Desperately in need of an attitude adjustment

Buck up, lady!  ;-)  Paste a smile on your face and go through the motions, even though it's not what you wanted.  It's obviously important for your family so go ahead and give them a few hours.

Hugs to you, I know you can do it!

Laurie - Good for you, for taking charge of your life and doing what makes sense for you.  It's unfortunate that your family did not respect your wishes about the final bbq (because in truth, there will be others!) but you will go with a smile on your face.  And you will remind all those family members who are giving you grief that there are plane rides, phone calls including video chatting, a new place for them to visit, and on and on.  It's not like the "old days" where keeping in touch was so much harder!

We just did the opposite...we moved back to family after 17 years of living in the middle of the country and we are now within 45 minutes of all our children and grandchildren.  We left our social life with lots of friends behind but with the same farewell words - we are not that far away and you have a room at our house any time you want to come and visit. 

Enjoy your weekend, enjoy the bbq, and enjoy the Tri!

Michelle

You'll be fine, Laurie.  A tip for you--think of the questions or comments your family members are likely to make and come up with some easy, short, vague comeback lines.  Then USE them at teh BBQ!  Some examples that come to my mind:

Why are you leaving (the state, home, your family)?  "The opportunity is too good to pass up." 

Won't you miss your family?  "Of course I will." 

Then why don't you stay?  "It's too good an opportunity to pass up."  

What if there's an emergency?  "Then I'll come home."  

 The key is short, no details to get dragged into a longer conversation, and to act like your family's questions have all been hashed out already, that the move is a done deal, and you are happy with it.  It'll get repetative, but it will avoid arguments and guilt trips.  The most important line to have handy is "Excuse me, I need to get more (food, drink, whatever)." and walk off.  

Laurie, this is just MHO, but I think it's likely that your family is proud of you, and worried about you, and maybe even a bit curious about your decision to move away from "home" when none of them chose that path.

You know why you are doing this.  You explained it very well at the start of your O.P.  So, practice some ways to explain it to family members and friends who will undoubtedly be asking you, "Why on earth would you do this?".  And also practice some responses to those inevitable questions about what you'll do when you get homesick, or what you'll do when you eventually regret this decision you've made.  There might even be some people who are crass enough to ask how you're going to take care of your parents when they grow old, if you're so far away.

You can do this (the barbecue thing).  It isn't what you planned or wanted; but it appears to be something your parents want to do for you. So, let them have their evening to celebrate your new adventure.  (See paragraph #1 for why I think this is important to them.)

I moved away from "home" when I finished college.  I'm living more than a thousand miles from where I grew up and where the rest of my family still lives.  My mom had a very hard time with my move, although back then she acted as if she was proud of me.  It took her years, though, to finally accept that my move was permanent -- I was not planning to return to my home state to live.  Several times she actually said, "Well, when you move back home...".   I would tell her, "Mom, I'm not moving back.  This is my job -- my career -- and this is where I live now."

I kind of wish my parents had offered to hold a back-yard barbecue to celebrate my move and my new job.  I was really excited and happy about it -- it was the type of job I'd always dreamed about, and I was looking forward to moving to a part of the U.S. I'd never seen.  I wish I'd had a chance to explain to family members why this was going to be such a good thing.

You can do this!  Hugs from a fellow expatriate.

otter

They all love you very much and are very worried about you. But as you have already been kind enough to include them in your decision to move, you should not feel guilty about your choice. It's good that you are living your life in this way now.  Everyone wants to support you and what better way to do it than with a barbecue!  Consider yourself blessed to have all this love and support.  So buck up and enjoy it and any anger/irritation you may "collect" at the event, you can mentally dispose of through the Triathlon the next day !  Three cheers to your new adventure!