I probably would have walked out. I hope you did have to pay for it.

edited-I meant "didn't" have to pay for it.

Enjoyful

We shouldn't resist the cancer?  Is she a lunatic??

mom3band1g

Can I jump in here?  I called my ps's office this week because my implant is 'sliding' and wanted to talk to them about it.  They have a new person there who I haven't met yet.  She was looking at my chart and says "I see from your notes that you are not happy with your implants?" Me, "i hate them"  She says, "oh, i know just what you mean!  I had a crown put on a tooth and I just could not get used to it!"  "Do you want to make an appt to come in and talk to Dr M?"  I'm thinking did she really just compare a effing crown to a mastectomy?????  I told her I'd call back later.  Sheesh.

D4Hope

Oh wow mom3band, what a moron that new was. I did have a neighbor sayto me when she came to visi me after my surgery. that at least I had good pain meds, because she had a killer ingrown toenail and that I could not imagine that pain, Really? BMX with immediate diep recostruction isn't painful?

D4Hope

Oh I can't seem to spell this morning.

Angelice

Some people have no idea , they speak before they think .

mom3band1g

an ingrown toe nail.....really?  Yes, some people just do not think.  Well, atleast they give us something to laugh about.

Jelson

Hadley-

that quality control b*tch seems to have missed the point, this was not only a HIPAA privacy issue, it was poor medical conduct to make that cruel and thoughtless remark repeatedly within the hearing of the patient. And your doctor confirmed it when he/she said you weren't meant to hear it. At the very least that doctor should have been dragged into your examining room and made to apologize for her unprofessional behavior. 

Julie E

Mazy1959

Hadley, some clinics do not take privacy seriously at all. I'd be reporting this to the state. At our hospital, unless speaking to a co worker about care etc... if you get caught speaking about a patient giving the patients name or room # etc you can be fired on the spot. I know people it has happened to. Maybe they dont have to give you the name of that doctor but I would think its your right to at least know that he got his hand smacked. Hugs, Mazy

LizinKS

I found myself boiling inside when several people told me to "stay positive" as if one failed to be positive, the cancer would run amok! Grr! To paraphrase the late journalist Molly Ivins, an inflammatory breast cancer patient, "Cancer cells don't give a rat's a** about your positive attitude. It's just that trying to keep positive makes you feel better."  It's perfectly normal to have down days, even if your cancer is caught at an early stage. I think my reaction is true of most people after the initial diagnosis. I certainly never received these comments from those who'd gone through cancer treatment. They often said they were scared to death when they first found out.

mom3band1g

One of my favorites, "keep your chin up".  This was told to me after I found out my lumpectomy wouldn't be enough and needed a mast.  I was devastated and very afraid of the surgery.  After hearing that little gem I stopped answering the question 'how are you?".  Wasn't worth being honest.

DivineMrsM

Shortly after I was diagnosed with bc, I had to have another ultrasound on my breast.  The technician was setting things up for when the doctor came in.  She was moving that wand all over my breast and said, "your breasts are a nightmare".  Uh, no, I was already living the nightmare.  Part of the nightmare is being subjected to insensitive comments from health care worker like you. -- well, I was already somewhat traumatized by what I was going thru, so I didn't have a response to her (I believe she was saying that because I have dense breast tissue).  And I couldn't believe she would make such a remark!

Enjoyful

The nurses at my OB/GYN's office keep asking me if I've been keeping up with mammograms.  Um, I had a BMX in October 2004, lady, and STOP ASKING ME THAT.

Next time, I'm going to cry and wail and starting tearing my hair out.  I bet they stop asking after that.

Nightmare breasts, huh?  She needs a nightmare kick in the butt!

Alpal

My favorites are the recorded messages from BC/BS reminding me to get a mammo, colonoscopy, annual check up, etc. As much as they hating paying for stuff I need, you'd think they'd quit suggesting things I don't need!

haltsaluteatx

I continue to be surprised by the stupid and insensitive things people say without thinking.

Last year I found a lump on my cancer side. I was petrified. I left work for an appointment with the onc NP. She wanted me to have an ultrasound. The receptionist said she would schedule it as she wasn't able to get thru to the radiology dept at that time. She said she would call me later in the day. I went back to work. I was only about a mile away. She called me about an hour later and the ultrasound was scheduled for the following week. I said that seemed far away and was it possible to have it sooner. She said "It's not a matter of life and death. We don't do stat ultrasounds"  It is probably a good thing it was a phone call, my face would have said it all. I replied after I took a deep breath "it is my life and I would appreciate it if you would try to have the ultrasound done sooner and hung up. She called back shortly for the ultrasound in 2 days. The lump turned out to be a cyst. 

Leah_S

Ah, yes, the ever-so-helpful receptionists at work. I was scheduled for an prophy mx & DIEP recon and BS wanted me to have an MRI first. So I called for an appt & was given a date. I asked if it could be sooner and told her the BS wanted the results at my next appt if possible, which was before the date she gave me. Ms. Snippy said, "You're lucky to get this date since I had a cancellation, otherwise there wouldn't be an appt until the end of July". I was, shall we say, not exactly impressed with her attitude, so what did I do? I laughed and said, "You're right, I am lucky since this is a breast MRI and by the end of July I won't have a breast."

