Not Buying Into It

debbie6122

Lowrider- I was just getting ready to tell you what a heart felt post then i seen you were signing off this thread, im with you too, all this negativinty is not good.

Pom- be well my friend

PlantLover

Pompeed - Man oh man chickie, I think you've got, dare I say it, oh what the heck ... some balls, that are going to serve you well.

Now I'm going to get all "southern and motherly" with you and you can ignore me if you wish but I sure hope you don't.

I think taking the drains out on your own and not following up with a doc is mighty risky. Since the drain was clogged or not functioning properly, I'm sure that initially you will get relief from having the fluid drain directly from the hole in your chest, but I'm fairly certain that hole is going to close up and trap fluid that needs to escape.  Your risk of infection is very high. You do NOT want to play with that.  Please believe me!

I know you have a strong mistrust of the medical care you've gotten and understandably so.  However, girl, you have got to find someone you can trust.  I wish you lived in NC and I could take you to my doctors.  Please try to talk with your friends there and ask them to ask around until you get a good recommendation.

FireKracker

please lowrider dont go ---- we need you here.

i thought this was a place for a sista to vent...well what kinda sistas kick another when she is down???

those who know me know i usually dont react this way but please have a heart here.we have a sista who is hurtin real bad....

bc sucks.we all know that.we all suffer from it in different ways.

this calls for a group hugggggggggggggggggg.all in favor say yes....please no fighting...

remember you must walk 100 miles in someones shoes before you can judge.

I support you pompeed.if you need me you know how to reach me...

Happy belated Thanksgiving to all my sistas. 

lago

Thanks granny. I'm all for the hug

BTW it cracks me up when someone tries to argue with a lawyer. That's what lawyers do for a living… and they play to win.

steelrose

Is Pompeed really on trial now? Because after not reading the posts here for a while, it does appear that her opinions have caused quite a firestorm. It reads as if our fear and hatred for the cancer has all been spewed at this woman and she has been indicted for her "negative" thoughts. I may not agree with everything Pompeed has to say, but I certainly will defend her right to say it. I wonder now more than ever what the real enemy is. The cancer? The treatments? The negative thoughts? The "sugar coated" positive thoughts? Ourselves? Because this thread reveals a whole lot more about us as a group than it does about Pompeed.

Does anyone recognize what a leap of faith Pompeed took by undergoing a second lumpectomy? Does anyone see this?!?

And Pompeed... I'm sorry you are experiencing post-op complications. I too was operated on last Mon... a partial mastectomy and ovary removal. While I'm recovering well, I haven't had the guts to even look at my butchered breast let alone remove drains, stitches, etc. Please use extreme caution with this as another poster has advised. Force those doctors to do their job!!!! They can't all be incompetents. I wish you the best, as always.      

kadeeb

well ladies, I have read through the entire post and found it to be a roller coaster ride almost equal to the one of breast cancer. I have to say that I agree with Pompeed's right to vent and express her opinions. Others have freely done the same, as will I.

I've done the BC thing, got the t-shirt and all the rest so I will not bother you with details. Pompeed charged into this and stirred up a dust cloud that has had everyone coughing and spitting for 9 pages. Anyone who says that in the deep dark of the night they haven't had some if not all of the thoughts she expresses is just lying to themselves.  We've all been there to some extent at one time or the other. My impression was that she was just letting it all hang out. The anger, frustration and fear this diagnosis brings could push a sane person over the edge ( luckily it was a short trip for me). She failed to see that some of her comments, although probably meant in more of a "talking to myself" style , might be taken personally by others on this board. After having endured the treatments prescribed for breast cancer, we are sensitive about what we perceive as criticism. We take the attitude of "Don't doubt or question my decisions. I've done this to live and I've done the best I knew how to do". We are conditioned to fight. We are good at it. We've had a lot of experience. Rather than attacking the choices we had made, I think Pompeed was railing at the choices she was going to be making. Many feel that the quality of life is more important than the quantity and that is an individual decision and cannot be understood or experienced except by the individual. It's more like a skunk in the room and no one can smell anything but everyone wants to get the heck out. 

