I Come to the Garden...

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Comments

  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010
  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    It seems like lately I have to come here and request prayers too often. 

    Tonight, we had just turned out the lights to snuggle down to sleep when DH's phone rang.  His Ex called to let him know that his sister had died.  DH is on his way over to his mother's house to meet his brother so they can tell her.  

    DH needs prayer to remain strong.  His sister was 15 years older than he, and was a controlling force in his younger life.  Thank you.

  • Raj20
    Raj20 Member Posts: 1,112
    edited December 2010

    Meece ! very sorry  on demise of  your sister inlaw. Pray for  her soul be in peace.

  • KAJDerby
    KAJDerby Member Posts: 310
    edited August 2013

    That's the main reason for "the garden"; prayer!  Will be praying!!

  • karen4u
    karen4u Member Posts: 194
    edited December 2010

    Meece...so sorry to hear this.  Will be praying for you and the family. 

  • chabba
    chabba Member Posts: 5,065
    edited December 2010

    My prayers are with the two of you as well Meece.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2010

    Meece, your extended family is all in my prayers, this is a tough one when it is unexpected. Fear does strange things to your faith.....

  • KAJDerby
    KAJDerby Member Posts: 310
    edited December 2010
    Jo - We didn't get a lot of lake effectCry.  My daughter's school had class today in Elyria.  It is FRIGID!  Glad I grew up in Minnesota between 11 and 18!  prepared me for this cold!
  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    Thank you ladies.  The horrible thing is that she took her own life.  How can you console anyone after that?

  • chabba
    chabba Member Posts: 5,065
    edited December 2010

    Oh Meece, that is so very hard.  I don't know that there is really very much  you can do other than just be there for him, pray for and with him.  In high school my brother and I were friends of a brother and sister who lost their father to suicide.  That was about all we were able to do for them.  She told me years later how much our love and presence helped.  I know you will have the strength your husband needs right now.  And also the wisdom to recognize his needs if he finds at times that he must turn to his family for consolation.

  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    Thank you for your advice, Chabba.  It seems that DH and I are the only ones in the family that thought she was not behaving right, and even DH didn't see some of what I saw, and I am on the outside.  Way on the outside.

  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited December 2010

    Meece...Sorry about loosing your SIL. Usually close family members dont see if their loved one are acting differently.

  • Jwatrlily
    Jwatrlily Member Posts: 211
    edited December 2010

    Meece, so sorry to read of your husband's sisters passing.  So sad.  Prayers and hugs to all of you. 

    I'm sorry I've not been very active here lately.  Lots of stuff going on within my family and lots of real hurt and I've been dancing on the edge of depression.  I am trying to get back in to my Bible and get my joy and peace from there.  It is going slow because the stress is thick enough in my life right now to cut it with a knife.  For the 2nd year in a row, I'm just hanging on until these Holidays can be over and maybe the stress will let up.  I doubt it though.  It seems to follow me all the time.  I guess I haven't learned yet how to shut it off.  I can't say much here since this is a public forum but, I never dreamed certain family members would let me go through this breast cancer journey alone.  It does not feel good to reach this place in my life and reach out, when those you felt you could count on, don't reach back.

    I do wish all of my sisters here a Merry Christmas Blessed with good gifts from God and a well, recurrence free 2011.

    Juanita

  • karen4u
    karen4u Member Posts: 194
    edited December 2010

    So sorry Juanita......although it's not the same, here is a hug from me......Karen

    couples,emotions,females,gestures,hugging,hugs,love,persons,women

  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    Juanita, I hope your Dhs health is improving, and that your tx is progressing.  You can always come here for a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, or a hug.

  • Raj20
    Raj20 Member Posts: 1,112
    edited December 2010

    Yes .. one can openly expressed their feelings, pleasure, sorrow  and share thoughts in this thread. . a big garden where  varieties of flowers, plants etc. are growing whole the year round.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2010

    Juanita, I went through without family support and blew up on my sister by email a couple weeks ago, 2 years after diagnosis. I told her that after my Dad dying of lung cancer (3 year before my own diagnosis) that I felt guilty getting cancer, but still expected compassion from my siblings. She said she was mad at me! Go figure......sigh.

    Meece, suicide is the most selfish act a human can perform. And she did it well. The ripple effect of what she did will live with those left behind forever. I am so sorry to hear that was the reason for her death. My prayers deepen for easement of the guilt your DH's family must feel at this time. You are not to blame....

  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited August 2013

    So much hurting.

    ((((((((((((((((Meecie&Mr.Meece&Matt)))))))))))))))

    ((((((((((((((((Juanita))))))))))))))))))

    The one little phrase that rolls into my brain for each of your separate situations is,
    "Other people feel this."

    It's actually a quote from a book I read by a Buddhist monk, Pema Chodrin. I have received consolation when I repeat it, during times of duress. It makes me realize that I am not alone in whatever emotion or feeling I am having.

    "Other people feel this."

    I think when I was going thru the tough complications from my surgery, earlier this year, and then lost my dear sounding-board & wonderful friend Saint, to this beast, I would unintnetionally add insult to injury and feel so isolated.

    Then I would remind myself, "Other people feel this." I am not alone. I have a caring Creator who counts the feathers on a bird and knows my every pain and sorrow.

