please help
Comments
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Cathi, why did DCF do such nicely limited and close supervision for the first 2 visits and now willing to just throw your grandbabies into a family that has just begun the recommendations of the court. I just don't get it at all. I understand that the courts are pushing for reunification of the family but - DD and SIL have plenty on their plate right now. In no way are they ready for the two little ones to go home. Sometimes, as a preschool teacher I would see examples of social services pressing for reunification when I as just their teacher knew it was a bad situation, and the kids were just caught in the middle. Is their any way to get a guardian ad litem appointed? This person would represent the interest of the children and would speak on their behalf during court proceedings. Karen
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I just reread your post, is this the GAL you were referring to? I would think her concerns and you and Ed would carry quite a bit of weight. Karen
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Yes Karen the GAL is Guardian Ad Lietem, I have no clue why they are pushing this so quickly, except that I have been reading state laws and Statues, that seem to read as though if reunification is the goal in Fla, the process must be started at 6/Mo removal pointif parents are being compliant in completing tasks before them. , however if what I am reading and what I am understanding is so, they can also set the goal as Reunification with a concurrent goal of Permanent Guardianship, I believe that would allow DD and SIL a complete 12/mo to get everything taken care of. There is so much to understand, if the process continues as it is, when we go to court on 1/4 and if the Judge grants reunification the children would return home that day, At the start I thought that DCF really had the best intrest of the children in mind, now I am starting to wonder, sitting in these court rooms, listening to other cases, and worse than ours by far, and these poor babie sbeing sent back to parents who have no clue.
There is a little one in Ellas class, Josie is a week younger than Ella, and only weighs 12 pounds, born crack addicted, she was removed,& living with G'ma, who is 67, She is the saddest looking little thing, she has had 3 case workers over the past year, they are going to start giving her overnights with mom, who has actually not completed everything, and has also failed 2 drug tests - Josie does not/can not even eat real food yet, the school works with her all the time, she has a nutrionist als, they set her beside Ella when it's feeding time, as she watches Ella and will on ocassion try to follow her and put finger foods in her mouth. SAD-SAD-SAD. .
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Cathi, it just breaks your heart to hear of these children. I know that their is a huge turnover in social workers my cousin lasted as a caseworker for 10 years then had to leave because of the push for reunification. You have to believe DCF workers are aware of cases where reunification should not reoccur at all or needs to be ever so gradually phased in. My 87 yr. old godmother always tells me that the plan for your life is already written by God, and this would have to be doubly so for little ones. May he hold Landon and Ella in the palm of his hand right now and keep them safe. My godmother had a full mastectomy in 1984, no chemo - no rads - no AI's and is still going strong. Her belief in a compassionate God who has written our lives is very strong. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry this is all happening. And look at you, Cathi, checking case law, you go girl. Karen rest easily tonight Miema
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Karen I believe your GdMother is right, I have always pretty much felt that way myself, and I do have my trust and faith and belief in Gods hands, even on those days when I am really mad at him and questioning him. But I never have and never will understand why CHILDREN have to be victims, why they must suffer at the hands of another or from illness, when I die and if I do get to go to heaven, I have always said that will be my first question to him WHY CHILDREN? If there are lessons for me to learn, why must I learn them through a childs pain?
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Cathi, the child's pain is short. An adult's pain is longer and deeper. It's all relative. A child born that has to have 15 surgeries by age 3, that's all they know so it's normal for them. Things like that.
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I don't know Barbe , you may be right, Ed always teases me that my always searching for answers WHY is the GOOD CATHOLIC GIRL in me. His motto is Don't try to make sense out of things that don't make sense - mine is completely the opposite I guess.
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I figure as a good Catholic girl that I'll get all my answers when/and if! I still want them, when I meet my God face to face. (I hope He doesn't run when He sees me coming!)
The morning after my Mom died, my DH and I were in the hotel room watching a stupid show on dinosaurs (of all things) and I turned to him and said "Wow, now my Mom knows all the secrets!" Kinda made me feel better.
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Barbe God will bow at your feet - LOL
Boy have I just been reading some interesting things in all of the US States Reunification Plans are called RECIPES FOR FAILURE, CPS, DCF, even judges deliberately make case plans unmanageable upon the return of children so that parents do fail, some case workers have said they do this because e their hands are tied within the laws if a parent is somewhat complying with the case plan, but they know in their hearts and minds it is just A MATTER OF TIME before old habits return, , others have admitted it is a BABY MARKET a way to get children to want to adopt parents, pretty scary sad stuff on any side of it.
