MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

Hey  Middle pals, I been checking in lots & reading post! Thinking of all of you.{{hugs}}

 Sorry, I havn't posted for a while, I been dealing with lots of test & appts & finally got the news I didn't want to hear. after being 15 months og being Cancer free ( Had Rt Mastectomy Jan 29, 2010) My MRI Show I have cancer to left breast IDC, I having my left mastectomy this Tues May 17th. So Now I guess I am a 2 timer-LOL.

Any of you go thru it for the 2nd time?  Hope you all are doing well! xox Gina

Eli, you said you were reading about the label survivor - I wonder if you read the same blog on this site that I did?  Last weekend I read an entry on the blog section of the site and it really hit home with me. The woman didn't understand how the word survivor even came into being. Do we say that someone who had a heart attack is a survivor? Why is cancer the disease which gets to have that honor? She went onto say that she didn't feel worthy of people saying she was courageous. She went to the treatments that were necessary to save her life, and she was scared all through every one of them. Courage is for firefighters and military, people who really have to muster courage to carry out decisions they've made.  She said she didn't want any label at all - she said My name is Pat and that's the only label I'd like anyone to use. I probably butchered a quote or two but if you tend to feel that way, I highly recommend reading her blog, it was very interesting.

Gina - I am soooo sorry to hear that you are going through this crap again.  This is the worst gift that keeps on giving and there are no refunds.  Hugs to you and please post as often as you can and keep us updated.

Marlegal - I have always had the mind set that when I go visit someone - whether I know them or not - it is the person I want to see - not the other stuff.  I have not had the pleasure of getting together with any of the wonderful ladies on the boards and I would not likely be nervous too but I know that I will come away this a sister/friend for life. 

Gosh Marlegal...I read your post about the blog a few posts higher and I thought you were quoting what I had said a month ago...almost word for word actually...uncanny how different onces of us feel that at different times...I still don't know why I am called a survivor for getting through breast cancer but not the heart attack....interesting indeed....I feel more undone by the heart attack, actually..it has slowed me down more and kicked my butt....only told those who needed to know or those I am close to.... That being said, I am going to 'OUT' myself at the performance this Saturday for both breast cancer and heart attack since they are connected...will feel as exposed as I did bare breasted on the radiation table!....

I wrote a post a while ago about the survivor word......I thought I was a survivor after I completed chemo and radiation for 14 years I considered myself a survivor, but now with the recurrence I am not a survivor, I don't feel like I survived anything, I feel like I am here, waiting to go to the drs. every 3 weeks and get blood work done every other month to see if it has spread, not able to make plans in the future and wondering if I will be here next year to see my kids graduate from high school or Christmas this year or Thanksgiving....if that part is a suvivor then I guess I am surviving cause I am not dead yet, sorry!!! 

Update: Went to see the surgeon for a recheck and Radiology Oncologist.. Surgeon said I'm good to go back to work in another week... then RO says that he is thinking 16 rad treatments and I will be good BUT we are still waiting to see if I need chemo... That appointment is Monday if the oncotype test results are back.. They weren't back when I saw the RO. I will probably start radiation in June.

((((Gina))) sorry you are having to deal with this yet again

Blondie, I can't know how I'd feel with a second diagnosis, but I hope that if I found myself afraid to make plans for the distant future, someone would nudge me and say I should make plans for the immediate future with my children and - God willing - grandchildren. Not too many people know when their last days will be. In a way, having had the scare of cancer touch us intimately gives us more reason to cherish all the todays we are given. One of my favorite quotes, stolen from a chatter on BCO, is:  "Worry doesn't rob tomorrow of its troubles, it robs today of its joys." I have that written down next to my computer desk at home so I see it at least once a day. I know you and I will meet up somehow/someway this summer, either home or at the shore, and we can discuss this more over a cold beverage   Hugs.

