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hopeful-monkey
hopeful-monkey Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

hello there, i am a male and new to this site, i have today had one of the worst experiences of my life, only matched when my daughter passed out and stopped breathing; my mum got the diagnosis after the biopsy saying she had breast cancer, a tumor of 6 cm, and it was also in the lymph node.

the doctor said he could not be sure that she had it in only one lymph node but thats all he could see, there was no evidence of if there was any other lymph nodes affected or not and she has to have a lumpectomy, and chemotheripy for 6 months and she has to come back in 2 weeks to organise surgery.

my mum is 50 yrs old, and it only got picked up on her 1st mammograph, where she got recalled, then a biopsy.

 i am broken, i love my mum to bits and she is so caring, loving and harmless, i feel so helpless and i need support, my girlfriend is being very supportive but i feel i need to speak to people who have had experiences as i am absolutely heartbroken.

 we got told the news today, and she looks lost in her own body, i am supporting her and trying to convince her she will be fine but i feel so useless! i love her so much

the doc said he could not give it a stage as he doesnt know if it has spread beyond the lymph nodes and will only know after the lumpectomy.

 thank you for reading x

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  • 37antiques
    37antiques Member Posts: 643
    edited August 2011

    Hello Hopeful,

    Your Mum is very lucky to have such a caring son. 

    The diagnosis is a shock, and waiting for results can be very wearing on the nerves.  It will take some time for your mum to process this, she should be feeling a bit better by the time the final pathology report is in, and then you will know just what you're dealing with.

    Take heart, cancer is treatable!  It is not something you would choose to have, but it is do-able. 

    There is a lot of great information on this site, and it is all very reliable.  It may help you and your mum a bit.  And there are a lot of wonderful people on the boards, and we're all hear to listen if you need us. 

    Please let your mum know that there is so much more available now than there was even 10 years ago, everything is changing and becoming more effective all the time, so while this is a shock and can get you down, the future is far less grim than it once was.  There are many very talented and accomplished ladies on here to prove it!

    Please keep us updated as you go, I'll be thinking of you.

    ((Hugs))

    Sue

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  • jacksnana
    jacksnana Member Posts: 168
    edited August 2011

    Your mom is lucky to have such a caring and supportive son!  These first few days are usually filled with so many appointments, and you can be overwhelmed with all the information coming your way.  Once her cancer has been staged and she knows what type it is and she has a treatment plan in place, things will seem more manageable.  This diagnosis is always a shock to all of us.  Encourage your mom to post here, there is always someone who is in the same situation and many, many wonderful and caring women who know just how she feels.  Just continue to love and support her and you continue to come her yourself, too.  All the best to you and your mom. 

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  • hopeful-monkey
    hopeful-monkey Member Posts: 2
    edited August 2011

    thank you for my replies, you are all amazing women - helping people and sharing your experiences - i truly believe you are fantastic and so inspirational - true angels!!!

     can i ask one more questin please? all it is - when does it get graded? is it after the breast is removed? im in a state and just want to hug her all the time - she has no partner and she never has no money - iv took the the day off work tommorow after shes had time to sleep (im in england so its 2am now) and were going to go somewhere nice for the day - i just hope shes not mentally destroyed!

     honestly, thank you for your help - i cant stress how amazing you people are!

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  • 37antiques
    37antiques Member Posts: 643
    edited August 2011

    When they do the lumpectomy they will take the tumor and any lymph nodes that are effected.  They will send everything to a pathologist to be tested, and then you will know all of the details.  I don't know how long it takes in the UK, here we usually have a pathologist in the operating room to test things as they come out so you have a pretty good idea, then they send it to the lab for staining and you get the report about 10 days later for the HER 2 status, grade and hormone receptor status.  The wait is not fun, but it has to sit in a petrie dish for a while so they can' t hurry the process.

    After the path report comes in they will decide on a treatment plan, and wait for her to heal up before she begins.  Make sure she asks for something to take the edge off if she has too much anxiety, this stretch is pretty nerve wracking!  But once she starts, like jacksnana said, she will feel more in control.

    You'll get through, hang in there!

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