Starting Chemo October 2009

Options
1…100101103105106…113

Comments

  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited November 2010

    Lol @ Michele, Yea thats about it Tongue out

    Just touching base about nothing really, Im still wanting to shed a few more pounds, so decided to try Bikram yoga...  WOW!! A gf has been doing it for a year & has wanted me to try it as well. Figured why not, Im feeling fairly strong & I love sauna's so I signed up for a trial month (only $40) I am so impressed at how much of a workout is really is. I dont normally sweat so to see water actually running off my body was awesome. All I could think about was how detoxifying this must be. The poses were great (24 of them) some I could do & others I sat out. The studio is quite new & well suited for all levels of students. They were very welcoming of a newbie & even with a class of about 45 gave me enough personal instuction so I felt very comfortable. I wanted to go again today but dh gave me the lecture about overdoing it too soon. So Im going tomorrow instead... really looking forward to the heat. Just lying there on a yoga mat & towel feels good... heh heh wonder if they would let me just lye there daily.

    Hope everyone is doing well & getting on with life. Big Hugz, Love Suz

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited November 2010

    Suz, I have to ask, what the heck is on your arm in your picture?  I can't tell.  I figure either owl or bald eagle.....ouch.

    That yoga sounds fun.  I would love to try that. I have joined a club and am doing Zumba two times a week, as well as cardio core, which is kicking my bunz...Not a bad thing indeed.

    Went for a checkup with big onc yesterday...look like I am dancing with NED...woohoo for me.  Don't see her for another 6 months.  I will have a mammo in the spring, but until then enjoying the freedom.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited November 2010

    LOL its a lil Monkey... heh heh.

    A huge whooo hooo on the NED as well as no check ups for 6 months!!

    Will have to look up Zumba?? Haven't heard of it, but it sounds like your rockin the physical work out end of all this. Ive been struggling to get past walking a few KM a day so this heated yoga is a good start for me. Also have a few people wanting me to join a walking/running club twice a week at the running room. Not so sure that I'm ready for it... tried a 2 min light jog on my walk last night & my legs are rebelling this morning... one thing at a time for now.

    My next appointment with my onc is early Dec and I have to go for some ex-rays right before it on a suspicious area they saw on my bone scan. After that I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon again & hopefully will get an actual date for recon, Scary in a way thinking that just as I'm feeling better I'm putting myself through more surgery, but being flat just isn't me.....

    Anyway Have a great weekend gals Kiss Hugs Suz

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited November 2010

    Grrrrrrrrrr..... Oncologist's office just sent me a change of appointment from Dec 5 to Dec 30 Yell

    You would think they could at least have the decency to ask if Im available at that time..... so now I have to wait till the end of the year for them to ex-ray my back as well......

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited November 2010

    THIS JUST SUCKS! My back was really starting to worry me as the pain was too constant... so I phoned in & got an appointment today for some ex-rays & a follow up appt. with my onc.

    Looks like the cancer has spread to at least one of my ribs..... I am so shocked & scared. I dont know what to tell dh or ds... I cant believe that another Christmas will be all about cancer... this is the third time. They need to do a bunch of tests to make sure it isnt anywhere else.

    She doesnt want to put me back on chemo as there wont be much benefit to it. There is a new drug in the US that has worked well on cases like mine but its not approved in Canada yet. Also it wont be covered on our medical....

    Havent told anyone yet.... dont think I can.

    Couldnt get an answer on how fast this will spread... but she looked really upset??

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited November 2010
    OMG, Suz,  I just don't know what to say.  That is such super sucky news.  I understand what you mean by not knowing how to tell them.  Just remember we are her for you and send out many hugs as needed.  ((((((Kiss))))))
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MaryNY
    MaryNY Member Posts: 1,584
    edited November 2010

    Suz: I'm so sorry to hear that. It's ironic that they had tried to push your appt out to the end of December, so it's good at least that you were able to get in now. Maybe you need a day or two to come to terms with this yourself before telling your husband and daughter? Would it be possible for you to get into a trial for the drug that's not yet approved?

