Do I have cancer-phobia?

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mkkjd60
mkkjd60 Member Posts: 583

My mom was dxed with stage 4 bc mets to liver in February.  She is 71. Dxed stage 2 when she was 66.  Since the time of the stage 4 dx, I have wanted nothing more than a PBMX.  I can't live with the uncertainty.  I am 51, had 1 biopsy, no adh or alh or calcifications. No brac. But dense breasts.  Have a yearly MRI and a yearly mammo.  Am I just irrational?  Too upset to think clearly?  I just want them off!  Am I crazy?

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  • LisaAlissa
    LisaAlissa Member Posts: 1,092
    edited September 2011

    Hi Mary,

    I'm not clear about your "No brac" statement.  Do you mean that you've had genetic counselling and testing, and that you don't have a mutated gene? or that you haven't had testing?  If you haven't had testing, I'd encourage you to meet with a certified genetic counsellor and possibly (based on your consultation) have testing.  

    As a part of preparing for your meeting, you'll be asked to collect family medical history information.  Based on that information, your own medical history and any testing the suggest, they should be able to calculate your personal risk of breast cancer.  

    If you were tested (or get tested) and have an increased risk for cancer, you might find the website www.facingourrisk.org helpful. It's a website for those who are facing a hereditary cancer risk. Some women who have a significant risk of BC do have PBMX, but some also choose to take drugs like tamoxifen. 

    If you've been tested and were negative, did you get a personal risk assessment?  If not, I'd check into that.  There are a number of "calculators" on the web, but I don't have an opinion on any of them.

    Finally, not crazy, just scared.  And watching your Mother, no wonder.  However once you have your risk defined, then discuss (with the genetic counsellor) how to manage your fear.  It sounds as if you may have done this if you're having annual MRIs? But perhaps there are other things that they will want to suggest...ultrasounds are frequently combined with mammography when breasts are dense.  And in fact the radiologist who screened me for years (and spotted what turned out to be DCIS) routinely used ultrasound on me because my breasts were dense.  Some women who are calculated to be high risk take tamoxifen as a preventative agent.

    As I said, I don't think you're crazy, but I do think that you need to analyze the risk that you face, then plan how you'll deal with it.  Work with your medical team to determine what a prudent, vigilent person like yourself should do to ID anything that might need attention, then work that plan.   A PBMX is not the place to start (although I can't say you might not end up there, depending on your genetic counselling, etc.).  

    BTW, you'll need medical support that a PBMX is the appropriate way to handle your risk if you want an insurance company to cover costs associated with it and the reconstruction/sequelae (if any).  So working through an analysis of your risk and the potential ways to manage it are things you'll want to do, even if what you really want is a PBMX. 

  • mkkjd60
    mkkjd60 Member Posts: 583
    edited September 2011

    Thanks lisaalissa. It is horrible watching mom suffer. Worst time of my life. Mom had brac test and was negative although her aunt died of bc @76. I'm so tired of breasts. I'm 51 had 3 kids and my breasts are not exactly beautiful. They do nothing for my health. In fact they bring me anxiety. I have an appt with a genetic counselor this week. I also have a mammo scheduled. I think I will take your recommendation and ask my doc for an ultrasound also. I hope you are doing well now. Thanks for answering my post. Mary

  • beacon800
    beacon800 Member Posts: 922
    edited September 2011

    Hi, I am sort of like you and my name is Mary too!  My mom died of bc and her two aunts above her got it also.  One died before I was born.  I had negative BRCA tests.

    Like you I spent quite a long time really scared of my breasts.  Everything I read gave me  new risk factors.  When faced with the abnormal biopsy I did have a BMX.  This was not a hard decision for me!  I had spent 3-4 years being increasingly disturbed by the changes I could feel in my breasts and it really caused anxiety.  I do understand your concerns and know it is a bad place to be.

    The only good thing is that we have today great technology.  If you keep up your surveillance and maybe get MRI also, you will most likely catch anything before it is very advanced.  Good wishes to  you for a cancer free life!

