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Octobergirl
Octobergirl Member Posts: 334
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I wrote in October about a biopsy for a very small lump (hard to palpate and hard to biopsy) in my right/contralateral breast. The biopsy was benign, thank God, but there was a lot of fibrocystic disease and inflammation and they saw a second tiny lump that seems to be "part of the same system". I am to have a followup ultrasound at the end of March and my annual mammo at the same time.  Now it feels like the lump is about double in size. My breast is still sore in the area.  I don't know if there could be a hematoma or increased inflammation from the biopsy itself or if this goes with the fibrocystic disease and I'm arguing with myself about whether it is ok to wait until late March for the recheck.

I desperately want to put this off...to stay in out-of-treatment mode a little longer and head to Florida for warmer weather...but then I tell myself it is incredibly stupid to risk spread to my lymph nodes if it happens to be cancer. On top of that, I've just read a study that links inflammation to growth of breast cancer cells and the radiologist described the area as having a lot of inflammation during the biopsy.  I usually can come to a logical decision in cases like this but I seem to have no perspective or balance now because of conflicting feelings of fear and avoidance. I am becoming more and more aware of my fear now that I am out of the long crisis of treatment and the ruptured appendix/infections that went on so long. Now this along with all the aches and pains from Als and radiation damage....metastisis?...makes me feel like I'm losing all balance at times. Ironically, much of my work was in crisis management.  A coworker once said I was so calm that if I took a Valium I'd fall asleep for the winter. I stayed pretty calm and balanced throughout surgery and tx. and through the appendix debacle. Now I am becoming so aware of this fear....not panic that makes one run to the dr. over every pain or worry...just an ever-deepening fear as the reality sinks in that I've been dealt a pretty bad hand with Stage 3 breast cancer. I have no idea whether I am overworrying about this to compensate for usually minimizing physical issues. Or am I overcompensating for the fear by telling myself that it is a PTSD reaction and to  just wait till March? And, girls, I'm sorry I've run on so long trying to explain why I no longer know what to do. 

My questions are: 1) Has anyone here had experience with this kind of pathology after initial diagnosis?  2) Any advice re rechecking this...trust the radiologist recommendation and wait til March or call now? 3)What are the stages of the psychological struggle against this looming beast that will never go away?  Help!!!!!

Molly

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2011

    Molly, I don't have any experience with this, but I do understand the whole avoidance/denial thing. I really don't have a good answer for you. March is only a couple of weeks away, I am not sure a couple of weeks would make all that much difference. If you have a vacation planned, I can totally see that you would like to take that just in case the whole Merry-go-round has to start again.

    But. if it is something that is really, really worrying you, then maybe try and get an earlier appointment. Sometimes the fear is worse than knowing. I think, given that they biopsied it, that is probably isn't anything to worry about, but I also do know they get things wrong, so i understand your unease. Could you possibly get an MRI as well?? If you have issues with that breast, it may give them a better picture of what is going on.

    As for the fear, well, I'm about 6 months ahead of you, and it hasn't gone yet. 

    Keep us updated.

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited February 2011

    Molly....I agree with Kerry.,....a thought....will you enjoy your trip more if you wait for the biopsy or if you go sooner regardless of what the test results are?  the few weeks as far as test results probably won't matter, but whether you  will enjoy the trip (or even cancel the trip) is something to consider....

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited February 2011

    And I have to totally agree with Karen.  We have mental and physical symptoms.  Will the vacation address that mental stress?  Or make it worse?  Go with the feeling in your gut.  The vacation might be just the ticket if you can leave the stress behind.  But if not, forget the radiologist's recommendation and get it checked now.

    We hate the idea of calling "wolf" but there are times when we need to be reassured when we have a symptom and then we get the positive news that it's not cancer.

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  • weesa
    weesa Member Posts: 707
    edited February 2011

    Molly, don't have any answers for you--but what a well crafted, well thought out post! You have helped me understand some conundrums I work myself into. I will get myself into a welter of conflicting thoughts, and you have helped me organize them. Thank you.

    You know, when I get panicked (and I recently went for the third bone scan since diagnosed because I was sure I had wide spread rib metastases,) I do take comfort in the fact I am grade 2, like you. Don't know if this is a legitimate comfort or not, but it keeps down the panic a bit.

    I'm sure the desire to get away is strong--what a winter this has been, and for you in Asheville it was been worse. And I'm sure we're not done with it. But I rejoice I have daffodils up several inches and even peonies starting to poke out of the ground under heavy mulch.

    Take care, and let us know how you work thru this! Weesa

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited February 2011

    Tough spot Molly, but I think I agree with Kerry and Karen.  Only you can answer if your comfort level will allow you to wait.  I assume you are on an antihormonal, and doing all the other stuff to stave off a reccurrence, so try to reassure yourself you are doing everything you can possibly do.