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited November 2010

    There was a trial for it a while back but its closed now. She is going to look into it further...

    Ive calmed down a bit, but am still in a state of shock. I honestly didnt think there was anything to worry about, thats why I pushed to get the appointment out of the way. I didnt want it hovering in the background of my head.... right.

    They are going to do a short spot radiation to knock the pain out along with a full ct scan to see if its in any other bones or organs. I will also be on an oral drug.. has something to do with the chemistry in the bones. I think its on the very serious side as she kinda said she wouldnt be able to give me a timeline until I had more tests done, but started at either months or maybe a few years...... she wouldnt say anything else after that cause I broke down. Its so hard to wrap my head around this. But I have too... will try to wait as long as I can before I tell My Husband & Son.

    Wow what a roller coaster ride this is... sigh.

    Love & Hugs Suz

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited November 2010

    Suz.......  I am just heartbroken to hear of this news.........  So unfair ~

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • one-L
    one-L Member Posts: 1,110
    edited November 2010

    Suz, so sorry to hear this, I am at a loss of words and can only express that we are all here for you.  Sending many hugs your way.

    [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

    Juannelle

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited November 2010

    suz45 I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. Sounds like they still have a lot to figure out before they know for sure exactly what is going on with you. This must seem very scary for you and I am sure the doctors are not much help. I am sending you vibes of strength to get you through this. I hope they can treat it and you can move on with your life. I was wondering if you had any surgery or do you start with chemo? I did not see any info on your profile about a sentinal node biopsy. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited November 2010

    Thanks Girls, You are so beautiful in your caring heartfelt words of encouragement

    Carroll your right we all have a lot to figure out. Ive gone through 2 rounds of tx

    First was a lumpectomy (left side) with 21 nodes removed (2-3 cancer), then ac/t 4+4 bi weekly. then rads 15 rounds higher strength...at this point I had an oopherectomy (trying to be proactive)

    I was approximately 1 year clear when I found round two of lumps. I went straight into chemo Taxoltere X 6, radiation x 25 then had a bmx with 23 nodes removed on the right side. There was at least 8 tumors in the right breast (obliterated) had 23 nodes removed on the right side 3were cancer but again (torched) I had 2-3  nodes in my neck that were gone and the nasty ones were the internal mammary nodes.... we could only assume those were gone as well. I had a false scare this fall when I found a pea size lump on the left side (first cancer) it was b9... but I was having some severe sciatica issues on the left side so she ordered up a full body bone scan,

    The sciatic was clear but the scan showed some issues on my back ribs (right side) Doc called me right before we were heading out on vacation but because there was no pain (that I noticed) we thought it was a bit of a false alarm.. well the rest in now history.

    Now this is gonna sound warped but I still want my reconstruction.... No matter how long I have to live I wanna look like a woman. Is this wrong? Personally I feel scarred & mutilated, I would rather feel like a woman & not have prosthetics flopping all over the place. Anyway I'm so much calmer, centered & grounded. I can deal with this as long as the doctors are honest with me. {{{hugs}}} my dear friends.

    Love Suz

    ⋱ ⋮ ⋰
    ⋯ ☆ ⋯
    ⋰ ⋮ ⋱

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited November 2010
    My new avatar is mt ladybug tattoo from the cruise Wink
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited November 2010
    suz45 that is one great attitude and i that is half the battle, being positive and you sound great. I am sure you have your moments but you know what to do. I am sure they will keep watching you carefully and treat whatever they find and you will live a long happy life so def get some lady lumps in there. I mean my husband has something he has been saying to everyone for many years and this is before i had breast cancer, " the secret to life is your gonna die". We all are eventually. We just kind of ignore that fact. So the point is do what you want and don't fret about tomorrow. Easy to say I know but so true. I have never felt closer to my mortality than i do now, but it was always there.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited November 2010

    Carol, I like your DHs saying...it is true...We all know we have to go sometime, it is just the fear that we go before we are ready...Suz, I keep thinking of Lance Armstrong..He has been kicking cancer ass for years, and so can you Suz.  This is not a death sentence, it is a wake up call.  Enjoy every moment.  None of us know when we will go, however it will be.  It could be cancer or it could be a heart attack having the best orgasm of our lives...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited November 2010

    I am sitting here at my computer crying ~ first at your strength Suz.  And then at everyone else's words and especially Michele's that somehow made me laugh through the tears.  Suz, NEVER give up.  I know many women that have lived with it in there bones for many many years.   Be strong and know we are all here for you.

