How Do I Deal..

You know, for me it comes and goes. I think I am getting better at living with it all. I still seem to be constantly monitoring myself if I get a pain, but I am getting much better at not freaking out, of giving myself a couple of days to see what happens.

But yes, sometimes the thought of what could happen to me and my family nearly knocks me off my feet. This is especially true when I hear of someone getting a reocurrence, so for you to find out that your friend is facing this must be really hard. But remember, everyone is different, you did everything you could possibly do to prevent a reocurrence, you are still doing everything you can, and you cannot do more than that. I do try to live "in the moment" as much as I can, to not think too far ahead, and to find joy in today. None of us know what tomorrow will bring.

If you really feel you are struggling more than normally (and if you last comment is at all true), have you seen a therapist? (I saw one that specialised in cancer patients, she really helped me) Or maybe an antidepressant might just help.  You don't need to be feeling so badly.

life is a constant struggle - moreso for us who are living under this shadow.  All we can really do is take it one day at a time and try to squeeze every last morsel of life out of every day. 

Not to say I don't get freaked out by every pain - i do too and then I let it go.  Sometimes I am better at it than others.

The only think I can say with certainty is that IF it comes back I want to have no regrets about wasting my time. 

As far as dealing with friends who are not doing well - I run 3 survivor exercise groups and have several friends (and one family member) who are currently not doing great.  I support them and treat them as I would want to be treated and sometimes it is very hard but I feel like it is my path in life to help others so I cant just do it when they are doing well!  The good news is I know many many more survivors who are doing well than those who are arent. 

Remember Shirley.

I agree - maybe seeing someone wouldnt be a bad idea.

Ohhhhhhh , I do so understand how you feel. With my 2 lil ones, it's hard!

You know I have a strong faith in the Lord too,  However I do believe his plans are not always ours.

I am trying to completely surrender to this. I think it would be alot easier if we did not have to freak over ever ache and pain!!!  I am seeing a GI on monday for my stomach, its been bothering me, acid reflex ect..... I swear I would not go but bc is insisting. Pure, non of us know why this happen to us, I wish we did, and new our purpose in it all. Mabey someday we will understand, for now take deep breaths, you are alive, and we have today!  thats all anyone really has, I know that is overused, but it is true. I will pray for your friend, and I will pray for peace, lots of calming peace for all of us!!  Hang in there sweeti, go do something for yourself, anything that makes you feel good!!

Lots of hugsssssssssss

Steph

When I really start feeling sorry for myself I think of my good friend. She was healthy, active,  a mom, wife, and daughter, just a really nice person. One day she went grocery shopping and and a stroke/seizure, she was only in her early 40's.  She went into a coma and soon died. They found she had some rare brain disorder with twisted veins in her brain and that is what caused her death. She had no time to say her goodbyes, but also, she did not suffer, so I do not which is worse. I am sure she left everything on a positive note, because that is just who whe was. This cancer stuff sucks, but we do really need to take advantage of each day we have, especially the days we feel ok. I am the worse at worrying about things, and I need to learn, take each day as it comes, if something bad comes up, deal with it then, to stop worrying before anything happens. Why is it so easy to say that but not to actually do that?!

I agree that maybe you should talk to someone.  Someone who specializes in cancer survivors sounds like just the ticket.  I might look one of those up myself someday.  A friend of mine, a lady I met when we were both pregnant with our only children 7 years ago was recently diagnosed at stage IV.  It sent me into a bit of tailspin, too, and is still breaking my heart.  She's 2 years younger than me, only 38.  I hate this disease.  I hate what it's done to my family, my body, her, her family, you and all of my friends here, and all of my friends who've lost their mothers to it.  I think my crazy, hectic life saves me most of the time.  I just don't have much time to focus on it.  Plus I'm usually pretty good at shoving it back into a dark little corner of my mind and diving back into the semi-controlled chaos that is this life I love.  It sounds like you're having trouble doing that.  I hope you find someone or some way to get some control over the fear.  I, too, am so sorry about your friend.  ((HUGS))

Jen, one of the things my therapist talked through with me was the impact me dying would have on my kids. It is my biggest concern as well.

She did so much to put my mind at ease about that issue, really, and I do believe that they would go on and live great lives even if I wasn't here. (and of course the thought of that now has bought me to tears...) Although it scares me, I know they would be fine.

That is why I think maybe a few sessions with a cancer psyciatrist may help sort some things out for you, and hopefully bring you a bit of peace.

This all sucks, for all of us.

I see people responding both ways: fully expecting the bc to come back and also expecting never to see it again. I suspect most of us in fact think one way or the other, depending on the moment.

BC affects everyone, and there is no pattern! That is what is so frustrating. Some women are DCIS and then are stage IV a few years later. Others are stage III and many years NED. Even with the cancer predictors, there is so much randomness. So, how are we supposed to get comfortable?

Like some of the other post-ers have said, my faith has helped me enormously by taking control out of my hands. Death doesn't scare me, leaving my kids behind scares me. In fact, I can't even think about that without sobbing.

Try to take one day at a time. Always.  It may come back, it may not. But if it does, you don't want to look back on the intervening years as a period of only worry.  I remind myself now that I am on borrowed time, so I had better use it thougtfully.

Thinking of you and hoping you can find some peace. Perhaps a counselor would help deal with some of these fears.  We have to go through so much. It is okay to lean on someone else.  Lots of hugs.

Remember, you also threw everything at your cancer!! You did all you could..and while pregnant too! Some women might not have had the guts to do what you did. Give yourself credit for that one, too.

There ARE drugs being invented. Can you imagine how the HER2+ women felt when Herceptin came out?? But how hopeless they must have felt before it....

I know what you mean about being sad for them, not you. I even taped one of those Hallmark books for both of my married kids before they were even pregnant! I didn't know if they would ever hear 'NaNa's' voice otherwise. We can eat our guts out thinking of things like that.....

I hate that I have physical restrictions as well as cancer behind me, as I don't want my grands to remember NaNa as being 'ill'. I want them to remember the kooky lady who lets them do things their mothers don't!

You also have to deal with post-tramautic-stress-disorder. I explained to another 'survivor' as I waited for my bone scan today. "You were sent to the front line of the war you didn't ask to be in", I saw her husband watching me and nodding, "bullets were fired at you! They were so close to you that you heard them pass, maybe they even nicked you. But you didn't die! You are okay! It's hard to wrap your head around how close you were to your own death, no one wants to see that."

We have the technology to help these kinds of feelings and you have the right to feel safe. Please ask for help. You did when you posted this thread, but we can't hold your hand as you go through this...just virtually. Hugs!

I'm so sorry about your friend, Pure. I always hated using the phrase "it sucks", but boy, nothing else quite cuts it, does it?

I have done the whole roller coaster countless times - sad to mad to despair to hope. I feel sometimes as if I'm stuck in some Stephen King novella - Cancerland! the amusement park no one wants to visit.

Anyway, at this point, I am so determined to keep cancer from taking another thing --ie, my hope and zest-- that I "power past" the fears of recurrence. They exist, and I have moments when I picture my funeral or  the things I would do if it happens, but for the most part, I try to focus on the fact that worry doesn't prevent it, and I want to live life to the fullest BECAUSE of that. Not easy, and I"m not sermonizing or trying to gatekeep anyone else's feelings. Some days are harder than others - just today, I was finishing up yoga class in shivasana (resting pose) and tears were streaming down my cheeks because, well, because.

prayers and (((hugs))) to you. glad we can hash this out all together.

janyce