    Meece, others have lost a family member to suicide. You are not alone. Others have bourne up under such a 'double' challenging loss. Thank you for trusting us with the specifics. The director of a local preschool lost her son just weeks back to suicide. I know her heart is still reeling. By speaking the truth we can reach out to you in more specific ways, and help carry you as you grieve.

    Juanita, your experience is heart rending, but "Other people feel this." I think these boards are rife with the sort of experience you have described. In reading other threads I see this theme over & over & over & over some more. We humans, don't seem to be very good at supporting our family members when the chips are down.

    Thank goodness we have the strength of this forum.

    xx00xx00xx00xx

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 4,266
    edited December 2010
    absolutely, Juanita.. pm me i'll give you a way to open up.. raj, that's a beautiful word picture. we all ARE like a big garden, with all kinds of plants in it.. Lisa will have to be a rose: hers are so beautiful. i'll pick a yellow plumeria.. they make the leis out of those in Hawwaaii, i love their smell, too.. how bout you ladies? what flower would you be?
  • mumito
    mumito Member Posts: 4,562
    edited December 2010

    (((Meece and Jaunita))) extra prayers for Matt too.I like the quote that Faith used.Others feel this.We are definetly not alone ladies.

  • karen4u
    karen4u Member Posts: 194
    edited December 2010

    This song just came to mind and I feel it is sooooo appropriate for Meece, Juanita and all the other ladies that are going through a trial right now.

    Can I Pray For You

    I've been your friend for a while.
    I know you're hiding behind that smile,
    And you're keeping inside tears that should have been cried,
    You've been brave through this trial.
    You've been as strong as a stone,
    Against the stormy winds that have blown.
    But you have friends who care, more than willing to share,
    Don't face those troubles alone.

    Chorus:
    Can I pray for you?
    Can I mention your name to the Lord?
    When I seek His face, can I plead your case?
    That's what praying is for.
    I'll help you carry your cross,
    And find the way when you're lost.
    If we'll let Jesus be true, I know that He'll see you through.
    Can I pray for you?

    I know that there'll come a day.
    When I'll have trials and need you to pray.
    Just like you've done before, you'll mention me to the Lord,
    That's why I'm here to say:
    "Let me be there for you.
    We'll divide all your problems by two.
    And very soon there'll be three - you and Jesus and me.
    That's what friends are supposed to do."

    Repeat chorus

    If we'll let Jesus be true, I know that He'll see you through.
    Can I pray for you?

  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    Karen, that is amazingly beautiful!  Thank you all for sharing and being there.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2010
    Karen, that's a beautiful song. I'd love to hear the music too. It says it all with more grace than I do, I'm afraid. I am often blunt and to the point, but my heart is in the right place. Smile
  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited December 2010

    Just got on after missing all day yesterday.  Meece-eek!  I love Karen's lyrics; that's what I'm doing-praying for you.  I'm going to post the lyrics for one of my favorites-I probably posted them before, but this song means so much to me-I want you to revisit the words-Love, Me

    I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
    and wiped our tears away,
    stepped in and saved the day.
    But once again, I say amen
    and it's still raining
    as the thunder rolls
    I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
    "I'm with you"
    and as Your mercy falls
    I raise my hands and praise
    the God who gives and takes away.

    Chorus:
    And I'll praise you in this storm
    and I will lift my hands
    for You are who You are
    no matter where I am
    and every tear I've cried
    You hold in your hand
    You never left my side
    and though my heart is torn
    I will praise You in this storm

    I remember when I stumbled in the wind
    You heard my cry to You
    and raised me up again
    my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
    if I can't find You
    and as the thunder rolls
    I barely hear You whisper through the rain
    "I'm with you"
    and as Your mercy falls
    I raise my hands and praise
    the God who gives and takes away

    Chorus

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2010

    I don't think you've posted that before, what beautiful words....

  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited December 2010

    Barbe, it's a Casting Crowns song-they are one of my favorites.  Should be on Youtube or something if you want to hear the song. 

  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    Eph, I think you may have PM'd it to me because it seems so familiar.

    DH has asked me to go to his mother's in awhile.  He noticed my heart started racing and I started breathing fast.  I didn't realize just how adversly they affect me, and I am very worried about going.  He can't be paying attention to them and worried about what someone will say to me.  I will pray for peace .

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2010

    Meece, I want you to disconnect any of the buttons they can push. When they say something you would normally react to, I want you to look at that person and go "Wow, that normally would have botthered me, but today it doesn't." They are bound to be inappropriate today with the grief they are in. You  MUST distance yourself from them and JUST observe. Be a scientist, be a journalist. Be what ever and whoever you need to be to not get emotionally involved with them. Its' about them right now.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2010
    FYI when you say those things above, you say them in your HEAD....you got that, right? Surprised
  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    Yes, I am the "lady". when I deal with them.  it is afterward I melt.

    When we pulled up yesterday, DHs ex was standing in the yard talking on the phone, I told him she sould run into the house to let everyone know he brought "HER". Sure enough, she did, right away.  She had an affair with DHs best friend which ended their marriage, but the family brought her back to all family gatherings soon after DH and I got married.  That has really hurt DH. And does every time he sees them fawning over her.

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