December 2010 Rads

Sherry - I am down to seeing my MO every 4 months.  No follow ups with anyone else.  I have my first mammo in Jun/Jul when I go see my gyn for my annual exam. That will be an anxious time.  

The rads does shrink the boob but mine didn't too much.  In fact, it looks like a 20 year old one - wish the other one looked that way.    But you will need to wait several months before you see the actual results.  Think of it this way, if you don't see your PS until March, that is a good thing - your body is ready for a much needed break from treatment and you certainly deserve it.  

Take time to breathe and relax. 

toni - I hate my RO and glad I don't have to go back.  In fact, I threw him in the fire on the Bonfire of the Goddesses thread.  You should go there sometime.  It is a great place to purge all of the BC stuff you have and want to get rid of.  It is not limited to objects, it could be people, feelings, etc.

Jo...sooo sorry you had a moron for an RO!!! Check out "The healing circle" on line..I will share mine with you!..that is my radiologist (Dr. Rob Rutledge...lovely man and knows his stuff)...and he is as nice as he seems in the videos...when we first met I was all about 'let's get this done and me out of here" and he put the file to the side of the table and looked me in the eye and said ..."Let's talk about you...how are you? I am treating the whole person..not just the breast cancer"...I dissolved in tears at that point, of course....but talk about rapport! Sur ebeat the hell out of the surgeon I threw on the fire! I go see him in March and then have my 6 month mammogram in June like the rest of you...we may need to start up a new train at that point...mommogram terrors or something!...spring squishing... summer solstice squash....goodness knows we will all be anxious !...I will then either report to my surgeon or my GP...depending on what the mammogram shows I suppose....that is not a phone call I want to think about right now. For now, I am simply grateful that my incredibly white breasts are starting to look similar in colour..no longer tanned..somewhat pink but not scary-my-goodness-will-i-ever-look-or-feel-normal-again any more...slightly smaller...doesn't  fit the D cup anymore, despite the days when I am clearly swollen...trying not to worry or care about it or wonder how I will feel about it all if I ever get naked with someone again, you know? not a concern at the moment...but it likely will be some day again...

I think I am going to toss my long sleeved, solid colour tshirts into the fire...clearly can't wear them now as it is WAY too obvious that something is not quite like the other one...:) I am all about symmetrical shapes and buttons right now...fun!

That is the exact song I had in my head when I wrte it...'one of these things does not belong!'...guess we just need to create a new normal!

sherryc- That's the way, uh huh uh huh, i (we) like it uh huh uh huh!"

Sandee - Wish I had had a RO like yours.  Mine did not even care that I existed.  He had no bedside manner and acted like I was taking up his precious time.  He had no problem billing my insurance for his so called precious time.  I remember passing him in the hallway several times on my way to get zapped and he walked right by me like he did not even know me.  Boy, did I feel like a number and not a patient.  Getting an appt to discuss issues with him was like pulling teeth and if I did get one he always seemed in a hurry to get out of the room.  There are so many things, I could fill a whole page on this thread and I really don't want to get into all of it again.  Those are things I don't want to dwell on any longer.  I threw him and his b#tchy nurse in the fire on the Bonfire of the Goddesses thread.  Boy, I felt so much better when I did.

Question for you folks....anyone else feel tender along their ribs...well not ribs exactly...(or yes? 11pm anatomy fails me!)...the side of the body right beside the breast...I guess where the wire would normally go if I had worn my underwire today...which I didn't,...because it hurts!....tender....normal right?

Welcome Jo...night! I too have to hit the hay....probably have to call 25 teachers to cancel classes tomorrow at 6am!

Hello BCO friends!

It has been a long while since my last post (Dec. 19^th!).  I'm not entirely sure why I've been away, except that for awhile there I really didn't want to chat about cancer anymore, especially during the holidays.  Then I found myself getting into a major funk for quite some time, especially around the topic of depression, changing SSRI meds to work with tamoxifen, and starting radiation in late December.  Sometimes I felt like I was the Debbie downer, and other times I felt myself getting sucked into a pity party, and I didn't like either of those scenarios.  My typical response to uncomfortable situations is to bail out, so that's what I did.   A bit of information overload, crisis responses, and alarming "what if" scenarios.  There's only so much a girl can take!

