please help

Cathi, you are tearing me apart, too. My heart aches with you. I know how tough it is to say no when innocents are involved. But listen up to the great advice you have heard. Tough love, firm "no"s, will force the issue. The kids may go hungry and without diapers for a while, but the truth will surface and they will be taken care of. Hang it there!!!

Thinking of you today Cathi.....strength my sister!

Cathi, this tough love is the hardest part for both of you, but you will have social services monitoring DDand SIL.  If you start getting the pleading calls or see that the kids are lacking food, diapers you can let social services know.  They will be your watchdog, especially since they know the wonderful care you and Ed have provided.  DD's otten come to their senses and regain that sense of self that you brought Amanda up to have.  Then she will see SIL for the person he really is and know her priorities must be her children.  My thoughts are with you.  Karen

See....DCF knows all the tricks of troubled kids......and that's what they are.

Deep breath! You're doing good!

Cathi, enjoy your date night, that is a great 2 trial visits that DCF arranged, sounds like they are really taking their role seriously. Karen

HA-HA Barbe, pretty funny-  SEX- WHAT IS SEX   by the time they leave at 5PM on the 18TH, we'll be so tired we will most likely sleep until they return on Sunday. 

We all celebrated Ella's B'day today,  all went ok,,  just always feels a bit tense,  Jaclyn HATES  SIL, and Jaclyn is pretty outspoken,  but she bites her tounge a lot. And trust me that is VERY HARD FOR HER,

HAPPY SUNDAY NIGHT TO ALL.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX 

Barbe funny you say that, a friend of Amanda's in NY who I like e-mailed me and said the same thing,  she knows what is going on,  Bill was being a idiot as usual,  not sure if you picked up on it in the one epicture of him W/Landen,  to long to explain,  but a IDIOT. Ella is quite happy with any one who pays her attention,  she a love bug,  but funny thing is Amanda was allowed to go with me Friday to pick kids up from Daycare and come back here,  Ella as always came directly to me ,  but thats her routine,  it's kinda hard to tell with her being so young, she lets them  do things that Landen is leary over and only wants me for.

We got court date it is 1/4 @ 9AM for judge to approve or disapprove between then they have been give 2 more over nights, Christmas night until Sunday AM, and New Years weekend from Friday to Sunday AM.  PRAYERS- PRAYERS.

I've been following this for a while now and though I don't know you, I am a parent to 2 "adults" and am in the process of becoming a foster parent so I have a lot of empathy for your situation.

EVERYTHING everyone is telling you is sooo true.  Time for tough love.  The BEST thing you can do is unplug your phone when the kids are gone so that any begging for money or diapers is recorded, same with FB and Emails.  Keep a record of things so you can just turn that over to the SW.  It will not be just grandma's story over moms, it will be a hard copy of what the TRUE picture for those children is.  It is horrible that the kids will be stuck in the middle of this, but permanancy is what those kids need and just staying with you is not it.

 I will say a prayer for you guys, this is NOT an easy road to take and it's got to be even harder when it is your family that is involved.  Are you a member of the Adoption. com fostercare forum?  There are a lot of people over there who are in similar situations, it might be worth it to check it out!

HUGE CYBER HUGS!!

Dawn

Hmmmm, define BIG......?

Thanks Dawn, I did find it and I did join, the GAL (Guardian) called me Tuesday she is quite concerned about the possible reunification on 1/4,  because of SIL & DD, just starting their Criminal process and not yet completing the TASKS for DCF,  she said returning children after this long of a removal to a SEMI-NORMAL routine/home is hard,  Both Parents must for the next 12  weeks attend drug counseling 4 days a week ,  DD from 10-12PM SIL  6-8PM ( Mon-Thur) Fridays for next 8  weeks couples counseling and 12  NA meetings each,  which they will have to do on the weekends, Amanda works overnights and leaves for work at 9:30PM, about the time SIL arrives home from meeting, they have only 1 vehicle,  and I just learned Amanda has no license from tickets in NY,  but she is driving to everything,  she leaves work now at 7AM, takes SIL to work,  drives an hour to meeting,  then back to his work,  he brings her home, goes back to work,  this week she has averaged about 3 hours of sleep,  guardian says it's supposed to be hard and stressful for them,  but to throw Landen and Ella into that mix, is completely unfair,  the stress and disruption to them she finds to be to much,  so I don't know what she is thinking, what she will recommend to case worker or judge,  CW visits tomorrow,  CRAZY,  doesn't DCF think this stuff through for the kids,  SIL will crack under that much stress and he will have the kids all night long,  well they sleep pretty good, yeah just never know,  Ella right now is not sleeping through the night,  wakes up a few times, she used to but the past month or so she has not. She falls abck asleep rather quickly, but he won't know what to do with her, 

Yeah Barbe my concern is he won't/doesn't want to learn, I have learned that while in NY right after Landen was born and Amandaa went back to work,  she was doing Home-Health care work and had a private case with a parapalegic womanovernights,  the minute Landen woke up  at night and Bill could not calm him or get in back to sleep within a few minutes he loaded up a newborn and took him to where Amanda was working,  finally (and this is from a VERY GOOD SOURCE friend in NY) Amanda asked for permission to bring Landen along with her to keep the job and the family said ok and actually set up a little nursery for him to sleep in.

Well, she needs her car to work, so calling it in will just be more police charges. Do they at least have insurance on the car?????

If Amanda were to be caught driving she would GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL, vehicle impounded, if the kids were with her they would be taken by DCF to a safe place,  Barbe, she only works about 5 minutes from her  apartment  (driving) and I know she has been driving there and everywhere else, They had insurance,  if they still do or not I do not know, Because she has a felony charges she is working ,  thats the reason for going right to jail,  and yes then for sure that would change things as far as the children ever going back.

Dawn when all this started DCF told us they had to COMPLETE all their TASKS assigned by them (they have not yet) + complete Criminal Court/Drug Court recomendations,  they have just started those this week,  going back for the children if all this other stuff wasn't still hanging over their heads would be hard enough and worriesome enough,  this by no means is sending the kids back into any type of NORMAL FAMILY setting for at leeast the next 3 months,

UGH -it is a mess, I know that we can voice our concerns to the judge on 1/4,  but I am hoping the guardian  can speak with DCF and case worker before then,  this is crazy for the kids,

Oh no Barbe  - I don't,,  she has enough on her plate,  I just worry that it will be her luck she will be out with the kids and  she will get stopped for some reason or another,  I can't believe she is driving without one,