Is there a July 2011 group?

JBug: I did read that before. Just love it. I will have to give it a try on one of my moring or afternoon commutes, just for the fun of freaking someone out.

 Dexxy: Have a fabulous road trip! What kind of awesome shop do you have? 

Back at work again (but Thursday is my Friday since tomorrow is Spa Day and I take the day off Yay!).  I slept a bit better last night because I tapped into the Tylenol.  Two to go to sleep and another singlet around 3 a.m.  But I'm still tired, and now in addition to Herceptin Faucet Nose (and occasional nosebleeds) I have the eternal flow of tears from the Punctal Plugs the opthalmologist put in my eyes the other day.  I may have to go and have her adjust something because now instead of dry eye (which was tres uncomfortable and painful) I have watery eyes, like I'm weeping at the grand soap opera that is life. LOL  All I need now is some drooling and incontinence and all my plumbing will have gone to hell in a handbasket.

My boss is taking the week off basking in new grandmahood with her first grandchild, so things are very laid back at the office.  I'm awake now but fully expect to need toothpicks to prop open my eyelids around 2 p.m.

On a brighter note, FEMA is finally coming to meet with the public adjuster on Saturday so I'll find out how much they are going to allow me to put my house back together.  Fingers crossed that I get enough to do all the work otherwise I will have to triage my repairs to stay within the budget they allow.  

And in the midst of all my typical chaos I now am planning for the Jewish New Year, when my nearest and dearest descend upon my house for a huge dinner.  Sounds worse than it is since I usually assign cooking/settingup/shopping tasks to all my guests.  But I do have to move the bicycles out of the dining room. And the storage bins out of the hallways. But then, that's why I had kids. My personal haulers and schleppers.

Hope you are all enjoying a good day!

ellenquilt - I don't know how you do everything you do and keep us laughing at the same time. Good luck with FEMA - hope  you get all that you need.

Dexxy - I want to know what kind of shop, too. A road trip sounds great. Well, it would, if I could bring myself to leave the house. More on that below.

J-bug - I love your story from the other thread. Good for you. I expect this is something you can look back on for a long time - just to know that you've got that in you! I have that thread bookmarked, too. One of my favorite distractions, although I've got tons of back posts left to read.

misswim - I am optimistically agreeing with bcisnofun. I'm only a week PFC and still feeling wiped out. Have not left the house in days. I can work from home and just don't feel enough energy to go somewhere if I don't have to. But yesterday I could feel myself getting grumpy and frustrated, so I need to get out for a bit today. Anyway, what I was going to say is that I'm trying to keep it in perspective - to know that part of my mental low is due to the physical lows. I really believe once I feel stronger physically, I'll feel better mentally. It's just going to take a little more time.

Finishing active treatment is a strange feeling, though. That sense of "what now?" My therapist said to me a while ago that once treatment is done, I can "reclaim my life", or the parts that I want to reclaim. Somehow that phrase stuck with me and I think about it a lot. Not in big ways, just thngs like cleaning out the garage or the garden - reclaiming that space for myself. Getting back to reading and exercise. Making my body strong again. The things that have had to go on the back burner for a while.

rabbit - I'm so glad you got some reassurance from the doctors and that you can continue moving forward with treatment and the port. I know that must be a relief. Hang in there!

Hello Everyone:-

No, I did not fall off the Globe:)

I have been really out of the loop and  miss my chemo group terribly.  Mostly, it has been a very hectic last 4 weeks and I had a lot of computer problems. One week, I really fell into a bit of depression but worked myself out of it.   I have been at work much more these days and its has been really busy.

I truly miss everyone of you and cannot wait to catch up.  My computer is working now.

Cannot believe I will be having my last chemo next week. WOW!!!!!!!  Now its onto radiation.    I am told I have to come in for a template. 

Anyone else finishing up chemo next week.  I think I need to celebrate. 

