I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange

Oh crap I never talk about this it just hurts so much. No he just gets angry when we try to help.

We have gone so far to buy him the home he lives in. He owes us 100,000. He is not paying anything. But he has a goo job earning as much as we do together. So where is it going? Need I ask.

Diagnosis: 6/1/2010, ILC, <1cm, Stage Ib, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

It is hard. I have an ADHD son who can ONLY learn by experience. Nobody can tell him anything. It hurts to se him go through stuff he wouldn't have to if he just listened.But once he learns a lesson it is learned for life so that makes it a little easier.

To be honest who knows what his diagnosis is really. Being a foster child that was adopted we are dealing many issues.

Thanks 1Athena1 we have been through so many specialists through the years. He has had problems and been in treatment for 20 of his 28 years. One can only hope my hubby and I can at some time justwalk away and say no, but it is so hard.

(((((Kira)))))

There are some neurological problems there too, then, and more impairment than ADHD.

Perhaps one way to look at things is to imagine where he would be if you had not adopted him? It's hard to imagine what never happened, but he is alive, with a son and loving parents. Three things more than he would have without you, and three enormous things, too. Perhaps you have to measure your hopes and expectations not against people who do not have his medical history, but against those who do. It means taking the "disability perspective" and measuring him only against himself and not other men of xxxx age. There is an organization for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome - http://www.nofas.org .

I'm so sorry if I'm prying. I will stop.

Not at all he as sucked us dry at this point.  I will look into that organization, at least it is a place to start. When i say we are dry I mean emotionally, but I'm sure you realize that.

Hay I wouldn't change anything. Life is what we make of it. Good night all.

(((Kira))) So sorry you have to deal with this.

Morning all, Bren, hope Tim is feeling better today and that his fever broke. Nothing worse than a fever, IMO.

((((Kira)))))  It is so difficult when our children are unwell.  We feel so helpless, and yes, angry.  I have so many family members who have struggled with depression, and I know how much a psychological disorder can cause havoc in a family.   ((((HUGS))))

Good morning.  Athena has already posted the organization I was going to suggest for (((Kira))) - FAS is so difficult, well, difficult isn't a strong enough word.  Still thinking of you, there must be something more all these minds together can think of to help you....

There are some newer, shorter term, therapies, Cognitive Behavior Therapy is one I think of,  but you've already said one of the most difficult things, getting a person to allow help.  I think, as you said, for his son's sake, but oh, it is so, so, so, hard.  I don't want to get on a soapbox here, but I really think as a society we underestimate the damage of alcohol.  It wrecked havoc in my own family.

BarbaraA,  that's putting it mildly   Our friend Athena jsut got told to "go to her homeroom" LOL

I gotta stop taking the bait.  Keep thinking maybe we're doing some good by preventing anyone in that terrified "just diagnosed" stage from being exposed to those scare tactics.

But it does remind me of advice I once got when I was doing some lobbying in DC, trying to convince a very, VERY, conservative elected official to sign a piece of legislation to help some international development projects for women - and the answers I was getting were SO friggin' off the wall,and I just kept trying to make sense.  After, a friend who was part of the group with me said the most wise words: "Never tyr to teach a frog to sing."  I kinda think that's what we're up against in the strange world of goings-on.

They are trying really hard to make us all take the bait.Caerus-Sunflowers. I do worry about the newbies. I am so glad when I came last year this kind of stuff wasn't going on. I remember so well how very scared I was. Can't even imagine how I would have felt seeing what is going on.