July 2010 Rads

Tracye,  I am so sorry to hear about Lemon Drop.   I think pets get it too,  they ask nothing, accept everything and just provide love,  so another loss.   My lab is elderly,  15 so I know I too am on borrowed time. 

Traycye, Kim and Donna, Yikes  I am so sorry about the lymphedema,  enough already!!

Kim,  let us know what you think about the book,  I was at my counsellor at the cancer center who recommended it to me,  and told her others were looking at it too,  It just resonates with all we are going through.

Julie, glad to hear from you,  I hope you had a bit of a rest.  I am so sorry how things are going,  Enough already!!! 

I think this is a tough time in so many ways,  I also think I am just beginning to process what has happened,  the cancer counsellor says it is another thing we have to go through just like the surgery or radiation.   I guess I have been trying to just get on with things.   She is really recommending I take some time off,  which I am struggling with.  She says she is worried about me and that I am on the verge of exhaustion and if I crash it is really hard to get back. I feel like I am a failure or a wuss if I do so, Yet I know some people who have taken a year off and I didn't blink an eye.  I told her I would give it serious thought and discuss with my family doctor.

Yikes I spent most of yesterday in tears,  it was so unexpected.  I thought I was doing okay,  and I guess I am so far,  but at times I am barely keeping all the balls in the air.  I have fantasized with the idea of running away but I just thought it was a fantasy.  I guess I really need time to look after myself and process everything and heal!!!

Thanks again for being friends I can share this with.  I don't feel comfortable talking about this to many.   b

((((((Tracye))))))) So sorry about Lemon Drop - the universe is NOT listening when we told it NO MORE BAD.

Sonia - I don't have any good news, but at least I don't have any bad news (hey, it's a start!)

Karen

Thanks everybody so much.  I think I'll have to be sedated when my dog goes (she's 13).  Honestly you all are so warm and caring.  You make it so easy to come here and share anything without fear of being judged.  Whew -this instant menopause without any HRT is rough, hot flash occurring!

Chicago you really put something into perspective.  Like others, I have often thought if I had a mastectomy, I wouldn't have to worry about recurrence in the breast.  I never thought about it from your perspective but I so get it.  I think it shows that recurrence is a real fear, no matter what treatment we've had.

Ok, going to get a cold washcloth for my sweating neck and chest.  Love to all.

Tracye-I'm so sorry about Lemon Drop (Love the name).  Pets are like kids/family.  I have two doggies and they are my life.  My heart breaks for you.  But Lemon Drop is up in heaven flying around and chasing birds.  BIG HUG.

Kim-Donna- I would see a therpist about the fluid, I see mine twice a week (insurance pays for it) and she has worked wonders on my breast and arm, etc.  It was strange at 1st her touching my breast but it has gone done a lot.  

I'm with all of you, just plan angry, depressed, scared, but I have to try very hard to put BC/all the Dealths in a row and know that 2011 is going to be a much better year for all of us.  

I have decided Jan 1st, I will not allow myself to walk around scared of BC returning, if I keep doing that then it WINS and I myself will not allow that.  Just like the pills they want on us, no pill in the world is going to stop "god" in his plans for us.  Yes I will try it but one SF I'm off it, I need my life back.  

I'm like the rest of you, my breast hurts like made, under my arm is still numb and hurts, etc, but I just keep putting my ice pack on it, and praying it will go away soon.  

I only wish the best for each of you in 2011.  And hope that next year is a better year for each of us.  We are very lucky to have each-other.  

Many hugs and stay warm--COLD here in Chicago and a snow storm coming tomorrow...I really want the OCEAN--someday,.,:)

Julie

Hi all,

Brenda - I can understand the urge to take some time off. I would love to, but just can't afford it. I only have about 4 weeks built up of leave time, and I am afraid to touch it for fear I may need it in the next year. I think some time off would do me a world of good. It's just starting to hit me how insane it was to go through all this, working the whole time and acting like nothing was wrong. Yeesh!

Chicago - I am toying with having a prophylactic mastectomy down the line, and I had the EXACT same thought you did - but if my breasts aren't THERE, won't the cancer just go someplace really awful?? I think reading about "seeding" is what gave me that thought. I sometimes think I would cope with all this better if I knew less. I know just enough to scare myself with. I actually was planning on asking my oncologist about that issue, to see if it's as crazy as it sounds or not.

Lear - I'm not completely sure about the answer to your question. I know they wanted me to start radiation as soon as I had healed enough from the surgery to do it. Still, I would think later would be better than not at all, since radiation's goal is to zap any cells that are hanging around.

I am considering starting a Tai Chi class in January. My gym is offering one, and I thought it might be good for me. I usually love yoga to calm down, but in the city I now live in, they try to teach yoga classes as if they are aerobic classes - so they're not really calming and soothing. I am starting to have tiny little glimmers of recovery. My check engine light came on Friday evening (and I've had three expensive car repairs in 2 months) and instead of freaking out about it, I took it to the mechanic first thing Saturday, without completely wigging out. I've actually been crying a lot more (ever since Elizabeth Edwards died) and I think it's a good thing - I'm finally letting myself grieve over the whole thing. I'm even starting to feel grateful for Tamoxifen, instead of resenting it. I'm now GLAD to have something I take everyday that is hopefully keeping the nasty little cells at bay (along with the aspirin, fish oil, multivitamin, vitamin D, etc.) If I hear something MIGHT reduce a risk of recurrence, I add it in.