  • Momnjackson
    Momnjackson Member Posts: 14
    edited September 2011

    Do you have a family history beyond your mother? I think you are being very proactive already with MRI's. I admire your bravery and congratulate you for getting to 50 without any major problems! That being said, if no testing in the world will calm you down then you could always talk to your doctor or maybe a therapist about doing an operation. It's a big one and remember that there is still a very small chance of getting cancer even with a mastectomy. It's a very very very small chance. I think we fellow worriers tend to worry no matter what so the operation might not ease your fear. I'm seeing a therapist and I think you should try to sort this all out in your head first. Make sure you know that the operation will make you feel better and not cause you to find something new to worry about. I know what that's like. Believe me.

  • mkkjd60
    mkkjd60 Member Posts: 583
    edited September 2011

    Hello, thanks for the replies. At least I know I'm not losing my mind! you guys make me feel better about myself



    Mary, I'm so sorry about your mom. I know truly how it feels. Every day I open my eyes and I am literally shaking. I research my moms bc about 5 hours a day. I know I can't save her. Barring a miracle cure, she will die of this. I'm unprepared.



    Momnjackson, my moms aunt died of bc at 76. My mom is 71. So both later in life. I don't know if any amount of screening will help me. I think you lose confidence in the medicine when your mom is dying of bc. I read a book called "my mothers breast". The study showed that women whose moms had bc especially if they died from it suffer from PTSD. Someday I just want to live 15 minutes without thinking about bc.



    Blessings, mary

  • Momnjackson
    Momnjackson Member Posts: 14
    edited September 2011

    My mother also died of breast cancer when I was very very young. I'm very interested in reading that book you mentioned... unless it wasn't useful then nevermind ;-) I think I'm suffering from PTSD now that I've experienced a breast problem of my own. I don't think I'll ever be the same. My back is always killing me and now I automatically jump to cancer. I never did that before. Everything is scary to me so I understand what you are feeling. I want it to go away too. That's why I'm finally seeing a therapist. She's very nice and I hope she will help me. I'm very young to be giving up on myself like this. I hope you will hang in there too! It's not easy but just try!!! ((hugs))

  • mkkjd60
    mkkjd60 Member Posts: 583
    edited September 2011

    Hi momn



    The book "my mothers breast" is definitely for you. For me, I didn't feel quite so crazy after reading it. Have you had any concerns on your mammos? Do you get an mri?I get a yearly MRI. But like you every pain means cancer to me. Sometimes I think the mental pain is so much more terrible than any physical pain a pbmx would give me. I'm sorry your mom died young. My mom has at least had a pretty full life although I really think she got then short end somehow. Please feel free to pm me any time. U are not alone. Mary

  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited September 2011

    I don't think you have phobia.

     my doctors missed mine. make sure you go to good place. I believe conn. texas, and california require US with mammos now and the docs have to tell you if breasts are dense.

     they say mri's will give a lot of false positives-that require bx-but frankly the bx's where nothing. I'd have a bx anyday on anything suspicious  

  • vmudrow
    vmudrow Member Posts: 846
    edited September 2011

    Mary - I know how you feel.  When my mom was diagnoised at age 60 (I was 30 - 20 years ago) - I went to her surgeon and said I wanted mine off!!  He thought that was ridiculous...so 20 years later, 5 biopsies, many call backs on mammograms - my laatest biopsy came back ALH.  My choice was to take Tamoxifen or have PBMX - my new surgeon was totally supportive - I had the surgery - wasn't too bad, and I was able to have nipple sparing.  That was May 2010 - I feel great and have been totally happy with the results.  My risk went from 40% (negative for BRCA, but strong family history) to less than 5%.  I still need to do breast exams and see the surgeon once a year - because like has been said before there is that small chance there could be something - but my surgeon assured me that it would be felt very early.  Let me know if you have any questions - there aren't too many ladies that have had PBMX who are negative for gene and don't have cancer.  (My mom is doing well 22 years after diagnosis - she is now 83!!)

    Hugs, Valerie

  • Momnjackson
    Momnjackson Member Posts: 14
    edited September 2011

    Hey Mary, it's nice to know that we are not alone. I know it's a million times harder to actually have cancer but there's something to be said for high risk people too. It's like sitting in a waiting room. We know we could get it but we might not. We know that screening has come a long way but we also know that mistakes are made. We do everything we can and it's not always enough. I had a biopsy done recently for a lump that came back benign but I struggle everyday. The lump is still inside my breast and the doctors don't seem worried but I am. I'm worried but unlike you, I don't want to go through more tests or more waiting. I admire that you are at least brave enough to follow through on your fears. I hate breast cancer. I hate that it seems to run in families even though studies say that 80% of diagnosed woman have no family history. I JUST HATE BREAST CANCER... PERIOD. What it takes away from the women who suffer with it AND the women who fear it because of family history.

