Am I a survivor or....what am I?

Well, consider this. You dodged a major bullet. So that makes you a survivor.

Who gives a flip about wearing pink, walking as a survivor,  or sporting a ribbon? Those are pretty lame "gifts" for enduring cancer, really. I purposefully took off my "survivor" cycling jersey in my last cancer ride, because I don't feel any glory about my role in the whole thing. I had DCIS, and didn't have to go through nearly as much pain and anguish as a Stage II, III, or IV victim. Yes, I had cancerous cells. Do I feel gratified to be in the cancer patient "category" of life? NO. I just want to be cancer free and worry free, like I used to be. I am me, not something that the Susan G. Komen foundation has created. Just me, wounded and grateful for life.

 As for your family, you don't need any negative energy, so put it behind you. Consider yourself LUCKY to have gotten the hyperplasia out, before it had a chance to mutate into cancer. Yes, hyperplasia is a pre-cancerous change to a cell, not guaranteed to turn into cancer.  But you were cautious and probably made the right move, considering your family history of cancer.

Don't buy into the hype of being a "Survivor". Save your energy for the big fight in life, and just enjoy every moment on this earth, because we are losing women each and every day to diseases such as cancer.

I have a feeling that everyone here is a survivor in one form of another even if they never get breast cancer themselves.  There is seriously not one person here, no matter what their connection to this hideous disease and even the thankfully not personally connected who has not been incredibly helpful -- to me at least -- with every issue and question I have had over these past four weeks and some have been just nightmarish for me.  That is what a survivor is to me at least: as much as someone who survives an illness, someone who conquers fear.  I hope oneday to be that kind of fear conquerer!!

 PS After my June Medical journey: mammo, sono, MRI, two biopsies, annual visits to every single doctor last night was la piece de resistance: I walked into the side of a table barefoot and broke my toe in two places.  Well, they say it comes in threes: two b9 biopsies and one toe in three pieces.  OW

I am so sorry to read this but I totally understand.  There are several "previvor" groups out there and TOBY is leader on one of them...Last year was the first Congress recognized "Previvor Day"!!  I was in that category, and the first MRI showed cancer so I knew what I would do but still shocking!  It was soooo small.  There are studies in a Social Work school at a University studying these dynamics.  It can be isolating.  My friend had chemo and is considered a "cancer" patient, and I had surgery and did not have chemo and I am a "surgical" patient....who the f--- cares?  I take support where and when I get it.  Shouldn't we be celebrating life instead?  Congrat's on your dx!  You have really taken the "Bull by the Horns" and caught this beast EARLY!  Good for you!

One other thing...:you are a survivor from the time you hear cancer?" Those of us who carry the "cancer gene" hear it evan before!  That is why i did not even get tested until my childbearing years were over   My journey but yours may be different

Here is a link for ya  http://previvorsandsurvivors.com/page/2/

MRDRN wrote:

One other thing...:you are a survivor from the time you hear cancer?" Those of us who carry the "cancer gene" hear it evan before!  That is why i did not even get tested until my childbearing years were over   My journey but yours may be different

I'm not sure if this was in response to what I wrote, but my oncologist was the one who stated this- not I.  FYI- I am also BRCA1 positive. 

Molly

AJ251, God, if my story, or anyone else's, could prevent other women ( and men) from enduring this nightmare, that is a GOOD thing. Your story is a success story because you took precautions and they WORKED. You are still "entitled" to support and be part of this stupid breast cancer "cause."



Maybe, a family discussion is in order. If they still have issues, just go on and live your life. Pay it forward, somehow. Maybe, you can help someone else. All the best.

Just wondering how you're doing, my ordeal was in 2009 thru 2010.  Just had Tumor marker labs today.  so far so good     BEST WISHES

AJ251 - I feel kind of like you.  I was diagnoised with atypical lobular hyperplasia and decided to have masectomies so that hopefully I won't get a cancer diagnosis.  I am soooo thankful that it was caught before it turned into something else!!!  But I kind of do feel left out - because not really a survivor, but did have major surgery, worry......  So previvors we are - there aren't too many of us -especially that are BRCA negative -  but the number is growing.  I personally think all the walks should have a special shirt for us that says "previvors", or not I don't really care   I think we made a hard choice - choosing drastic surgery when others probably wouldn't have done so.  Good luck to you - keep us posted.

Hugs, Valerie

Technology keeps advancing and more is available now than when some of your older relatives were diagnosed.  It will continue to advance. I LOOK FORWARD to the day when they can prevent bc altogether or cure it by smelling a lovely perfume or something like that. (I can dream, right?)

But when that happens, I will be THRILLED that others will avoid having to go through the intense treatment that I had to. Begrudging you is a very strange response coming from those who are supposed to love & want the best for you. I don't get it at all.

My father in law had a heart bypass back when they were very new. He lived 3 awful months and then died.  Nowadays, they have it down to a science and people go through them much more easily. His timing was just bad. I don't begrudge those who are having bypasses now and living a full healthy life afterwards.

