Stupid Boyfriend
Or should I have said ex-boyfriend?
My boyfriend wants to end our relationship because he says the sight of my chest sickens him (I had a double mastectomy). He wants "permission" to go to strip clubs until I get reconstruction. I was thinking that maybe I didn't want reconstruction, but now I might have to get it or lose him.My parents say that he is not worth it, but I feel like he is. Who would ever find me attractive again?He makes me feel so bad about myself and I am so sick of it! Have any of you ever lost a boyfriend/husband because they cannot look at you anymore??????
Comments
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annabanana28, honestly if I knew where you were I would kick your boyfriends butt. That is horrible, I have issues with my mastectomy and feel unattractive, but try to keep reminding my self that I am a beautiful strong women. If he is making you feel badly honey, he really isn't worth it. You deserve to be cherished and loved, no matter if you had a second nose growing on your forehead.
He has no right to dictate if you get reconstruction or not, it is YOUR body, and only YOU can decide.
My husband had a stupid moment the other night he told me to get over the fact that I wouldn't take my top off for sex. After posting my issue, and discussing it with him, he was only trying to let me know that he still found me sexy.
Remember you are a beautiful women, and TONS of men will find you more attractive than you ever knew.
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You are defined by what is between your ears and what is in your heart not what is or isn't on your chest. Your boyfriend is an insensitive man that will be sorry he lost someone precious. Please keep your chin up. Look to the future for bigger and better blessings......
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Ditto the preceding posts. He's not worth it, if he can't see you for your inner beauty. It's just tissue, your life is worth more than that. Give him the boot! NJ
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there is another thread about a husband /boyfriend looking.dont remember the name but its kinda new. very interesting.bottom like HE DONT DESERVE YOU.check out what the sistas say.
you deserve the best of the best.nothing less.God bless huggggggggs K...PS the thread is call relationship will not survive.
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I don't have a boyfriend right now and I just had a unilateral mastectomy with TRAM reconstruction. No I don't feel beautiful but I would NEVER trust a man who didn't see the inner beauty of me and love me regardless of my physical attributes. YOU DESERVE BETTER! The last thing you need while dealing with cancer is to worry about whether or not this guy will be around. It may seem REALLY hard right now but he needs to get the boot! Good luck!
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If this cancer journey has taught me anything it's this: life is precious and we all deserve to surround ourselves with loving, supportive people. You WILL DO much better than him!
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annabanana ~ Listen to your parents and the previous posters. They are wise.
Kick your boyfriend to the curb, and don't look back. He does not deserve you. Period, full stop, the end.
*hugs*
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What a f^&*ing d!ck. If he was done with you that's one thing. But to be a total a$$hole....that's another. No one needs a friend like that.
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Will make you a deal. Will gladly jump on his "guy parts" with my Prada stillettos, and then you can tell him they are too revolting for you to look at until he heals.
Which brings me to the right word: heel.
Don't take this nonsense for even one nanosecond. I am so sorry Anna. - Claire -
Issue him his walking papers. He's not worth it, and you deserve better.
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How can he be worth it if he makes you feel so bad about yourself? I think you need to listen to your parents on this one. There are men who will want you for the attractive woman you are. Breasts don't a woman make! I think he's looking for an excuse to hang out at the strip clubs. I say, "throw this one away!" You deserve so much more from a boyfriend than this shallow insensitive slob has to offer you. Wait for someone who is worthy of you.
Kim
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Sweeti,
You poor thing, this is not what you need right now. You need someone who loves you unconditionally. My mom always told me, never date a guy that you would not want to marry!
I know it's a bit old fashion right? Think about it though, if this man were your husband he would be breaking his vows to you! Through sickeness and health, richer or poor ect......................
Would you want to marry this man? God has someone special for you, I don't think this is him.
I know it has to be hard, but you will grow stronger without a guy making you feel bad about yourself all the time! BC may take away alot from us, but it can't take away the choice to be happy , strong, couragous, and much better off without him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugssss
Stephanie
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annabanana28, was just wondering how you are doing. Hope all is well, I have been thinking about your situation, and just wanted to let you know that you are beautiful, and sexy no matter what your boyfriend thinks.
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This is immature and selfish of him - and just plain rude. No one deserves to be with someone that selfish.....really. I know it is easier for us to say that, but being with someone that puts their own needs that much before yours when you need support and love is never going to change. You will only be disappointed, sad and alone with someone like this over and over again. I am in a relationship (married) and was worried how my husband would react to my BLMX and reconstruction with TE's. I had my surgery in January and still have TE. My husband's affection has not waivered. In fact he has been a little obsessed with the new TE's - maybe because they are already bigger than my pre-surgery breasts. I don't know..?? I know it's different than dating and meeting new people and trying to start a relationship because I am married, but the point I am making is that some men will be OK with it if they CARE about YOU! I hope you have the support and strength you need to kick is ASS to the curb and move forward focused on yourself. I also hope in time you can experience the love and affection of a REAL man...someone that has feelings, compassion and is considerate. Good luck....
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"I was thinking that maybe I didn't want reconstruction, but now I might have to get it or lose him."
Don't get reconstruction for anyone but yourself. This guy needs to be kicked to the curb - or better yet, under the bus.
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The first thing I want to recognize is your disappointment in the way he's handling this. Here's someone you care about and he's not rising to your expectations. It's not your fault in any way, but I validate your sadness (rather than anger) about him.
That having been said, both my ex-husband and my boyfriend of eight years are both the kinds of men that feel good and validated when they show love to me . . . the un-perfect me. (The ex-husband has issues that have nothing to do with cancer, and he supports me when he can.) My boyfriend has been trying to get me to ditch the wig for weeks because he finds me attractive without it (ewww, I'm so not ready). Reason for sharing this: there are men out there that can handle cancer girls
Boyfrien might not be a BAD person, but definitely a WEAK person. It's up to you to see if you can get him to see you for what you really are, or decide that he isn't worth the time.