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 648
    edited September 2011

    I had a DMX last month with 1 positive node. I've never been a hypochrondriac or especially concerned about health issues but now whenever I feel a pain anywhere, be it a headache, stiff neck, etc., my mind immediately goes to cancer.

    Since I am refusing chemo, I guess I'll just have to live with that fear for whatever years I have left on this earth.

  • mkkjd60
    mkkjd60 Member Posts: 583
    edited September 2011

    I think there's something to having your mom die from the disease that it takes on a whole new meaning.  When my mom was dxed stage 2 five years ago, I was fine.  I believed in the science.  I believed medicine had a handle on the whole thing.  Now that she is stage iv and who knows how much time she will have, I don't think they know alot about the disease.  I have no faith in the medicine.  I think that if Susan Komen got her breast cancer today, she would probably still die from it.  The protocol is the same for bc now as it was then - cut them up and poison them.  That's what my mom is going through now.  30% of bc reoccurs.  40,000 people every year still die from it - virtually unchanged for the last 40 years.  How can we really believe in the "science"?  I wish they would tell me.  I HATE BREAST CANCER TOO, MOMNJACKSON!  You should see my poor mom, what she is going through.  Someone so good should never be subjected to such pain and suffering.  I want to see my grandkids.  That's all I want.  Family is everything.  Love to all here. Mary

  • LisaAlissa
    LisaAlissa Member Posts: 1,092
    edited September 2011

    Mary,

    There's nothing good about 40,000 people dying from BC in the US every year, but to say it's "virtually unchanged for the last 40 years," is a bit simplistic.  Keep in mind that the US population has increased by approximately 80 million over that same 40 years (226.5 million in 1980 and 308.7 million in 2010).  If nothing had truly changed, that 40,000 number should have increased proportionately over the same period and we would be talking about over 54,000 deaths.

    While the demographics suggest that something positive has happened over the last 40 years, it's clear lots more is needed.  I don't know much about the National Breast Cancer Coalition, but I love their website: The Breast Cancer Deadline 2020 which has really good information, as well as calls to action.

    In the meantime, how was your appointment with your genetic counselor?  Have you made any progress in putting together a personal risk assessment and a plan for managing that risk (whatever it is)?

    LisaAlissa 

  • Momnjackson
    Momnjackson Member Posts: 14
    edited December 2011

    I agree Mary-sorry for my late response. I don't have faith in medicine either. My so-called benign condition has been the most difficult to pursue (at my age especially). My BS does not take it as seriously as I would like. I know it sounds morbid but I don't think I stand a chance now. I had my biopsy so long ago and my other symptoms are not raising any red flags for her. I'm out of ideas really. I know some people won't like me saying this but I sincerely believe i have breast cancer right now but my doctor won't listen to me because she thinks ultrasounds and freehand biopsies are perfectly fine. Don't know how to get her on my side without feeling like I'm badgering her. And you are right that some women just can't get a hold of their cancer in time. Nothing in modern medicine has changed that. Young women especially still get the shaft on a fairly regular basis. My doctor went further than imaging with me but she chose the most obscure type of biopsy that even exists and my results seemed inconclusive but shes running with it. I just want protection for all women. I want all women at all ages to have a fighting chance. I appreciate the tools we do have but I want more. It's not even about mammograms or biopsies. I want doctors to look at a woman's concerns and not just trust the tests. most of which have variable accuracy rates.

    :-/

  • vmudrow
    vmudrow Member Posts: 846
    edited December 2011

    I was 30 when my mom got breast cancer. I went to her surgeon and said I wanted mine off. He said that was ridiculous, but had me have mammograms every year. Well, several biopsies, calcifications etc. Fast forward 20 years my last biopsy came back ALH , precancerous. New surgeon by this time and she agreed it was time for mastectomies. And I was able to have nipple sparing. So if gosh are watched closely hopefully any changes will be caught early and you can make a decision then. Good luck.



    Hugs, Valerie

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