Flat or Foobies for job interviews?

Just a question, firebird -- when you've been out of work for a few years and it was cancer related, what do you say to the interviewer when he or she asks you what you've been doing in that time? To me, that's a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of situation: "I was seriously ill and in treatment for breast cancer" is a legitimate acceptable explanation, but if you don't want to tell them you had the breast cancer (and you're also not a good liar), THEN what do you do?

If you like flat and plan to go to work flat if you get a job -- I would suggest no foobies for the interview. I like Dawn's idea of dressing to minimize The Chest. I also had a BMX with no recon. Love the convenience part of it (I never have to wear a bra ever again, YAY!) but body-image wise, I'm still mixed. Nude/home alone, I'm at the "OK, I can tolerate it, maybe when the incisions finish healing it'll look nice" stage and also up and down "I look so SLEEK! That's sexy!" mixed with acute embarrassment when I'm out and people look at me (I've been stared at in that OMG kind of way) and it REALLY bothers me.

Be yourself and be comfortable. Interviewers often look at confidence, self esteem and ability to adapt. If you don't get a call back then just tell yourself it's their loss and move on.  Have you thought about front office work for a doctor, clinic or hospital?

Good luck

Tracy

Ahhh, Lunakin, the mismatch business. IMO that is TOTALLY different from being no-breasted. I originally got cancer in my right breast and due to a combination of tumor size (12 cm) and metastasis (mediastinal/intermammary nodes, left iliac bone) I was diagnosed at Stage IV in Feb 2009. I didn't have a mastectomy back then because my oncologist at the time said surgery was "not standard of care for Stage IV patients." I did have chemotherapy and hormonal treatments instead, and as time passed with my having various phases of regression, stability, regression, stability and so on (never NED though), my cancerous right breast gradually became mangled, shrunken, misshapen, distorted, and actually looked like it was around a whole cup smaller than my normal left breast. So I went from having a matched set of 34Cs to looking like I had a C on one side and a B on the other. Since I still had the C-sized breast I had to wear a bra when went out (unless it was winter: my winter clothes are so thick my chest was totally buried), so I would put my bra on and stuff a sock in the right cup to even out the mismatch, and eventually sprung $20 or so for light foam pads, which worked better and were easier to use than the Bra Socks. I did it because *I* felt the mismatch was unsightly; how other people might feel about it never even occurred to me on that one.

After I moved last fall (2010), I had an entire change of everything, not just my place of residence, but also a new treatment center which came with new, more "aggressive" doctors. I don't know what my original oncologist would have done when a tumor also developed in my left breast two years down the road from the original, but my new doctors, who would have taken off my right breast originally if they'd originally diagnosed me and were playing a brief "we'll probably take it off but let's wait and see the spring scans" game, said "OK, BMX and rads." I had the BMX May 20th and will start rads in July, but I already know that being NO-breasted has evened me out at least, so I don't have the mismatch problem anymore. I think the mismatch bothered me more than the totally flat chest does, in spite of the fact that I'm still not completely used to it -- my body image is still very up and down. I love the convenience of "no bras ever again" and sometimes I think my body looks terrific (so slender and streamlined), but neither am I past having a significant number of "bad days" when I feel like damaged goods. Even on the "damaged goods" days, though, I still feel better about my body than I did when I was getting dressed to go out, futzing to position a sock or pad in my right bra cup to work around the mismatch. So yeah, THAT sucks, I can definitely relate.

And as self conscious as I sometimes get about my BMX chest, I have yet to feel like I absolutely HAVE TO put on a bra and stuff it with foobs, socks or anything else, but I did feel that way about having to "even out" the mismatch.

Anyway, my recommendation to firebird to go to the interview flat if that's how she likes it in terms of comfort and convenience, and plans to show up for work flat if she gets the job, is as much from the idea of consistency as it is for her personal physical comfort to not wear foobs.  As in, personally, I think I would feel completely foolish (mentally/emotionally) if I wore foobs to a job interview but then went flat to work after I got the job, OR if I was to go to an interview flat, then I think I'd feel foolish to go to work, at that job, wearing foobs. This inconsistency thing was a good deal of what made it impossible for me to decide for myself whether I wanted recon or not -- I had to have the cancer/my doctors make the final decision, which was absolutely no immediate (which is what I would have wanted if I were to have had recon), and also probably no delayed either ("MAYBE in a year or two, but I doubt it..." is how my onc put it). And now that I've been out and about flat already -- can't totally sequester myself in the house forever LOL -- I feel foolish when I consider the idea of wearing breast forms or having delayed recon (even if I was willing to go under the knife for cosmetic-only procedures, which I'm not).

