Starting Chemo October 2009

unklezwifeonty

Dear Scoobydoo, all,

It is amazing how much the last year changed us. Every little ache and we wonder whether it can be cancer coming back.

My hair is coming out very curly too :-) So far I have not used any chemicals but in a month I think some gel would be handy in certain areas.

joanneasiata

CLEAR,CLEAR,CLEAR,CLEAR

YEHHHH for me brain scan and body scan clear its so good to hear those words, for the first time now i feel really reassured that im clear of cancer and i can really move on now .My onco wants me to go of tamox for two weeks to see if my headaches go if not i have to see a neurologist so ive been of tamox since Friday and i can feel the difference already yehhhh hope everyone is enjoying the weekend

JOJO

JustmeAlicia

JOJO ~ so happy for you !!!  Enjoy the 2 week tamox break ~  I loved my break, and can say my side effects seem less and I actually got my period back after 10 months of chemopause.  Hope your headaches get better !

Alicia

unklezwifeonty

Good news Jojo....

micheleboots

Go Jojo, Go Jojo....Yah Jojo.

Carrol2

I am going to be starting TCx4 3 weeks apart starting oct 5th. I am petrified. I will be so glad when this is all over.

Carrol2

I am also gettting the newlasta shot the day after each treatment which really scares me.

micheleboots

Carol welcome.  I know how scary it is, but take it one day at a time and ride the wave.  I got seven neupogen shots starting a day after.  I hated them.  My DH would give them to me.  At first I hated that he had to do it, but then I totally trusted him to do it.  In fact there was two days that he was away, and a friend came to do it.  She is a nurse, but she forgot to wash her hands, and her hands were shaking the whole time.  She made me bleed.  I think she might have even touched the needle.  But I was to scared to say stop...I was so glad to have DH back to doing them.

Carrol2

wow micheleboots that is great. My husband is very very squeemish. He would really hate doing that but I am sure he wold if I needed him to.

joanneasiata

WELCOME CAROL 2

Michele said it so well ,just relax and ride the waves in a funny way looking back on doing chemo its a bit like giving birth you think that your going to die going through it then when its over you swear that your never going to do it again then a few years down the track your so excited to have another baby  ,you'll be ok, i also had neulasta its bad to have the added discomfort but you need to have a good imunne system and not to be hospitalized,  my husband gave me mine as well it was his contribution in making me well again, the year of treatment goes really fast and DONT play wonder women either take it easy and play the chemo card often best wishes to you

JOJO

JustmeAlicia

Carol2 ~ so sorry you had to join us but hope we can bring you some comfort.  You will get through this One Day at a TIME...  The Neulasta shot does suck, just causes some more aches and pains but it doesn't last too long.  Be kind to yourself and yes definately no trying to be Wonder Woman right now !

Alicia

Carrol2

Thanks for the encouragement. I think I may try some of the anti anxiety meds the doctor called in for me. Just to see how I feel on them. For some reason my surgery is really bothering me the past two days. Might be just in my head.

Piffken

Hello ladies,

I need your help. This incredible young lady (see message below) is just starting out in college and she is going to do the 3-day walk on my behalf. She is currently $1500 from her goal of reaching $2,300, which she has to have by the end of October.

If anyone is interested, any little amount would help her get closer. I would really appreciate it. I think it is so great that she is doing this (my own kids are the same age - and they are not!), so I really would like to help her out. Please take a look at her website (her name is Jasmine Rustogi) and see what you can do to help fight the disease that we are all much too familiar with. Thank you so much.

I am in need of sponsoring for my breast cancer walk. I am 1500 bucks short and the walk is in a month! If you are interested go on the website http://www.thethreeday.org/. Search my name under participants and my web page will come up. Thanks

Scoobydoo

JoJo - Wo Hoooooooo!!!!  That is wonderful news! 

Onty - How are you doing?  Wow it sure has been awhile since we last "talked".  Yeah I am not sure if I will ever put chemicals back into my hair.  Very curly.  My daughter calls me Ronald McDonald...and then laughs....teenagers...gotta love them.  

Carol2 - You will get through this.  Definitely take it easy.  I had an infection after my surgery in my breast.  It turned red and filled with fluid.  Be careful.  If you think there are any changes in the surgery site go and see your doctor.

Well check back later.

