Informing my son's school?

TheDivineMrsM,

My son was a sophomore in high school when I was diagnosed and, yes, I did let the school know.  I wanted to make sure that, if he started having trouble in school that they knew why.  I also know word travels fast in a small town.

This is a copy of the note I sent to his guidance counselor.  She then took care of talking to his teachers.  Turns out her Mom is a 17 year survivor! Hope it helps!

"Ms. XXX,  

 I apologize if you are not the right person to talk to about this, but I was not sure where to start and felt someone at the school should be made aware of our situation.  

 I was diagnosed with breast cancer two weeks ago.  We talked with (my son's name) last week so he is aware of the situation.  He was obviously very upset at first but, seems to be doing much better.  Since he spends a large part of his day at school, it would be helpful to know if he is behaving differently there although I am not really sure how to go about that. 

So far, we have been able to manage the doctor's appointments and testing with very little impact to his schedule.  Although I do not anticipate a problem, there may be times when a conflict with school attendance and work is unavoidable.  We would appreciate your understanding on the rare occasion that this may occur.

The information that we have received so far from the doctors has been very positive and we, as a family, are very hopeful that this will have a good outcome.  That is what we have shared with (my son's name).  I would appreciate, if this information is shared with his teachers,  that it be presented in a positive manner as that is the the approach we are taking.   If you are not the correct person to notify, please let me know who to contact."

TheDivineMrsM,

My daughter was in 10th grade when I was originally diagnosed. She said she didn't want anyone in her school to know, probably didn't want pity. My dh and I felt it was important for them to know so we told the principal and guidance counselor but asked them not to let her know we'd told them. They took care of having teachers know but were discreet. I feel it was the right decision. When I was dx with mets it was just at the beginning of summer vacation so the school wasn't involved but when she went back (12th grade now) she felt able to talk about it so the teachers and administration know the situation. I think her different feelings about having the school know had to do with, first, her increased maturity, and second, she had time to process the new dx emotionally - we told her end of June (after school finished) so she had the summer for emotional adjustment.

Best of luck.

Leah

I would let the guidance counselor or a lead teacher know. I am a teacher myself and really appreciate it when I know of things going on at home that could impact a student. That way, I can be more observant, supportive and understanding (I would never ask them how things were going unless they would bring it up, but if they seem upset, sad or angry...I have a heads up why and can call home or tell the counselor). My son was a junior when I was diagnosed & I did want his teachers to be aware of what was going on. Even though he seemed to handle things well, all his grades were a notch under what they usually were that semester.....and I wanted his teachers to know why that was maybe happening, and a little extra support never hurt anyone in a difficult situation! Best of Luck! Ruth

TheDivineMrsM,

So glad my post helped! 

 I have a daughter in college and a son who is a senior in high school this year!  It's funny, but my son was the one who had the hardest time with my diagnosis!  I do think "our boys", even though they will deny it, have a very stong connection with us moms!  They feel things waaaaay more than they let on!

Wishing the best for you and your family!

Elizabeth, you really should go back in to the school and (in a nice, productive way) talk to that counselor and tell him or her what you have said here. That makes me very sad.