The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

NativeMainer

Sandee--all of us go through something like this during our journey.  So much gets taken out of us literally, physically, and emotionally.  We spend time recovering.  We discover that people we think of as friends take from us and never give, and we discover that we cannot give without getting back.  Your massage therapist, while a great massage therapist, is a taker in the friendship department.  Your feelings of not wanting to go to the concert with her are from your subconscious which has already figured out that when you spend time with this person you give, but never get back.  Your subconscious is trying to protect you from being drained at a time when you don't have the extra to give away.  Your fear that she will pry into your bc journey is a sign that part of you knows she won't be helpful, that she will pry not to be helpful, but to somehow build up herself. Don't go.  Just say thanks but I can't make it.  No elaboration needed.  Don't waste your precious time and energy on her. 

Sandeeonherown

Nativemainer....thank you. You are right. I have been trying to have the conversation in my head and have tried to track where it will go and how I will respond when I say no and she says....etc. You are right...no elaboration is needed. Thanks for the support and advice. True enough!

NativeMainer

You can always make an appointment with your self to read a book at the time of the concert, then you can say you have a prior committment.  I've used that one a few times. 

Kymn

Yep I agree this gives me a perfect opportunity to rid myself of toxic people in my life. I just simply say I dont have the energy thanks though eventually they give up because they just need someone to drain from and if your not giving it to them they move on. most dissapointing is the ones you thought would be there for you but what can you do hey just appreciate those that are.

Kymn

PS looking forward to seeing you at the lounge JB I am heading there right now

Sandeeonherown

JBinOK- yep. keeping the ick out is not always possible but it is always preferable for sure....sometimes it is a hard lesson to learn. I am indeed a big girl, just don't  always feel like the patern has changed, you know?...just had a total meltdown wih my ex....mindreading is not my forte and the sadness/fear/feeling of what the hell is the point that has been trickling out all weekend finally erupted....doing my level best not to be offended by "you're a big girl" remark...think the "thanks for the invite but I won't be going" is suffice

annettek

barbe...i am one of those oddballs that never really liked drinking...i am definitely a 1 2 she's out kinda gal...hahahaha....I must admit there have been times since this whole BC crap that I wish I like drinking more so I could get smashed. Instead, I will wait til the mood hits me and have a big mug of some weird beer. I will burp, then I will giggle and promptly fall asleep:)

Sandeeonherown

JBinOK-my fault...read the comment the wrong way...was trying to say that I know I am overly sensitve tonight and not taking things the right way or expressing them the right way...a one hour meltdown on the phone with a girlfriend post 5 minute discussion with my ex has clearly shown me that....felt the meltdown coming all weekend but it surfaced once I got home safe and sound...sorry.

Kymn

I had a good melt down tonight while I was getting DH to messure my head for a beau beau

Sandeeonherown

Eeeeeh.....So sorry Kim....nothing like swollen eyes, a broken heart and fear to make us melt down.....choose ones you like and be gentle with yourself. I know that beating yourself up emotionally is not an effective way to sleep or heal.

kmccraw423

That's why BCO is so precious ... I would have gone crazy without you sisters.  When your world is spinning out of control and everything appears to be upside down, it is so great to have folks you can go to who will validate that you are not the crazy one!

Sandeeonherown

JBinOK- Lovely way to think of it...my morning started with a call from my ex-...think it was meant to be calming but he ended up angry with me...and I wasn't even awake yet! I have decided to start my day fresh with laundry, a long walk and a strong cup of coffe...going to start my day over. Thanks for understanding. Can't even blame this feeling on PMS anymore....ARGH!

Sandeeonherown

oh.....and I called the person with the invie and 'thanked her but said not doing it"....and I felt fine doing so. Could breathe bette...always an indicator. Thanks JB and Nativemainer.

Anonymous

I have learned how to say "no" to people, friends and doctors without feeling guilty about it. Saying "no" is the hardest two letter word to say. I have limits and still tire easily.

Sandeeonherown

yep....I generally say 'no' and then spend ten minutes explaining why not....and often talk myself back into yes because of guilt....NO is going to be my new yes...