CONGRATS to everyone who already finished.  BE BLESSED.  I am so glad I can email again. 

Ann 

allenan - way to go - as a friend said to me - keep thinking one and done baby!

Sandy - glad it's going so well for you.  It does seem like everyone has breast cancer anymore. 

misswim - I loved my mom and dad.  They were amazing parents and I look back on my childhood with great memories and tons of gratitude.  that said, I know I said horrible things to them growing up.  It has nothing to do with how he feels about you and everything to do with frustration about math and possibly fear of losing you.  He loves you!  Chemo and associated drugs make you sad/depressed.  I am now 3 weeks PFC and swear my mental state is as much improved as my physical state.  Promise!

Misswim,

I'm sure you know that your son doesn't really mean that and that kids can say all kinds of insensitive things whe they're frustrated. Bcisnofun put it very well. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Hope you can give each other big hugs tonight and tell him that you love him before he goes to bed.



Allanan,

We've got a big group taking TC that will be finishing up next week along with you. My last is Sept 21st. I think there are four others finishing on other days of the week, Yay! I've got an appointment for my template at the end of this month. Moving on.

Misswim - I am so sorry to hear about your son's behavior.  It does seem that the stress of the disease and treatment affects the whole family.  Like everyone says, he doesn't really mean what he said.  Most children don't understand what serious illness is and they are just frightened by how it alters their little world.  My husband and I have to work really hard not to let the stress get to us, and still it can bring out nasty moods and nasty statements.

Dexxy - I'd be interested in hearing about your experience with the rads, when you start.  My last chemo infusion is this coming Tuesday and I am schduled for a rads planning session on Oct. 11.

Rabbit - sorry to hear you are having lymphedema problems, but glad that you are getting better.  Enjoy your good week.  I will be eating a lot this coming weekend and Monday evening, since tastebuds are in proper working order and I need to be in shape for Tuesday in THE CHAIR.

I'm so sorry you're in this dark place right now. I hope that by this morning your son has in some way apologized to you. As a 30+ vet teacher I know how 11 year olds can be. Loving one minute and pushing away the next. Does his teacher know about your situation at this time? It might be a good time to let him/her know what is going on so that your son can get some extra help at school or perhaps lighten his homework load a little. His teacher may also have some suggestions on how to help you help him during this time. My heart goes out to you and your family and hope that your strength and resolve continue to grow a little each day.

I remember a couple of months ago having lunch with a couple of old colleagues and one of the ladies was a 10 year breast cancer survivor and she kept repeating what the treatment and disease did to play mind games with you. I thought that was a pretty harsh statemement at the time to someone who was newly diagnosed but it turned out to be too true. Your son is being bombarded by pre-teen hormones and you are full of toxins and so heads will butt. Homework is not worth a huge fight in the long run. Just tell him you love him and just can't do this right now. Take care and know we're all here for you.

It sounds like many of us are having wretched weeks and so a big cyberhug to all.  If I've posted this before please forgive me, but I find it my anchor anymore:

Repeat after me: Breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile.

It is so silly and fun it never fails to raise my spirits and I hope it raises yours as well.

Misswim: Make sure your son's teacher knows what is going on at home. My kids' teachers have been informed so they can be on the lookout for negative behaviours and help manage them before they get out of hand. Sometimes knowing the teacher won't be mad if the homework isn't done right makes a world of difference.  Does your local library have a homework help line? Our does and when we get to geometry it will probably save my sanity. Square, triangles, bleck!!!

Ok, so maybe the decadron and benadryl is making me babble more than usual. Sorry!!

Have a great weekend ladies.

Thank you all. My son knew RIGHT away that he was wrong and how it hurt me. My mother lives very close and happened to call in the middle of all of this, so she came over and had a great talk with him. The statement hit me so hard, I was so raw, so sad, I couldn't say much. He spent a night with Grandma but not without an apology first. I valiumed myself into oblivion so I could sleep and this morning he called to tell me how much he loves me. Came home and he had cleaned his room meticulously.

