April 2011 chemo

I say we kill her now LOL just kidding , so glad you did not but man oh man I did!

artiecat --- the fires are way north of me...not very well contained yet!

Claratin and tylenol seems to work a little, just takes the edge off. It is not as bad as yesterday!

Gosh, last time I used Claritin and Percocet and it still did not give me full relief.  Took the edge off, yes.  But there were still days I could barely walk.  #4 and final AC tomorrow...WOOT.  This time, instead of neulasta, we're going to try three shots of neupogen on Friday, Monday, and Tuesday to see if that helps relieve the bone pain agony. Fingers crossed. 

I do have cough and slight stuffy nose and I'm hoping my WBC from Friday is good enough for the infusion tomorrow to move forward.  I'm so scared of delays.  I need this done and behind me...we all do.  Then I can start Taxol.  September 22 can't come fast enough!

Have a good week everyone!

KG, yes, I'll be doing weekly taxol for 12 weeks.  Supposed to start up on July 7th.

Bone pain is much better today although here I am at work and I rather be home in bed! I still feel like an old lady and I'm sure I look like one when I am walking around!

Paw print girl, you are almost there! Good luck today!

Sarah246 --

I have had issues with my port the past two times I had my infusion. My port has rotated or turned somehow. I have to lay down in order for them to access mine. Sometimes the nurse can get it moved back to a place where it can be accessed. My type of port is a Power Port. It has three little knobs on the top and they aim for the middle of those little knobs. When mine is out of place they can only feel one knob. I haven't been told I have to have surgery...I have three more treatments left so I am hoping it will behave for the last three! Good luck!

Sarah, I loathe my port is an understatement.  I had AC #4 today and it took 5 sticks to get in.  Le sigh.  Have they done an X-Ray to check that they port is not flipped?  That would be step number one in my opinion...least invasive and you can get a visual on the orientation. If it is facing front as it should be, then what they did next for me was a dye study to make sure that there were no blockages (which needed access and a number of sticks to get there).  After that, back to the surgeon so he could access it and "show the nurses how to".  I can't remember the name of the clot buster they used.  Even when they accessed a few days before AC#2, they got no blood return and I needed this clot buster pushed two times at 30 minute intervals before the blood return came.  

Note for today's final AC#4 (WOOT!) it took 5 times to successfully access it.

Good luck and I hope they figure it out for you soon.

Articat, here is a kart-wheel for you!

CarlaB- I thought that was you squealing your tires on the way  out of the treatment center today!

AWESOME ladies!

Hi All,

Would love some advice on this.

I am undergoing chemo 3 FEC &3TAX, I have had two FEC chemos and my veins are very, very sore (have phlebitis) I'm currently having treatment in the UK and can not get a port here. I have one more FEC on Wednesday and Chemo Nurse wants to do it in the arm I had a SNB and lumpectomy then move back to the other arm for TAX in three weeks when hopefully my good arm is better. What is the risk of getting lymphoedema in my bad arm if I have one round of chemo in it, I know I still have to have rads on that arm which will also increase my risk of lymphoedema. The chemo nurse also said the TAX is much easier on the veins then FEC and I should not have a problem...not sure I believe her.

I could postpone my treatment a few weeks until the arm is better, but I was hoping to get my chemo over ASAP so I can get back home to the US, and have my radiation there.

Has anyone had chemo in their bad arm? and did you have any problems?

Thanks

I've been blogging intermittently on a private website.  And after the talk of the AMAZING milatary moms and family memembers here, I was compelled to write about it a little.  I hope you don't mind me sharing here. - written Sunday night before my 4th AC.

