How do you answer "did they catch it early?"

My daughters Girl Scout leader told everyone that I had the kind of cancer that doesn't spread LOL. She assumed that I had DCIS like she did. I was nice and told her that no mine was invasive and that hers could have been if it wasn't caught in the duct. She looked shocked and told me hers wasn't really cancer just pre cancer. I shut my mouth because I know DCIS  is cancer.

I agree, I think they mostly want to know if you are going to be ok. I answer, "well, not as early as I would like, but early enough that we still feel confident that it will be treated successfully." It sems to satisfy people without feeling lke I am minimizing it.

This is classic cancer ignorance.  In fact, the technology is not honed enough to "catch it early", and tiny tumors can travel like wildfire.

That aside, I feel like I've learned a lot about fears, and people on this journey.  My take on this is, whenever someone directs the question (a classic in my case, "I trust you are doing well."), they already anticipate an answer.  In fact, this is not really an invitation to discussion.  I wish I answered just a pat "yes" to many more.  Because the fact is, if you engage, you may not like the answer.

One comment I often made was, "Actually, cancer doesn't work that way."  That usually put the kibbash on conversation from people who weren't genuinely interested in the answer.  Those who were pushed me a little further, and sometimes, I changed their view of things.  Which is healthy, because very sadly, they may be next.

I say "yes, but I could still die."

I like the "well I hope so" answer best.  This was the most common question I got at diagnosis and it upset me at first.  The "well I hope so" lets you roll with it a little more - be ready to change the subject right away, though.

Personally, I don't think people should ask questions when they are not ready to deal with the answer.  I mean, what if you had burst into tears or gave her a descriptive dissertation on your disease.  I guess, what surprised me most was asking a question that they were better off not knowing the answer to.

So much hilarity and wisdom here! This thread embodies everything I love about our stage 3 forum--there's always so much insight, so much wisdom, mixed up with a wry sense of humor. I think we stage 3'ers are uniquely sensitive to that infamous question, "Did they get it early?" because they didn't get it early, but we still might be okay. We all ask ourselves, "Will I become a stage 4?" and this question, as Istreett puts it so well, taps into our coming to terms with our diagnoses. We are on the cusp of being okay, and on the cusp of being stage 4. Which way will we flop?

Fielding this kind of question (and also the great question, "Did they get it all") is still a struggle for me.

Stick with us, Istreett, you have only just begun, and there is much you can learn from us and us from you.

When I am asked this question, Did they catch it early, which I find such a wierd question.

I just answer no they did not BUT , THEY CAUGHT IT!!!!!!  So don't forget your mammogram this year,  it could save your life!!!  They just look at me really wierd like what just happen. Cause you just know they have been putting that mammo off and now there panicing!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thats mean I know, and I don't do it all the time, just with insensitive people. Have fun with it. Sometimes I just say, God is so good, and I'm doing great, so what does it matter if it was early or late, I'M HERE!!

Have a great weekend, you are all awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!

S

Oh this is a great thread!!

As everyone seems to be getting much of the same ... I decided, as of last weekend, I have got to start teaching these people some manners!!

They will ask, "How are you doing?  Did they get it?  How did you get it?"  All pretty standard...but then the REAL reason they asked comes out ... "I had an aunt/mom/sister/3rd cousin/neighbor/in law/so and so from way back ... whoever they can tell me about who is no longer with us!!!  On to the graphic and horrible stories that I and my co-survivors listen to because we have manners ... well, we did ... until last weekend.

I am not exaggerating when I say, a women I had never met had to tell me about "warming up her MIL's fingers with a blow dryer so she could paint them for the funeral." 

Enough is enough ...

Hi ladies

  I guess I am a little different.  I get that question a lot.  People usually are not trying to be mean or rude.  I just say I hope so and let it go.  I am sure that somewhere i have said something thinking i was being political correct and was not.  Try not to be so hard on them.

I used to get that question a lot when I was first diagnoised.  And I do believe what they are asking is if it is treatable or not.  Most people don't mean to be insensitive but if they haven't been where we are what they believe to be an innocent comment can make us angry or depressed for the rest of the day.   I had one guy tell me his sister was diagoised, was told she was would be fine, and was dead a year later.  I mean really?  I was newly diagnoised at the time and his comment crushed me.  He wasn't a friend of mine....just someone who slightly knew me and had heard of my diagnosis and felt the need to share.  Thank goodness most people aren't as insensitive.

I've never been asked "did they catch it early" BUT a good number of my relatives and friends have pretty much stopped communicating with me regularly - I think they think I am either dead or well on my way - when I call them they always sound surprised and say "you sound sooooo good" - I should I'm doing fine.