Best of luck and peace to you,
LC
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I know it's hard to break up or have a relationship end when you don't want it too. I just hop that'll matter what you will be able to put your health ( physical and emotional ) first. I think it would be difficult for ne to remain healthy with someone like your (ex?) boyfriend around and it would impact me getting well and feeling stable. I also get that with all of the changes you have made physically that it may be difficult for you to have this rationshop change. I hope thatyou can rely on all of the things around you that are constant (and hopefully loving/supportive) as you heal.
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Oh Anna, please make him an 'ex-boyfriend' before he wastes another minute of your time. He isn't worthy of your time, let alone your love. Focus on your healing for now, it's more important than any man who is damaging your self-esteem. Having cancer and surgeries is hard enough without being insulted by a jerk. As you can see, the sistah's are ready to stomp his little boy parts.....
You are beautiful inside and out. Anyone who tries to tell you different is not someone you need in your life.
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Run, don't walk away, and consider yourself lucky that you saw his true colors before you married the jerk! You deserve much, much better. Who would want you, you ask...... a nice, intelligent, wonderful, and loving person that's who would want you!!!!
Love yourself and others will follow! You take good care.
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I left a very unsupportive husband in October 2010. I moved closer to my office and my friends. I ws diagnosed in January 2011. I didn't find out about my diagnosis until I was 3 days from the divorce being finalized and I STILL wouldn't change a thing, I am better off single with cancer than I was in my marriage. It is more lonely to sleep next to someone who treats you badly than it is to sleep alone.You deserve the best, not second rate.
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Wow, just wow
Does not seem like a true man. When she got diagnosed, my wife told me she did no want to surround herself with negative thoughts or people. Sweetheart you deserve better this guy. Gather around friends and family for support. These boards have also been a great place lean on for support and to learn and discuss things.
Rupe
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Anna - good question for your boyfriend would be "Do you prefer that I have no breasts and am alive, or would you rather me be dead with boobs?" It's a little abrupts, but maybe he's see the point. I agree with other posters - he's a weak psuedo-man, and you need to listen to your parents and your heart on this one.
Nobody (especially someone who's suppose to care about you) should make you feel like less of a person simply because you're doing everything you can to survive. You asked who will ever find you attractive again? The man that God has planned for you. This man won't care that you don't have breasts (or that they're reconstructed) - this man will love you because you make him a better person. And you'll love him for the same reason.
Sometimes, people come into our lives so we know exactly what we don't want. I'd say you have your example of that!!
Stay strong!
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Throw him to the curb. Thank him that he showed what type of person he really is - it makes things easier!!
What a crappy, lousy thing to say.
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I wonder how he would feel without that thingy he has between his legs??????????
bad Karma.Run away from him as fast as you can.you deserve much much better.
i wish you all thhe best.Stay strong.The sistas are all holding your hand.God bless K
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All the ladies above are 100% right. Kick him to the curb. You deserve better and WILL find better. Karma has a lovely way of getting back at people like that!
Hope you are doing well and wish you all the best!!
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Kick his sorry ass to the curb! You will be better without him....promise. "Permission" to go to strip clubs? He sounds like the kind of guy who would go anyway. I had a left mx and te. Just finished chemo and going to have radiation then recon. Quite frankly, I expect my bionic boob to look quite nice and anyone who doesn't like it (I'm single) can take a hike. Several years ago, one of my best friend's friend had a double mx. She was single and in her 30s. She met a guy a few months after she finished chemo and only had te's...no implant or nipples yet. Good looking guy, wealthy (not that that matters), great guy. They fell madly in love and married a year later. He didn't care at all that she had to go through all of the reconstruction. At first, she wore 'sexy lingerie tops' during sex and once she was finished....ta da...topless. She had scars that started to fade....he didn't care at all....he was in love with her. The same will happen to you and me. Don't settle for this guy....he is bad news and is making you feel like you are not complete....you are still you and are sexy. I have often thought...what if I met a guy who had testicular cancer and had no balls.....I wouldn't care at all! If I really liked him it wouldn't make a difference whatsoever. You are a great woman who deserves better and you will meet better. Say goodbye to toxic people! Hugs to you!
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Just duct tape him naked to a chair, set the chair on top of the biggest fireant mound you can and walk away. Don't look back or say a word. You deserve better than that! Sorry, I'm usually not this violent
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Anna,
I have read your postiing a few time and it makes me furious that you have to deal with your boyfriends reaction on top of everything else. When I found out I was going to loose my breast I was really worried if my husband would be attracted to me anymore. He very quickly put my mind at ease and has been a huge support to me. After the shock I realized I shouldn't have expected less. I wouldn't have put up with less. YOU are more then your breasts and you need to have people in your life that love you for you. Don't settle for someone who is so shallow. Honestly If I was you I would tell him that HE is not good enough for YOU..and hopefully with time he will realize he has a lot of growing to do. Its time you love yourself and realize that you deserve better..now is a time that you have to be your own best friend.
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Anna,
I have read your postiing a few time and it makes me furious that you have to deal with your boyfriends reaction on top of everything else. When I found out I was going to loose my breast I was really worried if my husband would be attracted to me anymore. He very quickly put my mind at ease and has been a huge support to me. After the shock I realized I shouldn't have expected less. I wouldn't have put up with less. YOU are more then your breasts and you need to have people in your life that love you for you. Don't settle for someone who is so shallow. Honestly If I was you I would tell him that HE is not good enough for YOU..and hopefully with time he will realize he has a lot of growing to do. Its time you love yourself and realize that you deserve better..now is a time that you have to be your own best friend.
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