We Were Soldiers

I never thought of myself as a complainer. But it seems like that's all I do lately. When somebody asks me how I'm doing, I answer with, "I'm tired". But I'm going to be tired until chemo is done, so I need to come up with a different answer. I complain about my port, I complain about my hips, I complain about my back and the bone pain and I really need to stop complaining. I need to find another way to express how I feel. Because saying I'm okay does not cut it, because I'm not okay. I don't feel okay. I want to be okay, but right now I don't feel okay. So how do I strike the balance between being honest about how I feel and not being a complainer? There are so many people who have harder struggles than I do, than I'm going through, and they are doing it and I just need to do this. I keep telling myself that I can do anything for a finite amount of time and this is just till the end of the September. My last big one is going to be done tomorrow (fingers crossed that blood count numbers don't drive a delay since I have a bit of a cough and sore throat). Then we step down and maybe I'll be a little closer to okay and maybe I'll have a little less to complain about. But I don't like complaining and I feel like I complain a lot. My head hurts, my mouth has that metallic tastes, nothing tastes good, getting around is not as easy as it used to be, I feel like a 150 years old, it is a litany. I have a litany of complaints, when really I just want to be okay.

I never realized, or had a tangible understanding of, the toll that this experience takes on the people around someone trying to survive this disease. I watch Todd and he is strong and stoic and takes everything in stride. But I'm seeing him crack, and I'm seeing him struggle to deal with this, and I'm seeing him wear the exhaustion, and he's taxed. I did not appreciate it before, even though I gave it lip service of this not just being something that happens to me but it happens to US. I don't think I really understood how hard it would be on him. On him watching me in pain and not being able to do anything to help. Or better stated being able to do anything to alleviate that pain, he does a lot to help, but he can't make the pain, physical or emotional, less. And I bet there has to be a sense of helplessness that he feels because he wants to protect me, and keep me safe and to make sure that I'm happy and I'm well. That's the agreement, the vow, the promise to me and to my parents that he takes seriously. And it has to be really hard for him, because he can't bear this weight for me and he can't make it all go away. That has to be difficult. I don't think I realized how challenging it would be for him.

Over Memorial Day weekend, after my last treatment, I started watching war movies. Anybody who knows me knows I don't really watch war movies. They're too violent, there's too much blood and gore, and they are just not my speed. But I started watching them and got through the re-mastered version of Apocalypse Now, A Bridge Too Far, and one other whose name escapes me now (I think it was We Were Soldiers). But it really showed me what being "in the trenches" means. What leaning over someone to take a bullet means, and what not leaving a man down means. And Todd is in the trenches with me. He's fully invested and in the trenches protecting me, fighting for me, but it means that he's tired too and we're only almost halfway there. He's feeling this onslaught as much as I am, even though it's not happening to his body, it's happening to his heart.

I never really understood the mindset of knowingly picking up arms and running into a battle that will surely, or most likely, end with you being killed. And I want to be clear that chemo is nothing like real war with bullets, grenades, and death. But I do see the parallel of going into something that you know will be an onslaught to fight for some greater good in which you believe. I think the courage has to come from the same place in your soul. That is the courage I need to muster up so I can walk into the oncologist office tomorrow. I found a lot of courage watching those films over Memorial Day weekend. Courage I have bottled up and have been saving to tap into tomorrow morning. I'm so close to being half way done that I can taste it, even if it is a little metallic.

I'll send a note out tomorrow and hopefully it will be short and sweet (knocks on wood).

I have had 6 infusions of CMF and 3 out of 4 TC without a port.

Pawprintgirl: I'd rather get "I'm so sorry" than the blank stare I get any day.

I'm on the 5 year plan too, but I'm trying not to think about it yet. One thing at a time please! 

I'm in the chair with TCH #4. My port behaved as it should today thank goodness, I didn't want to deal with that mess again.

It's cool and rainy again here, so I asked for one of the rooms on the back side for my infusion, one with no windows. I'm going to relax and take a mental trip to the Bahama's in a bit, see if I can feel the warm sand between my toes!

Sue 

"the harder they hit us, the louder we become....like the skin on the drum" ~Michael Franti

sudz i love the toes in the sand for #4!! thankgoodness your port behaved. i wish we could get cool and rainy here..it is hot 100 and dry we need rain!! 

sarsh 246 keep us posted on the port what they want to do...suckes but it will be ok it has too!!

we got this!!