Mom diagnosed IBC 1 day after 1st anniversary of Daddy's death

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Dianna_Mc
Dianna_Mc Member Posts: 5
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Let me first say that this is all happening so fast.  January 9th was the fist anniversary of my daddy's death (from a condition whose Latin translates to "We have no idea why").  The very next day Mom's mamo came back looking "suspicious" to the radiology reader.  Wednesday's biopsy/ultrasound confirmed a 2cm spiculated cancerous mass.  Yesterday we met with the surgeon and she is scheduled for a bilateral mastectomy next week (Her choice on the bilateral).  We are still waiting on the results of the estrogen/progesterone/her2 test.  I am on family leave and will be staying with her post-op.  I'm going with her to all appointments and helping her to keep a notebook with questions/answers to/from the doctors, and generally just visiting (the regular gossip, chit chat, household fix-it jobs, etc...).

Except for the fact that I am freaking out, my challenge is that my mom seems more worried about how this is impacting me than she is about herself.  I'm not sure what to do.  I should point out that I'm 42 and she is 66, and that she lost both of her parents when she was only 27.  I suspect that she is projecting her loss.  I have always been very close to both my parents (e.g., talking on the phone every day, getting together at least twice a month, vacatioing together, etc...); we are friends and it hit me hard when Daddy died (I admit to being a complete Daddy's girl and princess my whole life).

I am really trying to be supportive and am only freaking out in front of my husband.  I have tried to convince her that now is the time for her to be selfish if ever there was one.  She says that she is a little freaked, but will be fine and is just worried about me.  Is this just a kind of denial?  Any suggestions for how I can approach this?

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  • mrsnjband
    mrsnjband Member Posts: 1,409
    edited January 2011

    Hi Dianna,

    I don't think your mom is in denial. I didn't really freak out much when I got my diagnosis. It would hit me a different times.  She is just in survivor mode and trying to protect you.  She will have her moments.  It took be about a year to "hit the wall" & then I was really angry. 

    Best advice is to just be there for support & it sounds like that is what you are doing.  So just love her & do what you can for her.  Sounds like you have a great mom.

    Sending love & prayers. NJ

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  • Dianna_Mc
    Dianna_Mc Member Posts: 5
    edited January 2011

    Hi NJ,

    I really appreciate your perspective.  I couldn't wish for a better mom or a better friend.  You're right, she is being totally practical and doing what she needs to survive.  I'm afraid and sad for her (and for me).  I so wish that none of this was happening, but I will be there for her every step.  I guess maybe it is me who is projecting how I imagine I would react.  Thank you for the support, love, and prayers.

    Dianna

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