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So Case worker was here today, she spoke with quardian who has recommended that Temp custody stay with us , until DD an SIL have completed more of their tasks, she has recommended that weekend overnights are ok with strict supervision by DCF, suggested they pick children up from daycare on Friday and return on Sunday evening, this has to be approved by CW's supervisor before presented to the judge, and also the reunification team may have ISSUE with it it's their goal to REUNITE ASAP -, and as it stands, they would have their tasks completed first of March if there are NO missed classes etc, Reunification Team may not have an opening at that time - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? so confusing, Getting irritated and annoyed with these people - Reunite children on our schedule not when its right or good for the children it seems like. I honestly do believe they want them to fail,
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Deep breaths.....you have a date tomorrow night. Remember to shave you legs....if nothing else happens, at least you'll have smooth legs for Christmas!
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By the time 5PM arrives Barbe Ed and I will be ready to sleep. Ella is such a busy body, she is walking now, so time to learn NO's and of coarse everything is pretty much a NO - she heads for it all - HA-HA. And I am so scared she is gonna fall and hurt herself as she has that DRUNKIN 1 YEAR OLD WOBBLE. Date night will be sleep night I suspect. But the first time in 6/mo we will possibly be able to do it with out a wake up cry -
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Cathi, the case worker's recomendations seem reasonable, but who sits on the reunification's team? They don't have the childrens' interests at heart, how much power do they have? It seems like they only want to close the case at all costs. And at this point the children would be at risk due to the likelihood of failure on their parents' part. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Karen
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I hear you Cathi, on the sleep part. I wish you and Ed the bliss of uninterrupted sleep on your date night. How helpless it is when government steps in to resolve family crises. Does it ever work out truly in the interest of the children? All you can do is your best, and you are clearly doing that. Sending thousands of Hugs.
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Karen the Reunification Team is part of a mental health thing here called PHEMS , not sure what all that is, or who they really are or how it all works, I so want to BELIEVE that these agencies and these workers truly care about the children and I think many really do, but more and more I have less faith and trust in the system as a whole, I think those who REALLY DO CARE, have their hands tied by laws, and regulations, red tape, guidelines and yes the all mighty $$$$.
Judie sending you some vibes of STRENGTH, what little I have to spare are all yours. XOXOXOXOXOXOXO My friend asked me the other day how we keep on going, I said I honestly do not know, I think the mind just tells the body move-it - move-it - move it. And perhaps an adrenalin rush, I don't know, even when I was up most of the night like last night with back and hip pain, as soon as those kiddies wake up it's like WHAM - your mind takes over what your body is saying NO WAY too.
MIND OVER MATTER - MIND OVER MATTER.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
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Cathi, I do think you are right and the ones who do care are held hostage by laws and red tape. Hence the huge turnover in social service workers. Like you said in a previous post about the little girl who had 3 caseworkers in one year. But I have to believe that in Landon and Ella's case the caseworker and GAL will prevail, and this time the system will not fail. Remember, all things work out for the best,as in my case, had my daughter not gotten involved with the chidrens father, I would not have my beautiful grandchildren. We just have to struggle through the pain to find our daughter's finally chose the right path. May you and Ed have a restful evening and a chance to have a quiet morning. Karen
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Thanks Karen as much as I am nervous about letting them stay over, I still have a part of me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Looking forward to this brief respite, I guess that sounds really bad after all my ranting, but uneventful/undisturbed sleep & being able to have a complete cup of hot coffee in the AM sounds so EXCITING , A wonderful Christmas present.
HAPPY LAST WEEKEND BEFORE CHRISTMAS TO ALL
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
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I wouldn't blame anyone here for forgetting who I am! Life took over, I got so busy and before I knew it, months had passed. Anyway, I just wanted to catch up with all of you now that the year is coming to an end.
Just read through the last few pages of posts.
Cathi - you have so much to contend with. I pray and hope that things will work out for the best - for Landon and Ella and for you and Ed - you are such amazing grandparents! It's heartbreaking to see kids have to go through all of this. We have a an organisation here - DOCS (Dept of Community Services) that deals with families under stress. They get a lot of negative press. I'm sure they must do some good but they are understaffed and the caseworkers burn out quickly when they have to deal with such tragic cases of abuse and neglect. You and Ed really really deserve a good nights sleep and several uninterrupted coffees.
I loved reading all the wise and loving advice from Karen, Barbe, Dawn, EWB, Judie and everyone else.
I've been getting some casual teacher support work the last couple of months. I help the special needs kids. The pay isn't as good but I prefer it to being in charge of the whole class. It can be pretty draining though.
Just wanted to send lots of love and Christmas wishes to all of you.
Jane xoxoxo
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Hello Jane! Its so nice to see you here. Glad that things are going well...Best holiday wishes to you and all!
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Hi Jane, we could never forget you - XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO Life does get in the way sometimes.