    Hugs to all my sisters....

    Alicia

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited November 2010

    The other saying is "only 2 things in life are for sure & that is death & taxes" Laughing

    Will push for the new boobs, my appointment with the plastic surgeon is on the 15th so I'm gonna see if I can have them move it even sooner as we were waiting till April 15th for my 1 year clear... that's not happening so why wait?? Thinkin boobs are now on my Christmas wish list along with some lacy bra's that aren't sturdy enough to hold a 10 pound rock in place.

    Hugs Dear Ladies xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MaryNY
    MaryNY Member Posts: 1,584
    edited November 2010

    Oh Suz: Thinking of you and knowing what you are going through is what we all fear might happen to any one of us. You are so strong and courageous. xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • unklezwifeonty
    unklezwifeonty Member Posts: 1,710
    edited December 2010

    Dear Suz,

    Thinking of you. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • txstardust
    txstardust Member Posts: 599
    edited December 2010

    Oh Suz, I'm so sorry to see this news!  Sending big big hugs your way for strength and peace.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited December 2010

    Thank you my dear friends!

    My head is clear & my heart is light... Im feeling good.

    I had a long talk with my Oncologist on the phone. I told her I wanted my reconstruction still & she asked why? I told her I wanted to feel like a woman and although boobs don't make a woman this woman wanted her boobs again. She thought that was great! Not sure what sort of recon we will be doing but she wasn't really big on the double Dorsi Latisimus. she said it would be a long surgery & difficult with the extra stages involved. She mentioned a one step implant surgery.... Ambiderm??? Ambidextros??? or something like that (I'm just trying that word off the top of my head) anyway she was phoning the plastic surgeon and they were going to discuss it before my appointment on the 15th.

    I'm going for a full blood work up this week, as well as ex-rays on my chest & lungs. Ive got a full body MRI booked for Dec 14th so we will find out if the cancer is anywhere else at all in my body,then the plastic surgeon on the 15th and my Oncologist on the 16th. Oh and will have a shot of radiation on the affected rib as soon as they can get me in.

    Also my Oncologist is looking into trying to get me on the "PARP Inhibitors" this is the trial drug that worked really positive on cases like mine (BRCA1 with mets to the bones) It hasn't been approved in Canada yet but she is working on it as a "compassionate care case" Not sure what it will cost me but what can you do!! It sounds so positive and that's what I need right now!

    DH is working full tilt building my new office so that he can turn my current office into a special bedroom/den just for me. I'm hoping that it will be completed within a few weeks then I get to furnish/decorate it with a grey, black & white theme and a small splash of red for color. Lol, I'm putting my old gramophone with a red horn in there and found a gorgeous red cracked glass tulip lamp. Im so excited to be doing this room. I also signed up for an art painting class, I plan on doing an abstract painting for the main wall.

    Basically I'm doing what makes me happy, as well as making the people I love happy. Not sure if that makes sense, but hopefully I can achieve it.

    Much love & hugs, will keep you all posted

    hugs Suz

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited December 2010

    SUZ45 You are truly an inspiration to us all. I see your positivity and I know I can do what i need to to get through this. Since my diagnosis i am more aware of my mortality than i ever have been and your outlook is exactly what we all need. It;s so simple be happy and make other people happy.