Ladies this board moves so quickly my head spins. Thanks so much for entry hellos. I will do my best to acknowledge who said what to my response but it is hard to try to remember everyone hopefully with time it will get easier



Marlegal I do think you have a great sense of humor, it is dry and whitty. You make me smile when I read some of responses keep it coming It helps with everyones spirits (especially at 3 in the morning when I cant sleep).



I don't know about survivor label since I am new to this (mbx in march with just dcis) it does not seem to apply however I sometimes read the stage iv threads (for courage when I can't possibly









go to another doc visit) and to me those women are survivors and it has nothing to do with beating breast cancer. As someone said I really don't want to be a label I want to be known as Liz. I want folks to see me (hopefully) as a kind person who has a terrific husband two wonderful sons and two adorable cocker spaniels. This dx is just a wrinkle in my life I really don't want to be defined by it



Meece I couldn't agree more there are many people that know about what has gone on with me for the past several months (and to be quite honest) I have gotten a lot of support from family friends and aquaintenances but as soon as I see some of these folks face to face for the first time their eyes go right for my chest. I kind of find some humor in this but I think it is just second nature and I really don't think folks mean much harm. I was joking with my husband the other night in my
younger days my chest got a lot of attention from those of the opposite sex and I use to say "hey up here look me in the eye don't stare at the cleavage". Now for oh so different reasons folks eyes wander right to the boobs (or lack there of) again. We had a good chuckle over it.



Gina so sorry to hear of the dx. You have all of our support I will keep you in my prayers





Barbe. When someone calls and says they are in the area and dropping by it is a mad rush to
clean and straighten. Hosekeeping is not my strong suit and to be quite honest after this dx I really don't care much i have always rather spent the time with my children going to their sports games or just hanging with them. When my surgery was scheduled my sister in law (god love her) who we tease about being a little obsessive compulsive about cleaning offered to come and clean for me. I thought to myself If she sees my bathroom I may send her into cardiac arrest I declined her kind offer and asked her to take my 11 yo son out somewhere fun instead so he was not home worrying about me. I have always tried to teach my kids people first then things it has worked so far for me and I don't intend to stop now to clean something that is only gping to get dirty again.







Jean and Paula congrats another chapter closed for you. Praying that it stays that way

Welcome newbies

Jean and Paula doing the HAPPY DANCE for you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regina and Blondie-so sorry you having to go through this yet again.  No one deserve that.

mjbmiller-love your new avatar and your new hair.  Looks good.  Hope you PS can come around and see your side of your reconstruction issues.  It is not about him but you.

Suzette have fun on the cruise

Sure I have missed someone so Hope you are all having a wonderful Friday

I had my lumpectomy on May 8 '09.  The Relay for Life event locally was the 1st weekend in June.  A friend of mine drug me there, told me to do the survivor walk--I didn't feel like I'd survived anything since I didn't even know what my treatment was going to be (docs all said rads & AI until onco score was so high-then chemo got tossed in!)

Last year, I went with my DD & voluntarily did the walk-felt like I'd accomplished something then.  I'm walking June 4, '11 in honor of Lisa. 

Suz and Mum, have a blast on the cruise! Everyone have agreat weekend.

Suz and Mum wish I was going on a cruise too enjoy yourselfs.

Congrats to those who are finished with treatments.  Welcome those who are new to the board.

Regina/Blonie sorry that you have to go through this all again, praying for you.

Talked to the PS office and Kelly the office manger apologized for not calling me back but she just did not have any news yet.  It seems that the hospital is the ones dragging their feet as they do not want to commit to a time prior to a week before surgery.  But the PS will be at the hospital on the 26th and they may have an opening that day otherwise still looking at the 31st with no time set.  Just need to be patient.  Kelly was very understanding of my frustration and told me if I had questions never to hesitate to call.

Mjbmiller so sorry that you did not get a definite date the waiting is the worse part. Cyber hugs

Faulk, where in Broomall?  I am in Collingdale - another survivor (ha) lives in Broomall and we're due for a get-together, would love to have you join us if you like.