Elaine -- I think about you all the time, prayin that LIFE is as smooth as it can be for you - XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Well the first oever night stay has come and gone, uneventful it appears, kids returned happy , but tired, Mom and dad are younger and play harder with them then we can. Ed and I spent just kinda chilled out and watched a movie, I even had a egg nog and rum, didn't sleep as well as I thought I might, thought I kept hearing Ella, and Miss Margo was awake at 6:30AM for duty call, but was night to enjoy several cups of coffee this AM, quietly. LOL
Well it's off to watch some TV and too bed, have some shopping to do in the AM, and much baking to get done the next 3 days, daycere is out Wednesday until next Monday - YIKES.
LOVE YOU ALL
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1Cathi, I think of you so often and pray that everything works out for you and Ed and the kids. Have a very Merry Christmas. (((hugs))) Darla
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Huh, I saved this thread for last hoping to hear some wild details about Saturday date night! It sounded pretty much like mine but I didn't even get an eggnog!.........sigh.......
Glad to hear it went well. Interesting note about young parents tiring out the kids more! Makes sense.
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Cathi, your date night was almost like my date night Saturday night. My hubby made it home about 4 pm, we went to Golden Coral for supper. After we got home, he was playing some computer games while watching tv and he actually dozed off a couple of times. I let him sleep about 2 hours in his recliner while I did my Christmas cards for church and managed to get him awake enough to take his evening meds and stumble into bed. He slept in the bed for 12 hours straight. and no eggnog here either. today is our 14th wedding anniversary, I remembered to get a card for him, but he was so tired and didn't want to fight the traffic in the shopping center's parking lot when he drove home from the truck yard, he didn't stop to get me a card.
Sheila
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Cathi, sounds like a relaxing time for you and Ed. I thought about how the kids were doing this weekend, remarkable how BC.Org. can form new relationships albeit cyber ones. My grandchidren, ages 12 and 13 can barely contain themselves waiting for Christmas. This is the first year of no letters to Santa. I think Mica knew it last year and Addison was just doing it "in case".. And we were so careful to wrap Santa's gifts in different wrapping paper and have a friend do the tags My grandkids like yours are our gifts year round. Take care, Karen.
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Sueops you are funny. Yes it is normal to cuss out your lump.
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Happy Anniversary Shelia, sorry to disappoint you Barbe, NO WILD AND CRAZY for this tired out couple - LOL. Tuesdays' overnight is cancelled because of their classes, but they do get to have them overnight Christmas night, everyone will be here Christmas Eve and in the AM, so will be kinda nice to have the late afternoon and PM for relaxing again - Next weekend they are scheduled for Friday and Saturday Night, maybe we can GET CRAZY New Years Eve - RIGHT, we'll be lucky if we make it until 10PM let alone 12AM,
I imagine everyone will be busy this week, so just want to wish you all a VERY VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS ans prayers for good health and endless happiness in 2011 - We all NEED & DESERVE it -
LOVE YOU ALL - XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
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Cathi I had wondered about that mid-week visit because of classes AND jobs. How are they going to do it in "real life". Can Do-Do look after his own kids??????
We're not done posting before Christmas, but if you don't come back on, have a peaceful, peaceful, calm, non-dramatic, boring Christmas!
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Well Barbe if the Judge grants what guardian suggested, there will be NO mid week visits until they are completed with all classes, visits will be Friday Night , Sat & Sunday Night, they will have to take them to school Monday AM, ( they will get a taste of that AM rush - LOL), once classes are over, then they will need to learn to deal with everyday things, Amanda works overnights now, she says she is going to put in for day shift once she gets through this, right now nights works as far as her Drug/criminal court class, because they can not go together, so she does the AM, he does the PM, judge does not want them going together as it a good test for both of them, ??????? Not sure what she meant by that - but oh well.
Hoping Christmas Night will be peaceful and non dramatic - LOL, but the eve and all this week are VERY BUSY, but really not complaning, I stress, but I cause it myself, making so much food and baking, but when it all comes together Christmas Eve - I AM HAPPY and Proud.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Oh my gosh almost forgot, we got the best present ever today from Landen, forgot about those WONDERFUL SCHOOL HANDMADE GIFTS, it was all wrapped up for ME-MA & PA-PA, it was a wreath made with his hand prints all around it painted in green, in the middle a picture of him in a Santa Cap - he was so excited and proud when we opened it. I am smiling from ear to ear.
Jaclyn is going to watch Ella tomorrow and Alexcis (AKA YA-YA to Landen) is coming over to be his play buddy so I can bake some more. Gonna be in mid 70's so they will play out a lot. Miss Ella is far to busy for me to watch and bake all day - LOL. How did I do it years ago - thats right I didn't know any better and I was 30 years younger. And lets not forget No BC.
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The judge books them separately to see who really goes. You can imagine your DD having to tug Do-Do around to the meetings. This way if DD goes to hers and Do-Do doesn't go to his......that tells a story!
Have fun baking!
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Cathi, aren't those handmade gifts a heart tugger, I have a handprint from my grandson and a clay bowl from my grandaughter that I treasure. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and may it be a calm one. I'm with Barbe - no drama. Karen
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