May 2010 Chemo

Oh, we have a flippin RAT in our house.  I seriously have never seen one that wasn't someone's pet.  The washer was running and switched cycles when the faucet in the kitchen clanked.  I thought it was strange so BF went and opened the cupboard below and a G%# Damn rat was caught by a foot in a mouse trap.  I thought I was gonna die.   It got away down the hole around the pipes.  We bought some rat traps and poison so I'll let u know if anything comes of that.  I'm just so grateful I wasn't the one who opened the cupboard. 

Good Morning May Ladies  Jen, love your curly hair, it is so chic.  Mine is so white, it is hard to see, but I did a new photo, with my PJs and coffee this morning.  Pax Hope you get more time for yourself.  The library program sounds like a good idea.  The rat is a yikes.  I had my golden retriever bring me a big fat rat from my screened porch once.  He was so proud of himself.  Worst of all varmint stories for me was a 5 foot cow snake in my current house.  I called the police I was so freaked out.  It took 3 weeks to capture it and take it to a new location(miles away from my house).  My friend and I put it in a pillowcase and drove it to the country.  The policeman wanted to shoot it in my house, I said no thanks. So I slept for three weeks with one eye open and the lights on, hoping it would not crawl in the bed with me.  I even tried a powder called Snake Be Gone.  Ha.    Take care everyone.  Magda, my prayers are for clear margins and speedy recovery.  Take care!  Denise, hope your skin is healing.  Daiva  I was so touched by your forgiveness of the medical staff for your puncture.  We do not have enough of that these days.  Patricia 

Okay, I am cracking up here!  Rats, snakes...eww!!!

Paxton~ sledding already?  I'll be eager to hear about the sprouts.  Mine seem to go bad before I finish them when I buy them.  I should add them to my juicing more often.  I know what you mean about 2 1/2 mos....

Jen ~ LOVE the hair!  Absolutely adorable!   And you look so healthy :-)  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!   Hoping you get a break from the discomfort of your TE today - even if it's just for the day!  Hope you have a great day, girlfriend!

Magda ~ we're all rooting for you today. Hoping for the best outcome from your surgery today...

Jersey ~ you're not the only one feeling down.  Vinny sounds like my DH - balanced and rational and steady.  Re: tamox -  I called my onc. yesterday to see if I can skip filling the rx. til after ooph in Jan. because they'll swith meds then anyway.  He was ok with it - thank God!   I don't want to take any of it!!!!   I cracked up when I read your rx was in your glove compartment.  

kim ~ hope the cold's better.  Thanks for the hugs.  

Patricia ~ 5 ft. snake!   I would have run right out of my house!!!  You mentioned your hair color - are you going to keep the color or do something about it?  I can't wait to start playing around with color again - but don't really have enough yet.

So I went back to Hopkins to see my PS yesterday.   He has never seen a punctured TE.  Aren't I special!?   I got another 100cc fill and will go back in 2 wks for another.  I woke up this morning and it appears to be leaking internally because it's already deflating some.  Argh!!!!!  He doesn't want to wait 6 mos for my DIEP anymore and wants to do it 3 mos earlier.  It's now scheduled for 3/8.  That's really around the corner.  My ooph and port removal will be mid Jan.   At least my boobs matched in size for a day.  My left boob looks a bit weird due to the fact that it's rotated.  I was so sad to find out the nurse practitioner who does my fills and works with the PS is moving away.  It's amazing how attached you can get with some of your care providers.  We have really bonded and I'm so bummed - esp. with the big surgery coming up in March.  Life just goes on... Ok, last thing...  Luke is in 4th grade and is asking me to help him come up with metaphors (homework).   Nothing like jogging the brain first thing in the morning! 

Daiva ...What is the ooph? I keep reading it and it doesn't want to registrar in my brain!

Magda ...Pray w r with you today ...Feel better fast!

Patricia.... Have a great weekend.

