Do you have a full range of emotions? Can you cry?

Hi Karen,

I think if you felt that you had a better capacity to feel a wide range of emotions before, then what you are describing, some docs would call a flat or blunted affect, is a manifestation of all that you have gone through and most likely has also a chemical basis. So you shouldn't feel that you are a less feeling person as a human being. You wouldn't be on this board connecting with other people and supporting them if you simply didn't care. Also, anger can be a great defense in making you feel like a warrior with armor, but if it is your shield, you are not likely to put it down in tenderness easily.

Be tender with yourself. Our spirits can heal, too.

Hugs

I was a emotional mess after my dx and ooph. I cried for no reason. They started me on celexa and the crying stopped but I flet so blah. Like sad things did not make me upset. After stopping the drug my emotions returned. I havew had some serious grief from work and the therapist thought some meds would help me manage. They started me on effexdor and thigs improved. I have been on a couple and months and once again I have noticed the things soho hum. Not happy but not sad. I feel sort of empty. It is hard to get tjhings done when you feel less than thrilled. I am curently weaning off the meds. The therapist stated the lack of emotional response is a side effect to most of the anti-depressent. Perhaps coming off and trying cognitive behavior therapy may be a better option for you. good luck.

I also have trouble crying.  I have a long history of trauma both physical and psychological.  When I had my wire insertion, the radiology tech told me I 'must promise with all my heart I will not move during the procedure.'    It was one of the worst experiences I have ever had. (It wasn't 10 out of 10 because I know my pain would have been worse if they ripped off my arm.)  Part of the trauma was  that I was not able to communicate what I was feeling because if I told them I would cry, and if I cried I would move. He also never asked if I was in pain. If he had, my pain score might have been lower.

My therapist  (a family therapist) diagnosed me with a 'PTSD-like syndrome'.  About 2 years later, I got some biofeedback training by a psychologist.  Apparently, that psychologist told my therapist I couldn't cry, or something to that effect.  (My therapist disagrees, but I know I live in my head an awful lot.) I think after a series of health diagnoses, I did like Bren says, I think I just shut down my emotions. That psychologist described my PTSD-like symptoms as 'a bad habit'. But if he was able to climb into my skin, I challenge him to stop voluntarily.  It sure feels like a lightening bolt.

On my subsequent breast biopsies, I did cry,tears were coming down my cheek, but I didn't make a sound.  Yes, I was traumatized; I pulled out of the mammogram machine when they tried to inject lidocaine.  (He asked, "Why?"  I said, "Because it hurt."  They had to *hold* me in the mammo machine for the rest of the biopsy.)

One book I read, about PTSD, was titled 'Too Scared to Cry'.   I know that's not the *only* reason why people don't cry, but I think it can be one.

I hear you Leaf ... I had tears rolling down my cheeks for the wire insertion.  It hurt so damn bad. And they also had to hold me still.  What an awful memory.  I think we shut down at those times for our own emotional protection, as it is just too much for us to handle.

Hugs,

Bren

I thought I was pretty good with pain:  kidney stones; technitium-99 injection for the SNB; nurses' refusal to give me pain meds after my mast.  Now you guys have me worried in case I ever need a wire-guided biopsy... 

I've been thinking about the subject raised in this thread since way before the thread was started.  I do think I have a full range of emotions.  I can be silly and happy and contented; I can grumble and I can rage; and, yes, I can feel sad and I often cry. 

Actually, I probably cry more frequently now than I did before my dx.  I find myself crying (weeping, really) for no reason whatsoever.  It feels sort of like PMS, except I no longer have any "M" to blame it on.  In addition to those unwarranted tears, I cry at sad movies or when thinking about sad events, just as I did pre-dx.  So, I guess I'm okay.