Anita

Carrol2

I don;t see any change in the surgery site. I keep looking at it and it looks the same to me. But I was taking pan meds at night to sleep just codene/acetominophen (SP?) half a dose. Then for two night I stopped taking it and thats when I woke up with it bothering me. So last night took it again and today feeling better. Not sure if that is why they are only supposed to alt for 4 hours. But I will keep taking them for now and see how it goes.

unklezwifeonty

Dear Carrol,

For help sleeping I use something milder like benadryl 50mg. Codeine is supposedly addictive.

Dear Anira,

Got my first hair trim last week. The hair dresser suggested not straightening right now until the hair is desired length.

Carrol2

unklezwifeonty I have these still left over from my surgery in August. I stopped taking them during the day cause they back me up if you know what I mean. IThe does is for two pills and I take one pill just at night at bedtime. But my onco gave me something else I will start taking soon for anxiety and sleep. Not sure if I can take it during the day I am going to try it out Tomorrow I think.

unklezwifeonty

Yea codeine can back you up. Try the other drug for sleep. It may help more. For me benadryl works and it is non prescription.

feistybluegecko

Just checking in to see how you are all doing

A strange week for me - last Thursday marks a year from finding the lump and my Cancerversary (I have picked the day of diagnosis) will be on Saturday (2 October).  Just at the start of Breast Cancer Awareness, and as if I need reminding!!  

Hope you are all doing well,

big hugs from Rainy Yangon

Philippa

x

Carrol2

My diagnosis was June 23rd. It has been 49 days since my surgery and 7 days until I start chemo.

CAtharsis

Dear all,

Last week, I came to get some news and went from anxiety to relief in one day reading the good results for you all.

This week, I'm the one with scary news.

Last week-end, I suffered an infection (something affecting the skin on my back, the side of the surgery...). I went to the hospital and they IV'd antibiotics: all is now well as to the infection (yay!). I also got a lung x-ray that proved to be clear (yay again!). However, as they were all puzzled with my infection, I saw my surgeon and mentioned that "new" lump AT THE EXACT SAME PLACE... (I had partial mastectomy in February and since then, tissues and liquid took the vacant place...). I noticed the lump last week. As he thinks this might be overinfected liquid (or whatever), he called for an ultrasound.

Yesterday, the radiologist who, by the way, did not appear to me as the most caring and competent one (shhhh), tried to release me saying "he will make his report". Whoa!!!! I'm a trained patient, an experimented one: you will not get rid of me this easy. "What will be in that report" I heard myself asking. He, then, told me that he is suggesting a biopsy... WHAT? A BIOPSY? are you suggesting this might be "it" again?... he says, it might be an inflammation, an hematom, scar tissues, and yes, there is a slight chance it is a tumor again.

I went to see the oncology nurse... now, I'm waiting to talk to the surgeon to get that f*** biopsy done.

It had not been 24 hours yet: I am a complete mess, crying all the time. I so don't want to go there again. Everything is so perfect now in my life. Just as it was before.

My day challenge is to get hold of myself and stop focussing on the worst case scenario.

I don't want to talk to everyone about this: my husband is perfect with me, again.

Thanks ladies and wishing you all the very best.

Isabelle

micheleboots

Isabelle,, sending big old hugs your way.  When will you get the report?  Until then try to think positive..

Carrol2

isabelle I know its tough when they ask for more tests. Try not to get upset it could be nothing. My husband says don;t get upset unless you have to.

MaryNY

Isabelle: Remember those words the radiologist used "slight chance," so don't go "there" yet. Since the reason that they imaged this area is because of the infection, isn't it more likely to be something infection-related. I hope you don't have to wait too long for the biopsy. I went through a scare when they found something on my mammo in August and had to go for a biopsy. At first I was freaking out but then thought that even it it did turn out to be "it" again, then I had a tried and tested team on my side who would know what to do. I went through the weekend reminding myself of that. Hoping you get the biopsy soon and that the results are clear.

CAtharsis

Thanks everyone for your kind and advised words. It feels good.

This morning, I saw the onc nurse... She spoke to my surgeon yesterday:

a) No biopsy until the antibiotics are finished (and the infection is all gone) as he wants to avoid any chance of spreading the infection (again).

b)He was surprised by the sudden turn of events as he was not suspecting the cancer to be back but really scar tissue inflammation or cystic infection.

c) I see him on Monday to discuss further actions necessary.

