Is there a July 2011 group?

Valbee, your courage blows me away! I'm so sorry that you have faced the loss of your husband and then had to deal with this. I do not doubt for a moment that you will kick this beast into submission and make it sorry it ever took up in residence in you!

I was blind-sided by this diagnosis. Screening had been chasing microcalcifications for years but no one ever said they were markers for cancer. No mammogram had ever even found the tumour. A diagnostic ultrasound actually found it. No history of BC in my family either. I'm a pioneer.

 I cried once. I was angry and asked, "wtf?! why me?! And then a few minutes later, I asked myself, "why not me?" It really helped me to put it into perspective.

Onwards. I then I realized I couldn't change what is. I couldn't wish it away, or pray it away. It was here, it was now, and I had to decide right then what I was going to do about it. Fear, and the belief that by turning down a lumpectomy in favour of a bilateral mastectomy, I'd be reducing my chances of recurrence to as close to zero as I could possibly get, turned out to be a good decision because I had plenty of atypical cells and low-grade DCIS in other areas of the same breast, but my right breast was given a clean bill of health in pathology. Still, I don't regret the decision I made simply because I didn't want to always live in fear of it.

Of course, I learned then too that I had one bad node. A 2.5mm well-encapsulated tumour was found and I knew that was more than enough to tip the balance towards chemo, and perhaps rads and/or further surgery to get the axillary nodes somewhere down the road.

So yesterday I started my first round of chemo. So far, other than moments of exhaustion, I've been pretty lucky. I know that the worst could be yet to come but I believe I can deal with just about anything as long as I don't have to do the pukey thing. The drugs seem to be doing their job though and for this I am grateful. 

As for the "strength" thing, I can relate to the annoyance at that term. In my mind, we're all just doing what we need to in order to make ourselves better. My people are always telling me how brave I am and stuff, but really, it's not about bravery. In fact, it's about survival and doing what you have to make it happen.

My motto is this: dying is NOT an option! To make it so, I know I just have to go through it - whatever IT is - to get through it.

For now that's chemo. I'll deal with whatever happens next as it happens.

paulamati, crying is part of the package. We're allowed to have our moments of teariness. It's an awful disease and it requires a lot of inner strength to do battle with this reality every single day. Crying isn't a sign of weakness, my dear. It's an act of cleansing.

Good luck with number 2! I hope it's as good as number 1 was too!

Hugs to all of you!

thanks dexxy!!! 

Sandy I added you on facebook, Ellen Jacobs....I made a post after my first chemo about low bp...in fact yesterday it was like 90/50 post is here: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/771283?page=1#idx_10

We have such a huge group of strong, positive women on this forum, it's awesome, all of you should be proud of yourselves and lets all send some kick cancer's ass vibes to each other!!!!

Frankenboob: you have to filter on the the negative bull***t. 

This road we are all on is not easy, and we all go about our days with the finesse and strength of 1000 women.  No one can understand this better than a women who has traveled a mile in your shoes.  Talk to people reach out and rely on this forum.  Your BC sisters are here for you and we will all get through this together

Valbee: Your story is inspiring. It makes me feel good about the battle we are fighting and that we have to win it.

 My husband lost his mother to breast cancer when he was not even three years old. That was 1971 and she went misdaignosed through two pregnancies and nursing kids for almost four years. My having BC is like his worst nightmare come true. My father-in-law took my diagnosis harder than anyone- he was so sad for me, his son, and our son.

Thankfully, we found it early. No nodes, almost a centimeter of clean margins, Stage IIa. We are throwing the kitchen sink at it in the hopes this go around is it.

I have found alot of strength in praying to my husbands mom. I feel like she was at my back through my surgery , and now through treatment. I think I am going through this to show my family that this can end on a positive note. I hope so, anyway.

You are all such an amazing and strong group of ladies. Be so proud of each other and of yourselves. I am so glad to have you.

Frankenboobs, Dexxy and Rabbit:

A word on toxic friends/people, etc.,

My support team consist of my husband, my 3 children and my sister and of course you wonderful ladies.    My two friends whom I told started to cry and I ended up comforting them.   Apparently things did not go so well for people they know so they naturally cannot be positive as I need them to be.  Therefore our conversations are just about our kids, planning a play date in the future, the weather, the news and that is it.    I have two members in my Church family who are 10 and 16 year survivors and so they have been added to my support team. 

 I am about 2 hours away from any family and friends and I realize it is a blessing in more ways than one.  Its not the quantity of support that really counts but the quality.  That is what I tell myself daily.

rabbit, add me to the hypothyroid list. I'm curious how many of us are ER+ and if there's a connection there, given it's all hormones.

My TSH has been stable for the past year, but my oncology nurse said something about thyroid issues being mistaken for chemo side effects. And yet, they're not ordering a TSH test along with my other blood work. That seems odd to me.  

Rabbit,

I think there is a definite link with the throid but dont know enough.  Will try to do a little research.  Hashimotos disease???  I don't know much about it but thanks for sharing.  I just went to a great thread "  Scccess Stories". What a boost.  The stories are really inspiring.  If you have not visited this thread, I recommend it highly.  Especially for those moments when you are not feeling so up beat. 

Hope everyone have a good SE free day.  My throat is getting so dry.

Valbee:  I just love your style.  You also made me smile.  You are a blessing to this thread.

Hi Rossileo I started my chemo yesterday 3 x fec 3 x taxatore I am in a state of shock too Diagnosed in April cant concentrate on anything still having crying fits.

All the ladies with Thyroid condition I have Hypothyroidism to was diagnosed 13 years ago Im on

electroxin strange how there same seems to be a conection I also read this on another thread on this site some where.I also was diagnosed withe type 2 diabetas 6 years ago.Hoping we can all get through this together.Hope everyone has a great day tommorow.

Hi Frankenboobs Im felling a little better tonight still alittle nauseas what treatments are you getting Im getting Fec3 x and taxatore 3 x then radation and more lymph node removel that should take me into jan or feb.How are you feeling after your 1st Chemo.? Are you getting the Nuelasta shot after each treatment I heard in the U States they only give it if the white blood cell go down.

Good morning!

I'm in the good ole USA and received Neulasta. I thought about asking about not having it but I work with the public, often in large numbers, and can't afford to have my WBC tank on me.

Is anyone else finding that coffee is no longer tasty?  It makes me sad...I'm still not sure if the headache over the weekend was the Zofran or the lack of caffeine!   (I'm such a dork, I know!)

I really enjoyed yesterday's conversation/postings. They were terrific food for thought, and I feel much comforted to know I'm in the company of such intelligent and thoughtful women.  Have a terrific day full of joy and peace.

I started Herceptin and Taxol on July 22. I'd love to be part of a group going through this strange trip at the same time.

Just an update. 

Last night we took my uncle off of life support.  He passed away after about 4 minutes or so.  It was very peaceful with his family around him. 

Today I go to see my PS and get my boobs blown up for the last time!  I am excited to say that one part is over (the fills) then after chemo I will have my exchange.

I still feel not so good this time.  I have a few boughts with sickness and headaches that do not seem to go away.  I am much better than day 2-5.  I really thought I was going home to glory on those days.  I wsa to the point that I told my hubby I was NOT going in for more chemo.  I will but I really dont want to, lol.  WHen I told my onc about getting a sore in the corner of my mouth, like a fever blister, she told me that this time we needed to prevent it.  I just dont get it.  Like I didnt try to prevent it last time, lol.  Well, I brush, clean, rinse and everything else to my mouth about 5 times a day and guess what....yep the blister came back yesterday. Oh well.  It will be gone, along with all my other side effects by my next treatment and then they can all come back again.  I have a goal...make it until October.  I should be back to normal and be finished with active treatment then!

So wake me up when September ends!! 

Hope everyone is having a good day!

Jamie - I am also so sorry about your uncle.

Sandy - Glad you are feeling better, but sorry you are still struggling with some side effects.

Regarding coffee, a friend told me her aunt stopped drinking coffee after she started chemo - just lost the taste for it. I sweeten my coffee and still like it, but probably would not if I didn't use the sweetener. Things that are on the bitter side don't taste so good to me anymore, but sweet things are still great! I think a few of you mentioned having a sweet tooth right now, too, and I wonder if that is just one of the things that still tastes right to us.

I've been trying to keep up my liquids and fiber in anticipation of tomorrow's treatment - my second. I had a couple of alcoholic drinks last week since I was feeling so good, but none since Saturday. Also eating Activia and trying to get in some veggies. Don't know if any of that will make a difference, but it makes me feel better to do something.

This morning I had a meeting with a new business partner at work. I really debated whether to wear a scarf (which is what I've been doing) or go for a wig to try to look more normal. But I thought I would actually worry more about the wig and whether it looked normal/real or not. Better in some ways to not look completely "normal" but know where I stand. Not sure if that makes any sense? Funny how I worry about such things!

About the toxic friend discussion - I have not really had anyone "toxic" to deal with, but it is interesting how different people react. I have had very close friends who just don't know what to do for me, if anything, and have kind of backed off. Then other people I was not as close to call or write or bring me things. Kind of unexpected. It can be hard to hear someone talk about how tired they are from riding their bike too long over the weekend, though, when I'm wiped out from chemo :-\. Some people just don't get it.

sandy, it's day 3 after the first round for me now. i'm on 3x fec and then 3x d, which is the same as t, i think. when this part is finished they'll discuss rads, though i see on my treatment plan, there are 24 of them suggested, as well as probable further node surgery. there will also be more tissue removal during the exchange surgery due to a crappy margin on the skin side of the tumour area. they don't know yet whether they'll just take that patch of skin instead of just scrape it because my bs took it pretty close to nothing during the mastectomy.

so, day 3 and no real se's to complain about. i was wicked exhausted after the treatment but i was given an ativan going into it - shot nerves - and that wore me out. i slept a lot the first day but have been doing well since then. i've had a little queasiness from time to time but it passes pretty quickly. the drugs i'm on are potent - by request! i don't get shots, but i was told that if my numbers tank i will have to have them.

how are you doing? it sounds like we're on the same timetable for having things wrapped up.

jamie... so sorry about your uncle. =( as if you're not dealing with enough.

i'm curious, you're still getting fills during chemo? my ps told me i'd have to wait until chemo was finished to resume fills. hmmm...

hoping everyone is having a relatively symptom free day!

msswim: My head actually had this weird cold, numb feeling when I first buzzed it off. That lasted around a week. I kept putting a light cotton cap on to ease the feeling and then the feeling of wearing a hat too much bothered me so I would take it back off. It would be on for an hour, off for an hour for days. It kind of gave me a bit of a nauseous feeling.

It does get easier than chasing the hair around and cleaning it up all the time. I find that wearing a scarf just tied lightly around my head like a headband over my wig, makes my wig look much more natural.

I am not going to say that it gets easier emotionally. That part is still no fun. Caps and hats feel odd, nothing at all feels very unattractive, and wigs are hot and very odd feeling, but seem to work best for me when going to work and settings that matter more to me.