Leah

LisaAlissa

Diane, if you haven't already signed the consent, just edit it (in ink) before you sign it.  Cross out what you want crossed out and add what you need to add.  If they aren't happy w/ an interlineated consent, they can print it out with your changes for you to sign again.

If you've already signed it w/out the changes you want, you should try to get it marked revoked or withdrawn (you don't want it to end up w/ your surgical paperwork through the "normal clerical process").  If your surgical consent person doesn't seem to be able to do it, call the general counsel's office at your hospital/surgical center and tell them that you need to make sure that the "Sept 22nd" consent form is marked "withdrawn" or "revoked."   

Finally, I love your plan for the marker.  You may want to consider saying "NOT the withdrawn Sept 22nd consent.  See the valid Sept __ consent."  

HTH,

LisaAlissa 

mdg

The comment that made me go off the deep end was the PA at the med onc office.  I got a chemo port because they pretty much talked me into it.  When I went in for my first blood draw they refused to use the port and said they could only draw from my vein.  I asked "what the hell did I get a chemo port for if you aren't even going to use it?"  The poor tech explained that only nurses could draw from the port....blah blah blah.  So when I met with the PA I went off and said "why to you talk people into getting a port if you aren't even going to use it other than the 4 chemo's I am having?".  She then went on to explain that it was pretty much to "inconvenient" for the nurses to do blood draws from ports because they were busy giving chemo.  Then this is the kicker, she said "if you are too traumatized by getting blood drawn from your vein....."  OMG!  I lost it!  I went off!  Traumatized by a blood draw???? Really?  I said "excuse me, but I am not traumatized by a blood draw.  I have had 3 surgeries in 3 months and had both breasts lobbed off plus chemo - if you talk people into getting a chemo port then you should use it for blood draws too.  If you don't plan on using it, that should have been communicated BEFORE I got the stupid port.  And the part about it being too inconvenient for your nurses to draw blood, well it was pretty damn inconvenient for me to get breast cancer.  God forbid any of you make it just a little easier for a cancer patient!"  That was not a good day.....Oh I hated seeing her every time I went there. 

mom3band1g

mdg= wow!  Good for you for standing up to her.  Inconvenient my ass.  People are so stupid.

DocBabs

If one more person tells me that I have a terrific attitude and I'm handleing this so well I think I'm going to puke. I mean really, what am I supposed to say? Thank you, yes I am aren't I???I don't know how to handle having cancer as this is my first encounter with it.Am I supposed to run around crying and tearing my hair out??I'm living every day just as I did before I heard those words except now I get to do things with 2 boobs that slide all over my chest, one higher than the other, and with  a few puckered areas just to add to the visual.One PS told me that I'd never have the perfection that I wanted . Hell, I wasn't perfect before surgery but really, all I want is to be able to look in a mirror and not be reminded every single day that I have/had cancer.It's a constant reminder.

PLJ

CoolBreeze

I posted this on my blog, but here was a conversation I had with a salesperson recently.  (I accidentally answered my phone)

Here it is:

 "Hi, I'm trying to reach Ann?"

"This is she."

"Hi Ann. This is Brad from California Family Fitness. I see you used to be a member and canceled your membership, and I was just wondering why?"

"Well, you see Brad, I've been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer, and there is no Stage V. I've been pretty busy with surgeries and chemo and am not well enough to exercise."

"No prob, no prob. Ann, we'd be happy to offer you a two week trial to get you back."

Momentary stunned silence from me.

"No thanks, Brad. Next week they are removing most of my liver, and like I said, I have stage IV cancer and it's possible I won't even be alive next year. So I don't think I'm going to be joining a fitness club."

"No prob, Ann, no prob. Well, you have a good night."

I am so wishing, since Brad thinks this is not a problem, that HE could be the one to deal with it instead of me.

Cut off your breast? Lose your hair? Perpetual chemo? The omnipresent thought of your 14 year old having to watch you die?

No prob.

People don't meant to be stupid, but they are.  Wasn't it Herm Cain who said recently, "Stupid people are ruining America?"  I also don't think it's necessarily stupidity, but a lack of empathy.

They don't mean it so I don't take it personally.  Find the absurdity in it.  Or, challenge them, as I probably would have done in that class.   

lisa-e

Coolbreeze, somehow I doubt Brad even understood what you were saying.   I think it is stupidity, je he heard the words but didn't understand them.

CoolBreeze

I'm sure that's true Lisa.  He was probably just reading a script and didn't hear my answers.  The other alternative is he was so shocked I told him that he didn't know how to respond.  I've never believed that I have to be socially sensitive to telemarketers though.

Whatever the reason for what he said - it was still inappropriate.   

Denise2730

Wow - all I can say is wow! I had a similar issue with my gym membership. There's just no fixin' stupid is what I'm thinking after reading these posts.

lisa-e

The only appropriate thing to do with telemarketers is to hang up.  

Romans8

all I can say is that cancer is NOT a GIFT. It is a curse!