    (((HUGS)))

    Sharon

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited February 2011

    Hey Molly,

    I sorta agree with everyone about that it is up to you as far as your comfort level. But then again I disagree, I believe that the radiologist recommendation is if nothing appears different. If you think it has grew in size or feels different then it should be checked out. At least go see your oncologist and see if they think it is any different. Peace of mind is worth everything. The psychological part is the hardest. I was recently referred to see a cancer psychologist but haven't went. I figure we all worry about the beast coming back. You take care

    Kandie

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  • faithfulheart
    faithfulheart Member Posts: 544
    edited February 2011

    Hi Molly, I have to tell you, I just had a bone scan, convinced the cancer had gone to my right hip . I was having a lot of pain , 4 months of denial land, my hip pain was not getting better.

    I really could not focus, a vacation would have been out of the question, a waste of money.

    What I am trying to say is my mental state, and level of fear had taken over. I would pray for peace about it,  but I finally just decided to push for the scan. We all really don;t want to know if somthing has spread, so we suffer and wait. I say try to get some answers for peace of mind.

    My bone scan was clear, and it really set me free to start living a more  productive life.

    I felt stuck in the fear zone!!!!  You deserve to enjoy your trip, go for peace of mind, I'm sure your

    fine, but you need to know for you!

    you will be in my prayers sister,

    hugs

    stephanie

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  • Octobergirl
    Octobergirl Member Posts: 334
    edited February 2011

    Friends, thanks for your responses.  Kerry Mac, I had emailed my onc and asked his advice about having an MRI at the March appt. and have not received a reply. The clinic called with my appt. times and there was no MRI scheduled. Of course this change may change his answer.

    The March appts. are 6 wks.from now. As far as the vacation, I can definitely go and enjoy it without perseverating about the lump. Maybe that is what scares me...I seem to have a well-developed capacity for denial and deferment with health issues. So calling my onc would not be to relieve the angst...the fear I wrote about isn't going to go away no matter what the onc says. I just want to make the right clinical decision despite the fear and denial.

    I want to think 6 wks.won't likely matter re outcome of this but as Kandy said there is a change. Are there other reasons for hard lumps in postmenopausal breasts? Other things wander around in my head. What if this were another kind of cancer that Als don't touch?  Does 6 wks. matter then? I  know my initial Her2 test was not definitive and it took the FISH test to get a Her2 neg. diagnosis...is that usual? Still trying to figure this out.

    Weesa, glad this helps you. Sometimes, it helps to get out of the tunnel...or circle...guess that is exactly what I'm trying to do by coming to you all.  Thanks again and know I send light to each of you as I read.

    Molly

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  • faithfulheart
    faithfulheart Member Posts: 544
    edited February 2011

    Molly, my her2 test was not definitive either so they did the fish on me to.

    I'm  asuming that could happen a lot. It has bothered me a bit, its interesting that you brought that up. I think its great that you can go away and enjoy yourself, that is something to be proud of ! I think it shows strength, you will be fine, six weeks is not that long.

    ask your doc about the her2, I think I might ask about it as well. Highly unlikely I'm sure.

    keep busy!

    stephanie

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited February 2011

    Molly, sorry to hear of the stress you're under.  The advice given seems to be good advice.  After all I've been through, we've been through, sometimes we just need to relax.  Your regular appointments are only a few weeks away, enjoy your vacation, live in the land of denial, then come back to the land of worry.  With that said, if you are really stressed and need answers now, be your own advocate and push for an earlier appointment, sometimes we just have to go with our gut.

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  • Octobergirl
    Octobergirl Member Posts: 334
    edited February 2011

    After chasing my tail around the bush the last few days, I've decided to go to Florida for the six week and just watch the lump/area for further changes. There are good oncs and the Moffit Ctr. in Tampa if I get there and panic :).  We've found a sweet little historic arts/fishing community, Englewood, and  I so look forward to 6 wks. in a warm and friendly location. Do you gals find it harder to weather winter temps. on Als?

    Once again, thanks for all the advice and support.

    Molly

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  • weesa
    weesa Member Posts: 707
    edited February 2011

    Well, snow again last night, just enough to close schools and be irritating...But the ten day forecast starting this Saturday is for days in the 50's--all ten of them!

     Yes, Molly, I do have trouble in both summer and winter. The temperature seems to trigger an intense response--hot flashes in the summer and cold shivers in the winter. You must be right that it is cause by the AI's. My doctor tested my thyroid when I described how easily I get cold at night, and that it takes an act of Congress to get me warm again. My thyroid is fine.

     Have a lovely and warm time in Englewood.

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