Kymn

Lets all practice girls NO NO NO NO NO if it were only that easy hey

Anonymous

                      NO!

Now don't think back and no regrets!

barbe1958

I read in Dear Abby years ago that just saying "no" is totally acceptable and no one has the right to ask you "why not"? It really surprises people...

kmccraw423

Barbe - that's a new avatar for you - you look marvelous!

Now, how do you say no to people who won't take no for an answer?

Marple

It's difficult Kathleen.  But it comes easier with practice.  When you say no, the less you say after that the better.

Hugs.

Smile_On

Happy Double Birthday!

MrsBee

Great picture, Barbe!  You do look great there!

For those who won't take no for an answer, just become a broken record to them.  If all else fails, under the bus they go!

annettek

Happy Birthday Hadley!

Barbe - you are one beautiful ladycakes:)

mbtlcsw01

Barbe, love the avatar.  When my sons were in rehab, I vividly remember things being said in the family group.  This one really stuck with me, "No is a complete sentence."

poodleluvbug

The dumbest thing people have said to me is when two different ladies heard that I have breast cancer they said that they would never get it themselves. The first lady said that there was no cancer in her family so she had never bothered having a mammogram..and she is in her 60s, and the second lady said she would never get it because she eats blueberries everyday. Obviously these ladies are scared and trying to convince themselves that they are safe. I was most annoyed with the second lady who seemed to be saying that if I had a healthier diet I wouldn't have gotten it. What does she know about my diet? ...which by the way has always been very healthy and filled with fruits and veges. Oh well...what can you do?!

Sandeeonherown

No to the lady with the blueberries!..bet half of us didn't have anyone in our family with breast cancer..it has to start with someone,right??....I have a friend who refuses to go to have a mammogram done too ...says she is waiting for her health care to kick in and she needs to have 3 months before she has any tests done just in case....WTH??? I understand the logic on some level ....but I told her my diagnosis in July....sounds like fear too...

Love the line "No is a full sentence" Mary!

Barb- great pic!

3jaysmom

Barbe, im on it too, with all of ya! HELL NO! hows that! i love yer new avatar, Barbe, fancy smancy what was the occasion?

QCA

Happy birthday Hadley!  I love the way you described it, so much that now I think I just had the 2nd anniversary of my 30th!  I've never posted on this thread before but do read it just about every day.

Got a question about crying and want to see if anybody's like me.  I had to take charge of the care for both my dad and my aunt (POA for both and both were in nursing homes) and they've both passed away now, Dad in 1/10 and aunt in 12/10.  In between their deaths I was diagnosed, had surgery, radiation, and am now on arimidex.  I cried very little for my dad, a little more for my aunt, but now I've been to 2 more funerals and was an absolute wreck at both of them.  One was my stepmother's last week, and she'd also been in a nursing home and hadn't known she was in the world for 8 years, and the other was a lady at church who I knew but was not at all close to. And the tears just flowed and flowed. 

If I get frustrated over something now, too, I just cry, not sobbing, just tears pouring down, and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.  A wrong word from my DH?  More tears, and I would've been angry or P.O.'d before.  I'm even tearing up as I write this, and that's just from thinking about crying!  Has anybody else had anything like this happen to them? Honestly, I have cried many times about my BC  but this automatic tear response is something new to me.  Has anybody else had this happen to them?

Kathy

molly52

Hi Kathy,

Arimidex is probably the culprit causing all your tears.  There are Arimidex threads where you will be able to learn an absolute ton of information about the SEs and lots of solutions.

Valgal

Hi Ladies,

I can't get on line as much as I'd lke to but I had to comment on Poodleluvbug's healthy/blueberry lady incident. I'd like to ask her if she thinks Martina Navratilova is a pretty healthy person? LOL She's one of us! What an uninformed idiot. Isn't it nice to hear about how well everyone else is doing without BC? If they ever read what some of the courageous women on this board have to go through they would bless themselves.

Happy B day Hadley-lots of Aquarians here! I was Feb 2, then wasn't it Lago's and someone else? I can't keep up. My best to all! Can you tell I'm not sleeping at night it's 2AM.

mcbird

Happy Birthday Hadley.  Darla