The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

I would just let her know you love her and want to be supportive and maybe ask her what subjects are touchy. Speaking only for myself, I hate being told to "just think positively!", as it seems to imply my negative thinking is what caused my cancer, and also, if it were that easy, why do we need surgery, chemo, etc.?

I will also say that I'm touchier some days than others, and try to rein in my irritation when I know I'm having a bad day. I've had to apologize to others when I've snapped at them for things that are more me having a bad day than them being insensitive. So maybe understand that sometimes it's not what you've said and not take it to heart.

Motherofpatient

For me 2 people can say almost exactly the same thing and I react differently.  If you already have a good relationship with your daughter and what you say really comes from love (which from your post definitely sounds like it fits you) she probablly won't feel hurt by much if anything you say.  The people that tend to bother me the most are the ones who comment in passing or see me maybe 1-4 times/year.  With that said I do feel that I am a bit more sensitive and snippy to loved ones who are close with me as well, but I would never want them to tiptoe around me.

When I was just diagnosed, a male friend of mine said, "Well, you know what this means, don't you? You'll have to start dragon boat racing."

A female friend noticed my weight loss (from the stress of the diagnosis and surgery; I haven't started other treatments yet) and said, "I could use a diet like that."

Someone else, who has a relatively minor health problem that is being investigated, said, "Well, at least you know what you have."

I could go on!! 

One of my greatest fears on diagnosis that I would have to paddle a dragon boat. Thank goodness it's optional.

My mom, "What am I going to do with out you."

My superior, "You're a liar, disgusting, you'l lose your job, wreck your relationship with your kids and you may be headed for a divorce."

Same (male) superior, "I totally, totally understand everything you are going through."

My personal favorite every single time ... "I had a lump once ... but it wasn't cancer like yours."

YEAH!! Hadley!

Fredulator, The problem with all of this(and my original surgeon's arrogance) is that it is generally said without witnesses and so complaining at the source where he could be told to smarten the hell up doesn't happen. I am so sorry you experienced that..as if you did not hav eenough to think about . You may want to toss them into Jo1955's bonfire of rhe goddesses?)

I knew the LE wasn't an issue Julie.  I think you want a tiny person sitting at the front. That I most definitely am not although shouting orders would be fun. The real issue is that I get seasick getting near to the sea. Most people would not get seasick on a dragon boat and I would be the exception.  Also walking is my favourite exercise. I do cheer for the women that do dragon boating!

Of all people, it was my first onc. that shocked the heck out of me....

I found out my onc. had complications with her pregnancy, carrying twins, and then her house caught on fire right before Christmas.  I tried to give her my best wishes along with sincere concern, hoping things would get better for her.  She responded, saying, "Whenever I think things are pretty bad in my life, I tell myself (do you feel it coming, ladies???) 'AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE CANCER." Sheesh!

I thought she'd try to retract that statement after the look on my face, but then she rephrased it 2 more times as she told of her trials getting her house rebuilt, saying something like, "It could be worse--I could have cancer." Truly amazing.

I liked this onc., but I'm SO glad she's on maternity leave and I have a new onc...who is NOT a brick shy in the social skills department.

THe biggest stupid things people have said so far are:

1.  "You are strong and you can get through this fine" - I AM NOT STRONG!  I AM HUMAN and CANCER SUCKS!  I may look composed at this very moment, but I take Xanax and cry alot when you are not around and am scared to death!  STFU!

2.  When I was at the cancer center for my first time and scared my husband and I got on the elevator and a man was in there.  He looked at me and said "are you visiting a patient today?"  There was the longest pause ever and then I said with a scowl on my face "no, I wish!".  Boy that was one looooong elevator ride after that.  Yes, I am younger and yes I don't look sick and yes I have cancer if that's what you really wanted to know.  Please!

3.  A friend complaining about how work was so stressful and how bad the next six months were going to be for her.....long pause and then I said "I will trade places with you".....that was awkward considering I just had a BLM 2 weeks ago and I start chemo next month.  I could not help myself. Stop complaining about stupid stuff when there are much more real things to complain about...gheez! 

I am glad I could vent that somewhere....wheeew!  That felt good!

NM

Did you show him the sheet and ask him WTF?

Both my sister and I are going thru breast cancer.  I was diagnosed last year and now going thru reconstruction after having a BMX.  My sister was diagnosed a few months ago and chose to have a lumpectomy.  She just got her Oncotype score back the other day and her score was 2 points above mine and fortunately she doesn't need chemo.  Also, her tumor was 2mm bigger than mine.  The reason why I mention this is when she told me that she didn't have to chemo, she then said:  "oh, by the way, I had the higher score and the bigger tumor".  I was totally taken back by her comment...like she's competing with me on BC!  I asked her to please never say that again to me.  Like, who the hell cares whose score is higher or tumor is bigger.  Cancer is cancer. 

I have to add my DH to this list.  This morning he called to tell me that a co-worker's wife found a lump last week and she was going to have a mammogram today.  He actually had the nerve to say, "Susan, I hate to think about another man having to go through this with his wife."  WTH?!?!?!  I, trying to remain calm, said, "Are you being serious?  Surely, I did not hear your correctly."  He said, "I know this has been tough for you, but it's been really hard on me too." 

The good news is that the co-worker's wife's mammogram was fine, not that I believe in mammograms.  The bad news is that my DH is a DA.  LOL!!!

Susan

Went to the onc today and instead say the nurse, he ordered all sorts of test over the next couple of weeks and as he was leaving the room he said we'll get you all tuned up and you will be good to go. You won't have to come back like forever.  I just looked at him like are you stupid or what?  My onc has already told me that it is a waiting game to see how long my tumors will continue to stay in remission, but eventually the Femara will quit working and they will come back.  His biggest concern is my liver because when I first saw him he told me I had no liver left, it was all tumor.  Am I supposed to wait until I turn yellow to let them know it's quit working? Hopefully not for a long time but I am being realistic here.  Sorry for rambling.  Darla

So I am at work today and this guy who works in our building starts flipping through the news paper and starts looking in the obits...sees a woman who he knew and says wow she was so young she died of breast cancer.........A$$