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AnacortesGirl
AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

This week I finally decided it was time to retreat from work again.  Last time I was on long term disability was during tx for the last half of my chemo and the recovery from the BMX.  But I have just been having a real rough go of it for the last couple of months.  The onc has shuffled all my meds and I think I might be stable again in that area but I still know that I'm not healed.

I have no idea if it's the effect of no estrogen, the new meds, stress, emotional issues or some other physical issue.  But I do know that I have to take some time to see if I can heal and feel whole again.  So I told them that I would need at least 2 months and then take an assessment to see if I'm ready to go back or not.  Who knows -- when I walked out of there today it might have been my last day of work.  This is so different than when I stayed home before.  Then, I knew it was the chemo and surgery that kept me away from work and that I would get healed up and return.  This time, I don't know what is causing the aches & pains and headaches.  So who knows when I'll return.

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  • Karina121293
    Karina121293 Member Posts: 370
    edited July 2011

    AnaGirl, so sorry you feel depressed about the pains and aches. They always bring me down too. Even though I am still in treatment, I feel, that I will never be able to be back to work like before. Is it fatigue mostly or the aches that made you retreat from work?? And have you talked to your docs about it? 

    Please hang in there, they say it gets better!!!!

    Karina

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited July 2011

    I'm so sorry you're having so much trouble and I hope you find some answers soon.  Take care of yourself and if that means staying home then do it, if bc taught me anything it's not to over think things anymore....just do what's right at the time.  Take care sweetie, big hugs coming your way.

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited July 2011

    Thanks Ladies.

    I've been working with my onc for the last 6 weeks getting my meds changed.  Now it's just tamoxifen, lexapro and Vit D.  Nice and simple.  I like that part.

    I have no idea what is causing me to feel so poorly.  I have 1 or, if I'm lucky, 2 days a week where I feel great all day.  The other days may be part good or all bad.  The aches/pains usually only bother me in the morning for a couple of hours but they can also come back in the afternoon or evening.  The headaches are relatively mild but way too often.  I can't concentrate well and that brings me off my positive thinking. 

    It was a hard decision because I have a lot of respect for my co-workers and I feel that I am letting them down and they are going to end up with having to do my job, also.  But the stress of just getting into the office, let alone being able to think for the next 6 or 7 hours (I have been habitually late to work) is just not healthy for me.  I think my brain needs the rest and time to heal.

    I also have started seeing a counselor.  Only two sessions so far but I like what I have seen in those 2 sessions.  I have high hopes that she can help me find some garbage rattling around in my brain so we can get rid of it!  Brain spring cleaning is way overdue since it's almost August!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2011

    Christy,  I sure know the feeling of aches, and bone pain and wondering if it's being caused by progression.  Everytime I go thru this my onc scans me.  Last time was in June.  So now I know there's no mets anywhere but the aches and pains expecially in the hip and low back are just so bad.  After spending the summer limping around and not being able to walk much, I've started going back to a chiropractor.  That has helped a lot.  I know all the pain is what I call "post breast cancer degeneration" Smile  Hang in there girl. 

     image

    Oh, and PS,  I'm also on Disability.  Hate the idea but it does help not going into work in pain.

    Barb

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited July 2011

    Hi Christy,

    I know I wasn't 100% until a couple of months ago, and you had much more aggressive treatment than I had.  I also want to mention that I don't think the lack of sunshine this summer is helping either.  I am running outside whenever I see it!!!  Such as yesterday, and last Sunday.

    I use cycling to keep my brain cleared out, but I get what you mean.  Mine doesn't function if I don't exercise enough, and I haven't been cycling/training as much as usual because of my still sore ankle that I trashed when I wiped out six weeks ago.

    I wince and bear it.  I am trying to decide whether I want to do the Seattle Century this weekend....50 mile route. 

    Anyway, good luck.  I think a regroup at this point is a good thing.  I am assuming you are just fine.  I didn't see calcium in the mix of supplements, so make sure you are taking enough of that too.

    I have learned that healing takes time.  I tried to shorten the duration, but it took a full 12 months from end of chemo.  A major difference when you get full energy back.

    Hoping this happens soon!  And that there is sunshine to enjoy. - Claire

    p.s.  One of the people in my building went up to Mount Rainier on Sunday to the Paradise area to see the wildflowers.  He found nine FEET of snow and skiers/ snowboarders/ snow shoers as opposed to hikers.  No flowers.

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited July 2011

    Christy,  You are so smart to take the steps you are taking.  We need to listen to our bodies and our hearts, not ignore them and push on.  I don't think all the effects of the BC experience are felt up front.  I think our bodies and psyches recover as they are able and that takes lots of time.  Hugs, G.

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited July 2011

    Thanks for the support.  As usual, the ladies here understand.  You try and fight the good fight but sometimes our will to "work through it" just isn't the right answer.  I have to say that my guilt is quickly melting away.  I thought as soon as I made this decision the stress relief would cause me to be on a physical high and I'd be full of energy without the aches.  Hah!  Wrong.  So far the only thing it's really helped with is going to sleep at night.  It's such a relief when I go to bed that I don't have to worry about how I'll feel tomorrow and if I'll be able to make it in to work.

    Sleep, exercise, better food and less stress.  Those are my goals for a while.

    Claire - I might have gotten lucky on this since we may have a chance of summer during August and September.  I heard about the snow up at Paradise.  Makes me wonder if those flowers will even get a chance to bloom this year!  The Skagit river has stayed high all summer long and the number of fields in the flats that were never planted this spring is unbelievable.  Yet the rest of the nation has been cooking in summer heat.  Very weird.

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  • Katarina
    Katarina Member Posts: 386
    edited July 2011

    Christy - we're all on your side and team. No one has a crystal ball as to how fast one will recover and it's OK to say I've been through hell and now I still need to take my time to heal.   

    Have you ever tried acupuncture or alternative healing like Reiki. I feel it has helped me where western medicine failed.

    Hugs to you and keep us posted on how your fairing.

    Kat 

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited July 2011

    Christy, I am just seeing this. I am so sorry to hear you are still having issues.

    I think you are doing the right thing. Getting yourself healthy is the most important thing.

    Sleep, exercise, good food and less stress sound perfect!  Concentrate on yourself for a while.

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited July 2011

    Just saw your post Christy.  I'm sorry you are having a tough time.  It's so freakin nerve racking!  But your health is the most important thing right now and work will always still be there.  Maybe not the same work, but if and when the time is right you will know what to do.  But for now, take care of yourself physically and mentally (now could I practice what I preach???) and do what feels right.

    (((Hugs)))

    Sharon

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