Stupid Boyfriend

Anna, I was just looking at active topics and noticed your post.  Dump that guy immediately.  In no way to you need a person who is clearly thinking only of himself and not what you may be going through in having to deal with all this. Give him his "permission slip" to go out and enjoy the strip joints and tell him while he is there to see if maybe he might find one of those women on stage or sliding down the pole or whatever who looks like she might be able to fulfill his requirements in a woman(since obviously he is just looking for a pair of boobs)  and hook up with her, because you are going to be moving on to a better relationship yourself once you get the healing behind you.  Your parents are correct, all the others who have posted are correct, you are too good for this guy.  Dump him!!  He sounds like a ahole with a capital A.  Even if he had such thoughts, to voice them to you was insensitive and cruel.  You are more than your breasts.  I had a unilateral radical mastectomy and did have reconstruction, but I had it for me, not for any guy, simply because I would have been left so uneven and knew I did not want to be stuffing my bra or  wearing a heavy prosthesis.   That was 21 yrs ago believe me I am not exactly symmetrical today due to the natural breast aging, and I am married now, but I went with quite a few guys after surgery and my altered physical appearance in no way affected my relationships.  It took me longer to adjust to it, that it did others as I was really the only one who felt I was not "normal" Reconstruction or no reconstruction should be your decision and yours alone.  If you do have it done, I would make sure HE never lays eyes on them unless you chose to flash them at him one day and say something like, Thanks for pushing me into this, the man I am with now really is enjoying them.  Good bye to that jerk.  I would not want to stay with a guy like that who is obviously thinking of no one but himself.  I know nothing of your statistics if you are doing treatment or anything else, but he does not sound like someone who would be supportive.  I think you should print a copy of what all of us have said and show it to him.  It's not always easy to break up with someone and I don't know how long you have been with him, but Jeeze, this does not sound like someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with, let alone even one more day.  You haven't posted for awhile....maybe he took it all back and you have forgiven him.....me I would still be seething over it and no amount of saying I am sorry, would allow me to forget it.  Please let us know how you are doing. 

Dump him. He doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve to be treated like that.

You are a strong, powerful, and persevering woman, and he is a jackass (can I write "jackass" on the boards?) Any man who would say something like that to a woman who has undergone all that you have undergone clearly has no appreciation of the strength, grace and courage of the woman he is with, and will never appreciate that she is stronger and braver than he is.

And frankly, regardless of what he or anyone else says, as far as I am concerned he isn't just being "honest" and "sharing his honest opinion" he's being a selfish jerk. It's fine (and honest, if he really feels that way) for a man to confess that he doesn't find his partner as attractive as he used to (because we probably don't think we are as attractive as we were, either, until we get our new, awesome, fabby boobs!!) - as long as he follows that up with "it's not you, it's me", "I will gladly see a therapist to deal with my issues", and "it doesn't change how I feel about you as a person" as well as "I will stick with you no matter what because I love you" and
"I DO still think you are beautiful". Telling your SO you plan to frequent girly bars because she has undergone a horrific medical ordeal and you feel you need to attend to YOUR needs?? That's SO a one-way ticket to "get the hell out and don't let the door hit you, Buddy".

 He is out of his league and you should let him know that, in no uncertain terms, before you kick him to the curb. You are worth so much more than he will ever know. You need to value yourself accordingly, and settle for NOTHING less than that worth. There's a man out there who deserves you - this guy just doesn't. Walk away and don't let him poison your world any more with his shallow, self-absorbed self.

Um.....I would save your new breasts for someone better.  This man will only bring you heartache in the future if  you stay with him.  What if it comes back and then you have to have chemo and go bald and then your arm swells and you get lymphedema? Is this the man you want by your side?  Because, I doubt he will stand by you if you ever end up in this horrible situation.  You will end up alone. It is better to be alone in this case and hope for a new and better love. This man will be of no help to you in the future.  He did you a huge favor by revealing himself early on. Send him a gift of thanks and move on....I BEG YOU!!!!  Are you a Pittsburgher? 

Oh girlfriend...there are men out there that will love you no matter. what. I was 33 years old when I was diagnosed. My husband (fiancee at the time) went through the whole thing with me...chemo, 4 surgeries...and my breasts are still jacked up. I have one tissue expander in and a flat chest on the otherside. Strangely enough he loves to touch both crazy breasts. There are men out there that WILL love you as you are.  Please get rid of that guy... you don't need him. You need to have positive energy around you right now. Stressing out about this guy is going to bring the cancer back. It is not worth it.

I hope you are reading these post even if not responding.

If for some reason you think you want to give him a chance (please done). and you have a couple of male buddies. See if you can trick him to going to all MALE strip joint.

I know that you might have just been venting, and that it might have just been stressing on your mind. But know  that you will need support.

My husband told me when we (he conciters the breast on my body his) were dx that he would rather we not have breast and keep me, he doesnt care if I loose my hair and my breast as long as he can keep me.

This is the type of support you need.  That being said atleast your ex-boyfriend did not as for permission to go XXXX someone else. It sounds like he just wanted to look. But to say that to you was uncaring. Hopefully you either had a long long talk or kicked him to the curb.

As for the reconstructive surgery, ONLY get it if YOU want , not him, not them, not anyone other then you!!!!! 

Take care

Since she has not responded, I am thinking she is sticking with the jerk.  Certainly hope she is doing OK.