I interviewed a lady one time and she was wearing a wig.  I did not know it was a wig as it looked really natural.  Once I hired her she never wore the wig and did not fix her hair.  She was never put together at work like she was for the job interview.  So from a interviewer point of view I would rather have seen her like she was going to come to work.  So if you don't like wearing the foobs don't wear them, be you at the interview not someone else.

I have hired a number of people in my line of work and I can honestly say I would not give it a second thought about breast size.   I am sure I have hired both the well endowed and the flat chested.  I am much more concerned with if they can do the job.   Go to the interview comfortable and give them your best.  I love your answer for the gap in employment....totally the truth.......

Best of luck to you 

Hi Firebird.....

Putting on my hiring manager hat, the two things I look for are do you have what it takes to do the job and fit with my team.  So yes, a current skill set is important, and by this I mean Office 2007 for anything administrative.

I don't care about bra size (although I do care about overall appearance, as once had a Broom Hilda on my hands).  So professional is what I would expect.

You need to focus on what you have that makes you the person they would want for the job.  So what do you have that is relevant experience, and what skills do you have?

I would handle the gap as a "family issue".  Good counsel.  I would expect this could happen in someone obviously 50+.  Then work ethic, coded as "dependability".

I would counsel you to get someone you know with an honest eye to look at your interview outfit, not for boobs, but whether appropriate for the slot you are considering.

In looking at your post, I am wondering if you can do temp work?  They are more forgiving, and this can lead to something better.

Remember that in the end, it's all about what you bring to the table, and whether you can contribute to their organization.  That's what you need to focus on.  Good luck. - Claire

Great topic!!! I am known for saying "I'm not gonig to wear fake breats just to make YOU feel better!"

I am 2 1/2 years out dead flat and have had NO wardrobe issues for my very professional job in front of the public. I have gone out in a tank top and do forget that I'm flat. The "deer in the headlights" look I've had projected to me maybe 2-3 times is when a woman realizes what she's looking at (breast cancer!).

I do feel sleeker and strangely sexier! I was 38D at 13 years old when everyone else was flat. I'm now 53 and feel different again. I had a reduction to 42D years before breast cancer, but prefer the smooth look I have now. I never wear a bra and will never have to again!!! 28 years of bra wearing was enough!!

Now when I see a large breasted woman, the first thought in my head is "mooooooo...."

Well I gotta say it Barbe, but this has to be the first time I ever heard a once busty woman actually singing the praises of a totally boobless chest -- I'm more accustomed to smaller women wishing they were bigger. LOL!

Anyway, according to what I've read alot about: what men find attractive about women with big breasts is biologically hardwired in; an association of big breasted women with higher fertility and better ability to feed offspring. Even if a man as an individual has decided he doesn't want to have children -- either ever or just not at the time of his life he's in -- the busty ladies will usually at least catch his eye and/or turn his head, even if the woman he actually ends up falling love with (or is already in a great relationship with or happily married to and wouldn't consider cheating on) is sylph-like or androgynous-looking or anything else not traditionally feminine in appearance and he loves her for such things as her intelligence, kindness, values and interests she shares with him, her sense of humor, and so on, which have zero to do with what she looks like.

That said  -- well, maybe if I would have had very large breasts myself, I might feel differently. NONE of the things I consider positive about my nonreconstructed BMX chest are actually appearance related -- they're convenience and avoidance related. I have to WORK ON LEARNING to actually like my new appearance. Sylph-like, streamlined, and sleek IS nice in its way and genuinely I like it SOMETIMES), but only sometimes. Maybe I'll come to like it more/get used to it over time and even feel it's "me" someday, but I'm not 100% of the way there yet. Honestly I prefer the "slender but with a couple of curves" look from the feminine-aesthetic point of view, and I was also very okay with the breasts I had. So I love it that I never have to wear a bra (or get mammos) ever again. Also, I think I'm probably lucky to have avoided an extended painful recovery with more disability downtime and risks of complications by just having a plain and simple BMX.  No muss, no fuss. That's DEFINITELY my style. I won't be reopening old wounds (pun intended) later on with delayed recon.

