please help

But Cathi, "normal" thoughts for parents aren't doing drugs with such young children around!

Oh Barbie- you are right again - maybe you and Nettie need to come here and kick some butt -

Well we celebrated Alexcis's 7th B'day today (12/10 is the big day) and Indian Rocks Beach has their annual stret Christmas parade, goes right past the house can just stand on the lawn,  it was fun,  had to make her her chicken fettucini and cookies and then she likes Carvel Ice Cream cake, they got a ton of candy and beads thrown at them, wonderful watching them,  Of coarse with good sometimes there comes bad,  Mom and Dad were not here for Landen and Ella ,  they should have been here from 8-8 per DCF new rule for Sunday,  I just got a FB PM from Amanda stating she and SIL were sick all night and day,  not even a phone call all day long.  I need you all to pray for Ed and I so that we may live long and healthy so that Landen and Ella are able to grow into wonderful  adults.  I cried so hard after putting Landen to bed,  thinking what will happen to these kids,  how will they grow up if we are not allowed to live long enough to have a positive influence in their lifes.  Theres seriously is nothing more I want for Christams this year than an answer or a sign from God that this will all be ok for them.

Thanks Barbe- XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX But I can't help but think how any positive influence we have had will be wiped away if/when they go back home  to mom and dad.  You know I would so like to be able to have a quiet evening alone with my hubby again,  would love to drink a glass of wine and be silly,  but I don't want that at the expense of these kids. And neither does Ed,  it was kinda ruff going for us for awhile NEW PARENT THING  -  LOL,  but we have a rythm going now,  we are both tired as hell most of the time,  we love all of our grandkids but what a PROTECTIVE bond we have going here,  Landen is attached to PA-PA's hip most of the time,  Ella she is going to be one on Saturday,  a year has gone by,  she has lived half of her life with us.  Christmas is gonna be pretty hard this year,  so many emotions,  I so want to LOVE my daughter,  I do love her,  but I am so disappointed beyond words these days. UGH sorry for babbling.

I saw that on FB and laughed outloud! What a great picture Cathi! ehhehehehehehehe

Elaine, you said that so well that I'll just say "ditto".

Easy to say, not easy to do...but don't worry about dd and sil. They are grownups, capable of making their own decisions AND deal with the consequences of those decisions. I think we are sometimes to quick to protect our children (aka bail them out, make excuses, and so on) because it is so hard to watch them struggle with growing up and learning how to be grown up and such. But at this point they need to learn to live w what they have done. This has NOTHING to do with you and Ed.. my goodness you have taken on a lot, already having raised a family, and dealing with variety of health concerns... Landen and Ella, while they may have some issues in the future (who doesn't) are so much better off now. They are safe and loved and cared for and wanted. Every child deserves that. As much as you can, enjoy all the good things that are happening while taking care of your selves... taking advantage of all the help that is available so that you and Ed are able to have time for each other.  I am in awe of all you have taken on... a real hero who deserves at the least a beautiful cape and tiara.  I so wish I was nearby so I could help. You are always in my heart and in my prayers.

Oh Judie, you will be a wonderful motivator!! Look at what you did for your son....you can pass that gift on to Connor. May you two dance with the music!!!!

Cathi, I posted once before when you were considering daycare for Ella, your grandchilldren are so lucky to have you and Ed.  Watch them sleep on Christmas eve and realize how blessed the four of you are.  I so admire what you are doing.  Take care,, Karen

It has finally happened I have lost my faith my trust in God today,  everyone is telling me it's ok it's in God's hands, well it has been and I can't believe what is happening,  court today and if  DCF can get another date scheduled before Christmas Landen and Ella will be back home by then -  A TEST TRIAL RUN as I have been made to understand -  pretty much lets let them F-UP ,  but don't worry they are going to be closely supervised. What the hell,  theres a team called the reunification task force that will visit the home at least twice weekly announced/unannounced,  Sara the DCF worker must go at least once a week,  and also the court guardian,  plus to the school, etc, etc.  They are not even doen with the things they were told they had to do,  and starting Monday they start their criminal TASKS,  I don't understand,  it's like DCF eexpects them to mess up so put the kids in to pull them back out, and all I can do is sit, watch and worry,  I am literrly sick to my stomach. just last night SIL said here at his visit,  "we didn't get the kids taken away because we are BAD PARENTS, we got them taken away because we  were doing drugs and fighting"  I guess I don't know what BAD PARENT MEANS.

I know it would be hard at anytime, but THIS IS NOT THE TIME,  they are not ready and no one see's that - they see CHRISTMAS.  My God all they talk about is how broke they always are,  no money and  it's only been them and a package of diapers here every now and again. They have to provide their pay stubs to DCF we get copies of everything,  they make enough money to provide, not to live extravagant- but to provide.  So anyway I am a mess, I am so sad so scared,  my friend Blaire says I still have to trust in God,  but I don't DCF and the task team follow them for 90 days  - big deal.

Think of it. The longer the kids stay with you the more chance that they will NEVER be able to go home. Your daughter and SIL have to step up to the plate NOW!!!! Put up or shut up. (not you, them!)

crap

If there mess up was truly in the PAST, then maybe this would not be so upsetting,   but while their DRUG testing is coming back clean,  they still have VERY ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS, not my call nor Ed's  -  but all the professionals,  while they are not buying drugs at this point,  they are feeding their addictive habits with other things,   in 6/mo they have maybe spent $100 on these children,  yet they sport new cell phones, cloths, etc,  etc,  this is a CONCERN to the courts , even today it was, yet these kids are going back,  they NEVER have any food,  just like it was before,  when I was blind to all that was going on.  Now I see, now I feel, now I know,  but no one listens now. Judge says you are making enough money to support your children all the way through this -  yet they have not,  so I guess I just sit back and say and do nothing,  and  SIL can't wait to get them away from us,  we'll be lucky if we see them for weeks.  Time for my punishment for caring,  I'm 3 miles away and I won't see them. I have already heard the comments.

I wish you were all here right now, I gotta pull myself together soon and go get them from Daycare,  can't be a mess around them.  Barbe you said whet my BFF Blaire said and Ed too,  no money , let it play out,  but how do I avoid those guilt trips Mom can you buy some diapers , some food, we are broke ,  cause just like before if I keep doing that,  they will keep spending on things they should not,  becaus ethey know where my heart lies. How do I NOT go buy diapers or food for those children.

Cathi, if you give them a PENNY you are validating their behaviour!!! I will be SO pissed at you!! You have to make them realize what children cost. So let DCF see them without diapers and food....it's the only thing that will work.

Ther is only one other time in my life when my heart has ached this bad,  and thats when my mom died.  I NEVER wanted to feel like that again,  I am trying to keep it together,  but I can't so glad Ed is home this evening,  every time I look at Ella and Landen,  the tears roll,  and I gotta find an excuse to leave the room,  watching them fall asleep tonight is going to kill me.   Wisj it would then I would not hurt.