Not Buying Into It

Pompeed, your choices, your right to vent.

censorship and political correctness has never served the purpose of discussion.  civility helps, but so does turning the other cheek.

skunks, roses, popcorn... all part of life 

redskies - I am so very sorry you took offence at my post. I can't possibly know how you feel and shouldn't presume so.

Sue

I do not have a positive attitude.  I have tenacity, sheer force of will to go on, after having made educated decisions.  I don't let emotions get in the way of logic, and I use my knowledge of the medical community to my advantage.  I do not need to convince others after I've made a choice, so I really don't understand this thread.....but then again, having lived 11 years with Young Onset Parkinson's Disease, gone through a breast cancer and thyroid cancer dx, kinda gives me a different perspective on things.  Should I end this with "woe is me"?  I think not!

Soooooo, what exactly is the problem pompeed?

Um...I think we do have the right to direct our own care...I made all my decisions.

But...I certainly do respect all the doctors and nurses and surgeons out there..I love those "white coats"...they know a hell of alot more about breast cancer than I do...being on BCO has helped with alot of information but sorry..I wouldn't want any of you operating on me.

As the mother of a 43 yr old BC patient, Stage II, ER+, PR+, HER2+++, I am concerned about the negativity Pompeed is spreading on this thread. I am a retired psychotherapists and I know anger and depression when I see it, but I can't help wondering why you are so negative when your Dx shows that yours was caught very early and is very treatable. You will very likely be well and active 5 years from now when better treatments will be available just as tody's treatments are better than those of 5 years ago.

My best to all who are going through these ordeal. As for me, I wish I could take my daughter's place. No mother wants to see her child suffer.

Pompeed -

I'm not sure if you have chosen if you are going through with more surgery or treatment or nothing.  I had DCIS when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer last year.  I was extremely frustrated with my breast surgeon.  She did not like me asking questions and at one point hung up on me!!!!  I met with several doctors (one onco, 2 BS's, 2 PS's and a genetic counselor).  My BS wanted me to have a lumpectomy and radiation.  I didn't want to go through mammo's and worry each year.  I felt very comfortable with the PS that I chose (from a recommendation from another bc survivor my DH knew).  I made the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction before I knew I was BRCA1+.  Some thought this was a radical decision for DCIS, but it's MY BODY!!!!  You have to make the decision that seems right for you.  I also fired my original BS.  I wrote her a note and told her I moved onto another set of doctors!  I called her PS's office and told them I wasn't using his services.  That felt very liberating!!! 

Since my first dx, I was dx again with bc.  I am a very rare case, but sh*t happens!  At first I was very overwhelmed.  I had this "why me?" attitude and was very depressed.  I got several opinions from more doctors.  I even flew to NYC to get an opinion. I found a new onco here that I really liked.  She wanted to take control of my care and that's what I needed.  I really felt like my other doctors were pushing me back and forth and no one wanted to take full responsibility.  One day I made up my mind to look at each moment of my cancer journey as a new adventure.  Humor also helps.  I laugh at myself quite often! 

I'm sure you feel overwhelmed by all these doctors you've seen, but maybe you should get another opinion.  Or what about going to a major cancer center close to you or in a city that you can travel to???  The one thing that really helped me get through all of this is having the support of other women who have been through this.  My sister got bc 8 months before me.  My work has a cancer network, so I found a few ladies who had been through bc.  And I also met a few ladies from this board that live near me.  This has been a BIG HELP.  We get together about once a month and talk via email and phone a lot.  Plus, this board is great!!!  I've learned a LOT here and enjoy meeting some of the ladies here.  I am very fortunate to have so much support!

I've had 5 surgeries, 20 weeks of chemo and just started rads.  I can't count how many scans, blood tests, etc that I've had.  I never got lymphadema, but I have a little bit of neuropathy in my toes and finger tips.  I've lost my hair, brows and lashes, but it's all starting to grow back.  I still have chemo brain.  In the next few months I will have a hysterectomy, too.  It hasn't been an easy road, but I am thankful for each day and every little moment seems to mean more to me.  And I've met some of the most amazing people! 

Good luck to you!  Once you decide on your path, everything will start to fall in place.  Take care!  

Pompeed - I have to admit, I didn't read through all 11 pages, but saw you had a drain you removed yourself.  So, did you have a 2nd surgery?  Did you get clear margins?  My chemo brain can't process all this info, esp at 1:30 am.  LOL!!!  Anyway, I hope you are getting better care.  One thing I've learned...  you have to be your own advocate, even with the best doctors in the world.  I ask a ton of questions and do a lot of research.  Some of my doctors are surprised at how much I know.  I just don't like walking into a situation blind. 

Again, good luck!!! 

Pompeed, my BS recommended 2 PS. One was on staff at the hospital the other was in private practice with privileges as this teaching hospital.

I met with the one on staff first. This was within the first 3 weeks of diagnosis so I was still pretty fragile. I told the PS that when I met him. It was also the day before my period although I didn't know because it came a week early… so I was really fragile.

I did start crying a bit when I told my story and my concerns… and he didn't even have tissues in the room. At one point he said he was very concerned about my emotional state and was considering calling my BS. Then he tells me in so many words the patients that seem to do better seem to be emotionally more stable.

