Everyone is so happy for me?

The emotions we are going through right now are crazy, aren't they?  I am waiting for my Onco score right now as well.  As much as I want it to be low, I'm also afraid since that the decision is no chemo and then, what if I am wrong?  Anyway, people are just trying to be supportive, but that doesn't mean they are giving us the support we are looking for.  I'm not even sure what type of support I want, they probably will never get it right   Just know that we are here with you, going through exactly the same thing and understand your frustration. 

Vent ahead and then find more about post traumatic stress, You have had all the scary stuff and although you are stood down from the worser aspects of treatment, you still been through a lot and you need longer to process all the fear and the changes in your life. It is scary, life changing stuff, it doesn't go away that quickly. Wishing you a calm space for recovery and new havens of peace.

hi, subak

I understand what you are saying.  I didn't have chemo either, and my score was 18.  I didn't have to have chemo or RT....but then I worry, maybe it will return because I didn't do everything under the sun to kill off every possible cancer cell.  And I  keep reminding people that tell me, "it must be great to have all this behind you"......it's never behind any of us.  There is no cure for breast cancer.

It is never behind us.  People seem to think that since I am done with chemo that it's all "OK" now and I am cured.  No doctor has ever used the word cured with me yet...eventhough I was stage 1.  I have to now learn how to live with this in my head for the rest of my life.  No one "gets it" or even tries.  They act like "it's all over" now.  It really hit me today....had a meltdown.  I have not cried in weeks........my poor hubby called me today to see what I was doing and say hi while he was at work and I started bawling.  I have not acted like this since right before chemo........rough day.

I also had same onco results.  I thought I breezed through radiation, until the last weeks when it hit me.  Worked all the time through treatment, and found I could lay down and sleep almost any where.  I did really well, but developed an infection and ended up in hospital with fluid on the affected breast after the second surgery.  I'm a year and half out of treatment, still tired.  Was placed on Femara, body could not tolerate.  Couldn't even walk or stand joint pain.  Now Tamoxifin, and my liver numbers are so high I have to have an ultrasound.  I know people mean well when they say how lucky we are with no chemo, and I realize we are very lucky, but these meds are destroying my quality of life.  I wish you well in your treatment, and we are all standing behind you wishing you grace and strength.

I have a slightly different perspective on this--most of the time. I was diagnosed in April, and had a lumpectomy and sentinel node which revealed 2/2 positive nodes. That threw me for a loop for a bit. (Starting chemo the first week of July and radiation after that's over with.)

I've heard some of the same comments described here. One of the people saying them has a family history of breast cancer, though, so I tend to listen to her more than the others. The ones that really annoy me are those who start telling me about some relative dealing with an illness that isn't even remotely related to cancer! I try to remember that some of this misguided sharing comes from just not knowing what to say, but wanting to express their support. 

This isn't my first experience with cancer. My husband had terminal colon cancer 16 years ago. It should have been easy to treat, but he was so young that no one was looking for it and he was diagnosed too late.

So, I tend to look at my current situation with gratitude that if I have to go through this, at least I'm getting a better chance at survival than he did. Believe me, it took a while to get to this point--I spent many a night lamenting the unfairness of it all.Therein lies the problem... life isn't fair. Who is to say I won't be killed in a car wreck tomorrow? 

Yes, I'm bothered by the fact that I will have to live with this for the rest of my life. But the alternative is not living at all. So, I will fight, and I will treasure every moment in the meantime.

That being said, I do feel like dealing with this is very similar to grieving, in that the only way to deal with it is to roll with your emotions and realize that you have every right to feel whatever you feel. There is no wrong way to handle this diagnosis. 

Cathy

The ladies here understand how you are feeling. I do not have the same diagnosis as you but feel it when you say the physical limitations are very hard. Please know that my prayers are with you and my hope is it will start to get better soon!

Paula

Cathy: Please know that it will get better. You're in a really hard time right now. Your last surgery was just a few weeks ago, at that time we're still physically in a bad place. You will regain the normal use of your upper body and arms. It's a slow process, but it will happen, just try to hang in there. It sounds like you've had a rough year in every way and I'm so sorry. I too had a hysterectomy around the same age as you and two c sections, bounced back quickly from each of those, but not from this. I completely understand always being strong in the past, but weak after the bmx and reconstruction. It really knocks the wind out of you...for a while. I know the funk you're in right now feels like forever, but please take comfort in the knowledge it will get better.  Hugs, Susie 

@lindaku-I am in the same place as you right now...WAITING for my Onco score (3 weeks!!!!) but will finally find out on Friday.  I feel like life is on hold until I get that number and it is decided if chemo or not.  I too am worried about the wrong decision when it comes to chemo, the testing is so new and is it really proven???  I am 38 yrs old, no family history but I found a lump in January and was diagnosed within a week of going to my gyn, had a lumpectomy and lymph node surgery on the 1st of this month. My diagnosis is on my signature....I am still trying to figure out what half of the things mean and take it all in!! 

 I know what you mean about people being "happy" for you that it is not worse and yes it is good that it is not worse because there are women that do have it "worse" but we all are still going thru something that is major not just physically but emotionally and if they have not gone thru it they just can't understand.

 Thank you everyone for your posts....it truly has helped me knowing that I am not alone in all this.

B/C treatment has it's emotional ups and downs.  That's normal.

Radiation sounds horrible.  It is, but unless you are among the minority who has severe skin reaction or lung scarring, then I would say it is mostly a boring 7 weeks.  I looked at it like a job.  Get there, do the job, have a few laughs with the "co-workers," leave.  Mine was all during the Fall, and I never missed one of my son's soccer games.  Yes, I had to nap, but I did not want rads to take away what I enjoy and what I normally would be doing.  Hope your rads fly by quickly.  Good Luck!

Selena, I completely understand your post about mourning, not being a civilian...I tried explaining this to my husband a couple of days ago...I told him that I feel "set apart" from the women in my life (all of whom have been very supportive, no complaint there). I feel like I've experienced something that will never let me think the same way about anything, and they just have no way of knowing how I feel. Not that I want them to know how this feels. The best way I can describe it is when I had my first baby and none of my friends had kids yet...it was hard to communicate with them because I didn't look at things the same way....