I was somewhat surprised by post's concerning her economic and educational background. I'm having to put that down to striking back for a perceived attack.  I totally failed to see a remote connection otherwise.  Does anyone here think money can fix your cancer (BC research excluded)?  If you do, tell me how and we will all hit a bank tomorrow.

Now, being thankful. What's that about?  I believe we should all be thankful things are not worse than they are but if given the choice "we are not thankful for Breast Cancer".  We can be thankful for a multitude of other things but we're talking about treatment for cancer here.  We're not talking about our houses, family, friends or loved ones.  This post was about cancer.  

The dynamics of this post are running the gambit. Negative post on a help board, positive, helpful and loving posts, assessment of the posts and appreciation expressed with a shot at the end, open attacks and the big kiss off at the end.

Some posted positive experiences and that they were different and better for the experience.  I believe that is true. I know I am different and I hope that it is in a good way.  We have been told that we are "super" women because we have endured and there is truth in the saying but I am still frightened, angry and so scared sometimes.

I have acquired a type of magic during the process.  I can see things others cannot see, hear things others do not hear and know things some cannot learn. Now before you go and call the guys with straight jackets, let me tell you how it's done. Look at the colors in a rainbow.  They are brighter than ever before. Listen to the birds or the sound of a child's song.  Sit on the beach, stare at the ocean and know there is something bigger somewhere than you or cancer.     

1Athena1

I agree that Pompeed has been unfairly maligned by some because she dared to express an unconventional view - one which many share but are afraid to vocalize because of the intolerance of some on BCO who cannot see past: yes do treatment, do chemo, cut half of your body out, be scared, shake and hope and pray.

I also believe that she was misunderstood by others, who took her views personally. We should all realize that, just as England and the US are said to be separated by language, we on this board are separated by our cancer. That is, you would think having bc would bring out commonalities between people. Actually, it merely magnified differences. We all took our diagnosis so differently, made such varied decisions and often faced derision by the enforcers of the conventional approach. For example, Marybe, who has defied all odds and lived with mets for 12 years is bound to find Pompeed's views absolute anathema because her unique experience tells her otherwise. And yet you wonder how a metster who survives six months might have felt. 

At the same time, my personal experience of this thread is that Pompeed seems to have difficulty accepting responsibility for her feelings and words. Most of her posts have centered on how the doctors treat HER who is nice to HER and who isn't - as though she had no role whatsoever in shaping people's reactions. She is entitled to her views and to express them, but that entitlement does not extend to everyone kowtowing to her emotional needs. She is not a victim; just less lucky than some and more lucky than others.

I don't understand how she can even keep coming back to the crazy thread. Does she like the attention? Because what we all say seems to go in one ear and out of the other; the only thing that appears to stay is whether we are being nice to her or not. 

Consider the following episode that just unfolded: Lowrider posted about herself and then got upset because her comments were ignored. Heiditoo then jumped in and extended a hand - by telling Lowrider she had PMd her.

What did Pompeed do?

Tell Lowrider that Lowrider's comment had helped HER, Pompeed. Never an effort to address Lowrider's own situation or her frustration at being ignored.

That is one reason why I feel we are being manipulated. I hope Pompeed learns that this board should be more about give and take; that many of us go through several surgeries and that everything is not about her in this situation. Lawyers may know how to argue; it doesn't mean they are right. 

I am SO bleeding sick of this thread I have no idea why I keep coming back.....my fault. And I'm going to take responsibility for it.  

lago

I have no expectations on this forum. I have had my comments, even threads ignored by many. My only expectation is that people are respectful and not mean. If they get nasty I just block them. Granted I do like lowrider's posts and not just the one here. I may not respond but I do read.

Why does pompeed come back?  Like I said earlier a lawyer likes to argue and win ;-)

Why do I come back? I haven't finished my popcorn yet. ;-)

Pompeed

Lowrider wrote to me:

"I am not walking in your shoes - just wanted you to know that there is someone else that didn't have it so good either.  Does it help?  Not really but I thought you might like to know that you aren't so alone. 

