2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

You know, I am looking forward to being off chemo but kinda scared too. Anybody else kinda scared to go off treatment??

Laura, so far so good after my last chemo but I am thinking the bone pain will set in tomorrow because I am starting to feel a little stiff in the knees. I had my neulasta shot today which doesn't help. Unfortunately now I have other things to worry about which have taken my mind off of myself. My sister is in the hospital and she may only have a couple of days to live. We all knew this day would come since she is an alcoholic and she just wouldn't stop drinking. She destroyed her liver and all her organs are shutting down. It is really sad that we are all fighting for our life and she just threw her's away. I just pray she doesn't suffer too much...It is so sad to see her like that.
Laura, I hope you get your port out when you want. I wanted my port out too but they told me I have to keep it for a little bit longer. I hope that doesn't mean they think the cancer isn't gone or it will come back. I have to go for a bone scan and CT scan in a few weeks, maybe they are waiting until they get the results.
Maryanne, I am sorry to hear about your infection. That had to be scary. I cut my finger and I am worried about infection....I am glad to hear you are better now...Graycie

Had my bone scan today. Wish I knew what a 'normal' bone scan looked like and an 'abnormal' one. I saw mine and I'd like to see one on the web if anyone has any ideas about where to look.

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I am to pick a 7 to 10 day vacation anywhere in the world I want to go . . . Where would each of you go?????

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Happy Birthday (a little late), Sherry!

I don't know if you've had enough suggestions yet, but I would vote for Hawaii. The weather is always beautiful there year-round, and there's lots to do-- beaches, short or long hikes, sea turtles, dolphins, whale watching, snorkeling the beautiful coral reefs, watching native dancers, etc. Everyone is laid back, so you can relax if you would rather do that. I highly recommend it.
Jane

Dear Graycie,
I'm so sorry about your sister. I had a friend/former co-worker who died at age 40 because of alcohol addiction--she left a 4 year old and a 2 year old! It was hard for me to understand how she could do it to herself. But, it is an illness, really, just like other illnesses. I guess it seems like the person has control over it--but I think in these severe cases, the person is out of control/can't control it.

Take care, Jane

Serendipity,

She was 40?? Her kids were that little? Oh my, I wonder if they suffer at all from fetal alcohol syndrome?

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Maryanne,

How are you doing now? I didn't have continue to have a problem with fever like you, thank God. Hope you are doing much better and will be able to stay on treatment.

maryannech,
maybe i'm scheduled for more rads because I had a lumpectomy. I think I'll ask about that. Just thought about that. I think you may be right about going for the works...that is in my mind and I am a total believer in fighting to the max as I've been trying to do from the very start. Thanks for giving me this tip and something I can ask my resident onc, who I actually like better than the head of the dept, though she is very nice, too.
As for my hospital stay... they admitted me and then sent me home on a "vacation" as opposed to a "release". I had to keep my hospital bracelet on and return for blood tests and report fevers etc... A fever of 38 was a need to return to the hospital at the beginning for a blood test. About 10 days later, they called me and told me to get in there right away. But, no...wait...I went in for a few days during that time for antibiotics but then they stopped them and sent me on this vacation. But it was 10 days after my initial admittance that they found the infection and wanted me in stat to start the proper round of antibiotics. All in all I was there for 3 weeks. I had fever all the time. I wonder why you still have that 38. My doctors said it was because something was wrong...just that the cultures take a while before something shows up. I saw a bacteriologist while I was in the hospital as well. She was their consultant and then came to give me check ups a couple of times and asked to see me after I was released.

graycie...I'm so sad about your sister. That is such a horrendous disease I am feeling for you and sorry you need to be going through such a difficult period on top of what you already need to deal with. I am thinking about you and wish you and your family well.

ternysmom... bone scans are a problem because just about everything shows up on them. Many times you have to have another test to clear up what they saw on the bone scan. I had to have x-rays and then an MRI and it was nothing but 2 oncologists insisted. So, try to relax about it and DO NOT look at them because they are hard to decipher and just will panic you over nothing!!!!!

ravdeb

Well, i had my LAST CHEMO YESTERDAY!!!
I fely tired straight away which was unusual and really washed out. Father in law has taken kids to school this morning, hubby has lefy my lunch in the fridge with my tablets set out in order and instructions to lock the door and go to bed!!
Dont feel as high as i expected, onc was very encouraging saying i had dealt with it with an excellent attitude etc, then launched into telling me that i was to take tamoxifen whilst on rads, my tumour was being tested for herceptin suitability - you are lucky to get that here, and he was arranging for me to see another specialists to either have injections every month to stop my ovaries producing hormones or to have key hole surgery to remove them all together. Think it was informatiom overload!!!!!

Laura - my aunt in america sent me some of the hats from TLC as a gift when i was diagnosed - i wear some but most of the time wear bandanas. I got whistled by a group of bikers the other day - before it would have wound me up but then it did my confidence a power of good!!
I also got a lot of hats from Monsoon/Accessorize - dont know if you have those stores. I have got quite a lot of new ones over ebay at a fraction of the price too. I keep finding labels that my daughter has attatched to the ones that she wants when i have finished!!
Better do as i a m told and go to bed
Take care
Debbie

I can't beliece it, while taking kids to school car conked out 100m from driveway. Only had my PJ's on so had to walk back past any watching neighbors... I think it is my battery so off to Walmart in borrowed car to get cables(mine are at cottage).Then hopefully off in boosted car to get new battery.

This was enough to put me over the edge this AM. I had a good cry.

Glad you are finished chemo Debbie, hope you feel relief from fatigue soon.

Ravdeb am feeling a little better today, temp went to normal last evening. Still good this AM....fingers crossed. I will go back for more cultures if 38.5.