Also, the onc nurse saw the u/s report this morning and she mentioned two things: (1) the radiologist is a "replacement" one who "maybe" is not used to this particular kind of test and their result (?) and (2) in his report, he indicates that it could be this and this and that and what not (from inflammation to malignous tumour); no conclusion, no hypothesis, no comment.... he might just be shoveling the file into somebody else's yard. (of course, she did not use those words!!!)

Will keep you posted on Monday.

Many, many, many... thanks Ladies as I feel relieved since I posted this morning.

micheleboots

Cath this kiss is for you

micheleboots

Cath this kiss is for you

txstardust

BIG HUGS to you Isabelle.  Let's hope he's just an incompetent radiologist who is simply trying to cover his ass for the "just in case".  

I get nervous constantly about the lumpiness of my lumpectomy site - how in the world am I supposed to be able to tell if it's just scar tissue or a new tumor?  Despite the reassurance of my onc, I have to say that my ability to completely trust that it's just scar tissue is sorely lacking.  I think my fear is because of how quickly the original lump grew.  Last April, I had my yearly gyn exam, with a thorough breast exam and mammo which were both completely clear and just a short 3 months later I had a 2.5 cm tumor.  I'm so afraid that if it does come back, it would just be dismissed as scar tissue, would quickly grow, and....well, you know what I'm thinking.

I guess I'm feeling a little insecure because I asked my onc at my last visit to give me the straight skinny on my prognosis.  He said that due to the size of the tumor, the involved micromets in my lymph nodes, lymphovascular invasion, a Ki67 score on the high side, being a Grade 3, and my age, the likelihood of a recurrence or worse is about 20% in the next 5 years.  I was not expecting to hear that number.  I always thought that having surgery, chemo and rads would reduce my chances a lot more - and that's WITH Tamoxifen.  I'm having trouble making sure I take that pill every day and that makes me nervous.  You'd think with something this important, I'd be able to remember to take a measly pill, but the way my life is going these days, I'm lucky to remember to brush my teeth!  Like today, I woke up at 4:45 a.m. (after staying up past midnight last night), finished writing a short reaction paper I had due for my master's program course, made lunch for my girls, got them up and moving, drove my younger daughter to volleyball practice at 6:30, my older daughter to band practice at 6:45, drove myself to the elementary school where I'm doing my student teaching at 7:15, stayed there until 4:20, rushed over to my master's course until 6:30, left class and drove to my younger daughter's volleyball game, got home at 8:15 p.m., made dinner, then started getting my lesson plans for tomorrow organized.  So now it's 11:30 p.m.  And I still need to take a shower.  Do you think I remembered to take the Tamox this morning?  Of course not!  But since I didn't get home until a couple of hours ago, I can't take it tonight - it's too close to tomorrow morning.

I planned to circumvent the problem of stress and the resulting forgetfulness by going for the ooph.  My onc seemed to think this might be a good idea, and wants it done sooner rather than later.  But I can't take the time off right now, as you can see.  There is just too much going on for me to stop everything for a week for the surgery and recovery.  Not to mention that the more I read, the less convinced I am that the oophorectomy will be as protective as I hope - there's still going to be estrogen floating around that is produced in my fabulous fat.  So why go through the physical and emotional toll of another surgery if it's not going to take care of the problem?

I know that my situation could be a lot worse, and I should stop obsessing over my fears, but I don't know how to turn that switch off in my mind.

Well, I'm glad I finally got that off of my chest.  

Hugs everyone,

Shelby 

feistybluegecko

Oh my goodness Isabelle and Shelby - what a horrible time.  I'm hope it is feeling less scary now - our minds are so sensitive and receptive to the possibility of our worst nightmare.

I am in a strange place emotionally, as it is ayear tomorrow since I heard the words telling me I had cancer.  I was inspired by the "Dear Cancer" page on facebook to write a letter to Cancer which i have done to mark the Cancerversary.  (http://feistybluegeckofightsback.wordpress.com/2010/10/01/a-letter-to-cancer-for-my-cancerversary/ )  It has been really cathartic.

I have no idea yet what I will do tomorrow to mark the day - probably nothing, it isn't a celebration (especially not with the Big Check coming next month) but I do want to express the relief that I am here and this side of the treatment (and wanting to stay on this side of treatment!)

It is good to keep in touch with you all

Big hugs to all you special sisters

P

x

unklezwifeonty

Dear Isabelle,

Here is some good wishes and XOXOXO for you.