Paxton...we bought these little plug ins mouse and rat removers .. a sound is emitted that only they can hear and it worked ..we used them in my parents mountain home...the mice and rats would move in for the winter. so we left them in place all winter an din the spring there were no mice or rats or spiders for that matter..try them...

paxton: I almost jumped out of my chair reading RAT...I had two of them in my house about 5 yrs ago. It seems one of my kids left back door open and we didn't discover it until a week later cuz we were on vacation. I didn't even realize it until they ate through my lines in the dishwasher and fridge. I freaked out when the exterminator found rat droppings in the basement. We couldn't catch the darn thing..even with our hunting dog. ..soooo.

here is how we got him....with a baby monitor.....put out a bowl of water which is what he wants because he now has ingested the poison....put the baby monitor close by and the other part in your bedroom....before the bowl of water put out that sticky rat/mice thing that you can get in any store.. the rat will go onto the sticky thing trying to get to the water. he will screech,. you will here him on the monitor..and then you got him!   after 2 months, 2 exterminators, this is what worked for us...okay now 2nd rat was under the dishwasher dead from the poison.  YUCH...but will tell  you that the both exterminators said if rats run in pairs....so sorry to tell yu that...but try the monitor...was the only thing that worked for us

packjen:  You look adorable and glad you got away with hubby to your special place...i am so happy to see us all progressing.

majdula: thought about you all day...sending you special prayers tonight. hope all went well

Daiva: you are one amazing woman... What a great attitude you have. I wish I was as compasionate as you..And your right this disease STINKS.  I can't wait till all my buds come to the jersey shore next year...we will martini it all weekend celebrating our achievements

denise:  how are you feeling? burns better?

Patricia: enjoy your weekend

5 days until I see my son!  I have been crying all week looking at his pics. I decorated the house with every xmas decoration I owned for the past 30 years...Took me 3 days.. I am putting a big sign outside the house welcoming him home... I am actually in a good mood for a change...

nite ladies

Had the best thing told to me today from my Onc! "Have a wonderful Christmas and we will see you in 3 months!" Woooo Hooo! I am so glad ..I was in the most horrible mood since I had my blood test last week..thinking what are they going to find now!..I do have to see my surgeon next week to remove my port, cant wait to get the damn thing out! Ordered my Arimidex, bought my self a pill sorter. for all my vitamins and I'm good to go.

.I still have to have my recon but that is going to be a while out. Like I said before I don't want anyone touching me for a long time! If I even have it!.

I swear today it was gloomy, cold and sprinkling when I walked into the Oncs office and when I walked out the sky was the brilliant blue with big poofy white clouds.. sun shining very bright .. I got in my car and started crying..dang I hope this is really over!..

My skin is healing up..its very dried up from the stuff they had me put on to stop it from weeping..damn that was really a surprise after thinking I got off easy with the rads...now the skin is falling off like a snake. Its been many years since I have had a sunburn that peeled, but this is crazy peeling. I put oil on it and the skin just moves..so gross! I scale my pain by how many Norcos I have to take ..and it was a 2 Norco every 5 hours for 2 day pain.

Paxton ..Hope your mice have moved out for good...now do you have any remedies for removing a skunk? We have a skunk living near by.. saw it waddle past the back door the other day..cat were going crazy inside the house. I thought there was something in the back yard because of the scratched up grass..shock to see a skunk..don't know why I was so shocked, we have feral chickens running around! Dumpster Diver they are! And my husband scales how well I'm feeling by how upset I get about the house being cluttered and or messy..lol I'm a little craze about clutter..

I have been crying at the drop of a hat the last few days..Njgirl I was crying reading your post about your son coming home..I 'm getting excited for you..

Jen ...I'm going to have to put up a new pic too, my hair is not as long as yours but its getting better..you look great!

Magda ...I hope your ok!

Saying prayer for all my sister warriors...

Hearing about Edwards put me in a strange mood all day too.. like losing someone I knew but not really.. sounds crazy but ...yea.

Majdula... How are you? Hope your healing with out much discomfort1 thinking about you!

For that matter I hope everyone is feeling good, that's why everyone is being so quiet!

Hello ladies,

Thank you all for your support and prayers! I know it took me some time to keep you posted about my results, but I have checked out of hospital only yesterday. My drain was removing fluids like crazy and they didn't trust me to be able to "milk" it by myself (and no nurse would be visiting to do it). Anyway, everything went remarkably well so here is a little summary of what I went through.



Thursday, December 2, check-in. Breast surgeon saw me along with three other women undergoing similar surgeries on the same day. We then all went for the radionuclide injection to mark suspicious lymph nodes and made friends quickly. BS then came to see us in our room (we were all four together) to make sure we were alright. He's quite fun actually and we all found we had a slight weakness for him :-).



