my treatment ended yesterday

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geewhiz
geewhiz Member Posts: 1,439
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Why am I still so scared?

I think odds of recurrence with so many positive nodes and stage 3 triple positive is around 33%..or 67% that I am fine forever. I am trying SO HARD to only think about that. I am usually always happy and positive. I juice daily, take lots of supplements, and do all kinds of alternative natural treatment. I feel physically great. I am very physically fit. I pray and meditate. Not for cure, but for peace and acceptance of my life. Mentally..I think I need a break. I really do not want to do any sort of antidepressant, relaxer etc...Enough with the chemicals. I want to make sure as I remember PURE posting awhile ago.. "Am I doing everything I can????" Wow, do I know that raw feeling...that angst!

 We work so hard and stay so focused on getting ourselves through our surgeries and treatments...then it ends!!!! And I feel like I am standing up, finally pulling my head up, looking around saying...okay..what the heck just happened here????? 

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  • DiDel
    DiDel Member Posts: 1,329
    edited December 2010

    OMG I hear ya!!! When I completed chemo I was like now what?!? I cried for days. I felt like I was left flapping in the breeze. All my drs appts were that constant reassurance that I was ok. and that made me feel better. I think a lot of us feel that way. For me I think coming here helps with the fear and the loneliness. My friends are great but just don't understand. I try to stay focused on getting back to life work and exercise. I just got a puppy AND a kitten and they keep me too busy to think about me sometimes. Every now and again I will be going about my day and it will HIT me I HAD CANCER..sometimes it overwhelms me and I come here or call a friend..sometimes I just need a good cry. A friend of mine who is 5 years out told me the first 2 years were toughest and that everyday gets better but that not a day goes by that she doesn't think about what she's been through..the good and the bad.

     Stay strong and know you can always vent here!

    Diane 

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited December 2010

    Just know your going through certain stages. I felt the same when it ended but then I started focusing on working out 2 hours a day and juicing, etc. I wanted to, as quicly as possible, to get in the best phisical shape as possible and get the drugs out of my system. I am 7 months from tx and I am very very happy and the weird thing is most days I forget what happened. I still have omg did that really happen moments but for the most apartment I have gone on with my life. I don't dwell and I am confident in my future.

    Also,  If you did Zometa your stats are even better then 67%. 

    I  believe I will be ok and I don't visit here often. I did today and I am glad I saw your post. Your going to be ok and it's ok to feel the way you do today. Feel it, live it and then move through it. There are great things waiting for you on the other side.

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  • Fighter_34
    Fighter_34 Member Posts: 834
    edited December 2010

    I am falling into this stage myself ladies. I am overjoyed to almost be finished, but I terrified of the unknown. I don't finish until Feb., but my mind is all over the place.

    Argghhhh, can I freeze time until I get myself together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • clariceak
    clariceak Member Posts: 752
    edited December 2010

    It's a tough place to be in.  It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of treating yourself and doing everything possible to keep sane.  I do think that exercise is key to being proactive and I take inspiration from the wonderful ladies on this board who are out running. 

    It's ok to be scared.  We'll all been through a traumatic life altering event.  I think we just have to know that overall anxiety will lessen over time - not there won't be flare-ups.

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited August 2013

    I felt shell shocked too when my "active" treatment came to an end.  It's crazy isn't it though---we are literally putting posion in our bodies, but it makes us feel better knowing if there are any little specks floating around the poison will get them!  Time does make it better, but you may want to find an in person support group if you haven't already.  They and YOU ALL have helped me through my hardest times!

    CONGRATS on being DONE!!
    Sharon :)

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  • geewhiz
    geewhiz Member Posts: 1,439
    edited December 2010

    Thanks everyone!

    It sure helps coming here, sharing and reading what others have shared themselves.

    I was watching Biggest Loser last night and I heard the trainer Bob SCREAM at Frado (my favorite).."You are going to have to go deep inside yourself and find something that will bring you through"...It really resonated.

    I am so glad we have each other...and I think its in sharing that we find that "something" deep inside of us that carries us through!

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  • Mom3
    Mom3 Member Posts: 170
    edited December 2010

    OMG, I could have posted every single word in your post. Seriously, you described me with the only difference being that I had 15 of 18 nodes positive. I am 3 years out and doing great. I am running 6 miles tomorrow b/c....... I CAN!

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited December 2010

    Post-treatment is the hardest emotionally, you are so right.  I remember that feeling just the way you and the other ladies here describe it.  Keeping healthy is so important for us now, and you are doing everything you can.  At the same time, don't overdo it.  It takes a long time to recover fully, so pace yourself.  Don't be surprised when that fatigue and/or sadness hits you; it's normal.  As much as we want/need to be through with it, it just takes time.   Hugs. G.

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  • sespebadger
    sespebadger Member Posts: 249
    edited December 2010

    I've been done with active treatment since mid. October. It is wonderful to be done with all those appointment (ending with 7 weeks of radiation). The recovery is slow but steady. I am not only changed physically (I'm totally flat), but also emotionally. I'm feeling more vulnerable. I'm more careful of my safety and of the safety of my husband and daughter. I used to just assume I'd live to be 85 and I don't feel like that now. I did really enjoy traveling for the first time in over a year at Thanksgiving. I enjoy seeing friends but love being just at home more than ever. I feel as though I am getting over a huge shock. I am enjoying my days but do hope that eventually I will feel more like I used to.   

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