Cyberhugs to you...LowRider"

The topic in the list is "Help Me Get Through Treatment."  There's a clear question addressed to me -- "Does it help?" -- which required an answer.  And her narrative of her own circumstances, which she typed out in an attempt to help me get through treatment and know I'm not alone, did help me.  Her purpose was to give assurance and she accomplished that.  Why wouldn't I be grateful and say so just as I did?

 Why Athena thinks that my response to LowRider, replying to her question to me and thanking her for taking time to give assurance and support, makes me one of the devil's own kin and someone who ignored LowRider's efforts on my behalf is beyond my comprehension.

Pompeed

Scutters:

Home care nurse was here early today.  She agreed with me: it's worse than it was on Monday when she called my surgeon's office and told the resident about the defective drain and the resident advised a trip to the ER.  That was a complete waste.  It's worse than it was on Wednesday when she was here.  The nurse made another call to my surgeon's office that day asking that I be seen today and not wait any longer.  She was told that going to the office today would be a waste of time since I'm supposed to go see the surgeon on Monday.  Other advice given on Wednesday: go back to ER.  So no help from the surgeon's office two days ago.  We decided not to call again today because we where going to get the same story: wait until Monday or go to the ER.

Her only advice today when she looked at it again and agree with me that it's worse:: warm packs for the swelling and pain, try to get by until Monday and we will call you over both days of the weekend and if you get worse, go to the ER.  Not her fault the MDs aren't interested and she can't do what some MD doesn't give her an order to do.  She left very upset that her patient is getting worse and she can't do anything about it.  

I decided it was time to take care of myself since no one is listening to me or to the nurse either.  So I got out my box of medical goodies and got all washed up and gloved and snipped the stiches and pulled the damn thing out. Big gusher of all of the fluid that was backing up and now the swelling is half the size it was just a couple of hours ago and the heat is subsiding. 

 Thanks for the cautions. I hear you.  I have piles of sterile gear left over from an earlier event when I had a Hickman in my chest for a year.   Have the sponge stuff you referred to -- know exactly what you mean -- and lots of sterile dressings and sterile pads and heavy weight gauze and sterile wicks to keep the wound open so it continues to drain while healing from the inside out and piles of sterile gloves so nothing touches it which isn't clean, clean, clean and a pile of pouches of sterile antiobiotic ointment to keep the dressings from sticking to the wound and sterile solution for washing.  I've been down this road of a draining chest wound before.  No proud flesh in my future!

Best friend is a vet and between the two of us, changing the dressings twice a day and with lots of antiobiotics on board, keeping watch on temperature and any changes in the fluid or the area around the hole, this wound is not going to do anything except heal the way it's supposed to heal.  No need to make an 80 mile round trip on Monday to bother surgeons who aren't listening and don't have time to be bothered.

Bec: I know it was risky.  But it's far better draining now than not draining before and it was starting to get infected around the tube because of all of the gunk that was dribbling out from the pressure building up and having no where to go but seep out.  So the hole itself around the drain tube was not keeping bacteria out. 

And we have four eagle eyes on it to stay ahead of any sign of infection. I do not want you to worry!  We're on top of this.

lmc1970

I'm sorry but I cannot comprehend how anyone who is battling cancer has the energy or disposition to be negative to someone else who is battling the same disease. We all have cancer and all have the right to have our own opinions on how we handle it. They are opinions and nobody has to take them on board. Pompeed is entitled to handle her journey however she flippin likes and if YOU don't like it-dont read her posts! Far out-I cannot believe people would take time away from their battle to purposely PM someone with the intent on being mean and nasty! I CANNOT understand it.....pompeed isn't the first person I have heard that has been treated poorly in these posts-it breaks my heart to hear the stories of all the nastiness that goes on in the forum and behind the scenes. And to all the people who do enjoy being nasty-why do I care what you think? Why should anybody on here care what a mean-spirited nasty person thinks. We should be on these boards to encourage, support, rant ,rave and hopefully make some friends along the way....thank you to everyone on here who is using this place to support others and to be kind and caring-the world needs more people like you...