I went back to work, part-time, on January 3^rd, which was about the end of my 2^nd week of radiation.  The fatigue kicked my booty and "re-entry" wasn't so good.  One day I went home and took a nap from 4:30pm to 8:00pm, got up and had a bowl of cereal for dinner, then went right back to bed and slept until 9:00am the next morning.  I knew to expect fatigue, but I didn't expect it to be so severe.

Having been back to work for a month, I now completely understand "chemo brain".  I am nowhere near the sharp-minded gal I used to be and made several mistakes in those first few weeks.  I've been double- and triple-checking my work because I'm so unsure of myself.  Just today I went to a meeting that isn't scheduled until Thursday.  Then, this evening (Tuesday), I thought it WAS Thursday and wanted to be sure to record Grey's Anatomy.  Very disheartening to think I am that checked out.

Today was my last regular radiation treatment.  All in all, the 28 radiation treatments over the last 5 ½ weeks were bearable, but somewhat "trying" and exhausting.  It took a total of about 2 hours every day, including drive time.  Add to that at least 4 hours at work plus an hour drive time for that commute, and the days are about as full as I can handle for now.  I started out using Miaderm cream on my skin every day during treatment.  As for side effects from the radiation, I developed a 3" oval black spot (yes, black!) in the lower region of my armpit about the end of the 2^nd week.  That spot proceeded to peel, but started to heal up pretty quickly.  By the 3^rd week I began to develop more skin "breakdown" in two different areas, which quickly became (and remain) quite raw and painful.  My RO gave me Silvadene cream along with a lidocaine gel to mix with it.  That combination certainly brings comfort to my sad skin.  When the pain is strong enough to wake me during sleep, I take Percocet.  The rest of the time I take prescription strength Naprosyn, which is 2½ times the over-the-counter strength of Aleve.

I've had a couple episodes of near-meltdown during radiation.  One day, while I lay on the table, I felt like I was sort of floating but also being pushed around the room, which is understandable since the table moves and the machine moves around me.  I guess fatigue and stress can make you sort of hallucinate during those vulnerable times.  I just felt really light-headed and loony.  Another day, my breast was so sore I just did not even want to go to the clinic.  It took every bit of grit I could muster to stay still on the table until the treatment was over.  The techs who handle my treatments are awesome but I just don't want to fall apart on their shift.  They have so many people to take care of.

Certainly there has been so much activity on my favorite topics that I have missed, and I hope you all don't think less of me for being away.  I found so many discussions here SO helpful and all you ladies (and a few men!) so supportive; I know that my knowledge resources were vastly improved just for reading all your posts.  I will continue to check in occasionally and will post when I can.  This has been an indescribable year of changes for us all and I pray each of you are coping the best you can, making the best of the life you have ahead of you, and that all of us will increase the numbers of survivors for future statistics in years to come.

I've copied this same post to my "Favorites" -

How about drinking?

December 2010 Rads

2010 Sisters

Sept. 2010 - Anyone starting chemo?

Stage II w/Lymph Node Involvement

Great saying about depression

MrsNice....I totally understand the meltdown thing and the pulling away because you are tired of talking about cancer...I had a few meltdowns on the rad table...told the echnicians to just ignore the teaars, there was nothing they could do and I was just going to cry through it and release...they were great. Not sure if the cookies I made them made up for mopping up they had to do or the reassuring but I decided not to feel bad about it....They are good at their job, are loving indivuals and the goddess must have picked them to work on women going through BS tratment. honestly...My second last time, after losing my mind on my boss...from the stress most likely...I cried my way through my radiatin and appointment with the nurse and radiologist...all I could ask at that point was "Is this reaction normal?"...I felt soooo out of control of my emotions....my life. But I can honestly say that 6 weeks later, I feel more like Sandee than I have in years...very focused, very on task and very up on living my life to the fullest while takign time for me.

Lizzyanne- thank you for the reassurance. It helps ease my mind. I have decided on sore rib days, I will wear the 'cupid' camisole...support with no wire and no band going across that area of my body. Ouch! just feels so tender and bruised, even though it isn't. I hope your pain goes away...my goodness the things we do, hmm? But live life without regrets ... hopefully this pain you are experiencing will be very short lived. Thanks again Lizzyanne!

Latte...you are very nearly done...finish line is so close you should be able to taste it my dear!!! While most of us may be finished rads, I still find this thread invaluale with post-rad stuff like the rib pain etc. Helps to have a place to ask specific questions and get support. Night all