How do you get past it?
Hi all,
I'm finished with active treatment now, and am on Tamoxifen. I'm cautiously optimistic that my cancer won't come back. And I'm feeling a bit better physically -- a little less pain, a little more energy -- every day. Work is going great. BUT -- there's a sadness settling in. What am I supposed to do *now*? I was engaged at diagnosis (still am.) But our dreams have been dashed so severely. We can't have a baby for 5 more years, if at all. I have fake breasts (with no nipples.) Stupid hair. We're struggling. I'm struggling. I wake up every morning and feel crushed to remember all that's gone on. And I worry that every twinge might be the cancer coming back.
So how did you get past it, ladies? How did you deal with the return to "normal" life, and accepting the aftereffects of breast cancer? Any good tips/mantras/tactics that worked for you?
Comments
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Ah, yes, the great "Oh, my God, I could have died, and look at all the horrible things that I have been through, and my life will never be the same" post-treatment melt-down.
Totally normal.
Personally, I ended up in therapy for a year. There are also anti-anxiety medications that many women take for a few years. Be careful to get one that doesn't conflict with your Tamoxifen.
But I am 3.5 years out now, and have settled into a good place. The "new normal" was pretty rocky to get to, but now I rather like it. I do think that every ache "could be" a cancer recurrence. But now, I just think that for a few seconds, laugh at myself, and make sure I exercise or stretch or whatever a little more.
I hope I don't sound flippant. Post-treatment was harder for me than treatment. Because everyone was like "Yeah, you're going to be fine." And I was, like, yeah, right. Now, I seem to be starting to believe it.
Hugs to you.
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I was just diagnosed last week from positive biopsy so do not know what I have in store. I am just so scared right now. What scares me even more is that I may never be able to get past feeling this way even with treatment. Please I want to hear from women that have made it through their treatment and are feeling like a normal person again. Can you actually think about normal things again, just daily every day things. I realize that this is a traumatic experience that you will never forget I am sure but I just want to know there is hope to function like a normal person again someday. I just can't imagine going through life like this forever. Makes me feel like is it even worth it to have treatment if I am always going to feel this way.
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It does get better with time, but recovery is slow.
For my, physical activity helps. If I have a healthy body, fed with good nutrients, it is easier to forget about a lot of this....
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Thanks for posting this. You and I have the same diagnosis and probably did similar treatments, I was diagnosed just 2 months later. I am totally feeling what you are. This morning I woke up and told my husband today is the first day in many months I woke up and wondered if I was still in the middle of a bad dream
Most days are pretty good, but the "waiting for the next shoe to drop" and the thought of recurrance haunts me at least a couple hours a day. I, too, worry that the feeling will never go away. I plan on calling a new therapist today (my old one is on medical leave - she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Go freakin figure). I think therapy could be a really good thing.
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I am 4 years out from my diagnosis. I had a hard time after treatment, but from what I can tell that is extremely normal. I was in go go go mode and when I was done I kind of looked around like WTF just happened?
For me moving on meant bulletin boards. It may sound crazy but knowing that other people were having the same issues was so helpful to me. Knowing that no one in real life could understand my issue but that someone on a board could automatically be like- YES YES I went through that and it sucked made me feel so much better.
I think therapy is fantastic if you find a good fit for you. I personally think every person could benefit from therapy lol. Also, I did a lot of finding my own way- I experimented in what was important to me and what I wanted to do with my life. I discovered I truly enjoy volunteer work and looked around until I found the right organization, or at least the right cause for me.
Oh and I just reread the original post- I got engaged right after treatment. So I feel your pain- you planned one thing and something else may happen and that can be such devastation. We worked through it and are married and beyond happy now, but at the time I felt such guilt and such sadness at everything. I am beyond happy to say that I am past that now. I still have my bitchy days but if I didn't I would be super worried lol.
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I am a year and a half from the end of active treatment. It does get better.
I think we all want to feel better and move on once treatment is over, but it is not as easy at that. I found it the most difficult period emotionally, which I think is sorta where you are. It felt like I had blinders on to get through treatment and then when it ended, they came off and I needed figure out to integrate this whole experience into other aspects of my life. Not so easy, I was exhausted, beat up, finally starting to think about recurrence fears, and family friends sort of think it is all over.
A few things that might help: exercise, especially something like yoga at tai chi which can be strengthening and calming, but really anything you want to do and will do. therapy- really- I resisted for a long time and this is when I fianlly agreed to see a therapist. if you are on anti-depressant, you may need to adjust your meds, I needed to bump mine up. If you are not on AD, try to pay attention to your mood and anxiety and seek help if you need it. Try to treat yourself to little things- a manicure, an evening out with your fiance.
We have had our confidence shaken when it comes to health and all the things that supposedly prevent disease and promote health. It is hard to find the balance between doing things that are good for you, healthy, etc. and becoming obsessed with what is the thing that will keep this beast from coming back. everything in moderation. if an exercise routine, or dietary change feels right, go for it.
The best thing you can do is take it easy on yourself. With time, your hair will start to grow, your energy will improve and you and your fiance will figure it out.
hugs
Rachel
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Thanks all, I'm not a complete mess or super-anxious or depressed. I'm just bummed under the surface. And I keep having awful dreams -- like I had one last night where I'd burned my breasts somehow and had them removed because of that and everyone was mad at me for overreacting. Then I woke up and realized I really did have my breasts removed. And what sucks is that they are still pretty uncomfortable. I just am uncomfortable trying to sleep on my side (which I prefer) with my implants. And I don't sleep well anyway due to hot flashes. I am reluctant to add more meds (sleeping pills or anti-anxiety) to my daily tamoxifen. I probably should go to therapy, but I also feel like that is "letting the cancer win." I am going to yoga and that is wonderful. And eating well. And trying to run. And trying to get back to normalcy. I guess it will happen with time.
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Beeb, we are the same person! I am feeling the same way. I am super busy, which is kind of distracting me, but I am pretty sad inside. So ready to move on and start dating again, but i have a lame haircut and super hard boobs, so that ain't happening. Going through this alone was hard - do you know how many of my friends got engaged, married, pregnant, or had a baby during my treatment? Close to forty! FORTY. Sometimes, I just couldn't go on Facebook. *sigh* I know it will get better, I just wish it would hurry up and do so!
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Wow, you must have a lot of friends, sweetbean! I thought it was bad that my two college roommates got pregnant with and had their first child while I was going through BC. I try to convince myself that I am having a different kind of valuable life experience. But of course it doesn't feel fair. Why do they get marriages and babies....and I get cancer, mastectomies, chemo and radiation. The one thing that gives me pause is that a friend of mine was killed in a car accident about 2 weeks after my diagnosis last year. If I'm ever feeling sorry for myself, I'm reminded that at least I'm alive and have a chance to beat cancer and get on with life. Erica's life was ended in an instant.
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