Pompeed

Steelrose:

 It wasn't another lumpectomy.  I lost the breast.  So I know very well what you mean by butchery.  But your surgery was probably more extensive so I hope you're doing well.

What's the enemy?  I think it's the elephant in the room that everyone wants to treat -- at least outwardly --- as invisible while we all know -- inwardly and at places in our hearts and minds we don't like to visit and we don't want to talk about -- that it's quite visible.

kira1234

pompeed, what you are describing is more or less what I ended up ding. The drain wasn't working, but in my case the DR. decided pulling it out and hoping it would heal from the inside out was his choice not mine. I also went through the weekend thing when it was swollen and not draining.

I'm glad you have someone who can help you with the dressings, and glad you have the antibiotics you will need. Not sure I agree with not seeing the BS on Monday, but that's me, and I didn't have anyone with knowledge about what I was going through. I am sorry you don't have a BS who seems to care as he/she should. In that I am very blessed mine does care, and has always kept in touch with me.

bluedahlia

Interesting thread.  Many emotions at play.  My daughter is a lawyer too and yes.....she must litigate everything.  LOL!  That's not a bad thing.

Cancer sucks.  We can all agree that point.

Pompeed

Kira:

I understand your concern about my decision not to go see the MD on Monday.  Really, I do.  But it seems pointless to me and a waste of 80 miles of gas and time.  If I go, I will have to relate the entire tale of the advice to go to the ER and the events there and then a couple of days of my home care nurse getting the run around too.  After that, there will be some sort of tongue lashing about taking out my own stitches and the drain and all of the risk associated with doing that and if there's anything which doesn't look like the MD wants it to look guess who will get blamed.

 I really do not have five hours of my life's minutes to waste on that scenario of being labeled a  "bad patient" who doesn't follow instructions.  Don't need that lashing.  I'll do 80 miles round trip in the other direction and go see my horse instead of seeing the MD.

lago

BTW Pompeed your nurse could have taken out the drains. I had the PS's nurse remove mine. If I wanted the doctor to do it I would have had to wait another day. You don't need an MD to removed them as you seem to be doing fine.

But I would at least call you surgeon and talk to him/her. If s/he starts berating you then just say goodbye and hang up.

baywatcher

Pompeed-

I have lost my breasts too. I also had a seroma (fluid build up) which lasted for awhile. It was drained from my drainage hole after the tube was removed. The surgeon picked the scab out of the drainage hole and pushed down on my chest to release the fluid. Ick!!!!  I remember wraping my chest with an ace bandage and it seemed to help. After I was drained, I would wrap the bandage around my chest and I would leave it there except for bathing. The pressure from the bandage seemed to limit the fluid accumulation. The wound ended up healed from the inside out. It took about a month, I think. It was a terrible time for me and made me sooooo depressed. Are you having recon? Do you have an expander?

Lowrider- You are an amazing woman and have such a good attitude. Your lymphedemia theory is interesting. I am wondering if the multiple times that I was drained actually helped me from developing significant lymphedemia.

Peace to all.

Pompeed

HI, lago --

 I tried that approach.  Wednesday after the Monday ER fiasco.  I asked the home care nurse to pull it when she came.  No way: that organization isn't going to incur that liablity risk.  They did what they were supposed to do: contact the surgeon, report the problem, get advice and relay that to the patient.

My guess: a nurse in a hospital might do it with a direct order from a surgeon where there's all of the necessary sterile gear to treat the wound immediately.  But a home care nurse doesn't have that kind of gear with her and isn't going to snip stitches and pull appliances out in a scenario where immediate access to proper gear for wound care isn't available.

Right now I've got a warm pack on the swollen area to get more of the fluid moving along and the swelling is so much smaller than it was four hours ago, I might actually be able to sleep a bit tonight with some Tylenol and without the damn narcotics. One thing for sure: with the drain out and the wound actually draining and my arm elevated, I'm lowering the risk of lymphedema which was increasing as the pressure behind the wound increased.  I'm as terrified of that as I am of radiation.

 Be well!