If I could go anywhere in the world....I think it would be hiking in Tibet-think I'll have to lose this fatigue and get back in shape first though. Maybe a safari in Africa would be better speed. With my luck this year I would be abducted and tortured by rebels. So, safe trip. I loved Paris so would prob go back there. It is very romantic, the museums are wonderful and there are soooo many good places to eat.

Have a good day guys and Fists up!

for those of you who have finished chemo, i'm wondering if anyone is feeling like i do...i start rads on feb 6th. i'm not really worried about that.

now that chemo is over, i feel like i'm in limbo or something. i don't have hair, i'm still in treatment, but not in your face cancer treatment like chemo, but i still feel safe because i have rads, tamoxifen, etc.

when people start talking about the summer, i get really anxious because rads will be over and even though i have tamoxifen, i feel like that time and on will be scary because i'll be unprotected in a way. i want to get back to normalcy so bad, but in a way, that is scary too because then i'm not being checked all the time and what if it comes back? on one hand, i'm ready to be done and being done with treatment means moving on, but then moving on means worrying about recurrence. i'm just feeling weird with chemo being done with. now that treatment is slowing down, i'm trying to figure out how to put all this in my life and be okay.

Amy -
I totally understand about chemo being over and waiting to start rads. I finished chemo last week and have been worrying all week about whether or not it did it's job and whether this is all going to come back. I think we are probably going through a normal phase of this whole thing, but that doesn't make it any easier on us.

I find that I get anxiety attacks, especially in the early mornings where I worry about anything I can think about that needs worrying. I really hate that feeling and I am hoping that as I am done with chemo and the steroids that it will go away...

It is such a limbo to be in.... Hang in there, you are not alone!

I wanted to tell everyone that I found another thread on these discusion boards called "Any questions that I can help answer?" It was started by a woman who has been a radiation therapist (she gives the treatment that the doctor prescribes and sets up) for like 25 years (I think that's what she said) AND now she is a breast cancer patient herself. Anyway, she invites anyone on radiation to ask her questions about it. Right now she is on vacation and some questions are piling up, but the beginning of the thread has information that is useful and when she gets back, she probably get caught up. Check it out.

hmmmmmmmmm.... maybe I'm having sleepless nights because of worry? I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to sleep through the night. I was fine until my second Taxol treatment. Haven't been able to sleep through the night since.

marymelodi, thanks for the tip on the thread. I hope to get into that. May be able to answer my quesions.

maryannecb... hope that fever stays away and all is well!!! I'm hoping for ya!

Sorry about everybody's car troubles. YUCK! Hate car problems. Wish there was a better solution to cars!!!

Debbie...CONGRATS ON THAT LAST CHEMO!!!! Hope you feel good as the days go by. Be patient! sounds like you have a great supportive husband!!!!!

Amy... that transition between treatments and then the finishing of them seems to be the norm. I keep reading about that. I guess we need to put our trust in our doctors and our follow ups and so on. I even asked my onc yesterday if I was getting the right dose. I was thinking that it was too low because my WBC and hemoglobin is going up and I thought it should be going down. She said that's good. It has no connection to the dose. And yet when it was going down so low during AC they told me that means it's working! So, how do I know if this is working or not? After my first Taxol treatment my hair started falling out again and now it's growing and stuck in there real good. So, when I mentioned to my resident onc about the hair falling out after the first treatment, she said it means the chemo is working. So, yea...I wonder about it all. Maybe the fatigue is what can convince me. Or is that just from worry??? So, Amy, I guess it is the norm to worry and yet, that doesn't really help, does it??? What do we do with all of that worry????

I continue to think into the future and what kinds of things I plan to do with my life once this is all over. I'm 51 years old and I don't want to wait 10 more years as was our original plan to make changes. I am thinking today, that maybe I won't have 10 years...maybe I'll have lots more years, but one never knows. I gotta LIVE now and my goal is to do just that. Gotta stop all this worrying!!!
Feel good everybody.
I love you all.
ravdeb

Thankyou everyone for your concern regarding my sister. She is still holding her own.
Terynsmom, glad to hear the preliminary tests on the bone scan came out good. About the pain between the breast hopefully that is nothing. I get that sometimes and I was told it was probably my acid reflux. I also have a hiatal hernia. Fuzzies on my head, yes, I have them. I asked my husband if he thinks my hair is growing and he said "NO", how rude, haaaa...I think he is right because I have no hair anywhere else on my body.
Laura, Have fun on your vacation. I plan on going somewhere too after I am all done with all my treatments.
Amy and Tracy, I know what you mean about the feeling of being in limbo after chemo is done. It's a scary feeling. I hope everyone's scans come out good so we can all have some peace of mind. Right now my bones hurt. I am not sure if it is from Taxol or the neulasta shot. Anyone else get the pain after the nuelasta shot? I am starting to think it is not from the taxol. Graycie

tracy,

i did the cat scan for rads...it took about 5 minutes. it's not like the mri machine. i was put in to right under my breasts, but it was a much bigger opening than the mri machine. i was in the machine for no more than 5 minutes...they just have to take a couple of pictures of your breast, upper body, etc. it's not like a tube at all...don't worry

have you done your simulation part? that was a pain in the ass...mainly just having to lay there still for 60 minutes while they mapped my body. it's so hard not to move when someone tells you that you absolutely cannot move!

i have black stubble on my head...it's not really growing, but it's still there. my family and my husband and my 3 best friends and their husbands are all at my parents' house in virginia beach celebrating chemo being over. it actually has hit me that chemo is over. i'm terrified when i let my mind wander and think "what if it didn't work" but i'm trying not to go there. i definitely feel like a rock star to have gotten through it we're all rock stars!!!