Off to PS number 2. Lets just say it was the first time I had walked out of a doctors office, mammogram, biopsy etc. that I actually felt better. He really listened to me. When I started talking about some of my fears he actually answered a few questions rather than telling me I was freaking out and not going to do well. Yes he is my PS.

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Ironically I have never had another breakdown or cry since I met with that PS. Everyone is amazed how emotionally strong I've been. (Yeah if they only saw me the first 3 weeks after diagnosis they might have thought differently). My point is the right doctors really do make a difference. It's not that they might be bad it just might mean they are not the right one for you. I know someone who is using that PS I rejected and absolutely loves him.

If people want to have positive attitudes, that's fine. What I cannot stand is them trying to convince others to their way of seeing things. You can't "will" yourself into a positive attitude. It sounds like an attempt at evangelism of sorts. I am glad it works for those who benefit. It is certainly nice to feel good.

Having said that, a positive attitude has its downside. Taken to an extreme, it can lead to denial and carelessness, lapses in judgement and an overestimation of the power of thought. A negative attitude, carefully controlled, could lead to shrewd planning, staying ahead of the game and a calm, cool and collected demeanour. So there is no saying that any attitude is, in itself, conducive to good outcomes. In some cases, a positive attitude is the balm that helps a person through bad times, but it cannot prevent those times from coming or from being bad. I would also argue that someone who always expects the worst is never shocked and thus has decent blood pressure - lol! 

Someone somewhere on this board mentioned a book with a title that reads something like "The Myth of Positive Thinking." I would be interested to read it. 

Try this link, it's a d*mn good read and covers much of what is being discussed in this thread:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/02/cancer-positive-thinking-barbara-ehrenreich

Thanks, Heidi - you just gave me a great idea for a Christmas present for someone I know.

Barbara Ehrenreich is my hero.  She has written a lot about the fallacy of "positive thinking."  Although I don't agree with everything she has written, I really appreciate her willingness to call out the people who insist we should be grateful for our cancer diagnosis.

Here's another one of her articles, older than the terrific one cited by HeidiToo but equally relevant to this thread:  "Overrated Optimism: The Peril of Positive Thinking" (http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1929155,00.html).  In that article, she makes this important observation which is something we should all think about in light of this thread:

"Fortunately, the alternative to optimism is not pessimism, which can be equally delusional. What we need here is some realism, or the simple admission that, to paraphrase a bumper sticker, "stuff happens," including sometimes very, very bad stuff. We don't have to dwell incessantly on the worst-case scenarios — the metastasis, the market crash or global pandemic — but we do need to acknowledge that they could happen and prepare in the best way we can. Some will call this negative thinking, but the technical term is sobriety."

The bold-faced print is mine.

In addition to the writings by Ms. Ehrenreich, I highly recommend a book by Shelley Lewis called, "Five Lessons I Didn't Learn From Breast Cancer (And One Big One I Did)" (http://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Didnt-Learn-Breast-Cancer/dp/045122390X).

NPR did a piece on that book in 2008 that included an interview with Ms. Lewis (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90840268).  Here's a quote from the NPR website:

" 'People should understand that it's OK to have cranky cancer days,' Lewis says. 'It won't make you sicker.'  Lewis not only wants to make room for women to be angry at breast cancer — she wants them to feel free to be exactly who they are. 'The lesson for me is that cancer doesn't change who you are,' Lewis says. 'You are the person you think you are. Your values and your life lessons will get you through it. A situation like that really distills what's important to you.' "

In light of all that, I really hesitate to point this out but I think I will anyway.  This thread, which Pompeed seems to have created as a place she could come and vent her fury (although none of us knows for sure), is now going into its 6th week with no signs of abatement.  Is anyone else here worried about that?

otter

Madalyn asked a page or two ago why pompeed is here.  I'd like to state why I keep coming back to this thread.  I've tried to offer some levity and some feedback on her drain situation which I was genuinely hopeful would be of some help.  Mainly, though, I share the same concerns as motherofpatient and otter, and that is the ongoing bleakness that pervades pompeed's posts.  It keeps me coming back because I have an older brother who has isolated himself from every member of his orginal family.  Gaps in communication get bigger and bigger, and with very few exceptions in the last three years, he's prefaced every phone conversation by stating he doesn't have time to speak on the phone for more than a few minutes.  He tends to hold a grudge.  There's tension between him an my other brother for an affront dating back to 2003!  Perhaps it's possible that I've committed a similar offense, since I seem to have joined the frosted out club. Whether it's depression, or refusing to let go of an old grudge, the distinction holds little importance to me anymore. 

I'm simply more interested in restoring a conversant relationship with my brother, and he seems unreachable.  That's what keeps me coming back to this thread.  I come back to see what approach, if any, achieves some sort of connection with pompeed.  I imagine pompeed is a very good lawyer.  Those who take an adversarial stance with her are the ones who get the most response.   I also come back to see if the tone of the original post subsides. 

After all, is there any one of us who didn't dwell in a very dark place after diagnosis?  Pompeed is enormously articulate, and this thread started with a startling description of her feelings that clearly strikes a chord across all areas of this forum.  As otter pointed, and I agree, six weeks is a very long time to stay in such a dark place.  ....but I also notice that she's diligently tended to her drain problems in her own determined way.  I hope it is a sign that she's not so ready to give up as her initial post indicated.