Baywatch:

I'm keeping pressure on the swollen areas between the heat treatments.  So 20 minutes of heat and then bra back on for an hour and repeat.

bluedahlia

My home nurse pulled my drain.  It hurt like the dickens.

FireKracker

IMC1970---- you said it all my sista...and the rest of you for steppin up to the plate to give our sista pompeed the support she so desperately needs right now.

now that we are back on sold ground again im gonna ask for a group hugggggggggggg.

lets put the boxin gloves away....this bc suks.we need to stick together on gettin this monster.

God bless us all.

k 

Pompeed

One drain was pulled in the hospital.  Day after surgery.  Maybe the IV morphine and the left over anesthesia kept the pain for that tolerable.  With oral narcotics and a quick yank, this wasn't much worse.

Compared to the guy who cut his own arm off to free himself in the wilderness, this was a walk in the park.  And better to have a moment's sharp pain and the defective drain out then more hours of increasing pain and with that, the need for more narcotics and the ever increasing risk of having lymphedema forever.

lmc1970

Thanks for your kind words grannydukes )

althea

Pompeed, I am so sorry you're having a drain experience of the third kind.  I absolutely detested the drains, even though I know they served an importance function.  I felt like some kind of frankenwomen experiment gone bad when those drains were in.  I didn't have any complications from the drains, but I did travel to another state to get my surgery done.  So much of what know comes from hindsight, and I am forever grateful that I left town for surgery.  I had three local doctors scare me to pieces when I informed them of my decision to travel for surgery.  One of them said "no one here will touch you" if you have a complication after you return home.  Fortunately, thanks to this very forum, I knew what would happen if I were to have a complication.  My surgeons would take care of me, including my travel and lodging expenses. 

There's a lot that I don't know, but boy howdy, it sure seems to me your surgeon should have rated your complication as an emergency and taken care of it personally the day of.  I don't blame you a bit for taking matters into your own hands.  I think you were facing risk either way.  What might be worse?  Pulling the drain yourself?  Or waiting on 'professional' help that's too little too late?  Only hindsight will hold that answer, and I admire your spunk.  And what a terrible shame it is for you to get the runaround at the hospital ER.  They are creating stress for no good reason whatsoever, and there's no excuse for 'care' providers to be such ambulatory stress factories.  

I hope you'll wait a while before you make any rash decisions about your horses.  My thing is gardening.  Despite all the admonitions to not lift heavy things, or get cuts, or hangnails, or mosquito bites, I decided to proceed anyway.  I eased back in, pretending to be compliant while doing all the don'ts, hoping and praying that I don't get lymphedema.  I'm almost 6 years out and so far no lymphedema.   I know the risk for LE is lifelong, but it's much further to the back of my mind nowadays.  Instead, I think about Susan Komen and how much longer might she have lived had she gone to a different doctor earlier.  People who comply with what their doctors recommend are not always better off!  Hope you feel better real soon.  

3jaysmom

ive been reading this thread, but haven't posted, but here goes.. how come so many of us are speaking for pompweed, when she's clearly able to speak for herself?

  as far as im concerned, everybody gets to make thier own decisions. those of you who know me know i just lost a good friend who decided to opt for no tx..and although im brokenhearted, it was his decision. what i don't understand is, having made that decision, why come here and berate people who have made OTHER decisions? 

   have all of you who are so whats the word.. understanding... sat back and taken verbal like this in your lives? i sure haven't. i absolutely defend your choice to do nothing, alternative, or tx..what i don't defend is your complete lack of compassion, or whatever the word is.. decency in the way you're treating p;e who are actually reaching out to you!! sorry,the truth will set you free, but first, it'll pi**(you off!!!   3jays

lago

OMG when is this going to stop! Enough already.