I've heard plenty of times (even before I got breast cancer, joined here and got immersed in all the ta-ta talk!) that women with very large breasts (D and larger) frequently have issues with bra straps painfully cutting into their shoulders, have a hard time even finding bras which fit properly, give them enough support and don't hurt, or don't hurt as much, having shoulder and/or back pain, find it difficult to exercise and so on. If all that is true, OMG!  I can totally understand why huge-breasted women like that would welcome reductions and even think of a no-recon BMX as relief, but, that was never MY experience of having breasts.

Mine were only medium sized (34C) and the worst pain in the butt they ever were to my everyday business was having to wear a bra if I went out, unless it was winter and my body was buried in layers of thermals and/or sweatshirts or big heavy sweaters. Actually, for me dressing in all those layers for winter was a worse pain in the butt than wearing a bra the rest of the year! So, even though I may like a couple things about The Chest, even quite a lot, I also feel like I lost a good deal more than I gained. IMO mine looked terrific both naked -- they were perfectly symmetrical before cancer, and they were also, according to my Pack Rat, "perky," even though I was in my 40s -- and in clothes. I VERY SERIOUSLY considered immediate pedicle TRAM recon even though I'm a sissy about pain and am already disabled and was scared shitless of more disability and more pain; it took two doctors telling me what a very bad idea it would be medically for me in order to be fully dissuaded. Also they were also a major source of sexual pleasure -- gone forever, recon or not, I realize, but I was thinking I might as well at least LOOK nice, if I could only have been rebuilt while already on the table for the medically required BMX. Oh, and if I could've been rebuilt I'd have asked them to make me a new pair of Cs; just replace what I lost, not go bigger. So for me, my breasts were worth the price of having to wear a bra for 75% of the year.

Firebird, I thought "old lady butt" was wrinkly ("cellulite") and/or saggy, not nonexistent. That's what I would think if someone told me I had it, and yes it would bother me. Truthfully, anything and all evidence that I look "older" or just plain old "old' bothers me. a LOT -- I admit I'm probably waay oversensitive about it, but I really feel that way. I don't like this getting old stuff AT ALL.  Being reminded of it puts a crimp in enjoying what's left of the rest of my life.   ::::sigh::::

P.S. When I'm out, I get way more envious when I see women with long hair, not nice breasts. As much as I liked my breasts, I liked my long hair MORE. :::::sigh:::::

Firebird,  That's a great response (and it is absolutely true) to the question about the gap in your resume. 

Wishing everything goes well for you, foobless or flat. 

Oh wait -- Firebird, when is this interview? If you already had it by the time you get back here, let us know how it went!

Lunakin, thank you anyway, but I'm not sure what I would do with a breast ENHANCER -- I don't have any breasts to "enhance."  I don't think I want prostheses anyway -- too much of a pain in the butt with my lack of fine motor coordination; I only have the equivalent of one and a half hands where functionality is concerned, not a fully functional two hands so some things are difficult for me which are easy for others.  But even before that, I never did much futzing around with getting dressed -- I'm the wash and wear and be comfortable type. The only difference between now and "back then" (when I had my long hair and breasts) is that I didn't have to DO ANYTHING (other than shower regularly, wear clean clothes and brush my teeth and hair every day) to be able to like the way I looked. Oh, and your answer to the why you want the position (the one you didn't get) was actually "better" than mine. At least you were interested in the company's PRODUCT. I have both interviewed at and worked for companies whose products I didn't use and didn't WANT to use. I think what the interviewers who ask those sorts of questions want to know if you'll "fit in"  by being able to be able to be full of shit (be "diplomatic") and learn to feel to "rah rah rah hip boom bah" cheering company loyalty so you'll also be willing to take their crap without question. And if you don't do well with those kinds of questions, in most cases they feel you're not up to the task (i.e., the position you're interviewing for).  Never mind the idea of liking the kind of work you do, of being proud of working hard at it, doing it well and an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Nobody wants that anymore.  

Who me, cynical? ;-)

Lena, Oh, I definitely agree with you that breast forms, whether the formal prosthetics or the cheapie breast "enhancers" (why would anyone w/real breasts want them I wonder) worn as foobs all involve fussing around with bras and etc. Which is why personally I keep thinking more and more about prophy mx on the other side.

I feel sorta sorry for the interviewers who have to ask those stupid questions and hear applicants chirrup back all these rehearsed positive responses. Most of us, to be honest, are thinking: "I want this job because I need the money, whaddya expect?" Or, "Because I had BC and I need health insurance" (if the company offers it. Or, "Because I'm not a trust-fund baby, ya idjit."

"Team attitude" in corporatese = "Bunch of intimidated people too overworked to question admin's lack of planning."   IMHO.  So much for my attitude ;-)