Friday, December 3, surgery. Segmentoctomy and axillary node dissection (so the full sack, contrary to what I've been thinking). I first went for the wire insertion to mark the path to the wire clip inside. After that off to the op-room where a very nice young lady anesthesiologist took care of me. I was concerned about being nauseated after waking up (with chemo SE's still fresh in my mind...), but she said they were using drugs that cause very little nausea. I went to sleep very quickly, I just remember someone saying good night and me replying good night and then I have foggy recolections of saying that I dreamt of something, but couldn't remember what the dream was. As I was waking up in the post-op room I kept asking questions about what went into my IV (glucose, rehydration solution and painkillers), then the anesthesiologist showed up to check that I was fully awake and told me I was very funny on waking up. I apparently kept giving answers to questions that weren't addressed to me, I was interfering in the docs and nurses conversations LOL. However, BS refused to tell me what I was babbling, said it was better that I didn't know :-). I only hope I didn't tell them anything that was embarrassing ;-). They took me to our room afterwards and I luckily threw up only once.



Saturday, December 4 BS told me I would check out on Monday... and off he went on holiday... My drain then started giving so much fluid that his stand-in made it Tuesday first, then Wednesday when he was planning to remove it. I checked out on Wednesday, but with my drain still attached. It still gives some fluid, but less and less and I will see my original BS tomorrow about its removal. Histology report is not ready yet, so I'm still waiting to see if I got clear margins and what is



Girls, in less than a week I saw more than in one human life. Not only I have learned so many things about breast surgery, but I was in an ob/gyn department of the hospital (no vacancy in the onco dept and the hospital is basically specialised in womens diseases), so I saw had one after another two ladies with hypermenorrhoea, two premature mothers (we baptised one of the babies on Monday and I'm now a godmother to little Claudia), one extra-uterine pregnancy that needed to be terminated (a very sad one, the girl aborted spontaneously six months ago) and one spontaneous abortion. It's been like an onco-gyn internship! I was also surprised at my reaction to everything - I actually managed to get interested in everything that was going on around me. The three ladies that were operated with me were good company and we laughed everything off, our room got quickly known at the department as "the cheerful room". The "girls" did not undergo any oncological treatment, so we exchanged phone numbers and I'll be happy to help them with any kind of problems that lay ahead of them.



Now on to each and everyone of you:

Jen: Such great hair! Mine is growing in quickly, as well as my lashes and eyebrows, they're much thicker than before my surgery - woohoo :-).

Paxton: I know what it means to chase out rats from the house - we have plenty of them at your country house. Great to hear the problem seems solved.

Patricia: Gray is great, it looks noble and distinguished. My Mum has great gray hair and looks fantastic :-). As for the snake we had one in our country house twice, but it was just a small grass snake that went away on its own once and that I caught into a plastic bag and let out the second time. Never ever kill a snake in your house, brings bad luck and snakes are believed to be guardians of the house they visit.

Daiva: Good luck with your TE's and DIEP. There was a moment on Saturday when I was thinking "enough, I've had enough!" and I guess you have the same feelings sometimes. Keeping you in my prayers!

Denise: I'm back to stay, I'm convinced that there are clear margins and that there won't be any more surgery! YAY for your appointment in three months time, that's so great! I also hope your skin is healing quickly. When is your recon?

Kim: Who is Edwards? Is she the wife of John Edwards? I heard she had cancer that wasn't curable but treatable... so bad to hear she was unable to go on with hear treatment!



Phew, it feels good to be back. Sorry for this long post, but I'm had to get this all out, this WAS great experience!



Hugs to all of you, I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers :-).

Hey ladies.  I haven't posted in ages.  I started rads this week (2 down, 23 to go.)  I'm thinking that the driving is the worst part so far...3 hours of driving for a 10 minute appointment!  One other lady I met today has 5 hours so I shouldn't complain.   I also haven't shared the news I got from the surgeon last week...wait for it...CLEAN MARGINS!  Yeah  Unfortunately 4 of 9 nodes still had residual cancer, so now I'm praying that radiation does its thing and I can leave this behind me.  I met with my onc. today...as much as I like him, I never leave his office in as good of spirits as when I went in.  I know it's his job to tell me that I have a high chance of recurrence because of the size of the tumor, the node involvement, ER-, and HER2+ yada yada yada, but seriously, I was enjoying the feeling that maybe just maybe I'd beaten this thing and I could could just go back to my normal life

I guess it's just the normal swing of emotions that we all go through, but I couldn't stop thinking about you guys and how much I appreciate being able to come on here and get some support from people who understand.  The first thing I wanted to do when I got home was call my mom, but you guys were second on the list!  (The DH got the phone call on the way home, hands free of course

On the good side of things, my hair is super cute!  I keep getting comments from the cancer centre staff on how much the short hair suits me.  Who knew?  I'm too tired to post a picture today so maybe this weekend.

