November 2009-Starting Chemo

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  • Cafelovr
    Cafelovr Member Posts: 1,534
    edited June 2011

    Hi Everyone!

    (((Alicia))) My heart breaks to hear you so sad. You need to enjoy life. I want to say so much to you, but don't know how. You are healthy, beautiful, and so full of life. You have a very beautiful family. Don't let stupid friggin cancer take that away from you. You will have your ups and downs, but try to stay more up! Don't worry about the future. You cannot control it! Don't worry if the what ifs and the whens. Enjoy the here and now. Celexa is awesome! I wish so much happiness for you!

    Brenda, I grew up in Kissimmee. My sister lives in Melbourne. I lived there for 15 yrs before I moved up here to NC. As soon as onc releases me from naked Herp, I am out of here. I want to be closer to my family, and be in the greatest place on earth...Central Florida!! Actually, I will be in FL July 1.

    I love you all, my sisters!

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  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited June 2011

    Thanks Linda for the kind words.  I am on Effexor not Celexa they decided Celexa interferred with the tamoxifen ~ Trying to get out of this depression it isn't easy.  Still have no appetite ever, so I see a gastrointestional dr tomorrow to check my stomach out I guess.  Now I am off to the therapist. 

    Hugs girls !

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited June 2011

    Alicia, you know a little therapy never hurt any one.  I think we all should have see a therapist after all the shit we have been through.  Where I am there are no close survivor groups.  This site is my therapy/survivor group.  Would be nice to all get together for  a good old gabfest.

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  • doronet
    doronet Member Posts: 342
    edited June 2011

    Yep, we're still all here, if not obviously here in the conversation, we're together in spirit. I guess I never loooked for a support  group since I had you, guys. I doubt any of us will ever forget the sisterhood we, all, felt from this thread.  I know I tell everyone I know that is going through the ordeal about this site and how it got me through the days before, the months during, and the year after.  So much encouragement, information, grounding ("No, I'm not going crazy"), and prayers.

    Keep us posted, Alicia, as to how you're doing.

    I have to schedule a mammo for this month and will follow that up with a visit to the onc. for a 6 month check.  Will need to run some things by her, like, can I have become hypo-thyroid from the anything related to the cancer?  I have also developed a cough that might be from a cold/laryngitis from the beginning of May or from the Femara (the aromotase-inhib.) I take:  A cough is one the side effects.  Go figure.  The fun just goes on and on and on and on.... :P

    Happy Wednesday, everyone!  Nette 

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  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited June 2011

    HI girls thanks for the support it means so much to me.  I went to see an gastro specialist today because of the no appetite, weight loss and nauseous.  He feels it is all depression related.  He said I am in an anorexic state (I had anorexia as a teenager)  I have to get myself out of it.  He said yes there could be something wrong but feels it was all brought on from the stress of my testing.  I was fine before that.  He said 2 weeks on an antidepressant is not enough time, and gave me the number for a new psychatrist. Gastro will see me in 6 weeks and  if still feeling bad he will run tests.  He was so nice.   I was in tears crying............  I feel a bit better ~ So I am going to try to force 3 small meals down a day.  I have been living on a piece of toast and a glass of milk all day.  I hate feeling so out of control.  I have to get back to that happy place and live in the moment....not the what if's.

    HUGS ! Hope everyone is doing well.

    Alicia

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  • doronet
    doronet Member Posts: 342
    edited June 2011

    Alicia:  have you tried to drink the Ensure drinks?  They got me through the no-appetite phase during chemo.  And I still drink them when I sub because I don't like to fill up on food for lunch when I work and the Ensure's have lots of protein.  There are several types to choose from, but all of them come in choco., strawberry, and vanilla.  

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited June 2011

    Alicia, I am sending you big hugs.   Nette's right, ensure is a great idea.  Don't forget the power of icecream..

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited June 2011

    (((((((((((Alicia))))))))))))

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  • BrendaSharon
    BrendaSharon Member Posts: 506
    edited June 2011

    This is just breaking my heart! All this is just too sad. Bad enough we all had to go thru the cancer experience but then the after effect of have hit all of us so different. I never expected you Alicia to be the one to get depressed, because like Linda said you are beautiful...what a wonderful family you have.  Ryan your (*STAR*) you appeared to be enjoying so much. You just looked as if you had the perfect life to me. BUT, Depression is a strange bird so to say. I've been on antidepressants for quite some time (before cancer) and most likely always will be. As everyone said though keep or (TRY) to keep your mind on the positive things, how well you actually are, how beautiful you are, what an awesome hubby and kids you have. Don't dwell on sad things or the what ifs. Sorry I hadn't wrote sooner but I just didn't know what to say, then when I do write,  I go crazy...on and on...I'm not as good as Sue, she can say so much with so few words. I love you beautiful girly!!!