    Thank You for Sharing your Journey

    xxoo   Carrol 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited December 2010

    Suz, big hugs for you today...you sound calm and taking each day in stride.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • one-L
    one-L Member Posts: 1,110
    edited December 2010

    Suz, what a great inspiration you are to all of us.  None of us know what our futures hold, but when we see someone like you facing the obstacles that you are facing right now and you have such dignity and grace, it is an inspiration.

    Many, Many Hugs

    Juannelle

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MaryNY
    MaryNY Member Posts: 1,584
    edited December 2010

    Suz, the word you're looking for might be Alloderm? Great to hear you are going ahead with both the reconstruction and the bedroom refurbishment.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited December 2010

    Thanks so much for the kind words everyone, your right none of us know what the future holds. Lol, I still have no clue as to where I stand in all this... but am not worried. I'll just run with it and make the best of it all.

    Geeze I got an absolute shock today as my husband in a full panic calls me and tells me to rush to Emergency as my son fell & sliced his hand open BAD when they were out working at the storage barns on the farm... I broke all speed limits and met them in emergency to find my son a pale shade of ashen green. When he slipped he put his hands out and fell on a sheet of old barn steel. It caught him right down the center between his pinky & ring finger.it just kept going to about the center of his palm. Thank god it went straight as he didnt damage anything internally. I was there for the cleaning & stitching (he couldnt look at it but wanted pics for later...sigh kids) I was ok for most of it but about 2/3rds of the way through I started to go all fuzzy and whoozy. I almost passed out but the doctor & my son saw my face and got me into a wheelchair and out to get some fresh air.... boy did I feel dumb. Think Im gonna blame it on the new meds Embarassed

    Mary, I think your right, Alloderm sounds like the word she said... Im not sure what it is but will have to do some research. Im not sure how well a one step surgery implant will look.... taking into consideration both sides were radiated at different times and the initial surgery was done mid April. But Im sure they will do the best they can with my full situation.

    Hugs All, Suz xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • feistybluegecko
    feistybluegecko Member Posts: 133
    edited December 2010

    Oh my goodness, I have just been catching up (had internet hassles here) and it is such a roller coaster.  Suz, what can I say - I think I can't add anything as everyone has put it so well.  It's what we all fear, yet your approach is what we dream of.  You rock, sister! 

    As for me, all is ok, work pretty full on and everyone assumes that I am totally fit and back to pre-cancer.  There seem to be only 2 options - either very sick and off work, or totally fit and able to work all the hours!!  I am, like many here I am sure, right in the middle.  Feeling good mostly, but tired and fuzzy with Tamoxifen, persisting pain and stiffness in Twang Arm and of course total paranoia and worry about every ache or bump I feel.  But my goodness in a different place to this time last year.

    I am glad we are all still in touch here as I feel you are all such a big part of my life now - big hugs to you all from sunny Yangon

    Philippa

    xxxxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited December 2010

    Suz... so sorry about your son getting hurt.  Hope he is on the mend.  Your strength and attitude are an inspiration.  Stay strong ~ I believe a strong mind can take us far.  I am thinking of you....

    Had surgery yesterday.  Swapped out implants and revisions on dog ears under the arms.  Feeling okay but in quite a bit of pain.  It was a tough day yesterday but I am glad it is over.  The new foobies are looking good!

    :)
    Hugs,

    Alicia

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited December 2010

    Hope your feeling a little better today Alicia & the have the pain more under control? Im sure it has to be tough to put yourself through more surgery...... but it must be such a good feeling to know the surgeries done!! Wishing you a real speedy recovery {{hugs}}.

    As silly as seems I'm looking forward to the day I can wear almost anything I want Wink Ive always loved nice lacy lingerie & cant wait to wear it again.

    The new office is almost ready to move into. Not looking forward to the move, but cant wait to start on my room! I have a few days of fixing & patching the walls, then will get the new lighting in and do the hardwood floor. After that its just paint and decorating (to me thats just plain old fun)

    Wishing Everyone a great weekend! Hugs Suz

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • txstardust
    txstardust Member Posts: 599
    edited December 2010

    Suz, I'm glad you've got the decorating to look forward to.  Be sure to post some pictures!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories