Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    You never know about the married part. I had the guy I was dating checked out by my PI friend. Can't be too careful, thankfully he had no record or anything. However the PI can't look for a record of BS, heartbreak and being a player!

    Enjoy the bbq, sounds like fun :) 

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited July 2011

    My favorite song now is "mean" by Taylor Swift.... I dedicate it to my ex who had an affair before and during my treatment.  Don't worry - I'm soooooo much happier now and at a better place in my life.  I went out with a new guy last week who I click with but physically he's not the type I'd normally go for.  We are going out again and I'm hoping there is chemistry.

    Karyn

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    DF, I am sure it's not your other photos you put up - you are beautiful!   He probably just has been talking to many other women.  

    Kiley, quit wasting your energy on this guy - he can't even keep his women straight.   Forget him and move forward to someone else...like the Handyman, maybe?   :-)

    Karyn, do you feel at least a spark?   I think these things can grow if there is at least something there inititally.  

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I <3 my Mom... she met the boy I was dating a few times and thought he was nice. She won't pry though and ask anything. So I told her today, you know that nice boy... he's not so nice. I gave her a brief bit of what happened with the drama and ex etc.. She just said oh brother, write that one off!! Life is so simple if I could just listen to my Mom :)

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  • kiley58
    kiley58 Member Posts: 64
    edited July 2011

    I think you have to be prepared to write these guys off, they do us sooo easily.  It is something I have to wrap my head around!  But I'm going to do it, just replyed to another message from a message on my inbox.  Yes fearless, Ive made potatoe salad and burgers and all the rest of the fixings.  He is very nice (handyman) and we are very good friends.  But sooo many women are "after" him!  And he is 9 years younger than me....but we are very good friend so, at least I'll have company and a lot of laughs,  he is very entertaining!  Dragonfly , you are beautiful woman, don't let these cyber guys get you down.  Like fearless and Karyn say we have to weed thru the guys and maybe we'll find a keeper! 

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I think a lot of these guys are just on there because they're curious and players? I don't know, I could send out 10 emails a day and MAYBE get 1 guy that writes back. I was thinking, wow, is my profile that bad, is it just me? But I've talked to 2 or 3 of my friends who are on similar sites and they have no luck either. So not sure what's the deal? It can't be just based on looks, so what is that none of them write back?

    Well as long as you have fun with him and are good friends, than go with it :) Friendship is so much less pressure and stress than dating and relationships! I'm going with a good guy friend of mine today to a movie and lunch. I'm tempted to put that on facebook cause I know he'll see it ;) ha ha ha

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  • kiley58
    kiley58 Member Posts: 64
    edited July 2011

    I did reply to mixed up messanger though, just to say if anyone called him w my name it was not me.  I'm just kinda wondering if that dating site I'm on is compromised in some way.  As I said in earlier post.  It is owned by match. com,  but had weird incident w computer,  all my avg and spybot were disabled and my email locked out.  Tech said someone from site responsible.  Just wondering if some one messing w me.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I think the guy is just giving his # out to lots of ladies and got himself confused! Who knows.. Hope he responds, I'm curious!

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    I guess it just depends on what you are looking for.   I am looking to get married, not a casual friendship.    I find many women who were married for many years tend to NOT want that again, and are happy being single.   I have always been single, so I feel the exact opposite - I want to share my life with someone.   I would have no interest in a man who was just looking to be "friends".

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  • wildfilee
    wildfilee Member Posts: 17
    edited July 2011

    Well, I'm lonely and alone!  Haven't had a relationship for four years since I moved to Phoenix from LA and left my late husband.  I didn't get diagnosed with cancer until 9/08.  Find love after Cancer! LOL.  I couldn't find love before Cancer- Ha.  Come of these men are just.....well there's no words to describe it.  I recently met a man online.  We talked back and forth on the internet via email and then on the phone nearly every night.  Then we had three wonderful dates.  On the third date, I decided to tell him that I had breast cancer two years ago with a lumpectomy.  You would have thought I told him I had the "herpes" or something.  The look on his face!  Well for the rest of the evening, he kept asking me, "are you sure you're okay now?"  He was almost neurotic about it.  Never heard from him again after our third date two weeks ago.....go figure!  Now this was a man who had been divorced for five years, had three relationships during the last five years and did nothing but complain to me during our emails and phone conversations that he couldn't find a relationship or a woman to love for a relationship.  Then he goes and just throws what we could have had out the window!  Hmmm, this is more than hard.....it's a nightmare!

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited July 2011

    Dating and relationships are difficult at the best of times and once you are over 30 it's worse and after breast cancer - well we all know what that's like. While I am told there are good men out there, I haven't found one. Or they start off being great and then when times get tough, they run the other way. At his stage, I don't feel a need to be married again but would definitely like a partner in life. But as I've said before, I have given up hoping that will ever happen for me

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited July 2011

    JOY - there are some good men out there.  I met one shortly after finishing chemo who was the kindess and trustworthy guy I had ever met.  I told him before we even met about my hair being short  "not by choice" and he was able to see past that and see "ME".  I met him online and we dated for 18 months.  I did meet and date another guy who "couldnt deal with it" and my response was - I'm not asking you to but rather accept me for who I am.  Don't give up -

    Karyn

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    Ladies..... I went to the movies with a friend today, and it was just starting and the boy called me!!!! WTF???? I of course couldn't answer it.

    hrf I'm with you on this one, I'd just be ok with having a life long partner/relationship I don't feel a burning need to marry again. Course who knows what's in the cards, right now it's being single !

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited July 2011

    Dragon, you knew he would call. Did he leave a voice message?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I really didn't know what to expect, I never do with him. No he never leaves a message, all this time in the past if I miss his call I just call him back. It's been 4 hours or so and I haven't done anything with it.

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited July 2011

    You can pretend you didn't see it. Or you could send him a text saying you were at the movies and couldn't answer the phone. Or you can call him back if you want. You are in control.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    Maybe I should flip a coin? lol.... for now I'm ignoring it, not sure if that's whats best but at least now I am in control and not at his beck and call waiting for him.

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited July 2011

    Keep thinking about yourself and what makes you feel good. Enjoy your evening

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  • wildfilee
    wildfilee Member Posts: 17
    edited July 2011

    Hi KWARD and thanks for the positive note.  I'll keep trying but I think you have to be lucky and just meet the right man.  I'm 53 and would love just to have a long-term relationship, not marriage.  It's very hard at this age because everyone seems to be so fickle these days and no one really knows what they want.   I'm still a member of this dating website which I joined about three weeks ago and was recently contacted by an 80 year old man who wanted to know if I would have lunch with him at the "Senior Home" -- LOL!  Not quite ready for the senior home yet!

    Take care and hope you had an awesome weekend!

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    ha ha ha that's hilarious about the senior home. Wow, kudos to him for asking :) I got an email from some guy that was 17 I think??? Uh.... no thank you!

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited July 2011

    When I was active on a dating site, I used to be contacted by a lot of younger men. I'm not talking within 10 years. I mean guys in their 20's who were looking for a cougar. Some were younger than my own kids. I found it creepy but I did date many men younger than me and age was no issue. But the senior home - that's a new one.

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  • hoovergirl82
    hoovergirl82 Member Posts: 6
    edited July 2011

    After I was first diagnosed in 2004, I was still single.  In 2006, I met a man online, and we chatted online and talked to each other on the phone.  We lived in opposite corners of the state, but we eventually did meet in person.  On the second time that we saw each other, I told him that I was giving him an out and told him about my having had a lumpectomy.  If it freaked him out that bad, I would understand and we would part.

    He said it didn't bother him, and true to his word, it didn't, not then, not when it came back in 2008, or when it came back in 2011.  In fact, he became my one and only husband in 2009!

    I had to go through a lot of losers to find this guy, just don't give up!

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    That's a great story, and I'm so happy for you! I think everyone truly deserves that happiness, just takes more work it seems

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    DF, remind yourself he is with her now.   You need to tell him that it's over and you would appreciate him not contacting you for now.   After that, ignore his calls.   He is doing what men always do - not burning their bridges.

    As for you ladies meeting 80 year olds and 20 year olds, I don't know what sites you are on, but the first thing I do is set my age parameters.   I like Eharmony, because men who are not in my parameters cannot contact me.   POF, too.   I have no interest in anyone more than 10 years older than me and any man younger than me (I'm just not into younger men.   I prefer men my own age or older).

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I'm blown away that he has kept up on the calling every couple days. Everything he's done throws me for a loop.

    As for the ages. I don't know that match or okcupid are set up like that. You can set up age limits for the ages you want to search for. Which means others can do the same and contact you. If there is a setting I haven't figured it out.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    Michael would call me every few days, too.   Eventually he stopped.   I'm not saying that is what will happen, just that I think when someone tells you they are thinking of going back to their ex-wife, it's probably best to go no-contact.   I am sure it is very frustrating for you, as I know how much you care for him. 

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    Yes exactly, and I am not the type of person to be mean or ignore phone calls / people etc... He never said he was going back  to her, just that maybe for his kids it would be best.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    I misunderstood.   I thought he had said he had decided they were going to try to make things work (for the boys sake).

    I just know I came out of my last one feeling really sucker-punched.   I don't want you to feel the same if that were to happen.     

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    Oh no, I don't think it's even close to them getting back together. I think he was just telling me what's going through his head and that the boy wants that, and he doesn't know what's best or right etc.. i don't know what kind of feelings he has for he. He told me he still loves her, and tried to compare it to the same love I have for my ex husband (daughters dad) I said uh no... I don't love him. I don't think it's the love they'd need to rekindle the marriage but what do I know.

    I hate that I allow this, and I feel bad for not answering or calling him back. It's stupid, because he's been shoving me to the curb for the last couple weeks.

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited July 2011

    So my guy (who is dating other women, that I gave the boot) has been texting me etc... We had a trip planned for the Fall to Paris that I cancelled and lost $ --I asked him to pay me since I wasn't the one dating around - why should I be left paying for his infidelities.... I learned a lesson with that one. 

    Men - can't live with them, can't live without them.  I would like to be married again - liked the sense of security and enjoyed the companionship.

    Karyn

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