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((ALICIA)))))))))))))))))))))) 

    Love to all you girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    P.S. I hope I didn't upset anyone the other day with my "The way things used to be" if so, I'm sorry..I actually was a little down myself and I so want us all to be up and thinking positively. It's really strange for me..because I survived all I went through with -C- I am less depressed than I was before -C-..I guess I realize just what I STILL DO HAVE, my family, my bestesssss DH. I now enjoy every second of the Simple Pleasures Life & God have given to me...

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited June 2011

    Hey girls - I'm a grandmother!!! A Boy - 8lb 7oz - Alexander William James. I really am surprised I'm actually quite excited. I could hear him making noises in the background when Mark called us.

    Sue

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  • doronet
    doronet Member Posts: 342
    edited June 2011

    CONGRATS, SUE!!!!  Can you, guys, Skype?  I swear it is the absolute best techie invention ever!!!  The best thing next to being there!  Enjoy those grandson sounds!  Nette  :)

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited June 2011

    Thanks Nette - I got him to send a photo - he's quite cute. I really didn't want to be a granny but now it's happened, it's not so bad after all.

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited June 2011

    SUE, Wow that is so exciting.  I hope you are able to post a photo for usto see.

    Alicia, how are you doing?

    Good morning to everyone.  I am a little sad today.  My DH is touring Venice today with a friend, and I am going to work...blaaaa not fair.  I told him that he better not have some romantic gondola ride with his friend.  Why can't I win the lotto..

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  • Cafelovr
    Cafelovr Member Posts: 1,534
    edited June 2011

    Congrats Sue! Post a pic if you can!

    (((Alicia))) Thinking of you!

    Michele, I can't imagine how you feel. I'm reading your post and I'M jealous :) No gondola rides for him, my friend.

    Nette, I am the most backwards person when it comes to technology! I'm lucky I can do this...LOL

    Brenda, How's the chickadees???

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  • BrendaSharon
    BrendaSharon Member Posts: 506
    edited June 2011

    Congrats on the Grand baby Sue. I found when I had my first grandson 16 years ago it was the greatest joy ever. I just thought parenting was a good thing. DO ENJOY!!!

    Nette, Sure wish I had Skye or new how to do it. My sister in in-law who just moved back to our area knows. I may have to get her to show me how to set it up. Heck I can't even seem to get a picture up on here of late.

    My chickadees are doing good, BUT.....like Michelle my hubby has been away..therefore soooooooomuch work for me!!!!! It's a little overwhelming having all the chores associated with the chicks and the gardening. thank the Lord he gets to start heading back tomorrow!!!!

    Hope your doing OK ALICIA!!!

    To all a great weekend!!!!

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  • doronet
    doronet Member Posts: 342
    edited June 2011

     All need to Skype is a webcam (a computer camera that sits on top of the monitor), which you can purchase at Target for $50 or less. (Almost all laptops and netbooks now come with a webcam already installed.)  Install the webcam on your computer and then google "Skype."  That program is easy to install on your computer.  Then you come up with a screen name that you register with and exchange that with whoever else you know on Skype. Then, when you are on-line and the other person is on-line, you'll get a notification. (You can also see their name on the Skype screen that they are on Skype.  The screen will tell you what you need to do...ie you "call" the other person, they "accept" the call, and you are seeing and talking to each other!!!  I don't know what I'd do without it when my DD is at school.  And I can't wait to Skype with my niece and stay in touch with my 7 mo. old great-nephew.

    So, welcome to the 21st century, you guys!!!  :) 

    Have a super weekend!!!  Nette  :) 

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited June 2011

    Here he is. I did send Mark a webcam, but he never set it up, so we can't Skype.

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited June 2011

    Sue, He is a cutie pie for sure...But then again arn't all babies..once again congrats.

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited June 2011

    Thanks Girls!!!

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  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited June 2011

    HI Girls !!!

    Thank you everyone for your kind words !!!  (BRENDA) HUGS !!!

    I am feeling quite a bit better ~ I have been forcing myself out for a bit each day.  I have a convertible VW beetle that is the cutest thing ever and makes me smile so I go to Starbucks and get a smoothie each am, then sit on my porch and read.  It is helping calm me the reading.  I have read like 3 books in less than 2 weeks.  My meds have been adjusted a bit so I am not so tired.  I start with a new therapist on Tuesday ~ and will just take things one day at a time.  I have had a sore tail bone for over a month.  I think I have to have a bone scan just to be safe.  I feel down the stairs on my butt in February it hurt for a few days, then I sat on metal bleachers at my son's lacrosse game for almost 2 hours got up and could barely walk.  Now whenever I sit on a hard surface it hurts.  So I guess it should be investigated. 

    SUE ~ your grandbaby is precious!!!  Congrats.

    Michele ~ grrrr on the hubby in VENICE the nerve !  Have some ice cream and watch a good movie. 