Magda - I'm so so glad that your surgery went well.  It seems like you really took the opportunity to turn it into a positive experience.  Thanks for sharing!

Denise - I also have a mental block from around June to August.  I can remember the week of my diagnosis down to the day, but around the 2-4 chemo are a bit of a blank.

Paxton - hope you fixed your rat problem!  We had two mice caught under our sink.  Still don't know how they got in, but no new evidence.  BTW the biggest snake I ever saw was a bull snake...coiled under the women's washroom at a regional park.  They look VERY similar to a rattle snake (which we do have but they aren't as common) and are about as big.  One of my friends was water skiing and a bull snake got wrapped around the legs of one of the guys that was out water skiing at the same time.  EWW.  

Connor quote of the day:  "Is it Christmas yet?" Repeat over and over...and over!

Haven't seen or heard from any critters. 

I'm emotional again.  Seems to never end.  A gratitude journal might help.  I know I tend to focus on the bad things and stew over things. 

Good morning ladies!

Denise So sorry to hear you are still in pain after Taxotere - this stuff is pure poison, it's taken from Pacific yew tree and it's neurotoxic, so no wonder it plays havoc with your body. I don't have TE's, segmentoctomy means the BS took only a small portion of tissue around the original tumour (I had a clip put in so they could find the place). The breast looks great, only a little smaller than before, but then I was uneven before the surgery, so no problem. He moved around some muscle tissue so that the shape was conserved, so I might as well had PS ;-).And yes, I have three brand new sisters and hopefully friends for a longer time than our stay in hospital.

Jenn YAY for clear margins! I'll find out about the outcome of my surgery next week, I just hope I won't need to go in for another one... BS is a nice guy, but I prefer to stop seeing him :-). I'm emotional too, cried it all out on Friday after the removal of my drain, I felt like I was carrying the entire world on my shoulders. We'll be better soon and forget! Anyway, I remember everything from my biopsy down to every single chemo, seems like my scientific mind takes everything in for further use...

Paxton I hear you on your need for a gratitude journal - great idea!

Leanna Welcome back! Good to hear tamox has no SE's for you. I still have hot flushes, but they're getting scarcer. Good luck with you rads and starting work!

Big hug to all!

Hello girls,

I had my stitches out today. BS that operated me wasn't there and will see me on Thursday, but as his colleague said, this should be the last time I go in there, so I'll gladly believe him. The only exception I'm willing to grant them for the next time will be when I give birth hopefully ;-).

Patricia, you look amazing. My hair is so "long" now that my wig slips away if I pull a little harder, so I need to be careful now in public. I complained about this in front of the surgeon who saw me today and realized only too late that he was a baldie (that was when he replied: "At least it's growing back"... poor guy, he is so nice and quite young, in his mid-thirties, but then he didn't see his hair coming off in handfuls). I'm keeping you in my prayers, I hope your thyroid will be just a banal malfunction! And yes, isn't it crazy how our minds play mastermind with us if I may say... I've been so confused after my coming home from hospital, just can't seem to gather my thoughts. I find it hard to pray to at times, but I hope this is just a phase that I'll overcome soon!

Please stay upbeat and positive, ladies!

Hugs to all!

sacphoto:  what is your facebook name? I want to see  you and your daughter. I was welling up reading your post...Yes brag brag brag and rightfully so..How exciting for you and your family....That is so wonderful..and BOOOH on that idiot who felt to make such a stupid stupid comment....people don't really get it do they

My favorite stupid comment to me is "wow...you get to always have perky ones how I wish I  could always be perky...and you know how I reply each and every time....Along with being perky every day you get to look at a scar that stretches from one side of your chest to the other with not nipples. And yes every day you are numb with no feeling whatsoever in your breasts along with no feeling down your arm. Yes I am so lucky....  It shuts them up each and every time along with an apology...

Continuing on my soapbox...I cannot get Elizabeth Edwards out of my mind.. Her prognosis was fantastic and she has the best resources.. I have not worried about my cancer until the day she died...How weird is that.....