Now back to the subject. Pompeed I agree with the others that it might be time to switch doctors. You might even find a better one at that facility. Are you going to  the Hospital of U of Penn? They are ranked #14 in the nation for cancer. Granted some of those top places can treat you like a number too.

source: http://alturl.com/g7npg

Pompeed

I've been wondering all along how some, whose life circumstances are far more trying than my own, can invest the limited amount of energy they do have taking a complete stranger to the public woodshed.  And frosting that cake with notes in the background which can't be called anything except deliberately vicious.  I've also wondered how it is that the vicious believe that being vicious and insulting is a proven means to win friends and influence people to accept their point of view.  Lastly, I do not understand how a revelation of my own decisions and choices for my own life can possibly do any damage to anyone else.  There's no ink on the page about anyone else's choices and decisions and circumstances and frustrations.  Just my own.  And the same people, who insist that everyone has a right to make their own decisions, are somehow absolutely convinced that my decisions about myself has a deliterous impact on their own lives and their own cancer battle. 

I gotta say: that line of non-logic is beyond my comprehension.

Thank you, IMC.  Thank you.

hopefortomorrow

This morning I am sitting here reading this post. You know what? I am a positive person. I have down times too.  I am near tears. We all carry our own burdens here. I try to be supportive if I can. I originally was angered by Pompeed's post. I EXPRESSED MY FEELINGS AS POMPEED EXPRESSED HERS.

Did I throw out an insult? Maybe... I am not sure- in many eyes here I am sure they will think so. I was just trying to point out the positve things in life and Pompeed is additionally blessed by a good education, good job, etc...which is wonderful for her and she has worked hard for. In MY eyes it really sucks when people of means bitch about things, but that is their right[because sometimes comes off as being insensitive]). I used my own sister as an example and I did remove what I said to protect her identity but it is coming back again to explain my thought so I don't insult anyone else in the process. She complained when her Lexus went off the road and it cost 24,000 dollars to fix. That being said, Yes I just was trying to point out to Pompeed it could really be alot worse. She could be like me and struggling her ass off, not knowing how she could keep a roof over her head. So I wanted to point out that was a blessing in itself. It had nothing to do with counting material things in comparison to others, in order to make her feel better about herself. Someone else here posted and tried to put words in my mouth by implying that was what I meant. To me to sit around thinking I have more than others so I feel better is a sin. It is not a sin to be grateful for what you have. IMO, there is a big difference.

I try not to  feel sorry for myself in my postion, I am trying to pull myself up by the bootstraps and fix the situation, but I wish I was rich and dealing with cancer! I would kill for a professional massage (that is simply not in the budget, and my husband has grown tired of me asking for one and now I don't want to put him out by asking.)at one point because my body hurts like hell and I am even more affraid of chemo giving me more pain. 

Btw, Ilove animals, and I would love to own land and have many different kinds, instead I drive by them and enjoy the beauty...rather than bemoan the fact I do not have any. But I was just pointing out again, it would be easier to have cancer and have money than to be in my situation and that Pompeed at least has that blessng. Forgive me if that is an insult. Not meant to be an insult. I really was just pointing out the postive, try to enjoy the small things in life and derive some happiness, as it seemed to me Pompeed was focusing on everything negative. I was trying to help.  

I do empathize with Pompeed's drain problem... I thought the drain was a pain. I do think when they remove the whole breast it looks awful. I cared for an elderly woman who had hers removed. Bright side, she lived until 92 bless her soul.On my own personal side, I am annoyed with people right now that tell me how times have changed and that I will recover and that chemo is a breeze. So Pompeed, 'Ms Positive' (me) is struggling and thinks Cancer sucks.

 At the same time, I do think this thread is a pot-stirring thread.

anonymice

yes, lmc1970, thanks for saying that.  I wanted to but didn't have the heart.  Message boards always are such spiky places, you often just can't make yourself understood properly through writing - especially with people you don't know.  Add to that the fact that the vast majority of us are under enormous stress and will almost certainly say things we don't really mean in general, but mean at the time....well it just seems like asking for trouble to participate.  Yet, it's not like we have 20 neighbors who have been through this extraordinarily lousy experience, so here we all are together. 