I am at a point in treatment that I am no longer ra-ra I can do this, I just want to get it over with. I want my hair, I want my energy. I know my life will never be the same again, but I think the more I feel like myself, the more I can focus on healing, concentrating on doing all I can to prevent recurrence, and take every moment for what it is and find joy. I am having a hard time with finding the joy these days.

THANK YOU ALL fo responding and understanding. I did get in touch with my son's school counselor and teacher and we will work together going forward to try to help him too.

My rbc's are very low, and I basically was told by the onc to come in Monday morning expecting a transfusion. My hemaglobin went from 8.5 to 8.2 from Weds to today. 8.0 is transfusion country. I am not able to attend a family party due to this this weekend but I am glad that I know now why I have felt so lousy........ anemic as can be. I sent my son on his way to attend the party (out of town) and DH and I are going to sit in the sun, read , and watching a stack of funny movies.

I hope all who had treatment this week are feeling ok. Wishing you a wonderful weekend

Headaches, today rininging in my ears, I walk around the block and I want to pass out. Anemia sucks.

I have always been borderline anemic but never with symptoms. I have them all now. Mostly just dog tired!

My onc NP looked at my iron stores- it isn't iron related anemia- it is good old DD ACT chemo induced anemia. I have skated by the first 5 treatments....... but the skating is done.The headache and ringing ears are classic anemia signs. I also asked if I could try to get for a walk- would that make me feel better? Her response was sure- walk to the car and back. If you try to walk a mile, you are going to pass out. Anemia is your red blood cells not getting enough oxygen.  Oh, and she told me, the other weird thing that happens is a condition called PICA- so if I have any strange urge to eat paper, dirt, clay......call her. The transfusion may not wait until Monday. So far no dirt cravings! Basically, I have to take it easy and do nada all weekend.

Thanks, Phillybird. It's all overwhelming at this point. He told me today he hates me being sick to get better. Doesn't make sense to him. Me either, sometimes. Had cancer and felt great. From all tests and scans , have none now but treating it. Feel like crap. Just seems backwards to me and I am an adult. Simply makes no sense to him.

What do you know about hot flashes causing tachycardia?  I've never had hot flashes before since I only stopped having regular periods in the last 2 months.  I was in the ER tonight because my heart was racing in the 140's, similar to what happened last at chemo.  Only this time I didn't have the steroids to blame.

 They couldn't find anything wrong with me other than my heart rate was unusually high but otherwise functioning perfectly normally.  After some more discussion the doc felt that maybe I was getting a hot flash first, followed by the rising heart rate.  These would make me feel terrible which would then in turn make the heart rate go up even more.  I felt horrible.  A couple of times I felt like I was going to pass out and I was starting to hyperventilate which I've never done before. 

Anyway...I was just looking into the link between hot flashes and tachycardia so if anyone has had experience with this please let me know. 

ellen - good luck with the fema adjusters.

shiny - hope you were able to sleep

rabbit - yeah to end in sight for port!  Good riddance to it! 

Ana - hope youa re feeling better.  It took me 12 days to feel better from last chemo and 3 weeks to really feel good, so hang in there.  I really relate to everything you said about finishing active treatment.  I still try to take care of my husband and son, but it's like treatment and fear took the place of taking care of myself. 

rossileo - yeah - almost done! 

pink - I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.  The eye and face swelling/irritation sounds miserable.  and tasting the eye drops - I'd throw up too.  We are anniversary sisters - diagnosed on the same day.  It was a rotten Friday wasn't it.  I'm thinking of you and hoping the SE's are easing. 

khs - I agree with the mind games that bc plays.  I wonder if/when we won't think about it as much. 

mavinbook, I bought that book too.  I need to get into the moment vs. wasting my life running ahead of myself worrying about the future.  As I walk my dog, I always think of the breathing in...breathing out mantra.