Mom diagnosed IBC 1 day after 1st anniversary of Daddy's death

Dianna_Mc

Let me first say that this is all happening so fast.  January 9th was the fist anniversary of my daddy's death (from a condition whose Latin translates to "We have no idea why").  The very next day Mom's mamo came back looking "suspicious" to the radiology reader.  Wednesday's biopsy/ultrasound confirmed a 2cm spiculated cancerous mass.  Yesterday we met with the surgeon and she is scheduled for a bilateral mastectomy next week (Her choice on the bilateral).  We are still waiting on the results of the estrogen/progesterone/her2 test.  I am on family leave and will be staying with her post-op.  I'm going with her to all appointments and helping her to keep a notebook with questions/answers to/from the doctors, and generally just visiting (the regular gossip, chit chat, household fix-it jobs, etc...).

Except for the fact that I am freaking out, my challenge is that my mom seems more worried about how this is impacting me than she is about herself.  I'm not sure what to do.  I should point out that I'm 42 and she is 66, and that she lost both of her parents when she was only 27.  I suspect that she is projecting her loss.  I have always been very close to both my parents (e.g., talking on the phone every day, getting together at least twice a month, vacatioing together, etc...); we are friends and it hit me hard when Daddy died (I admit to being a complete Daddy's girl and princess my whole life).

I am really trying to be supportive and am only freaking out in front of my husband.  I have tried to convince her that now is the time for her to be selfish if ever there was one.  She says that she is a little freaked, but will be fine and is just worried about me.  Is this just a kind of denial?  Any suggestions for how I can approach this?

mrsnjband

Hi Dianna,

I don't think your mom is in denial. I didn't really freak out much when I got my diagnosis. It would hit me a different times.  She is just in survivor mode and trying to protect you.  She will have her moments.  It took be about a year to "hit the wall" & then I was really angry. 

Best advice is to just be there for support & it sounds like that is what you are doing.  So just love her & do what you can for her.  Sounds like you have a great mom.

Sending love & prayers. NJ

Dianna_Mc

Hi NJ,

I really appreciate your perspective.  I couldn't wish for a better mom or a better friend.  You're right, she is being totally practical and doing what she needs to survive.  I'm afraid and sad for her (and for me).  I so wish that none of this was happening, but I will be there for her every step.  I guess maybe it is me who is projecting how I imagine I would react.  Thank you for the support, love, and prayers.

Dianna