PLUS bmx is nothing to sneeze at.

Please don't worry about the labels or the bizarre reax from your family. Just go forward, live every day to the fullest in honor of those who have gone before you. That is what I try to do.

In support and SISTERHOOD - 

Amy

Hi.  It isn't clear to me if your family is acting in a hostile mannner to you or if it's a matter of interpretation.  This is a stressful time for all of you.  It seems that most families have issues where they differ in opinion and if the issue is volatile or personal enough sometimes misunderstandings occur.

In a family where several people have experienced similar illnesses it could be easy for personal boundaries to get blurred.  Maybe people forget that "the walk" is a highly personal one and that what applies for one person may not apply for another.  Maybe in their desperation to help you they are being intrusive and offensive to you?  I can't see from here.

At any rate I hope in time that your family is able to adjust to your decisions for how you view yourself and your walk to wellness.  And let's hope also that hurt feelings and misunderstandings don't get in the way of being able to see the ways you each can support each other.  That's my wish for you and them.

Perhaps that's your first decision to make - exactly where you do stand.  I'm aware of the need to redefine myself in light of my experiences of the last year and I can see that it isn't an easy or necessarily rapid process.

The word survivor isn't quite right for me.  I have two other potentially terminal illnesses and have worked through the healing process with them both.  I don't think of myself as surviving anything.  As amandabu said, we are all survivors of the perils of being alive in one way or another.  And if not yet, certainly we will all face a crisis of existence at some point in our lives.

So survivor seems a bit dramatic for my taste.  If it works for others I have no argument with that.  Whatever works. 

When I was in treatment I called myself a cancer patient.  Now that I am hopefully in the healing phase I just consider myself to be a person living with cancer.  Living being the operative word. 

Whether I chose to share that with another person is highly situational and definitely my business.  But I really don't care to ever define myself by my illness.  There could come a day when my illness looms so large in my life that that decision will change but it isn't here at present.

I think you've hit upon an issue that seems primary for each of us.  And each of us gets to figure it out for ourselves (with a little help from our friends.)

Good wishes sent your way.

Wow.  I think your family's hostility is their misplaced grief over losing family members.  It's so sad that they don't realize that they could have easily lost you if you had not been proactive with your monitoring and then BMX.  

 As for you not having the right to wear the hat, you can't tell someone that they didn't "suffer enough".  That's just plain cruelty - this isn't a contest on who suffered the most, it's about offering support and love to others that have to deal with cancer and that certainly includes you.  

All I can say is that you need to focus your attention on those around you that support you.  So keep coming back here for support.  I love this site, so many women/men, all with different stories, all with different attitudes and approaches to handling cancer.  Don't let yourself get isolated at a time when you need support. 

OMG I will add my voice to the many here: you are a survivor!  Your family is just being horrible.  You lost your breasts for goodness sake.  You are lucky you caught it early ... before it became something even worse.  I can't even imagine why anyone in your family would treat you badly over this.  Sending you hugs and commiseration. 

First of all, I say this with the utmost respect for what you have been through, but here's what I think as a lover of words:

If you survived cancer, you are a cancer survivor.

If you have not had cancer, you aren't a cancer survivor.

The word "survive" in this context means to live through cancer, and you didn't.  You did preventative treatment to prevent cancer, and that is a very brave thing to do.  You deserve a lot of respect for having the courage to do what you did - many women would not have.

I'm terribly sorry about your treatment and I know mastectomies are no fun, and I know the fear of getting cancer is no fun. 

The truth is, you don't walk in my shoes.  Fear and imagination and the potential for cancer is not the same as living it.  I may never see my son graduate from high school, I may never see my first grandchild, I may not live to see my son's wedding.  I am writing the story of my life for my young son, so he will get to know me.

I don't even call myself a survivor because I'm going to die of cancer, I call myself a cancer patient.  I've certainly had plenty of treatment - I'm on my 5th type of chemo infusion.

That said, that's just my opinion as a person who loves words and wants to keep the integrity of  a word's meaning. (Any word).

I think your family is awful and they have  no business challenging you on this.  If it makes you feel better to call yourself a survivor, than so what?  It's not something I would ever quibble about and your family is being cruel to take away something that makes you feel better about what you felt you had to do.

I read an artticle about soembody  who was BRCA positive and had an 80% chance of getting cancer - they called themselves a previvor.  Kind of a funny word but the meaning is clear.

Anyway, I'm thinking the issue isn't the word but that your family is not acknowledging the pain and suffering you went througn, and I'm very sorry about that.

AJ I just have to offer my support for you. I am deeply saddened by how you are being treated by your own family. It does not matter whether you had cancer or not, or if it was caught early, or whatever.  You did the right thing and you nipped this *bleep* in the bud. It is still quite devastating and such a hard thing to go through. You need love and support, not judgment.  I'm so sad that your family is not able to offer that.  

I hope you have other family and friends, who are able to give you that right now.