My family, OTOH, thinks I am cold-hearted [edited to add: not my dh, who is a godsend].  I have always been a logical, calculating, analytical person -- that's how I am wired.  I rarely panic; I've always felt like there were options and I had choices. I approach my family's problems that same way (unfortunately).  When someone calls and reports that some dreadful thing has happened, my problem-solving mode kicks in and I start thinking of solutions. It works for me, but it p*sses off my family members, who've told me flat-out that I am not "sympathetic enough."

What's really going on is that I no longer have patience for fussing and whining about reasonably simple problems that have obvious fixes. I want to shout, "GET A GRIP, people!  What you are describing is not a catastrophe.  It isn't even a major hurdle.  It's just one of those little annoyances we all have to deal with.  It's LIFE, for Pete's sake!  So, deal with it!!!"  Sheesh.

I blame my heartlessness on having been chemo'ed and all the rest of that stuff.  I don't feel sorry for myself -- not even a little. Maybe I do wish my family had bothered to ask me what they could do to help me during that Cancer Year, instead of making it all about themselves and their feelings (and then blaming me for not understanding what a difficult time they were having).  But, that's done now.

Do I have a full range of emotions?  HELL YES.

otter

Hi otter! Now you guys have me worried in case I ever need a wire-guided biopsy... 

I did a survey here about wire insertion pain.  ( I wanted to write a letter to the radiologist, who eventually replied 'Well patient comfort is important,but I'd have to draw up Sodium Bicarbonate for each lidocaine injection.'  Whatever that means. He did inject lidocaine into my breast, but it hurt as much as the wire insertion, and didn't do a thing.)

In order to try to prevent further unnecessary traumas from the expectation of pain: 58% (out of 38 total responders) of the respondants had a pain score of 4/10 or less.  I have a long history of multiple traumas.  My therapist (and the literature I have read) says multiple traumas make people more susceptible to PTSD.  So you very well may have an OK time.  I didn't.  But we are all individual people, with different personalities and histories.

I apologize. I didn't mean to highjack this thread, and sidetrack and make things about me.  I just want everyone to have the full range of emotions.

I've always cried at movies and books. I even cry at Hallmark commercials. But I never cry at appropriate times. I didn't cry when my parents died, and I didn't cry when my daughter died. I know that part of it was that I felt I was the one holding everyone else together and if I lost it then everyone else would fall apart. I have not shed one tear over my diagnosis or my husband's Alzheimer's,but I've cried buckets over the AZ shootings. I completely lost it when the toilet overflowed Christmas Eve. Obviously, I need some help but the thought of adding one more doctor to the mix makes me want to cry!

PTSD is a good way of describing the after affects.  "Time heals" I have not found that to be the case.

I see myself in this thread--I have only cried a couple of times.  I just get mad instead, and I don't think that's a very productive emotion.  I still hate the radiologist who gave me some kind of shot in the nipple so he could find my lymph nodes.  I feel that the stereotactic biopsy should be done with sedation--it was just so awful.  It wasn't the pain as much as being at the mercy of the huge machines.  There's something violent about the diagnostic process.  I've recently had the last stage of my treatment, my implant exchange.  Now I'm just anxious and depressed.  I do come from a "problem" background and have always prided myself on rising above it, but to do that I think I stuffed a lot of emotion.  I'm just blunted and can't seem to feel anything.  I'm nervous about asking for anti-depressants and a counselor, and money is an issue.  But I feel like I haven't dealt with this very well.  In addition, I've realized that this will never be over--already obsessing about it coming back!  Sorry to be so effusive--I really need to talk!

I have yet to cry over my cancer. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  

5-years out here...Have become very, very steely.  I have played around with anti-dpressants, also valium...but that's not really it...It's not the lack of crying that bothers me...I guess I just want to get more out of each day, because as a survivor...I dont wnat to let the troops down being all hard and less than human...also it really cuts into the creative process when you just cant feel that passion....Maybe, when you have been so humbled by a thing like bc...you know, crying and seeking help...maybe after the big battle, you stand in the dust....look around, brush yourself off and start walking, but now all grim and conversely hard and determined....anyway, great topic to discuss......