my mums got breast cancer and i'm struggling

I got my B/C diagnosis when I had a college sophomore and high school senior so that is where I am coming from in my answer.  Your mom will appreciate your concern for her, and if you are living at home while going to school, you might be able to pitch in and take care of a few household things that will allow her to rest when she needs to, like after surgery or if chemo gives her fatigue.

BUT, I doubt your mom want her cancer to disrupt your life.  That would just be another thing for her to worry about, or feel guitly about.  While it is great to give your mom support, your being there will not make the difference in the outcomes of the tests and treatments.  She will have your dad and grandparents supporting her, so she won't be alone.  Maybe that is why they are acting "weird," because they don't want you to be overcome and consumed by B/C.  They would want you to be a good student and enjoy your college days.  I might be wrong, but I might be right.  Have a talk with your mom and dad and see how they feel about you going back to school.

You will find online support here.  Also, you might not get much understanding from your friends unless you find one that had someone close to them with B/C.  That would be a good person to talk with if you do know somebody like that.

Almost all cancers are treatable.  Some cancers are removed and never return.  I will hope that your mom gets a good report from the doc after surgery and that she responds well to the treatments planned.  Your love and support will help, even if it is only a phone call.  Try not to worry or be too scared.  There are a good number of us that go through the B/C ordeal and DO get back to our normal lives after some time.  Do not feel bad about keeping your life as normal as possible at this time.  Good Luck with your decision, and to your mom.

RebeccaJane:  I'm so sorry you have to go through this.  It is an extremely difficult thing to deal with.  These lovely ladies are absolutely right.  You can't let your life stop, simply because this awful disease has invaded it.  Though, I certainly understand how you might want to.  For three months, I let my life stop. 

A friend, whom I consider family, was diagnosed in late April.  I was graduating from college in May, and I was taking the summer off to prepare for graduate school.  So essentially, from early May to early August, I indulged myself a little (or a lot) and worked on assuaging my fears and understanding her's.  I looked up articles, I started following cancer blogs (some of which I'm very attached to), I joined discussion boards, and I visited my friend and her family every chance I got.  I let myself take the summer to be absorbed by the situation and to be as supportive as I could.  This worked for me, but I'm not sure if it was the best idea for my mental health.  I thought about cancer every day, and it probably would have been a good idea to try to distract myself every once in awhile.  Coming to grad school has been a blessing because I'm too busy most of the time to think about anything else. 

So, I agree with what's already been said.  Support your mom as best as you can.  She will know how loved she is, and she will appreciate everything you do.  I would say don't put your life on hold, but I understand that it is a completely personal choice.  I didn't feel right doing anything but trying to be supportive, so I can't really tell you different.  It's more of a "do as I say, not as I do" sort of thing... 

I'm also a perfectionist, so I completely understand where you're coming from.  I was worried that I would be too worried and stressed about the cancer to compete in a grad school setting.  And just a quick comment on my age...  I'm 21.  My friend is 43.  Our close friendship is perhaps strange in that way, but life is funny like that.  Anyway, I'm close to your age, and I can sort of relate to your feelings, though I'm sure they're amplified because it is your mother who has been diagnosed. If you ever want to talk to another young adult who is here as a supporter, feel free to private message me.  You really did come to the right place.  The support on BCO is fantastic.  It has helped me so much to read the advice that others give here.

Take care, (((HUGS)))

Katie

Rebecca Jane, I'm not much older than you and I have dealt with the same thing so I know EXACTLY how it feels. I'm EXTREMELY close with my mother and was so moved by this dx, to the point that I began to believe it was me that had the bc and my own life was on the line!! When you love someone you become heavily invested in their well-being. This experience will forever strengthen the relationship you have with your mother and you will both learn to apperciate each other even more now.  The first days are the hardest, especially that first week... I can relate to the sleepless nights and stress (thank God it happened at a time when school was out!) but you will notice as you are given a treatment plan and become aware of the situation, everything becomes sooooo much easier.  5 months ago my life was turned upside down, never did I think I would feel happy or smile again-- but the future is bright !! Your mom will be fine and you both will look back at this eventually!!