3 year drama

Mary, 3 years is a huge milestone.  HUGE!  Don't let your dr's noncomittal response get you down.

Regarding the worry.  Sigh.  I know..and yes, I also have moments of doubt and worry when making long term plans.  I was just filling out all my benefit information and choosing my 401K stuff.  I thought...hmm, wonder if I'll ever see this money.  BUT, you can't let those stray thoughts keep you from making the long term plans.  That's giving up!

Our wonderful Karilynn (not sure if you remember her) who was stage 4 said something that I try to keep in my head at all times.  If you progress to stage 4, are you going to look back and think of all that worry that you did as living your life to the fullest?  

None of us know if we will progress or not.  Try not to let that rule your decision making.

Hugs! 

mary

love...love...your pictures, poem and post.

my onc never reassures me; they don't want to say 'you will be fine" because they don't know for sure.  that is what this is all about; we want definate answers and there just aren't any. youwill get better and better at not worrying about months or years down the road.  it takes practice...i used to be afraid to schedule a vacation until AFTER i had my check up.  now, i just do whatever i feel like doing and figure it will all work out.  the trauma that keeps coming up for each of us is the shock....life changing event when were were diagnosed.  we don't forget that experience and at times we are feeling that and remembering it.  when we were initially diagnosed it totally changed so much we were familier with; our safety, our time...our perception of safety.

keep on...keep moving forward into life; you are awesome and doing great. be in the moment and the moments will turn into months and years. know that whatever comes your way; you will and can handle it.

hugs

Mary, you just went and made me cry.

I love the blog announcement, and aren't you the one (yes, I think so!) who told me to go ahead and make plans, how you can't live in fear. I think it is a great idea, and I think it will be a beautiful (albeit sweaty!) occasion.

As for being three years out, it is an amazing benchmark. My BS (although not my onc!) was quite happy once I made it to 2. But, as Diana says, they don't go around saying "you will be fine" because, well, they really don't know. I think we all wish they would say to us "well if it hasn't come back now it isn't going to", imagine having that weight lifted.

There was a new study published last week on Canadian cancer stats, it was the first study to look at survival stats at each year from Dx. What they found was for most types of cancer (including Breast), every year you you were still alive after Dx, your risk of death lowered. It never goes down to 0, but your odds improve every day.

I would also take encouragement that she said you would be on AI's for 10 years - she expects you to still be around to be taking them!

Mary...just DO IT!

On with our lives!

Mary, you plan thoughs VOW'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  3 years is huge!

 I don't care if had only been 3 months, you love this dear man, soul mate of yours.

No matter what life holds, and only God knows that we keep living one day at a time.

Your Invites are beautiful.  I'm going to renew my vows in oct, it will be 2 years for me, one year shy from you. My feeling is I want to renew my life after 22 years of being married,  because I love him so much, it's as simple as that. My 10 yr old will be my maid of honor and my 6 yr old the best man!  Your livin your life mary, one marrothon at a time! Your Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Bless you on your special day.

stephanie

AWESOME post Mary!  CONGRATS on 20 years.  He's a lucky guy!

Sharon

Hi Mary,

I am feeling just like you, as my 3 year anniversary of diagnosis is June 2nd. I love my onc and keep wanting her to say that I will be just fine but she won't.... In fact I said to her once, "I just don't want it (cancer) to come back"... and she paused for a moment, then said, "nobody wants it to come back." I know what she really wants to say is, 'chances are, you'll be fine' but she can't!

So we need to come to these boards and get reassurance from our other fellow Stage 3ers who are 3, 4, 5, 6 and 10 years out :-) and are so gracious to come back here and reassure us!

 sending you hugs,

Jackie

Wow! Has it been 4 years already!!! Thank you for pointing that out to me! I cannot believe that I did not even stop to calculate how long it has been. I guess that just shows that I am moving on. Yeah! My oncologist did mean 3 years past diagnosis, The truth is that I skipped my previous 6 month check up and so it was the first time he saw me since my 3 year mark. I skipped the appointment because my oncologist does not do any testing at all, none. He only does a breast exam. Last time I was there I asked him why it was necessary for me to come since it costs me $30.00 for him to just do a breast exam, that I can do myself for a lot cheaper. I even confessed to him that sometimes I do them for free He had a good laugh and then encouraged me to keep coming, it was important he said. I did agree that it is important and feel blessed to have access to excellent medical care, but to tell you the truth my appointments seem like such a false sense of security and I always leave feeling a little cheated just because I know that. I do bring up concerns (that I store up for months in my worry wart), but the response is always that until there is a major pain or bump that they will do nothing. So I always left saying to myself, "That is the last time I will bother to go, it is just dredging up old stuff, wasting money I could give to my starving student daughters, and I do not leave feeling any better or any more secure". I also skipped the appointment because although I just barreled through treatment, alone, daughters away at school and did not want them to worry, kept working, and just did not think about it beyond getting through the next day, I did not emotionally deal with anything at all. Almost right after I finished treatment I went back to school full time on top of work so I was still too busy, or honestly...running from it, to deal with it. Then right when I hit the three year mark a young girl my daughters age who is in my core group at the college (everyone in your core becomes your very close family) found out that her Mom's sinus infection was really BC that had already gone into her spine and brain, and I ended up having a really hard time keeping it together when I was in class with her and I started to melt down. I had never told anyone in my program that I had been through BC stuff. As her Mother progressed my ability to keep my emotions in check was getting more and more difficult until one day I just broke down sobbing in front of my professor after class about what this young girl was going through, and how hard it was for me to watch knowing what she is facing (I work in long-term home care). I just kept repeating over and over, "She's my daughters' age, She's is my daughters' age.....and I could barely talk or breathe. Although I still had not disclosed my experience to her or anyone, my professor (who also has a counseling background), immediately said, (After she got me breathing again) "I think that this is really about your fear of your daughters losing you.....?". It was at that point that I realized that although my grief for this young girl was truly genuine, I never took the time to deal with anything of my own really. I then took some time to research and found that it is very common to have a melt down at the 3 year mark too. So the pain I felt for her combined with all my stuffed emotions was just too much and came exploding out. Anyway long story short, that is why I did not go to my three year appointment. I had enough of cancer (Another coremate, my age, was diagnosed at this same time with ovarian cancer, and I watched her go through chemo.) I only ended up going this last time because my oncologists office starter harassing me they called, sent letters, kept calling when I put them off, and told me they would not take no for an answer. I wonder if this is also a typical three year response, not wanting to go to the doctors anymore, or having unmet emotions or expectations when you do go to appointments?  Humm.....