Okay on a happier note..MY SON IS HOME... he looks fantastic and I well up just thinking what it was like seeing him for the first time after 5 months. He left doing the worst part of my chemo and I was so sickly every day.. The first thing he said to me was "mom you look so good",,,he had tears in his eyes,....I will never ever forget that face,,,,,

Patricia: try to keep up your positive attitude., Seems we all have our ups and down days

Majdula: my thoughts are always scattered. I swear I have adult ADD...glad your hair is that long...YEAH for you

Leanna: Nice to have you back...happy to hear you are doing well.

 Jenn: congrats on clear margins

Have 4 MRI's this week and 2 cat scans. See the onc. on 20th to determine if I have bone mets. Almost think I should postpone doctor appt till after xmas. If it is not a good result why should I spoil my holiday as well as my family. Will 6 days really make a dfference,,,what would you do?

Jersey - I would postpone... I just wouldn't want to deal with that now... but, that's me!    So glad your son is home!  What an awesome present. 

Denise - That is awesome about your daughter... sounds like she has tons of people who love and support her!  So glad you got to hear her sing again (really, WTH was that woman thinking... I hope when you walked away, she thought twice about what she said!). 

Magda - Hope everything is healing well!!  ((HUGS)).  Are you going to need to take Tamox or AIs??  Thanks for being so positive for us!!

Patricia - I just did 3/25 rad today (and got my flu shot).  Are you having any redness or irritation/pain?  I don't know when it starts to cause irritation, but I can't even tell they are doing anything! 

I think we're about ready for the holidays here.. my mother is coming again for about 4 days (and yes, I am stressed already).... and she has already tried to take over Christmas Eve Dinner.... I talked to her today, and had to tell her no, she couldn't... that is the other Grandma's right... um.... and she (my husband's parents) live here (moved here from Delaware)... and you do not... even though there is no reason for it.  She has extended family where she lives, but I would want to live near my children with their kids, and my mother chose NOT to when she retired.... I know it would be tough to pick betweeen your children/grandchildren, but I was her ONLY child with children, so it should have been easy.  Listened to her for years talk about her friends that were moving to California and Arizona to be near their grandkids, and we could barely get a 6-hour visit out of them because of their dogs.... and now you want to come up here, and take over tradition.... no. 

My youngest started preschool last week, and I know it's the best for him, but gosh I miss him like crazy not being at home!!!!!! 

Love you guys!! 

Hi Guys,   I lost a long post yesterday....grrrr.  Anyway, today I am supposed to hear from my biopsy.  We are pretty much snowed in here with ice and snow.  I am going to get a friend to take me for rads since my little car is pretty much useless in bad weather.  Leanna my irritation started this week, on rad number 18 (of 33).  My entire left side is covered in a rash and itches. The doctor said this is common for women taking Aromasin.   It does not hurt.  I start my boost next week. I will finish on Jan 4th.  My trip starts on the 11th and I still am planning to go unless the thyroid  results are  a problem.  Magda  I am glad your surgery is behind you and that you had such an interesting hospital stay.  Regarding prayer, I think we all have trouble from time to time. I guess that it the Dark Night of the Soul that Thomas Merton talked about.  I think it is a part of the spiritual walk. Barb, I  hope your son is okay and that you find the strength you need to deal with this stressful time.  My son seemed to breeze through the teen years, while my daughter was very "out there" with her rebellion, etc.  Later I found out my son was very depressed during those years.  Both outgrew the phase and turned out fine(I think of course).  Still it is not easy and we often have a lot of sleepless nights in the mean time.  Denise, How exciting about your daughter!  I know you must be very proud, and that getting to hear her perform for such a large group must have been very very rewarding, especially hearing how her voice had responded to training. Jersey  I am trying to remain positive.  Today I should here from the biopsy of my thyroid.  I am a little nervous.  Regarding going in for your results, I can understand you desire to postpone til after Christmas.  This past week has been difficult for me to get the port out, get the biopsy, and have dr. appt, rads every day.    I am tired for the first time since I finished chemo the end of Sept .Jenn  How cute about Connor.  I hope you all have a great Christmas!  I am looking forward to xmas with my granddaughter.  I bought her a Madeline rag doll with lots of accessories!  She is one year old, and is beginning to love to open presents.  Her baby sister will arrive in April.  Children make Christmas so magical!  Paxton, hope you are okay and enjoying this time with your son. Love you all and will let you know later about my results,  Patricia