I haven't read all the posts here nor will I because of the hostility, and I don't know who said what.  But I will say I hope you're feeling better than you were when you wrote that.  I totally see where you are coming from - obviously I don't know if you wrote it wanting on some level for someone to convince you otherwise.  But you seem intelligent and you know that any situation depends on perspective.  I'm having chemo now and truly, it is no big deal.  If I were having chemo to cure, say, diabetes, I know it would be a walk in the park.  It's just that it's dealing with unpredictable cancer.  Plus we all grew up thinking chemo was this horrible thing and it can be if you are sensitive to the drug but for most of us, we have some bad days but are otherwise ok.  And when your mortality is brought to the forefront, "ok" can be wonderful.  Most of the time I feel completely normal and in fact better than I did this time last year.

Also, people write about the horrible things that happen to us because it makes us feel better.  If I am having a wonderful day, I enjoy it, not sit on the net and talk about it.  So what you read is nowhere near a real representation of what life in treatment really is.  

Long-term side effects?  Sure, but we all know from the horrifying commercials we see that nearly all meds have them.  Most people will have excellent quality of life after treatment. Remember that most people get cancer when they are getting to the age that, hey, its always going to be something.

Anyway.  I don't mean to argue your points, but you just seemed like you were in so much pain when you wrote it and I was just sharing some of my perspective in hope that it made you feel better. 

Peace and warmth to all,

Pam 

flash

Pompeed

Just came in to see how thins were going.  Since you ride at the level you do, you know how to keep the drain site open and dela with it pretty well.  I can appreciate you experience with the drain.  Since you've had a hickman before you'll appreciate this:  My daughter's 1st  hickman blew up like a balloon in the tubing. Her 3rd grade teacher could push it back and forth under the skin.  The answer from the surgeon and the makers of the hickman?  "we've never seen this before, we're sending a courier with a new one for surgery replacement tomorrow. In the mean time, keep a hemostat on hand to clamp it if it fails."  Geee, and how do you do that with a 7 year old for 24 hours?  I really do get the irritation with doctors that don't know the answer to the problem.  I just keep reminding myself that they are the same Jane, Susan and Tom that were idiots back in school, they've jsut changed the venue. You're probably smarter than they are they just happen to have the MD appelation.

Being around the barn isn't so bad surgically, just do good wound management.  the nuskin for burn victims works great at keeping barn dust and dirt out then just wound care after the barn visit.  You're certainly in a great part of the country for riding.  Miss the whole brandywine area. Hugs to you.

Pompeed

Gee, wiz, for some reason, some are convinced I'm a right cousin of Bill Gates and I sit my ass on a gold plated toilet seat.  I wish I had a $24K car to drive off the road and wreck in the first place.  If I had such a vehicle, I'd have made damn sure I had enough insurance to cover my own negligence or someone else's negligence.

Frankly, Hope, I wish I was rich too.  Rich would be nice.  I bet everyone here wishes they were rich.  But I wish I didn't have cancer are lot more than I wish I was rich and I'm willing to bet my bank balance that everyone else here would trade their material possesions down to their last farthing to be rid of cancer too and to be returned to the physical and mental state they were in before they were diagnosed.  

I've already managed to survive -- but just by the narrowest of margins and despite the stupidity of 14 white coated fools who all blamed each other for the mess -- one life threatening illness.  That's dead on a table and coded.  Not once but twice.  And even in light of that, I can't think of anything that could be worse than having cancer.

I'd give up everything I own -- some material things I treasure that I am already giving away because I will never be able to use them now -- in order to have the clock turned back six months and hear, "another good mammogram" instead of "you have cancer."

If someone thinks that being "of means" or being "rich" or being educated makes having cancer a better or a more satistying experience, I suggest thinking again.  There's no amount of money that can buy health or buy life minutes.

Comparing circumstances is a waste of time.  Hope thinks I have a lot "more" material things than she does and because of that difference, she thinks I ought to feel guilty.  But she has things in her life which I do not have and I cannot buy at any price.  Maybe she should feel guilty for having those when I don't.

To others, I'm sure I have a lot "less" in terms of material possessions and I guess, by Hope's logic, I'm supposed to make them feel guilty because their material wealth outstrips mine. 

Someone's guilt about their material circumstances being "better" than someone else's won't cure their cancer.  And someone's envy about someone else's material circumstances being better than someone else's won't cure their cancer either.