    Nettie ~ I think I have skype, I'm sure that will come in handy when my daughter goes to college thankfully not till next year ! 

    The good side of my depression is I have gone from a size 10 to a size 6.  I hope to keep it off.  I went and bought 3 pairs of new shorts today as mine were falling down buttoned. 

    Hugs girls.  I love you all and am thankful to have you all here for me !  This darn C sure does suck but we are survivors!

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited June 2011

    (((((((((((((((((((((MORE HUGS FOR ALICIA)))))))))))))))))

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  • doronet
    doronet Member Posts: 342
    edited June 2011

    Alicia:  Sooooooo glad you're feeling better!!  You really should get your "back" checked, though I wouldn't think they'd order a bone scan as much as an x-ray of some type to rule out a fracture of some kind.  And if so, I don't think there's much they can do about it except to tell you to take it easy until it heals. (That will be $90 for the diagnosis.  I accept credit cards.)

     Sue:  ummm hmmm. He's adorable!!  God knows what he's doing when he makes all babies irresistible!  

    Hollas out to the rest of the Ladies:  have a great weekend!  Nette

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  • BrendaSharon
    BrendaSharon Member Posts: 506
    edited June 2011

    OK...So I lied. I'm not as tough as I thought I was, Because, I'm in tears and scared to death. I must try not to get anxious and just wait to hear what my Onc. says. I'm working on an appt. now, but I feel the anxiety setting in big time.

    For the last week have had a dull pain in my left arm. Mostly while I'm resting though. Very strange. Not a horrid pain, just an annoying feeling within and sensitive to the touch. I've noticed I seem to have a small lump there also that isn't on my other arm.  This is the arm and side I had my breast cancer on and all the nodes removed from.

    I said to my hubby this morning I would just stay calm, but all of a sudden after I called and tried to get an appt. I got shaky and now I'm in tears. I really don't want to go thru this crap again. I was just beginning to think I was a normal un-C- person again.

    Sue.....your grand-baby is just beautiful...Sooooo adorable, great pic!!!!!

    Alicia (((((((HUGS))))))) Hope your doing alright....

    Nette...Thanks for the advice on Skype and knowing that the camcorder is only $50. or so makes it sound quite appealing. I love the idea of Skyping.

    Love to all you girls, Brenda

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited June 2011

    Brenda - You have to get it checked out. It might be something to do with all the nodes being removed. I've been worried about my right arm because of the pain when I move it a certain way. I did go to the GP about it and he thinks it's rotator cuff or something. DH went into a freak out over it but finally calmed down. I know exactly how you feel as I'm still worried even though the gp thinks it's fine. We're going have to face this shit all the time. I'm sure I'll never be able to move on and stop worrying about every liitle thing. I still have a quiet cry every now and then.

    ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

    Sue

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  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited June 2011

    Brenda ~ I hope you have gotten an appointment and calmed down a bit.  The old saying, try not to worry till you have something to worry about.  Thinking of you and sending you hugs !!!

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited June 2011

    Brenda, take it one day at time...call your doc, and see what he says.  Most likely it is nothing.  deep breath in.......deep breath out.....deep breath in......deep breath out...now repeat that several hundred times.  We are here for you.  I feel the same anxiety as all you, it can be so exhausting being so scared.  I only want to be around for my kids to have kids of their own.

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  • BrendaSharon
    BrendaSharon Member Posts: 506
    edited June 2011

    OK, taken the deep breaths..

    I'm waiting on the Dr's nurse to return call. Yesterday my Onc's nurse called me and is going to call my (Breast Surgeon) she will set an appointment up for me and is supposed to call me back again today as soon as she knows when. Gosh they are all so sweet.  My Onc's nurse was concerned and said I should have called sooner, but I said if I called for every twinge of pain or abnormality I might as well just stay at the hospital, cuz there is always something going on and I just am trying to sustain a normal as possible life. Trying to stay calm until I really know what's up, but as you all know it is (easy to say) BUT,,,hard to do sometimes o_0 , so confused

    Let y'all know what's up as soon as I know what's up

    Love to all (((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

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  • Cafelovr
    Cafelovr Member Posts: 1,534
    edited June 2011

    Hopefully you can get in today or tomorrow. I'm thinking about you!! (((HUGS)))

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  • Mouse6694
    Mouse6694 Member Posts: 88
    edited June 2011

    Hello Girls

    Brenda try not to worry too much as I was having what sounds like the same as you. Come to find out I have mild lymphedema in my arm. And the lump could just be hardened lymph fluid because they said it can do that. Will keep positive thoughts out there for ya.

    Alicia hang in there girl this too shall pass.

    Think of all you girls often and wish you all well.

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited June 2011

    Brain MRI all done!! It only cost me $7.90!!!

    Brenda - Mouse could be right - don't worry too much.

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