Right now, I consider it a good day if I'm not overwhelmed by fear or anger. I am hoping that by spring I might start to get some joy back in my life.

Have a lovely Sunday everyone!

Karen

 Donna,  I think I am the same,  didn't want to admit I was sick,   I could do it.   DENIAL is where I have been and it has been a comfortable place. 

Karen,  I think you are right,  we just had to get on with things yet it is really hard.  My daughter was speaking to her friend who is a nurse and she said to go back right away was insane,  but at the time,  who knows what to do?   It is just all hitting me now too.   I am glad that some of the emotion is coming out,  I hope it means you are healing.  I am going to try a cancer yoga in the new year,   I think the TAI Chi  will be really good,   I think movement and relaxation are both good for us.

Lear,  I had my radiation over 2 months past surgery,  so I think it can be anytime, good luck.

 Tracye,  I too so appreciate the honesty and warmth here.   It can be a lifeline.

Julie,  I am with you, lets not let this rob of us of joy.   Seems a lot like dealing with terrorism,  don't know what will happen, but can't let it ruin everything.   My thoughts are sure with you and all you are dealing with,  bless you.

Heres to a much better healing and joyful new year for all,  Brenda

Hi guys,  It's great to see the positive swing in all of your posts.  Julie, you are an inspiration for having gone through everything that you have and still are encouraging all of us.  Thank You!

Lear, I had an excision and then waited for a second opinion before a re-excision, then had a problem with healing an open wound.  So my radiation was about 3 months from my first surgery.  The Rad Onc wasn't worried.  He said that if it were longer, like 5 or 6 months, that they sometimes do the boost first instead of at the end.  You may want to ask them again to clear up your questions and feel comfortable.

Karen, Tai Chi sounds nice.  It's fascinating to watch everyone concentrating and moving in unison.  Good luck with it and let us know how it goes.

Sonia, glad to hear your having better days. When's the cookie exchange?  Wouldn't that be fun!  My BS calls tamoxifen chemo too.  It was very confusing at first, but it's powerful and hopefully what we need to keep the cells at bay.

Brenda, you hit it on the head...big time denial.  I guess now we're facing the truth and that's ok, just hope this phase passes quickly

Can't get in for the lymphedema eval until the 11th.  They're suggesting 3 times per week for 90 min each.  I wasn't expecting that. I thought they would measure me for a sleeve and show me some stretches.  I'm going to take it though, figure it will give me a forced break in my workday and will feel like I'm back doing something.

Feeling better because today was my last day of work for the rest of the year!  Only a few more days before we leave for London.  Really looking forward to spending the time with my son and watching his amazement taking in the history.  Counting on ending the year positively distracted from BC and wish the same for each of you!    Donna.

Hi Everyone,

No call today from the Doctor this morning, so I walked into the records department at the BC Cancer Centre this afternoon and requested a copy of my MRI. Decided I needed to know - no matter what the result was. They had me sign a release of information and handed it over. My relief is immense - no radiological evidence of malignancy identified, no enhancing lesions in either breast and no evidence of lymphadenopathy in all regions (I think that means my lymph nodes are all normal looking. YAY!!!!!  Thank-you for all your love and support. I am going to eat sugar to celebrate. I am off to Palm Springs tomorrow - so I am wishing you all a restful and love filled Holiday. I know we have all been through so much and for today and the next week I am vowing no cancer rumination. I hope all of you can do that too! You have been my life savers this year and I know you will always be a part of my support team - I am so grateful for all of you - please take care and may all your Christmas wishes come true.

Sonia 

Sonia-CONGRATS on the good news, that was the best Christmas present you could ask for. Have a great time in Palm Springs. ENJOY.



Merry Christmas and a Healthy New Year

Julie

Way to go, Sonia!  Have a wonderful trip and happy holidays!!

Sonia,  I am so delighted for you,  It is insane that sometimes you need to take things in your own hands. I don't know how they cannot realize how hard this is to NOT know.  So good for you,

also thanks for the encouragement,  sometimes it just seems so hard,  I think when you are run down it is hard to heal, and I am starting to realize I need time to heal.  I guess that is the part that I didn't get,  I thought I could just go back and everything would be okay,  but my  body and mind are not there yet,  I am hoping to spend more time with the picking up the pieces book soon,  as it seems to have some very positive ways of healing.

I love the food stuff,  I have been told to eat properly 80% of the time,  and 20% it is okay to be a little naughty,  so as not to deprive yourself,  that makes sense to me.  I need to bake some cupcakes,  as my little granddaughter had her birthday Christmas Eve.  

Julie,  I am with you I love to bake, but not cook,  LOL.

Donna and Julie,  thanks for the comments on denial,  it is so reassurring to read your posts and know I am not alone.   You guys just get it all.

I am wishing you all a wonderful holiday,   I hope that the extra things are joyful and not adding to the stress.  Hard to keep balance.  We are heading to Arizona soon for a few days of warmth I hope,

Merry Christmas and wishes for a much better New Year, B

Hi everyone,

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Karen

I am in the middle of radiation now and was wondering for those of you who have finished on this forum does the ugly suntan/sunburn look on your skin go away over time?

Karen thanks I was really starting to worry about this.  I am just wondering how funny I will look in a bathing suit.  I burn easily so I always wear spf 50 for babies but I still enjoy swimming and being outside. Merry Chistmas